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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Am so sad and miserable...

383 replies

beakas · 09/05/2008 12:27

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

OP posts:
BeckyBendyLegs · 03/06/2008 21:28

Hi everyone

mummy2olivia good news about your bleeding . Let us know how your scan goes. Please don't worry about posting me, me, me posts. All mine are me, me, me ones! What would I do without being able to vent all my frustrations out on this laptop to you guys I don't know.

The roof is still leaky but its not raining anymore. Apparently tomorrow is going to be fine - good job as we're out all day visiting a school near our new house for DS1! I wouldn't want the house to collapse when we're not here.

I've got tummy ache as well and have been having lots of trips to the loo but my bowels have never been perfect anyway, any sign of anxiety and they misbehave. I felt really sicky as well yesterday and this morning but feel better now. Got stomach ache though now. Just feel as if my body isn't back to its old self yet, it's all disturbed by being pregnant and then not being pregnant suddenly. I've never thought about it before but perhaps that is actually quite normal.

Off to find a corner to finish read my book now.

nandos · 03/06/2008 21:54

m2olivia- yayyyy !
n good luck on your scan tmr..
im in limbo as whether to go for a scan as well or not.am having cramps (is that normal after bleeding stops for a wk already?) but my hpt is -ve since last wk as well and i really dont know if it got anything to do with my ovulation..
also am embarassed to go for the scan cos' it would be like the 5th time if i have to go again n hate being poked with that thing although it doesnt hurt.
the last time i had the scan it was a male sonographer n he glanced at my thingy n that very moment i feel like burrowing my head somewhere
help me plzzz

mummy2olivia · 03/06/2008 22:03

Ha HA!!!

Id love a male sonographer to glance at my thingy!!!

If you are worried Nandos I would say go for a scan. No way would they turn you away. Dont just worry- put your mind at rest.

nandos · 03/06/2008 22:53

you cheeky girl
btw its a walk-in epu scan so they wouldnt turn me away unless i turn up really late.
grrr..what to do what to do

BeckyBendyLegs · 04/06/2008 08:12

Stop making me laugh! Oh the images! Thanks guys, I needed that !

charliesmum22 · 04/06/2008 13:24

mummy2olivia and there was me thinking you were all sweet and innocent

how is everyone today? I have tummy cramps and think af is defo about to start. V weird..............

nandos · 04/06/2008 13:57

yeah i thought shes innocent too
charliesmum, i cant remember but when was your last mc bleeding?
possible pregnancy again?
becky, hope you r not imagining me in there with that man did u?

charliesmum22 · 04/06/2008 16:14

nandos, it stopped almost 3 weeks ago. Am pretty sure it's af - I don't think I'm pg, haven't exactly been in the mood for much romancin'

how are you doing today? Did you go to the epu?

BeckyBendyLegs · 04/06/2008 17:21

Romancing? Ooooh I'm in the mood again. We haven't actually played any horizontal tennis yet since the MC because DH wanted to wait until I've stopped bleeding (which I have now) plus I wasn't exactly in the mood mentally at first but its been three months in total since the last time!!! I feel like a dried up old prune at the moment.

We've just driven up to see DS1's new primary school, three hours there (one hour spent sitting in traffic on the M6) and two hours back. I'm knackered. No love action tonight me thinks.

nandos · 04/06/2008 18:51

i didnt go to the epu cos' i dont have cramps today. only when i have cramps, i feel like going there lol. but its not as bad as the mc cramps wih bleeding, very mild so its not something i really want to worry about.
becky, 3 months is a loooong time lol, im sure you feel like a virgin now haha

EmmaPP · 04/06/2008 21:13

i recognise a lot of you from Dec due date thread. Hope your okish...really helps to know im not alone with this. poppy i had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks, this happened 2 weeks ago (stopped bleeding just over a week ago), and im just about now not tender, it takes ages for the pain to go! still now if i laugh (i am managing to from time to time!) or sneeze, i have to literally hold my womb or it hurts.My pregnancy tests are finally showing up negative - i could tell, as dont feel so hormonal. The HCG pregnancy hormone kicking around was making me cry so much more than i think i would have at the beginning. i feel so much more level headed now. Went back to work on monday - was much worse than i had expected as i was ok ish at home. I feel so vulnerable, sensitive and delicate, so it's a bit of a pain being at work! luckily no one's really asked me why i was off. But outside of work im now a lot better now. still very sad and feel like i've been hit over head by a brick. but better than i was. not really crying much anymore. Can i ask a crude question? DH and i had sex last week and it hurt at back of cervix - ie as it hitting cervix and womb...only a bit of soreness, nothing mega. Last night tried with me on top and was better. Probably "too much information" but does anyone else have soreness in sex? its early days i know Boringly we're now using condoms till after my next period as after much research, i think it is best to wait a month, to ensure the remnants of mc are out of my womb. boy this whole thing is mega isnt it!

charliesmum22 · 04/06/2008 22:15

I did say not 'much', didn't mean 'none' Becky I hope you get to stop feeling like a prune soon

Emma PP, how are you doing? You are v brave to have gone back to work so soon, probably just as well people haven't asked you much... Re sex, I haven't had any soreness inside I don't think. Maybe it'll take a bit longer before things settle down properly in there. Hope it goes soon. We are doing the same re condoms (v boring, and dh hates them) as we were told to wait a month. Think we may well wait a bit longer, unless my heart wins the battle over my head and we just go for it. Have a funny feeling that this is what will happen!

nandos, glad you haven't had cramps today. You must be relieved. How are you feeling other than that?

ps Becky, what book are you reading? Anything good??

BeckyBendyLegs · 05/06/2008 09:49

I'm hoping for some love action now (not now this minute though as DH is at work and that just leaves the postman) as I am definitely ready and we will be using condoms for a month BORING! But it seems the sensible thing to do. At least I can drink wine and coffee for a month without worrying. I'm going to stop all such vices when we start trying again, well that is except for a wedding we're going to in July unless of course I am preggers by then which I very much doubt!

I've just read 'Notes from the exhibition' by Patrick Gale (one of those Richard and Judy books that is always in the '3 for 2' or 'get one 1/2 price' offers) and I loved it but that's because I dabble in the art world myself when I get the chance so it appealed to me in that way and I've just started 'A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters' by Julian Barnes which is so far very strange but very good!

msdynamo · 05/06/2008 10:12

Hello everyone, may I join you? I am from the December anti natal thread, I had a MMC last week, at 11 weeks, baby died at 7. I had a D&C on Monday. Am feeling physically better than expected but on an emotional rollercoaster.

The mornings are the hardest.

EmmaPP · 05/06/2008 11:37

msdynamo im pretty sure we had the samd Due date in dec thread. my dr said to try and erase all dates from my mind so i dont feel sad when i get to them. trying! I had exact same thing - baby died 6 week 4 days, found out at 11 week scan...all i can say is you WILL feel better in time...but it's important to LET yourself feel crap and empty and sad for a good 2 weeks or more, ie dont try and escape those feelings - they do need to be dealt with. take good care.
charliesmum22 thanks for the reply, we had sex again last night and almost no pain! so we're getting there. Sorry if "too much info" for some! im feeling ok...bit raw, but was right to come back to work after 2 weeks off, as otherwise when i came back all my projects would've been a nightmare which in long term would've been worse (ie stressful)...take care everyone. Isnt it amazing how many of us have MCs - 1 in 4 women...

BeckyBendyLegs · 05/06/2008 13:13

That's what they say '1 in 4 pregnancies' end in an MC. You'd think that would make it easier to deal with somehow but it really doesn't!

I am feeling really ready for sex now after all this talk about it! I'll have to wait until DH gets home and the DSs are asleep. Thing is I've got a stinky cold though, it would be like that Friends episode where Monica is trying to seduce Chandellor (can't spell it) when she has a stinky cold. I'll be sneezing and coughing all over the poor guy.

nandos · 05/06/2008 13:31

msdynamo, welcome to this thread n hope you are feeling better after the d&c..
emmapp n charliesmum, you are definitely more patient than me by using protection this month. i didnt use any but didnt put much effort into ttc this month either.
if i get pregnant, then its good. if i dont, then its good as well. have swithed my multi-vit tablets during mc week to prenatal tablets since last wk.
as per my emotions, i still think about the mc but try not to be upset over it. whatever happens, it happens for a reason..
and physically i feel much better n back to normal self so far.
becky, i will join you in the happy thread from now onwards

msdynamo · 05/06/2008 14:14

Hi everyone. Becky well done for starting the happy thread. Typical isn't it, I'd like to post on it but am having a really bad day! I took the dog for a walk in the park just now, and there were mothers pushing babies around everywhere. mothers breastfeeding, pregnant ladies taking a stroll. It was really hard.

Think I'll go and see Sex in The City, try to take my mind off it all. Anyone seen it yet?

By the way, my final moan. I look so fat. It's so annoying that my stomach hasn't gone done. And my face, looks drawn and miserable. How long before the plumpness, fluid retention passes?

EmmaPP · 05/06/2008 18:24

msdynamo you think you look fat...i've put on FIVE pounds as i did not go to the gym for the last 3 weeks for obvious reasons, and ate a bit more of my fair share of cheese as a comfort!
nandos I have also started taking the prenatal vits again, and am staying off booze - call me mad/paranoid, but i read in a nutrition pregnancy book that alcohol can affect the egg ovulating properly...! Probably Bull but I do not want to take any chances. I had wine last weekend, but now ive given up - how mad am I, it's already been three months without booze, will hopefully (fingers crossed) soon be another 9 months, and yet im not even giving in in the interim, crazy! I want to make sure I am doing everything I possibly can, even though I know this is probably a bit OTT.
becky one small consolation for mc is you can start having good sex again! I was pleasantly surprised. When I was pregnant missionary position was v. uncomfortable as squashed the bump! plus other positions easier when not preg. too. In a weird way, I am suddenly now enjoying the physicality of not being pregnant, ie no crazy hormones flying around and more energy, but of course I still feel terribly sad about what happened emotionally, just trying to be positive where I can.

poppy27 · 05/06/2008 18:28

msdynamo welcome but sorry to see you on this thread. I had a mc nearly 2 weeks ago and although I feel physically much better, emotionally its a different story. Have been having really bad bouts of insomnia and last night had a really horrible nightmare.

Had to go and speak to ds's teacher the other day and tell her what had happened as when I had my mc in Feb we hadn't told ds about preg but obviously when I mc'd there was much sadness, people visiting, phoning etc and his routine was a bit out of sorts. He seemed ok at home but had been playing up in the classroom and pulling faces at teacher, refusing to do things etc. so when it was his parents night we told the teacher what had happened and it all fell into place. Tried really hard this time not to let it affect ds but have been much less chipper than normal which at 5 he finds hard to understand. AGHHHHHHH

My stomach has just fitted into my normal jeans yesterday. Still a little puffy looking.

BeckyBendyLegs · 05/06/2008 20:15

I so badly want to see Sex And The City but no-one will come with me . DH is like soooo not interested and I've asked a couple of friends who say they can't come with me. I'm feeling like such a Norman No Mates!

Poppy my DS1 who is 4 1/2 has also been expressing in his behaviour, we think, that he senses something is up. At preschool they know all about it though so are being very understanding with him. The selling the house thing is also affecting him and having to go to a school in September without all his preschool friends (since we are moving 130 miles away). Poor little mite is really confused I think.

As for sex any position will do me right now. I am also horrified at my wobbly belly. I've put on 6lbs from all that cheese I devoured when I was pregnant.

mummy2olivia · 05/06/2008 20:51

I'm gonna post here cos I know you all come here then go to the happy thread.......

Hope you are all ok- lots of love to you all.

I am doing good- no bleeding and the scan showed no retained bits.

Tummy is still sore and ever since I found out I was pregnant have had sore achey hips and sides and still have this. Really hope its nothing to worry about.....

Hugs to all- come dine with me is on!!!

BeckyBendyLegs · 05/06/2008 21:43

I've just watched Come Dine With Me and now am watching Big Brother. I know, I know, but every year I can't help it. It's an addiction I think. DH HATES it with a passion. He won't even stay in the same room as me when it is on.

m2o poor you. Perhaps it is the hormones still in your system? You've only recently stopped bleeding so perhaps it will get better soon.

poppy27 · 05/06/2008 23:05

Hi Becky I am also sad and watched all the new housemates entering bb. DH escaped to his shed as he cannot bear it. Every year I begin by saying I will not watch this rubbish and every year I do - have no idea why!!!
As for Sex and the city - also in the same boat as none of my pals are keen on it and although DH will watch it at home there is no way in hell he will accompany me to the cinema and be seen watching it. He has never gotton over coming to a Ronan Keating concert with me after my mum couldn't make it at the last gasp!!!

m2o hope your aches disappear soon, you take care.

EmmaPP · 06/06/2008 12:41

i really like this daily update from everyone on this thread, i find it really helpful. at work so v. briefly for now -
mummy2olivia you say your scan showed no retained bits...we had to fight tooth and nail to get a scan after my night of BAD pain when the main mc happened. Dr said i didnt need to go back to hospital...did you manage to get a scan later to check no bits were left? i wonder if i could do that.
By the way, my rant yesterday about not drinking at all i think is a bit OTT...might sneek a few in this weekend before i hopefully have period and can try again :-)