Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

@jellyfish2 @Figtree11 how are you ladies? Hope you are both as well as you can be. Been absent from here just recently as life has been hitting me from all angles but I do mean this when I say it, you've both been in my thoughts. 💐💐

To all you new ladies on here I am so sorry for all of your losses. To answer some of the questions I've had 3 MCs and bled for different amounts of time after each, 1st one 4weeks, 2nd one 4 weeks, 3rd one 2weeks (approx) and negative tests showed up around the 3 week mark. Mine were all natural at home so don't know if that's different to medical intervention or surgical cause I can't compare the two. Sending all of you massive hugs and a hand hold. It's an awful thing to go through. Try to find something to smile about today and take time for yourself 💐💐

This totally struck a chord with me. My MC was 2 weeks ago and some days I’m ok and others it will randomly hit me in the strangest of places. Like sitting watching the TV my brain will just go “your baby died” and I almost lose my breath. It often feels like it I watched it happen to someone else

I can feel myself pulling away from DP too, he seems ok and I resent that in some ways. He had some news yesterday that his cousins husband died suddenly and he said he was so sad he couldn’t eat. He’d never even met the man and I felt this sudden rage that he managed to eat fine while I was literally losing our baby next to him. Silly I know ☹️

also baby was due the month after we get married and so he just wants to wait until after the wedding to discuss trying again. My body is crying out to be pregnant again though.

apologises for the rambling but it is so cathartic to write all that down, even if it’s just to get it off my chest 😊

my thoughts are with all of you navigating your way through these losses x

I have a question for you ladies, wondering if you might have been In the same position- had surgical management 9th March due for miscarriage. I would like to try again after I have my next period but I’m due my smear test and I have to wait three months after the surgery, so June. Has anyone managed to get a smear test earlier than that? Thanks

@nearly8 how strange! I couldn't sleep last night as I was just worrying about never managing to get pregnant again or have another baby and I was thinking about you thinking I'll need to see how you are. I'm doing ok thanks, I'm planning on skipping this month ttc but I keep questioning doing that as I feel it's a wasted opportunity! But it would be good to see how my period is after it was really abnormal and light last month. How are you doing??

@AFeastForCrows I think it's just so difficult for men, my DP was sad of course initially but now it seems like he's fine whereas i still constantly think about our little baby and also just want to be pregnant. When do you get married?

@jellyfish2 I think the problem is trying to be strong for each other and then you both come across as not bothered 🤦🏻‍♀️

we get married in 6 months which doesn’t seem that long to wait but I just find myself obsessed at the moment

it’s almost like I’m not myself. I’m usually positive and bubbly but feel like a shell

@AFeastForCrows I'm struggling to wait a month so I can understand how 6 months feels like ages away. I'm 36 too so feel like I need to get a move on. I feel the same, it's all I can think about.

Can you maybe discuss your feelings with your partner if you don't want to wait until after the wedding?

I’m sorry you’re feeling the same

i’m 39 and DP is 42 so I feel like time will run out soon. I think I will have a chat with him tonight and see where he is. It’s hard to know if I’m being irrational or not, I feel very irrational a lot of the time at the mo! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@AFeastForCrows you're not irrational at all. If it's something you really want asap then definitely speak to him. Good luck 🩷

@AFeastForCrows are you able to suggest that you don't exactly try, but that you also don't prevent? I wanted to start trying before my wedding and was persuaded not to. If I had known what TTC, having success and then having an MMC was like I would have preferred to have the "data" of more months of unprotected sex. Not sure if that makes sense!

In any case, I am very sorry for your loss. I also relate to feeling slightly resentful of partners. Mine was a bit sad, but mostly he's just been so laid back and doesn't understand why I am obsessed with what feels like a biological clock telling me every second that my eggs are dying because I am late 30s...

Hi all, I've sadly found myself here and looking for some support. I am/was around 7 weeks pregnant. Unfortunately on Tuesday I started bleeding and cramping and it's still going. This afternoon I passed a rather large clot which I'm pretty sure is the pregnancy.

Last Friday I had a scan at the EPU. I was supposed to be 6+2 but was measured more like 5+2, they could see the sac but no yolk or heartbeat. They didn't seem overly concerned so we took their lead despite knowing when we conceived etc. They booked me in for a rescan on Monday 8th. Then the bleeding happened. I've tried to get my scan moved forward but was unsuccessful so still need to wait until Monday to get a proper answer but after what I passed this afternoon I'm 95% sure I'm having a miscarriage.

This was my first pregnancy, much wanted and luckily had only taken 2 months of trying to conceive. I'll be 35 next month. My emotions have been up and down since the bleeding started however since the clot passed I just feel a bit numb. A bit "it is what it is" and haven't cried. I wonder if it's going to hit me later.

I want to remove myself from my due date groups, remove the pregnancy apps I've downloaded but suppose I should wait until my definitive answer on Monday but I keep getting lots of notifications.

Not really sure what I'm looking for at the moment as we won't have our answer until Monday but I'm convinced it's gone. I think the worst part will be telling the family and friend we have already told... Thanks for reading ❤️

@jellyfish2 aww bless you sweet. I'm ok I suppose. Still up and down. My brother and SIL had their baby last Tuesday on what would've been my due date of my second MC. The baby was 4 weeks early. I was and still am so happy for them but I literally felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach when he phoned me to say the baby had arrived. Other than that I'm now having my second period since 3rd MC on 31/01 and OMG it's sooooo heavy. Just like last month. In terms of TTC I'm still just leaving it to the universe. I'm actually concentrating on just enjoying DTD and being intimate with DH which has actually really helped. It's made it fun and meaningful again rather than just concentrating on trying to conceive so that's been nice. How about you? How are you feeling generally? 🤗💐

@AFeastForCrows I know what you mean about your DP. Men are strange creatures. I had a massive argument with DH where I shouted at him that he didn't care about what I was going through and how I felt and he very calmly replied 'we're both going through it. Have you ever asked how I felt?' which stopped me in my tracks as I thought well no I haven't. Cue a very emotional chat about him feeling helpless and not knowing what to do or say and hating seeing me so upset and not being able to fix it. You might have to coax it out of him as most men aren't very forthcoming with feelings but maybe talking it out will help? I agree with PP that maybe you could both compromise and try without trying if you like. If it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't. Don't want to throw another spanner in the works but I've had 3 MCs back to back and the last thing you would want is enduring a MC during your wedding? Sorry if I've just put you in a dilemma. Either way there's a whole network of amazing women on here to support you and hugs and hand hold you all the way 💐💐

@CadoAvo awwww bless you sweet. The limbo waiting is the worst. I know what you mean that it all looks bad ATM but stranger things have happened. I know Monday feels so far away but for now all you can do is take care of yourself and try to find something to smile about today. As I said to afeastforcrows no matter what happens we're all here to support you sweet. Unfortunately we have all been there so understand the yo yo of emotions and the frustrations of the whole process. Be kind to yourself today. 💐💐

@nearly8 that must be hard your brother having a baby, and even worse on the due date you had for your little one. That's good you're doing the laid back approach, hopefully it'll catch you by surprise and you'll get a positive pregnancy test!

I'm hoping my period this month is heavier since it was so light last time. Im doing ok I just keep thinking there must be something wrong with me even though I've had one healthy pregnancy already, hoping the MMC is just a blip and we'll be successful next time 🤞 I have a couple of friends /family members that are heavily pregnant and it just makes me sad because I should be +20 weeks. I'm doing ok though in general! Just plodding on with work and life willing my period to come so I can TTC again 😂

@jellyfish2 yeah it was pretty rough. The hardest part was that it was so unexpected. Their due date was 22/04 so I just wasn't expecting the call. Life loves throwing me curve balls though. I went to see them in hospital but didn't stay too long. None of my family know about my MCs as I didn't want them to feel they had to tread on eggshells around me when they're so excited for their first baby.

Oooh don't wish for heavier sweet, mines like a bloody tsunami. Just enjoy your light periods 🤣 I know what you mean about feeling there's something wrong. I've had successful pregnancies too and never had anything wrong at all. That's what's made the MCs even more frustrating. All my DC are with DH so don't think there's an issue with either of us as such. I'm truly a believer that everything happens for a reason so even though we don't know the reason just yet there's something we have to wait for until our rainbows arrive. And in the meantime we can TTC to our hearts content. It's been quite an eventful month at my house I was actually quite surprised I didn't catch 🤣🤣 keep smiling sweet and keep me updated good or bad, I'm always here x 💐💐

@nearly8 it must've been a shock finding out the baby was 4 weeks early and being born on that date. I personally found it helpful telling family etc about the MC, would you not consider it?

I'm currently at softplay and there's newborn babies and a woman saying how she and her friend are having babies at the same time 😭 it's killing me. I believe everything happens for a reason too, it better be a bloody good reason!!

@nearly8 thank you ❤️❤️

@nearly8 thank you for your reply. I hadn’t even thought about having a MC close to the wedding but it is a very valid point

also a great point about asking how DP is. I think I’ve been so caught up in my own emotions that I haven’t considered his.

this is such a wonderful group of women so thanks again ❤️

@jellyfish2 no I really don't like being sympathised by my family. I'm not incredibly close to them so I prefer to soldier on with my DH. He's my rock and I'm his. We muddle through everything just us and that's how we like it. Totally think it's the right idea for others though. I know what you mean when you encounter other woman so excited about pregnancy. It's a strange sadness you feel isn't it. Somehow you feel so alone. One thing I try to remind myself if is I don't know their journey. they may be so excited cause they're finally getting their rainbow and it helps take the edge off. Slightly. What are your plans for the weekend? 💐💐

@CadoAvo you're welcome sweet 💐💐

@AFeastForCrows no worries sweet. I think we all do it. It's hard to consider them when your body and brain are going through so much. I know they don't physically go through it but they're still feeling it emotionally and it can be rough for them too. I have, this month, spent a lot of time just enjoying my husband again. We're 20 years in and have been through a lot, good and bad, and I'm really trying to appreciate both him and our relationship again which tbh has been really nice. It's not gone well every day and I still have my wobbles and my tantrums but it's so easy to be consumed by a MC (or 3 lol) and I didn't want it to be such a defining time despite my having one of the toughest years to date. If you can, snuggle down get some food/drink you both enjoy, get the quilt on the sofa and just be. I promise you, you'll feel just a little bit better. Maybe even smile which I know isn't easy at the moment. 💐💐

@nearly8 that's so true, I need to start thinking about it like that instead of being too focused on how shit I feel! It's so nice to hear that you and your DH are so strong together 🥰 I'm working this weekend unfortunately. What about you?

@jellyfish2 snap!! 🤣🤣🤣 I'm in the middle of a 16hr split shift right now, finish at midnight. Back in at 10am for a 14hr split tomorrow then rounded off by a 13 hour straight through on Sunday. Oh the joys 🤣🤣 so it can rain as much as it wants far as I'm concerned 🤣🤣🤣

Yeah I tend to look at things like that because when I'm sad I also get mad and being a Scorpio with fixed water also ruling my whole natal chart I can be pretty crazy when I'm emotional. Just ask my DH 🤣🤣 As I've got older I think I'm getting worse lol so I try to be more positive to counteract the sadness and contain the crazy 🤣🤣🤣

I know exactly what you are saying - its amazing and yet strange in a way.
men are different i think. I am just lost sometimes and he seems to be okay getting in with life.
i just cried right now and was thinking it is too much to ask for ? Healthy pregnancy.
then thought came would i ever get pregnant again? If i do would i miss this baby?
then train of thoughts followed and then i washed my face and came infront of husband like nothing happened.
I am so desperate to try again. Saying that, men do deal it differently - they dont break infront of us otherwise we wont heal maybe its good in a way that they are staying normal so it helps us.
I hope he comes around to the idea of it sooner than later.
i hope you get pregnant quickly and i hope this will be a healthy one for you and all of us x
never have i ever thought i would go through mc as that was a thing i only used to hear about people

Hi all,

I need to voice my thoughts and feelings or I feel like I may go mad.

Had a scan at epu yesterday as I had an empty sac 10 days prior. The 2 doctors were confused as its not empty anymore but they said they believe its a blood clot in there. One of the doctors wanted to wait a full week but that's not possible as that is our wedding day and then we fly off to our honeymoon.
The other doctor said she doesnt think it's viable and she's pretty certain it's a blood clot.
Been booked for another scan on Tuesday and then a MVA under local in the afternoon as she said that will have least impact on my wedding.
I just feel totally numb, I've been having pregnancy symptoms and now I just feel like fool for thinking everything was OK.
I was so excited to have my little secret on the wedding and honeymoon and announce when we got back.
Totally ruined and so so so so so scared to go through 1st trimester again in the future.
I know no one else who i can talk to who has had a miscarriage and now have to put on a brave face at our wedding when I want to crawl into a hole

@Fingerscrossed88 awww sweet I'm so sorry. That sounds like an absolute nightmare. The not knowing and limbo waiting really is one of the worst parts of the process. If they are so sure as to book the MVA why are they also wanting to wait?

I'll be honest with you sweet it is hard putting on brave face. I also don't have anyone other than DH to speak to mainly through choice tbh but it means that interactions with everyone else just continue as normal. My advice to you would be to try and put your focus on your wedding and the honeymoon. It's so harrowing, plus the combination of pregnancy hormones, sadness and grief really knocks it out of you. I don't know if you're in a position where you can take time off work but I'd advise you to purely as you have a lot of organising to do and fronts to put on. Take time for yourself, allow yourself to be sad, to cry, to shout, to be quiet and reflect, but also remember it's ok to be happy. Marrying the love of your life is still a happy occasion even if it is tinged with sadness. I'm sending you all my love and lots of hugs as having been through 3 MCs in the space of 10 months I know how awful you feel right now. Every lady on here is lovely my darling and we all know how you feel so feel free to come on here to vent your worries and frustrations. You'll always be met with kindness.

Be kind to yourself 💐💐

@nearly8 I honestly just burst out into tears at your message, it was such a beautiful words that I really needed to hear. Thank you so much. I am so sorry to hear you have experienced 3, your DH sounds so supportive and such a team through that. Until this happened to me I honestly had no idea how common this was and I so wish people spoke about it more. It makes it feel so lonely. I also hurt seeing my partner get so upset from it as I know I haven't but it does feel like I let him down.
The waiting part from my understand is 2 things, 2 consultants looked at the ultrasound and 1 wasn't happy to do anything about it yet as she thought the blood clot may have been covering something or it was the start of something. However, the consultant who is dealing with us thinks its highly unlikely anything viable is there. She was very confident in this. If everything stays a question mark then we go ahead with the mva on Tuesday as we fly across the world on Sunday after the wedding and I'm so worried anything to happen to me abroad etc.
Really hoping the MVA under local is OK, had an awful experience having the coil years ago but there isn't an appointment in time for me ro have general 😢.
Again, I cannot thank you enough. It feels amazing to vent it out and to have a response. Thank you thank you thank you xxxxxx

@Fingerscrossed88 I'm so so sorry to read your message, it's just awful. The being in limbo is even worse. How far along are you?
Please don't blame yourself, you haven't let him down. Grieve with your partner as I think it's important to get it all out and talk to each other. Hormones also have a lot to answer for, I've since realised that after my MC I had a MMC in February - I found out at my 12 week scan and the sadness and shock is just something that can't be described to anyone who hasn't been through it but me and my partner got upset and talked about it loads etc. I felt like it was my fault and blamed myself too but it really isn't anything you've done wrong - it's just nature being cruel unfortunately. Sending you lots of love xx

@Fingerscrossed88 aww bless you sweet, it really is no worries at all. I'm glad my words brought comfort to you. Please don't feel guilty about letting your partner down. As @jellyfish2 said it is nature just being cruel it is NOT your fault and there's nothing you could've done to change the outcome. Speaking to your partner is very important as it's hard to gauge just how it effects our DPs as men are notorious for not letting their feelings known. Your time will come my darling it's just hard not knowing when. As I say, take time for yourself, spend some quality time with your DP let the tears come if they want to, smile and laugh if you want to as well. What day is your wedding? I hope you allow yourself to enjoy it. I'll be thinking of you sweet. Take care of yourself 💐💐