Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 9 ALL welcome

[Nic2908]

New thread before we all lose eachother xx

I took a week off from the day of surgery (my employer allows a week without sick note) and refused the sick note from the gynaecologist as I felt guilty to be off work and thought one week was enough. It was enough indeed from a physical perspective... but not from a psychological perspective 😔 The first few days back were fine but the following week I was a mess and I've been beating myself up since for not taking more time. So, take the time!!! I definitely would if I could go back. I needed time to stay in bed, watch stupid movies and process it all.

I took three weeks off, one week self cert and the two advised by the team at the hospital. I also felt really guilty and like I was milking but my hormones were everywhere and I’m already quite an emotional person! I’ve been back two days and even now I’m a little bit wobbly if I start to feel stressed. I would take the time if you decide before the end of the next week you don’t need it you can always go back for a day or two before the weekend xx

My surgery was on Thursday. I’m having light bleeding but cramps painful enough to concern me (not agony but more distracting / unpleasant).

Did anyone else have this?

Hi ladies, I am going to take half an hour to catch up on this thread after the school run before work. I hope everyone is ok?

I started bleeding from my MMC of 11 weeks on 14th April and it lasted about 2 weeks. Had no idea what my body was doing this month and then surprised to find I have come on my period yesterday, exactly 30 days after my bleed with my MMC. I have PCOS which I’m on metformin for and that has really reduced my cycles down from 60 days to 30. I stayed on it the entire time through pregnancy and my MMC.

This period is so painful and so heavy - anyone found this with their first one after a MC? Suppose I’m just trying to be grateful my body has done its thing and I’m hopefully back on track cycle wise.

Hope everyone is ok and navigating these shitty times xx

@Overthinking888 yes I had bad cramps after surgery - especially with gassiness and doing a poo. It lessened after about 10 days I think…

@Jellybelly888 sorry to hear that, I think that they say the first period can be lighter or heavier than usual. There seems to be a lot of individual variation, I think I’ve just had my first period 2 weeks after surgery and it lasted 2 days at most and is lighter than normal.

@Jellybelly888 my doctors mentioned my first period could be heavier and more uncomfortable than usual so I think it's normal but obviously contact your GP if it's too bad.

@Overthinking888 I had some quite bad cramping initially but realised it was linked with gas and needing to open my bowels (which was tricky I think due to the anaesthetic). I've been eating and drinking stuff to help make bowel movements easier and that definitely seems to have helped (dried fruit, chia seeds, raspberries, apples, peppermint tea). Could be worth a try? I'm not really having any now apart from when I need the toilet.

@Jellybelly888 after my MMC the EPU scanned me and said all pregnancy tissue had passed but there was a fair bit of blood and clot still there. Their advice was that it may come out as a bleed unrelated to my period, or I may find my first period is very heavy as it may come out with that. So could just be residual blood etc causing your heavy period? (They also said it might just be re absorbed so really a very wide range of outcomes!) On the back of your post a while ago I also have an appointment with my GP about what the best course of action for me is, I’ve had a bit of advice from the fertility clinic which diagnosed my PCOS too but it wasn’t really what I expected them to say so not sure where I’ll end up!

@DogMom62 I’ve had nearly three weeks off and honestly dreading going back even after that. For me it’s compounded by my son’s health issues and caring for him as I don’t feel I’ve had much chance to process the miscarriage so I am considering taking longer, which I feel bad about as that isn’t work’s fault but I do feel really overwhelmed. I’d definitely listen to your medical team and take as much time off as possible, it’s a lot to process emotionally as well as physical recovery.

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you for the reply - that makes sense. This period is horrendous. I use a menstrual cup and usually I’d have to empty it morning/lunchtime/evening but this time it’s overflowing every hour.

Have you been recommended metformin at all? It really sorted my cycles out and along with myo-innositol it worked an absolute treat. You can get myo from Free Soul online and it may work on its own in the meantime?

@Jellybelly888 That sounds really tough. I hope the bleeding doesn’t last long for you and is over soon.

I’m feeling really tired these days, about 2.5weeks on from surgery. I have been taking iron as I wondered if I might have dropped quite a bit with the pregnancy. Or it could be due to the emotional impact. Does anyone else feel similar? I don’t sleep that well but am ok in the morning until about 1pm and then I feel tired tired tired until bedtime.

Me! I have been using melatonin as can’t sleep at night but could genuinely take an afternoon nap each day. Can’t keep my eyes open

@Overthinking888 sorry to hear that. Have you been able to take naps? I’m no good at napping at the best of times. Probably should go to bed earlier but I end up awake for hours in the night or wide awake at 6am.

Just called to book a haircut… hairdresser asks if I’ve had my baby yet (he only knew so early because last time I was there ages ago someone had a bleach do and I asked for the fan to be put on) argh. Also had a holiday booking ask me to add the baby’s details as I’ve said I was pregnant. I mean I don’t know if it’s just me but even before the mcs I would never assume being pregnant = baby. It’s just a potential baby…

Hi ladies, how are you all doing?
I’ve been plodding along trying not to think too deeply. But had a tough weekend. I’m away with work this week, and all I keep thinking is that I shouldn’t be here, I should be at home preparing to go on maternity leave in the next 2 weeks.
So I’m struggling with what my life looks like right now & the route that it’s taken

Hi @Figtree11 , I’m sorry you are having a tough time, those timelines of what should have been don’t leave us. I find myself doing the same with each of my mcs, I should be having my 12 week scan this week for my most recent.
I don’t have any advice as such, I’m sure your work event will be keeping you busy but just to let you know you aren’t alone in your feelings.

@Figtree11 sorry you had such a rough weekend. I'm still struggling with 'events', things that were planned months ago and when I was pregnant I'd imagined attending with a bump etc and now turning up to all these things with nothing. It's awful. Lots of these things were events and parties and I was looking forward to but they've all been tainted with sadness 😔

Has anyone else found their cycle has been messed up post-MC?

After my 1st MC my cycle seemed to carry on as normal but this time it's my first proper cycle since 2nd MC, I'm tracking with OPK, usually I ovulate around CD15 but I'm currently CD21 with no hint of the tests getting darker. Don't know if it'll just be an anovulatory cycle or if it's going to turn into a long cycle 😫

@xxcxdonxx thank you, it’s so hard isn’t it getting to different timelines & thinking ‘what if’ Today I’ve been busier so it’s not been as bad, but was in my hotel room last night on my own having a cry with all the thoughts running round my head!

@Loz365 agreed its so hard with events. I have a wedding in the summer which I’d been putting off buying an outfit for as I didn’t know how big my bump would be. Bought an outfit for it last week now as clearly no bump will be there now.
My cycles were messed up with my first MC. I had a period & then 6wks later I got pregnant. So was lucky I got pregnant but it was luck as I had no idea what was going on with my cycles. Since that once also ended up in MC, I’m expecting to have messed up cycles again & waiting for a period in the next few weeks

Hi everyone! Hope you dont mind me joining this thread, but reading all your experiences has made me feel a little less alone. I just had my second miscarriage at what I thought was 10weeks but was told baby passed at 6w+5days. I did have a very early pregnancy scan where i saw a heartbeat but measurements were around 2 weeks behind. I am devastated and really struggling with this as it is my second loss. I had a miscarriage June 2023. No living children and been trying for over a year. I feel really alone & angry at everyone and everything. I am more upset than angry but i just feel like a failure, like my body has failed me. I was in denial during this pregnancy anyways because of the fear of losing it and low and behold i did. My husband has been amazing and supportive but I still feel so alone 💔

@Pinkieblue24 I’m so sorry to hear that you have suffered another loss. It is just so very unfair. Sadly many of us have had at least one MC. The first few days you can feel in shock… I hope you are being looked after and have good support from the EPU.

Today would have been my 12 week scan… have felt very sad about that without being able to put my finger on why. It’s loss. We are moving forward without TTC in the picture. I’m still having that first period post MMC and it is dragging on (about day 7) very light / spotting. It’s 3 weeks since the surgery and I haven’t done a hpt for ages. Going away at the weekend and just don’t want to have to deal with anything else to do with it. I had planned this would be a holiday I might be pg for. I will be dreading all the firsts like others… 8 Aug would be the first MMC due date. We’ll never forget.

I’m sorry @Pinkieblue24 I found out about by second MC 3 weeks ago & no living children so I know how you feel. I’m mainly upset, but have days where I just feel angry with the world!

It’s so rubbish @CurlyWurly1991 I can’t stop thinking about how unfair it all is. I’m almost 3 weeks since surgery & haven’t done a test in a while. Dreading doing one later this week as I know it will still be positive.

I have started muting people of Facebook/instagram who post pics of their babies as I can’t deal with it

@Pinkieblue24 so sorry you're joining us here. I've also had 2 MCs and no living children, we've been trying for over 3 years now and it's awful. My 2nd MC was 8 weeks ago and I still find myself thinking about what I've lost at some point most days.
Also that alone feeling is just crap isn't it?! I find it difficult to describe to people that haven't been through it. Even my husband doesn't really 'get' it. It has got a bit easier recently, I'm not sure why, just time I think. But I would say the first 6 weeks were hell and I genuinely questioned how I would get through it. I just allowed myself time to grieve, and cry and not force myself to 'move on' or 'focus on positives'. I binge watched crappy TV, enjoyed a few G&Ts and said no to events I knew would upset me (christenings and a baby shower). Do what you need to to get through this awful awful time 💐

@CurlyWurly1991 thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry for your loss. It truly is the worst thing to experience and sucks when you have so much hope and dreams and all the ‘what ifs.’ A break away sounds good just to give yourself some time to relax and have a change of scenery. Are you going anywhere nice? Hopefully the weather stays bright & warm!
I did a strip test today and it still shows pg but seems as though they are getting lighter. I bled for around 2.5 weeks with the miscarriage. It was a MMC as i ddnt know I had lost the baby until I went for a private scan so similar time to you. EPU were okay, i dont expect alot from them I guess but I demanded to be referred to miscarriage clinic so I am awaiting a referral from them. Im just so scared to try again and any future pregnancies will just be me being petrified from the moment I find out. We are thinking of taking a break from the TTC journey. I dont know how much more disappoint my mind and body can take. i’ve had a tough few years & I have so much love to give. I just feel robbed.

@Figtree11 im so sorry for your loss. It is the worst pain isnt it? For me its knowing I can get pregnant but then I can’t stay pregnant. Like is there something wrong with me? My GP and EPU said your young so we’re not worried but I am worried?! I can relate with the angry feelings. I just feel like how much more can i take. I also was told by a friend that they were pregnant & as happy as I am for them, i feel so sad for myself. I have also started unfollowing people and muting people with their pregnancy announcements and gender reveals. It’s just a reminder/trigger for me. Is there anything you have found comfort in? I have started going on walks and listening to podcasts on others who have suffered with miscarriages/recurrent miscarriage loss/infertility. Anything that makes me feel a little less alone. Thats why i have joint this forum as I find it really difficult to open up and speak about my feelings but anything to help my mental health right now I am happy to try

@Loz365 so sorry for your loss🤍 it really is the most difficult thing to go through once let alone a few times. I can relate with u on alot of things like describing to people that haven’t been through it. I also feel angry at people who think a miscarriage is ‘just a period’ like its soo ignorant!! I do feel like husbands/men just process things a little faster than us women as they are not going through all the physical changes. My husband cant understand why I am randomly in a crappy mood or dont want to do anything when I was happy an hour ago but grief sometimes comes in waves. It hits you when you least expect it and for a second I may forget all my worries but then it just hits me and I am all quiet & closed up again. I feel angry that I tried everything, ate healthy, didnt think much, was just normal, i ddnt even tell anyone this time, ddnt even let myself get too happy & then it was still the same outcome as the first💔 the first time I found alot of comforting in eating after the MC and I put on quite a bit of weight and then got comments from family members saying how i was looking very big and unhealthy. This time I told them if they said anything to me we were going to fall out (then I think I shouldnt take my anger out on them) they probably dont mean it in a bad way?. I dont know. I am glad you are putting yourself first & turned down events you didnt want to attend. At this moment in time, it is best to be selfish & put ur own health, mind and needs first. 🩷

@Pinkieblue24 so sorry that you are going through this. You are definitely not alone and will have a great support here.
I have two kids but have just had my third mc so my situation is a little different but I do share the exact worry of I can get pregnant but can’t keep hold of it for some reason.

Well done for advocating for yourself in getting your referal to recurrent miscarriage, hopefully you don’t have too long to wait for an appointment.

I met up with a friend yesterday who is pregnant and had to tell her I’d miscarried again. We would have been due about 4 weeks apart so it’s all very raw. As you say, I am happy for her but sad for myself in the same way that it’s not happened for us.

Having a cry is exactly what you need at times @Figtree11 and you are entitled to have all these emotions. Hope you are ok xx

Thanks @Pinkieblue24 definitely the worst pain ever. Like you I just don’t understand why the pregnancies aren’t sticking. I’m so scared to try again as I can just imagine it happening for a third time.
I’ve not really found comfort in much to be honest - I try & keep as busy as I can so I can keep the thoughts at bay. Whether that’s going for a walk, doing jobs around the house etc. If I’m alone with my thoughts for too long I can feel myself spiralling. But I do find it really helpful posting on here & knowing I’m not alone.
Do you have a plan going forwards with TTC? Do you think you’ll try again soon?

Thanks @xxcxdonxx you’re right, a cry is just sometimes needed! Hope you are ok

@Pinkieblue24 thank you. Just read that you've been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. EPU referred me in March and I've just had an appointment through for June. Had bloods done this week checking lupus and antiphospholipid antibodies. Hoping you won't have to wait too long!

I've had another pregnancy announcement this evening from my husband's friend. Never gets any easier 😔😔