missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

[dramaqueen72]

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

Bonkerz - glad to hear you are doing ok. Its difficult when the wobbles come along and hit that raw nerve isn't it. Hang in there

AND after all that I STARTED BLEEDING TODAY so that explains why ive been so tearful1!!

Awwwwwwwwwww thats sad for you Bonkerz I hope you have better luck next time {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hey to you over on this side.
Bonkerz, sorry you've had such a crappy time this week. Glad everything is in working order again.
Girl, I think that was amazing to be shopping for baby clothes - I can't even look at the window of Mothercare still. I have to gaze to the other side of the street at Thorntons instead!
Glad you had a good wkend teatime.
{{{{{hugs}}}}} to all

hello ladies. missing you guys.
sorry the test was negative, but then again -onwards and upwards right bonkerz? new cycle new start! ((hugs))
Girl- how are you hun? i miss our virtual hot chocolates! baby clothes shopping? yes i've had to do some too, v hard. v depressing. and i was convinced any minute i would bump into someone who knew me and they'd think i was losing buying baby clothes after a m/c........sheesh. but i did it.
feel absolutely FULL of beans right now, hyper and restless! blimey... its my ttc week and i cant wait!! dh going thro crap at work so not quite so cheery but keen.
hope alls well with you all, wish me luck this week!

Bonkerz, sending you (((((((((hugs)))))))))))) and chocolate.
Hey DQ! good to hear from you
ds is a little ill today temperature up and down like a yo-yo but he's being v brave.
Re: 'new baby' present shopping - nightmare - I breezily thought it would be fine but a few minutes in I started to feel like I had some weird kind of vertigo and very slight tunnel-vision..... George I definitely overestimated myself and ended up buying a book, tiny clothes were too much.
Hope eveyone is well, Teatime, bella, hereshoping.
I'm watching oscar highlights on sky - I love the awful speeches and the weeping and the way the brits always seem so relatively dignified.
Bella, have you seen tonight's er?

Girl - of course I've seen this week's ER - I am an absolute addict! Covach (bad spelling) is the main reason for me!!

Hi folks - getting quiet on here - is everyone over on the ttc thread, baking and decorating? . Haven't been on myself for a while - just too busy all round. I'm not from Nuneaton Bonkerz although I quite like the place - friendly pedestrian precinct and shopping area, market on Saturday etc. We live in a village near Rugby so about 25 minutes' drive away.

Usually go to aerobics on Weds evening but first week after op felt too fragile and the week after (last week) dh had swapped shifts to a late (not home till 10pm) so couldn't leave ds.
So this would have been my first week back. I'd told the instructor I wouldn't be attending any more while still pg when the bleeding started and she said 'Hope not to see you for at least 9 months'! Anyway I wanted to let her know what had happened in advance but forgot until 9.45pm yesterday - too late to ring a 'stranger'.

Dashed off as soon as I got back after work today only to find the place deserted - kicking myself for not remembering early enough to ring and check yesterday. I rang her later and found that they'd moved the venue to a different village while building works are carried out. I was glad of the chance to let her know all about the m/c in 'private' as she hasn't told the rest of the class and I didn't really want them all to know. When I finally do get to a class it really will feel like the old life has restarted, just I'm a different person now.

Hope everyone is having a good week. Decided over the w/e to take ds to my mum's for his 3rd birthday (18th March) so am looking forward to that as a nice break.

Hi all
the ttc thread has got a bit busy dont you think guys? suddenly lots of new people and I for one am still feeling a bit fragile and not as positve as some on there
sort of feel like Im forgetting the baby that didnt make it on that thread
thou Id love ot be pg again still prone to massive lows
anyone else know what I mean?

i know what you mean. i dont know the new people!! and i cant keep up! i am trying to 'blend' because thats what mumsnetis about. but i do secretly kinda miss when girl and i and -you guys too- used to literally push each other thro the day. i'm glad to be at a more positive place, -i mean mentally, but feel abit more 'alone' iykwim. hope youre okay. keep posting.

Hereshoping, I feel the same. I did look at that thread but really am not there yet with idea of ttc; it feels like a betrayal of the baby I have lost. I wasn't desperately trying for a baby when I found out I was pg, maybe that's why. I'd just got the broody stage when it all happened. I can't even bear to change my name back yet--I only went 'Decaf' when I got pg.
Everything just feels so flat, doesn't it, when you are no longer pregnant. I am finding it hard to drum up any enthusiasm for any of the things I was thinking about doing when DS started f/t school.

big hugs teatime, dq , hereshoping and decafarabica and all other compadres. I'm so glad people are still popping in over here, I thought everyone had gone for good!
Feel in limbo too but I have gone on about that too much surely?
I got a really thoughtful letter from the big chief of the hospital today apologising for the way I kept getting harrassed by midwives and scan dates after I had my m/c! I felt really good about having complained.
Take care all and thinking of you, so good to see your names here tonight! It was like seeing old friends.

and bella and george and bonkerz too!

Hi Girl, hi everyone, don't think anyone will be gone for good from this thread for a long time yet - know I've done some big re-bounding back onto it!
I think it is nice to see that no matter which thread we spend most time on, there is so much support still (esp from those who have been through the terrible journey together). Think in RL it is easy for people to think you should have moved on whereas here, the ups & downs and on-going pain & loss are recognised by us all as completely normal still.
I think whilst I'm in a reflective mood I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has kept me going over the last few weeks. xxx

hhello all!

Well our new ttc thread seems to be taking off with great gusto.
It seems our little thread with just a few of us has suddenly got very large.
DQ - I must admit I miss the old one (does that make me bad)
I so know the feeling of everybody in RL thinking you are "now over it". It was a friend's birthday last night and I had to sit in a pub with 2 pregnant friends. I managed 2 hours and then just had to go. I was relieved I managed to do some baby talk with them but then I kind of reached my limit and just wanted to ry! You just kind of sit there wanting to scream "Can you not see how much pain I am in????" and then you feel very lonely when you realise no they can't!
I keep being very positive but know that if AF shows up again this month I may fall apart for a bit. I haven't had a cry for a while so kind of feel like it is building up to the point that when AF comes it might be too much to stop it!
On the bright side though, you ladies are very much the people keeping me together and hopefully I am doing the same back.
We just need to keep plodding

plodding , yes, good descriptive for how i'm doing. keep having WEIRD thoughts ranging from massive panic-y thoughts (omg do i want a baby really) to depressed (i'm never ever going to get pg successful again) whihc really bring me crashing down when i least expect it. ther are stupid -yes i do very much want another baby, just stressing alittle cause dd2 was v hard work early on, (worth it but bloody hard all the same!) theres no reason i shouldnt be able to get pg again, had same m/c before and went on to dd2 right? but these irrational thoughts still hit me.
I desperately miss our little 'pack' but dont want to make anyone new feel excluded, cause if I had been left out of a thread after my m/c i would of just about topped myself, so trying to include everyone and still wondeirng who the heck is who, so many!
got a another 'not quite' line on my opk today, which stupidly made me sad it wasnt a dark dark line.i think this 'aftermath' of m/c is almost harder than when it happened. like you said Bella everyone now expects me to be 100% past it, n-one even mentions it anymore. not even dh. so i feel abit ...feeble for feeling sad about it sometimes still. if anyone knows what i mean!!!

I know what you mean, DQ. I'm only 2 weeks past ERPC and already I sense that with some RL friends it was worth just the one 'I'm so sorry...' conversation--now I am supposed to be on the mend. I don't blame them really because hardly any of my friends have kids and they have absolutely no idea how I feel.

ditto, george, bella, DQ and decafarabica, I feel very similar about being expected to be 'over it' from other people.
DQ, I sympathise with the do I/don't I thing, Maybe we need a new thread too - maybe this subject line doesn't describe us anymore. I wondered about 'the dq posse', 'DQ's coffee morning' or the 'm/c survivors baking club'
And Decafarabica, do you also feel that some people say 'and how ARE you??' (with concerned face) but don't really want to know?
Bella I know what you mean about those situations and what hard work they are. I got a real set back this week when I discovered my mil has told loads more people about my m/c than I'd realised, her whole extended family know and, I suspect, all her friends, without checking with us at all. I'm really pissed off about it. I know it effects her life but surely it's my/our news to tell not hers. I've only told a small number of people. It's not that it's shameful it's just relatively private. Do you think I'm being precious???
Also I was hung out to dry after long chat with friend who had just had a new baby (I hadn't told her either, couldn't bear to) excruciating.

hey girl:0 nice to see you! YES some people ask me 'how ARE you?' and yet their face is closed so to speak even with the concerned expression on it....... lately i am also finding the other side of the coin I really AM having a good day and people are saying 'oh poor you, its okay to let it show you kow..' and i want to hit them!!! i cant imagine the reactions when i get pg again... mind you i suppose this shows people cant win with me!
talking of which Yingers good news has really cheered me. i dont feel jealous - and tbh i thought i would, i simply feel how fabulous it is, and also how brave she is going to be facing gps and nosey relatives/friends who no doubt have an opinion on it. (hugs to you yingers!)

maybe a new thread.......i'm not starting one tho, christ i kill them all i post on!!!
I'm struggling with my ttc week, its harder than 2week wait cause i MUST get the bd-ing right, whereas during the wait i cant do anything its too late, iykwim!! ridiculous amount of pressure on myself right now. trying to 'chill out' 'sit back' etc etc, but I'm not like that, i do something 100% if i do it so lots of chat ladies please to distract me!!! have a good saturday!

Mornong ladies
Will post more later but just popped in to tell DQ that i am currently making a sponge cake (which will have fresh strawberries and cream in the middle). We have people over for dinner tonight. Are you proud of me ??
Totally agree on the Yingers front, felt no jealousy, actually just felt loads of hope because it means that it can happen and will happen for us all!!

hi all,
Just joined the new ttc thread before reading this and so glad we're all still here too as it feel like 'home'. that thread is lovely and positive though and feels so 'lucky' somehow with Yingers good news and all that.

Must go and check on ds who I've let sleep for 4 hours !!!!

Hugs and bye for now.

evening all! I've just seen yingers' news - wonderful, wonderful to hear that!
Teatime, congrats for dipping your toe onto the other thread. I have also let ds (and dh) both fall asleep ..... it's going to be hell to wake them.
DQ wish I could help you feel calm but it is such pressure isn't it? That's partly why I'm so loathe to formally jump into ttc yet - I remember how strung out I got last time. So you don't like 'dq's baking club?' I guess we might then attract people who have recipe difficulties rather than people who want to hold hands round the campfire of life! I really miss that close feeling at the beg. of this thread. But I guess we have to move on too and have moved on in lots of ways. Just hope I can always find where you've gone and our compadres too.
Have a good w/end all thinking of you dq and yingers!

Hi all
ust back from brothers 21st - big family get together - my little darlings behaved abysmally and did me proud!
great news re yingers but still noy coping well with ttc thread - guess im going to hang around here a bit longer - my cycle is still completeley to pot with iiregular bleeding so guess it will be nxt month b4 im really ttc
also dont feel could cope with anxiety of another pg just yet - once youve had a mc the joy of a pg is always overshadowed by anxiety

hi again - had a good Mother's Day despite dh being on a late shift so working 1pm to 10pm. However have some work work to do so it'll be a late night...

I gave my pregnant Syrian student my Mumsnet book (Mums on Pregnancy) on Friday and she seemed pleased - I think other mums' experiences are so much more interesting than medical advice and I hope she'll find a lot she can relate to. I ordered the book when all was well but by the time it came I could only bear to look at the 'when it all goes wrong' section which I devoured. I've also decided to subscribe to Mumsnet with an amount I feel we can afford just now - it's just such a good service.

Last week of term coming up - hooray! Although that only means a whole load of marking is imminent....

Hereshoping, so know what you mean...
thought I was doing OK today but then bumped into friend I hadn't seen for ages down at the gym. She is nearly 6 months pregnant--I hadn't known. I was delighted for her but really sad for me & my lost baby. She asked how I had been (i do look pretty dreadful compared to how I looked last time she saw me) and I couldn't bring myself to talk about the m/c so just banged on about asthma without meeting her eyes in case she could see how sad and jealous I felt.