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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

500 replies

dramaqueen72 · 13/01/2005 09:37

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

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bonkerz · 11/02/2005 17:42

thanks dq, just when im feeling strong again as well!!! Couldnt believe that something so small can cause me to shake so much!

Im going to put the book in the cupboard with everything else but am going to stick in it a few details about my baby, not sure if thats the right thing to do but just want to keep some memory of my little bean and seeing as i dont have a scan piccie (had one but hospital kept it!) then im gonna write about how i feel about the past 2 mc. hope that when i write it it will help heal some wounds.

girlfromip · 11/02/2005 19:57

bonkerz, I was so moved by what you wrote, thinking of you (((((hugs))))) and hope you're feeling a little better now.
dq, all well had a good day, but dh and me sad that I'm still bleeding a little, wish we could move on but no choice really......
I hope those pains have gone dq!
w/end curled up with dh and ds as much as possible! all the best to all, thinking of bella in amsterdam...

TeaTime · 13/02/2005 12:42

Dear All,
Will post a longer message later but just to say that all went well on Friday. Worst moment was during the break in my class at 10am when a student came up to apologise for missing a class last week because she had been seeing her midwife - she's due on September 1st.... I was happy for her of course but my heart sank like a lead balloon - if she'd only told me on any other day but THAT one! She's Syrian and over with her husband (obviously!) , both really nice and this is their first so a hugely exciting prospect. Will now have to watch her burgeoning and happy all year (she's my tutee) and try NOT to think 'That could have been me'.

Now rushing off to in-laws for the trad Sunday lunch so will tell you all about it later. It was weird but knowing you'd all been there before me made it really feel that I wasn't alone, somehow you were all there too, and I had that confidence and edge over the others who all were struggling with very different and personal scenarios. It's amazing the psychological support this list gives!! Cheers gals!

dramaqueen72 · 13/02/2005 14:50

ah yes thats what we do teatime! support and send cyber hugs! so glad we gave you some strength to go thro and be okay. we WERE there with you, of course, and we're right here now too
hope sunday lunch is okay

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girlfromip · 13/02/2005 20:28

Good to hear from you Teatime, hope you're feeling ok - that's so hard about that sept 1st woman.
DQ, hope you're well too, I've had a good w/end, all happy together, Not your usual monday tomorrow then? I've got a day jam packed to keep ds as busy as possible before I escape to m's for most of the week! poor dh all on his own, starting to feel sad about us being away.
Take care all and welcome home to bella and george .

bonkerz · 13/02/2005 23:08

Hi all, Just a quick question. Has anyone had a period yet? Obviously i had ERPC on 25/01/05 and blleding had stopped a few days later. When should i expect af? With my first mc i allowed nature to take its course and my bleeding stopped about a week after news of mc. My af arrived about 10 days after bleeding stopped? Does having an ERPC delay things? By my reckoning i should be due any time but no symptoms as yet? Am a little concerned as dh and i havent been taking precautions! ( have had so much else to worry about that we just didnt think tbh! ) whats my next step? just wait? take Test? i just dont know!

dramaqueen72 · 13/02/2005 23:22

bonkerz, no no af here yet. it can take ages sometimes after ERPC, 4-8wks apparently. my first ERPC it turned up quicker, but this one, well we hit four weeks this coming week so i'll see!!! it doesnt have to settle into your old pattern, either, nor does it usually get regular straight away. bit of a nuisance then!!!! i would wait four wks from op and test if no af, and then six wks and test etc, .....its supposedly a v slim chance of getting pg first month -i posted them when i read them.......um, something like 5% in the 1st month, uping to 25% in first three months....or something like that. you will prob find first af is different, some find it hurts more, some find you bleed less/more.
i'm still sure af is about for me (ERPC was 20th jan) as sensitive today, been offended on another thread , ached and been bloated, fallen out with people over silly things....sounds like a hormomal woman to me!!
Girl glad w/end was good. hope half term rushes by for you, .......er...and me!!!! have arranged for children to do tennis club couple of days, and go pottery painting another. dh's day off may well find him taking them to cinema!!LOL

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TeaTime · 14/02/2005 10:15

Dear all,
This is much later than I intended to get back here ? ah well.

I went in for the op (D & C) on Friday but knew that I?d have a long wait as I was booked as an ?emergency? (not that it was but it was one way of getting treated sooner rather than later). I had a hot cross bun and cuppa at 9am (just before teaching) and a glass of water at 11 am and that was it for food and drink for the day. Dh picked me up and dropped me at the hospital at around 12.30 and I was shown to a bed immediately in a 4 bed ward. This was in a brand new women?s hospital (only opened in December) so I felt like I was the first one to use that bed. There were 3 others in there and after about an hour or two of quiet reading we got talking ? one had been reading a ?Miscarriage Association? leaflet so I assumed she was in the same boat as me but it was a suspected ectopic pregnancy. She was also waiting for surgery and hadn?t eaten since the night before. Her other children were in their teens and she hadn?t wanted any more but had fallen pregnant after having a coil removed. She seemed pretty low but it was more the uncertainty and hunger as she was much brighter later when they decided not to operate and allowed her to eat. They couldn?t find anything in the scans so although the pregnancy test was positive they couldn?t see where it was. She had some pain and a bit of bleeding which indicated a possible problem so they were going to keep her in for monitoring.

The others were an older woman waiting for a hysterectomy and a mother of five who was 8 weeks pregnant and so dehydrated from sickness that they?d brought her in and she was on a drip. Once we?d all swopped stories it was a much friendlier place to be and chatting helped pass the time which dragged on and on for me as I just had to wait. By the time it was 10pm I was just changing into pyjamas when they came for me and I was in theatre in 20 minutes. The nurses were great and I asked one what would happen to my ?product of conception? (I hadn?t been asked what I wanted to do with it and wasn?t sure what I would have said anyway) ? she said it would be taken to a church for a blessing and then incinerated. Whether or not that was true I don?t know but it was the right thing to say to me at the time. I was under for about 20 minutes and amazed at being awake again so quickly and not feeling a thing. Back on the ward I was desperate for a cuppa which a kind nurse brought with 5 Rich Tea biscuits but that was all till breakfast.

I assumed I?d have breakfast and leave but we had to wait for the doctor so in the end I couldn?t get away till 11.30 on Saturday morning. The older woman had gone to another ward and a young girl who also was suspected of having an ectopic pregnancy replaced her. She had a 15 week old girl and was obviously scared of losing a tube and not being able to have more children. I told her the story of the woman on MN who had twins despite having only one tube but I felt that the doctors should be doing more to inform her ? she was getting really worried about everything.

We finally got away and I had a proper meal in the nearby Tesco café. Dh had taken the day off thankfully so I could relax although I felt fine really having had a good night?s sleep. Mentally I?d been prepared for a long time and as I said, when I was on the ward I felt I had more access to help and support than the other women and so felt very lucky. Naturally I recommended MN to them! S*d?s law having stocked up on 2 weeks? worth of pads, I have already stopped bleeding! I?m not complaining but it?s not what I expected ? or what any of you experienced (??)

A friend who lives in Peru called while I was in hospital and called back the next day when I was home. She?d just had a boy in September and I?d sent an outfit and a card. Anyway I decided to tell her where I?d been the day before and why and she revealed that she?d had a m/c before conceiving her son and it was a harrowing story as her dh had been away when she?d had to have the op. As it was their first they were both devastated. It was good to be able to share our stories although I dread to think what that long call cost her!!

Anyway that?s the closing chapter of my m/c experience. I might move on to a ttc thread but I?m scared of getting too hopeful / obsessed / not hopeful enough / not obsessed enough IYKWIM.

Thanks for the thoughts and hugs everyone ? (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) back! Hope you?re all well and picking up the pieces. Happy Valentine?s and successful bd to all who are ttc! (there?s something cliquey about this jargon but it?s a nice one to be in!)
BTW I like the new 'threads I'm watching' facility - much easier to lurk hesitantly!!

dramaqueen72 · 14/02/2005 10:50

gosh teatime, what a long time you spent in hospital! i'm glad it was straight forward and not awful for you and i'm again glad you felt our support there too.
yes i stopped bleeding almost instantly....despite having also stocked up on pads too. still i tell myself they can be used 'after the birth'. i understand if youre not quite at ttc yet, or may never be, please do lurk AND post cause we're all v fond of you, such an experience to have gone thro togther, i wouldnt want to lose touch with any of you.

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george32 · 14/02/2005 20:57

Hello again all. I'm back from my week away and was feeling so much better (then I went back to work - god it's draining!!)
TeaTime, so glad you are through the op and out the other side. Things should get so much better for you now.
I also stopped bleeding the next day. Had some this weekend - would that be AF or is it a bit soon? (2 weeks today since op). DQ did you say that you had some bleeding after BD? Did it last long?
So nice to be back on here - really missed the support last week even though DP is being a star still. So looking forward to the day each of us announces that we are PG again.

George

dramaqueen72 · 14/02/2005 23:08

hey george welcome home
I did have some light kinda spotting after bding, just that evening, gone next day, its very normal. however, i have been told af may well be 'light' first time , as there is not much 'build up '(sorry awful choice of words, couldnt think...) to come away. some people find that, some not.........erI'm not helping here am i!
well havent got af, -yet! will test this wk/end coming.-assuming she stays away. think its prob waste of test, but, silly as it sounds, i still need little things each day/week to help me thro this. feeling abit sensitive aroudn pg ladies right now -one or two of those days where they are EVERYWHERE. stupid of me i understand, but cant help it, bit down today. sorry.

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TeaTime · 14/02/2005 23:37

Welcome back from the holiday George. Just a silly question - is there any received wisdom about how long after a D & C we should wait until bding? I take it some of you didn't wait till the first AF (which I seem to remember being advised somewhere)? Is there a risk of infection? I'm on that line of thought as it's Valentine's Day and, well you know!

Had some fun in a class of my Chinese undergrads today - one lucky girl not only had a single red rose delivered at the beginning by a couple of girls but also her boyfriend turned up half way through the class. I met him lurking outside as I was popping back to my office for something and gave him permission to deliver his gifts (he had a big bunch of flowers, a soft toy and huge card) but he was still there a couple of minutes later when I got back. He said he didn't want to give them to her in front of all her friends - could I? And would I read the card out? And could I tell her the toy was called Sammy? Of course I agreed and so while he disappeared I presented her with all these gifts to the applause of the other students (girls anyway - the boys looked a bit non-plussed and cross!). It was a bit of fun and cheered me up a lot.

romilly · 15/02/2005 00:02

Teatime - i was told 2 weeks after erpc. i personally wasnt ready until after my first AF which was exactly a month after op. but i know other people are back in the saddle before!

Hope to see you on the ttc thread again soon

Bella23 · 15/02/2005 09:09

Teatime - I have been away for a few days, am so pleased you finally have closure. Am so glad that all went well for you and by the sounds of it you were a MM guru who was passing on the word!
Come join us on the ttc thread anyway, doesn't have to be pressure, just a bit of support, see how you feel.
Anyway delighted to hear you are "on the other side"

bonkerz · 15/02/2005 09:40

Hi all. I was told to wait until bleeding had stopped after d&c to bd again due to risk of infection. Still no af here but am just gonna relax and wait i spose. DS handed me a doll yesterday and told me to put it in my tummy cos it wasnt a poorly baby! Could have cried but stayed strong.

dramaqueen72 · 15/02/2005 10:05

yeh, no need to wait any longer for bding -just until bleeding stops. the risk of infection isnt any higher than waiter longer. i should know -last time i didnt bd and got horrendous bleeding /infection week or so after op, this time i bd-ed a few days after bleeding stopped and am fine. so if valentines got you in the mood, dont worry
bonkerz, very sweet ds you have there. bless him.
teatime, love the student story. bet the girl was delighted

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george32 · 15/02/2005 15:28

I waited about a week to BD & have been fine so far. Wanted to "get back in the saddle" quickly(nicely put Romilly!) so I felt normal again and moving past the whole thing. Hope things went OK for you yesterday TT. It was a big step forwards for me.

In fact all going well till a big crash today. I know everyone mentioned the hormone crash but thought I'd escaped it. Kept crying all morning at work (most people think I'm still getting over my dad so didn't have to explain to people who don't know everything), and just couldn't stop. Work kindly insisted that I leave early so I'm back home eating more chocolate (going to be huge by the time I'm through this!)

Bonkerz, you are so brave (especially compared to my irrational sobbing today), what a dear thing for your DS to say.

I've decided that this is my last day of sadness (it's been a big finale of sorrow today) and I'm going to make the step across the threads - just might take a few days to be brave enough.

xxx

Bella23 · 15/02/2005 15:46

George - hugs as I know how you are feeling, the sadness just overtakes doesn't it! Give yourself time though, although I like you try to set milestones for myself like "this will be the last day I do this etc " I am now 5 weeks past my ERPC and I can honestly say I feel so much better, the hormone crashing has stopped. Hope this helps in that you will come through the other side, as I know at the time I wondered if I would ever stop crying!
Would love to welcome you over on the TTC threads, we're gentle over there as we know how wobbly we all feel.
My best friend is having all the girls over this Sunday to announce her pregnancy and I am afraid to admit that I have had to make excuses not to go. I am indeed so pleased for her but the idea of spending an afternoon discussing her pregnancy fills me with a horrible lump of lead in my stomach. Its awful to not be able to join in the celebrations and I keep thinking that if I was a better/bigger person I would be able to but I think I am too weak at the moment.
Anyway sorry for rambling about me - hope the chocolate is helping. Just remember WE WILL get through this - it'll be hard but WE WILL do it

dramaqueen72 · 16/02/2005 23:00

hey its too quiet here!
how is everyone? hope alls well, tell me how its going, cause i do check in on everyone everyday, and then i go away and worry about you all.
DQ....x
Girl -wont you come home soooooooooooon

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girlfromip · 19/02/2005 16:37

hello everyone just back today! Haven't had a chance to read to see if everyone is ok because as I type ds is having a huge tantrum about wanting to watch telly while dh tries to watch football results and ds waves huge cardboard tube around threatening every hot drink and piece of technology in the house and we've only been back a few hours arggghhhhhhh. I want to go home to my m's!
Just saw your note dq! thanks, what a lovely welcome! I've just had time to glance at the ttc thread and it said something v scary about baking and exercise dvds...... did I dream that??? Dare I read it?!
Hope all well, will read and catch up later when the storms here have died down.

george32 · 19/02/2005 18:42

Hey girl, welcome back. You should be afraid, very afraid.........the excercise dvds & baking are very real!!!!!!!

Hope everyone else is OK too (chickpea / teatime / hereshoping / bonkerz?) Hope you are all feeling a bit better. Still going through wobbly days and haven't got rid of my box of tissues just yet but have made the move to the TTC thread (bit like here but with recipes & exercise DVDs!)
Hope to hear from you soon xx

dramaqueen72 · 19/02/2005 21:23

hey ladies, sorry i am giving away recipes as have gone mad waiting for af or +test result and needed to fill hours and have baked for england..... i'm still the same mad ttc-er underneath tho.
glad you had nice break Girl- its been tooooo quiet without you

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Bonkerz · 19/02/2005 21:31

just checking in. Am fine, still no af but will have to do a test next week me thinks as been norty ALOT!!!!!!!

george32 · 19/02/2005 21:38

I think that means a move to the TTC thread for you.......
Good to see you back xx

girlfromip · 20/02/2005 11:17

Good morning everyone, everyone sounds well but I haven't read last week, but want to do that justice too.
I'm feeling wiped out by week away with pile of ds's cousins but had a ball.
DH and I in sulky/pouty/freeze-out harumph with each other.......
I want to make apple crumble and be a real woman too, have only got as far as getting out the cooking apples and 10 cookery books, have only managed to baffle myself and come back in here to write to you guys. I missed bella's w/end in amsterdam, was it lovely? Was it hereshoping who went to Ireland and ran over mountains.. sigh... I want to go there too dq!
Must get dressed am proper slag today.
Have good days all.
I have to have a shower I look like a whole Horror Film