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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Am so sad and miserable...

383 replies

beakas · 09/05/2008 12:27

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

OP posts:
poppy27 · 01/06/2008 13:43

Hi everyone
HtheH so glad your dh is spoiling you now after Friday. Enjoy it and get as much rest as possible.

Just want to second the Rescue Remedy. I have been using it for years and nearly pouring the whole bottle down my neck last week to help with the shock. Found it really helpful.
Think my bleeding seems to have come to an end today - thank goodness. Began last Saturday. Hard to think it can all be over just like that.

BeckyBendyLegs · 01/06/2008 13:55

My bleeding has still stopped, if something can be said to be still in a state of not doing something, if that makes sense, possibly not, and that means it only lasted 8 days. I was expecting 2 weeks at least. Just goes to show we are all different.

RR sounds like just the sort of thing I need. I am a born worrier!

nandos · 02/06/2008 13:14

hi all,
nice to hear the bleeding have stopped for sugr,poppy n becky
hopefully we all can start ttc soon together ..
am feeling better other than occasional cramps and aches but other than that sadness/pain seems to ease a lot..

BeckyBendyLegs · 02/06/2008 13:52

I was 'parent helper' at preschool today (just got back) and it was awful. Nobody mentioned anything about my MC and I don't know how many know or don't know (the grape vine around here is very quick and efficient so I suspect most know but are not sure what to say to me). It's not the sort of thing you can just bring up in conversation really. I found it really hard to be doing normal things when the last time I was at preschool making cups of tea for everyone I was pregnant and there I was today doing it very much un-pregnant. I had to be cheerful and fun and happy all morning, which was quite hard but the preschool children are lovely and sweet so that helped a lot. DS1 has brought his friend home to play this afternoon (they are watching Thomas the TE) and DS2 is asleep having his nap. There are so many of these little obsticles we have to overcome to get back on an even keel. I swing from feeling really sad and tearful about it all to feeling optimistic about the future and trying again and scared that it could all just happen again. Grrrrrrr. Another grrrr moment.

sugr · 02/06/2008 15:58

BBL, well done for getting through today, I feel as though I keep having to chant "it will get better, it will get better"

poppy27 · 02/06/2008 17:39

Well done Becky for managing to get through your morning. It's very hard maintaining the stiff upper lip and I had a bit of a wobble yesterday but so far no tears today just that sad empty feeling. Hoping that it will begin to ease off soon and like nandos says we can begin thinking about ttc again. It makes me feel very nervous thinking about it but the alternative is worse so no option but to get back on the merry go round.......

BeckyBendyLegs · 02/06/2008 18:06

Well in my experience each pregnancy is different and the outcome can be so different with each one. I've had two healthy pregnancies, one missed MC at 12 weeks (baby 11 weeks) and one MC at 12 weeks (baby 5-6 weeks). I felt most sick this last one, the earliest MC. I didn't feel at all sick with the first one and in fact hardly believed I was pregnant until I had the 20 week scan and saw the baby wriggling around on the screen (in those days here we weren't given a scan until 20 weeks - hard to believe now!). Doing it all again will be really scary for all of us I think and will take a huge amount of courage but it is so worth it. At the moment I'm finding I just don't have the courage to do the little things in life. I've spent all my courage being pregnant and coping with MC and I've run out. Does anyone else feel like that? Suddenly small crises just seem too much to cope with.

mummy2olivia · 02/06/2008 18:36

First day back at work today..........

And it was great- no probs everyone was so nice and had lots of hugs.

Still bleeding Its been 3 weeks now and its showing no sign of slowing. Have also got quite a bit of pain behind my pubic bone- cramps and aches. Spoke to the EPU at work and they want to scan me on Wednesday. They said after I had the retained products removed last Sunday I should have been scanned again to check all had gone. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!!!!!!

Excuse my language but I have the feeling this will never be fucking bastard over!!!! Im tired of bleeding, tired of aching ( I am hobbling like an old woman cos my tummy aches and I hate having a pad on) I'm just fucking fucked off with this. Someone please take this all away??

And breathe.......

BeckyBendyLegs · 02/06/2008 18:47

I really wish I could take it away

Go out of your house right now, find a big field if you can, and scream at the top of your lungs.

mummy2olivia · 02/06/2008 18:48
Sad
nandos · 02/06/2008 19:04

m2olivia,
sorry to hear abt your bleeding still continuing
if you are reading this now, pls STOP and have yourself a cup of tea and a slice of cake/biscuits and relax ..
u need a lot of rest cos' i know its draining your life out from the bleeding n aching but it will stop very soon hopefully ..

mummy2olivia · 02/06/2008 20:26

love you guys.

xxx

sorry to moan. have just had e-goddamn-nough!

charliesmum22 · 02/06/2008 20:33

Oh m2o, poor you. This is getting ridiculous for you now isn't it. I really hope that you get positive news on Wednesday, and that the bleeding comes to an end soon. As nandos said, you must rest lots - your body must be exhausted having gone through all this.

Becky, well done for getting through this morning, sounds like you coped brilliantly. How do you feel about people not having mentioned anything to you? Hope you're okay.

Have to go - am not feeling too well so am off to bed. By the way, I went to another acupuncture guy today, and he told me loads of useful things - probably more appropriate for when we move onto our new thread, but he was fascinating!

Night all x

nandos · 02/06/2008 21:18

m2olivia,
we are all here for you to chat, moan, discuss or just to vent your frustrations..
charliesmum, hope you get better soon...
have loads of rest everyone n do come back when you are feeling better

poppy27 · 02/06/2008 23:32

mummy2olivia for you.
Second the cup of tea/big cake/pic n mix pr something tasty but bad. You must be feeling so drained if you are continuing to bleed. So sorry you have to be scanned again. It's upsetting being scanned when its not for a good reason.
I just bought myself a giant bottle of seven seas tonic today because I am still feeling tired and crappy. Feel like I am just going through the motions. Off to take a big spoonful before heading off to bed.
Hope everyone gets a good sleep and feels a little better tomorrow.

BeckyBendyLegs · 03/06/2008 09:22

Hi guys

Just back from preschool, dropping DS1 off, and DS1's preschool teacher gave me a hug and it set off the tears again (not until I got back in the car though)! It's these little acts of compassion that do it for me - they bring on the flood waters again.

I don't feel too good at the moment either. I have been feeling sick since yesterday afternoon. I don't know why. I feel soooo tired as well all the time. I just want to feel normal, happy and energetic again.

mummy2olivia I'm thinking of you. I do hope everything is ok for you tomorrow. Please do vent as often as you need to on here. It's what this is all for! I can't imagine what I'd do without being to have my Grrrr moments on mumsnet!

HtheH · 03/06/2008 10:41

Hi there everyone. I am having quite sharp pains this morning and the bleeding has picked up again - anyone else experienced this 3 days after ERPC? Feels less like period cramps and more like sharp jabby pains. So many people hardly experience any pain or bleeding after an ERPC why am I so different? Could be because I had had no bleeding at all before the operation? I was 11 weeks but the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks, so I had had no bleeding for 2 weeks. Most others seem to go in for ERPC when they have started bleeding a bit or when there is retained product e.t.c. I just want this all to be over. ARGHHH!! Lots of love to you all, you are all amazing.
xx

poppy27 · 03/06/2008 10:46

Hi HtheHso sorry you are still having pains. I have no experience of an erpc but would it be worth giving your gp or epu a ring just to make sure everything is ok. Hope you feel better soon.

BeckyBendyLegs · 03/06/2008 10:59

Hi HtheH three years ago I had a missed MC at 12 weeks (baby was 11 weeks) and I went straight for a D&C 3 days later and had no bleeding before or any signs that something was amiss. I bleed for about 10 days after the D&C and had some cramping for about 4 days afterwards but not much. I suggest your contact your gp or epu as Poppy suggests to make sure what you are experiencing is ok or to get help if not. Let us know what they say

BeckyBendyLegs · 03/06/2008 15:17

Hi everyone

It has been raining here all day and I think I mentioned before that we were once flooded so every time it rains heavily and relentlessly I get nervous. Normally I'm sure I'd take this in my stride but today I feel really jittery and the roof has been leaking as well! I rang DH to tell him about the roof and he was stroppy with me worrying about the electricity tripping and that made me cry. My mum reckons (she is the fountain of knowledge on baby matters to me as she used to be a midwive and nurse!) that when you have a MC you experience a sort of baby blues afterwards as you come down off the pregnancy hormones. I wonder if this is true. I do seem to be finding life's little challenges really tough at the moment.

I hope everyone is ok today

charliesmum22 · 03/06/2008 19:49

Hi everyone! How are you?

HtheH, sorry you're getting these pains, I agree with poppy tho that you should ring someone, even if it's just to put your mind at rest that they are normal after an ERPC. Hope you're okay...

Becky, poor you! You must be on tenterhooks after having been flooded. Is the roof mendable? Think your mums right, I definately had the blues after my mc, my dh was v worried and thought I had depression. I'm normally v smiley all the time so it must've been a shock for him. Also, I think that there is only so much one person can deal with at one time. After that quota is filled (and I think all ours on this thread is certainly that) it becomes very difficult to deal with anything else. Dont' worry about your dh reacting like that, he probably just feels bad that it's yet another thing for you to be worrying about. Hope you feel a little less stressed soon. What's the weather like with you now?

I've been having v odd 'symptoms' over the last couple of days, much the same as when I was first pg. Has anyone else experienced this? It's freaking me out. Maybe it's the onset of af, I don't know. Any advice would be welcome!!!!

nandos · 03/06/2008 20:26

hi everyone,
becky, hope your roof is mended before any future heavy rains comes n floods your home further..
charliesmum, i do have odd symptoms like slight bloating n cramps since my ovulation yesterday. The ovulation symptom seems stronger than normal so it feels a bit weird. Whats your symptom?

charliesmum22 · 03/06/2008 20:38

hi nandos, have got indigestion, tingly boobs (only stopped bf'ing 2 weeks ago so could be that), am burping (never do normally), and feels like v slight period pain on and off. Am sooooo confused!!! Thought I ov'd 2 weeks ago, so am at a loss. Maybe af'll start in the next few days... Just want things to get back on track now.

mummy2olivia · 03/06/2008 20:40

Hi Guys

Hope everyone is ok?

Sorry to hear about your roof Becky- do you ever feel life is dealing you a shit hand??!! ((((hug)))))

Thanks for your kind words yesterday guys.

I'm happy to report.................

I've stopped bleeding

just like that. this afternoon I was on knicker watch as usual and all I've had is a bit of brown sludge. I can cope with that compared to before It was so sudden- cant believe it!!

Have still got tummy ache and back ache but I am starting to wonder if it is the antibiotics affecting my bowels- making me crampy and I do need the loo a lot. Plus am taking iron and that upset your tummy. My tummy is hard, bloated and crampy- must be all the tablets eh guys??

Will still go for the scan tomorrow just to check but feel much more positive today that its coming to an end. Although pregnancy test is still very dark- boo!!!

Hugs to you all anyway- sorry to be so me me me. You guys are my life line

poppy27 · 03/06/2008 21:21

So glad your bleeding has stopped m2o it's such a relief when that bit is over.

Have to agree about the weird syptoms still floating around. When I took my bra off the other night at bedtime my boobs felt heavy and tender like before the mc! Also I have still got a bit of a bloated stomach which has felt very hard and tender. Today was the first day I could get normal jeans on without feeling girded round the waist. I suppose we won't just snap back to normal straight away.
Becky hope that rain stops soon for you - you don't deserve anything else to worry about right now. Life is hard enough.