Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 8 ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Exactly as the thread title says.
Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
Www.miss-support.org.uk/support/
www.blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
www.petalscharity.org/

www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk.

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4732386-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-7-all-welcome?page=1

I had a miscarriage last week at about 11 weeks. I felt so ill I was being sick and it was like a mini labour. The baby came out when I was in the bath and I brought it into hospital with me in a plastic tube. I had the surgery on Tuesday. I wanted to go to sleep but they said it would be better to have it awake so that’s what I did.

The hospital have a communal funeral for miscarried babies at the crematorium. No one can attend. I probably shouldn’t be thinking about this but I don’t know what they do with the babies’ ashes afterwards and this really upsets me.

@Worried1987 I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds incredibly traumatic. Could the hospital provide more information about the communal funeral? Will they offer an alternative if you wish to make your own arrangements? I have heard of people holding their own ceremonies, planting dedicated trees, etc, in memory of their lost babies. I will be doing the same for my baby that would have been due in August.

@FullMoon1917 I am like you in the TWW, around 6dpo now. I understand what you mean about feeling more focused on TTC now and I am obsessing, in fact I was as bad as this last time… it’s not great and I need distractions at this time. I listened to a good episode of the podcast ‘don’t tell me to relax’, it’s not miscarriage related but about managing the TWW. It feels so much more loaded after having a MMC, doesn’t it. I am glad I didn’t wait because I feel such immense time pressure but yes the emotional burden is high.

@CurlyWurly1991 fingers crossed it works for you, are you waiting for your period or testing before then? I imagine periods will be a bit off after a miscarriage actually.

@Worried1987 so sorry to hear that and its just an awful experience. I think mine is sitting in a lab somewhere, I am supposed to call to find out the results but I am too scared. I don't know if I can even ask them what they will do with it after but I hope its dignified. @Lemonyfire put us onto an instagram shop that provides rings that commemorate loss that are a really lovely idea?

@CurlyWurly1991 i will check out that podcast. I've been obsessing so much and its not helping that we are going north for my friends engagement weekend on Friday where there will be much drinking and hot tubbing but theres still a chance i won't know by then. Fingers crossed for both of us!

However I weirdly feel calm and content today which is a shift from the past few days so who knows what my hormones are doing.

Hi All, joining this thread and had a question I hope someone can help with. Just had a loss at 6+3. Called the midwife who said to let it all pass naturally and take a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks to confirm (unless bleeding doesnt stop or in pain) so I dont need a scan or to go to hospital to get anything checked.

Is that normal?

Had my first day back at work since my miscarriage. I thought I was doing okay, then had my return to work and all the emotions came flooding back! I feel like I'm back to square one when I thought I was starting to feel okay. 😞

@Livefreely I am sorry for your loss. My experience is different. I had a scan to confirm miscarriage, and then 2 blood tests 48 hours apart to ensure my HCG was dropping. I would have expected you to have more assessment done. Although the main thing is confirming it isn't ectopic, so unless you've already had an early scan during this pregnancy that confirmed this.

@Livefreely sorry about your loss, with both my MCs (one natural at 12 weeks, one MVA at 10 weeks) they just said to take a test 3 weeks after, they never scanned me again so it can be normal.

It's very much a process where you're just left to it ❤️

I can't understand how the protocols vary across hospital trusts!

@Livefreely sorry for your loss xx It seems different across hospitals, mine was a MMC so i got given the three options to choose from after the scan.

It might have been different if it had already started but i am confused how the midwife can assess you over the phone. Are you in any pain or does the bleeding seem excessive? Xx

I've finally had my negative test! Feels strange to be happy about it, but at least I feel like I can start to move on from the miscarriage! And now just waiting for my cycle to start!

Thought I would ask how everyone is doing?

@Cherryblossom9220 I'm glad you got your negative test. How long was that for it to be negative? I'll be a week tomorrow since my surgery, I can't believe it'll be a week already. I'm feeling surprisingly ok now and have another week off work which I'm glad about. I can spend it with my little boy. How did you get on at work? Did it get better?

@Cherryblossom9220 I'm 3 weeks on with the faintest faintest line but that happened for me before and I went on to have a period which must have cleared the rest out. Assuming the same will happen this time so I'm considering the miscarriage over and done with (physically, certainly not mentally 😂)

@FullMoon1917 yes I am a bit surprised too. I had a lot of bleeding yesterday, more than my usual heavy periods but it stopped considerably by the evening but its definitely taken it out of me and I am feeling very weak today unsurprisingly. The bleeding is much much lighter today. Do you think I should call the midwife back?

@Livefreely hmm if the bleeding is slowing down then maybe not and see how it goes? If you continue bleeding for 3 weeks or still have a positive test they say to go back for a scan to check.

I would say listen to your body, if you feel like somethings wrong then call back or go to A&E.

Unfortunately it seems that care across trusts and also the actual miscarriage process varies so much.

@Cherryblossom9220 good news about your negative test, and hope your cycle comes back quickly!

I am feeling really changeable, very classic PMS symptoms of me of crying over basically nothing then suddenly totally fine! According to natural cycles my period is due on Saturday but who actually knows...

@FullMoon1917 how are you coping with the symptom spotting and TWW anxiety? I feel so much more on edge about it now - although always pretty twitchy around 7dpo regardless because of all the hormones. I feel so much more desperate to be pregnant again because of the MMC, I hope it isn’t always like this if I need to continue trying for a while.

@CurlyWurly1991 absolutely awful! I had the tinest spot of blood today on wiping and that sent me down a rabbit hole 🤣

DH was really down last night and he said he feels like we have barely recovered from whats happened and now we could be heading into more upheaval... but i couldn't have waited I don't think. He has had it hard with his father passing, this and then issues with his kids (teenagers 😫).

I have told myself next cycle I will relax, not test early and just place it in the hands of the universe. I am hoping my fertility referral comes through soon enough and I can feel like I am moving forward.

I know they will want us to lose weight so going to the gym/cooking healthier meals from scratch has been a nice distraction. I only have 3 pounds now till I am a 'normal' BMI, and we just booked to go to Ibiza in May so theres incentive to get in shape for that.

I think the reality is that I probably won't fall pregnant any time soon and the amount of stress I put on myself cannot be helping anything so I need to just stop.

@FullMoon1917 You sound very sensible and balanced to me! I should really be trying to focus on something like healthy cooking etc. Have been rubbish on that lately, despite previously doing loads to try and help like stopping drinking alcohol, caffeine etc. Have eaten mountains of unhealthy food the last few days 😱
had a drop of blood here too which has only happened on my pregnancy cycle however - I think a post MMC cycle is likely to be different for a bunch of reasons and I’m trying to tell myself symptom spotting is a very bad idea. I think part of it is the grief for the MMC rearing its ugly head. Best of luck to you in any case xx

@jellyfish2 it's been 3 weeks since the miscarriage! (2 since my blood tests) EPU advised me to test on the 14th, so didn't bother testing any earlier!
Work was rubbish, just seemed to trigger feelings! Fortunately it was only one day. Just trying to be positive about my first cycle, and continue enjoying caffeine and a few glasses of wine!
I'm glad you're feeling better! Enjoy the quality time with your son! Have you got anything planned for your week off?

@ThelastRolo20 3 weeks seems such a long time after to still have a faint positive! Although I was only bothered by the bleeding, once that finally stopped I considered my miscarriage to be done! For my previous miscarriage I didn't test!
I don't think mentally it ever goes away does it! Even when you do get pregnant, it still plagues that! Are you still holding off TTC until April?

@FullMoon1917 I tend to turn grumpy when I'm due! Every little thing annoys me and I get quite snappy! 🙈 these hormones are wild! Try and take it easy! ❤️

I’m supposed to return to work on Monday but I just don’t feel ready. In fact as time is going on I feel more and more like I just need to come to terms with it. Wasn’t expecting this, I thought the worst of the emotions would’ve been this time last week when it first began.

@Cherryblossom9220 I had my first couple of wines last night but I think I'm going to stop drinking for the foreseeable. I want to start TTC straight away but my partner thinks we should wait a cycle because the doctor said that 🙄 hoping the weather gets a bit better so we can just go to the park or get out with his bike. If not it'll be softplay!

@Cherryblossom9220 yes although the waiting is quite frankly torture. I just don't want to be pregnant on holiday though as I'd blame myself if it went wrong (even though I know there would be no link). I'm hoping in March it won't seem so far away! X

@jellyfish2 After my miscarriage was confirmed, I got angry and drank a lot of coffee and wine! I have since calmed down ha! Although still enjoying the odd glass! From what I gather waiting for your cycle is only for dating purposes! I was also advised to wait for my first cycle! Similarly, my husband wants to wait while I'm eager to crack on! We'll see how things go! The weather does seem to be improving, so I hope you manage to get out for some fresh air!

@ThelastRolo20 that's completely understandable! It isn't that far away, just try to find ways to distract yourself! This has been the longest 3 weeks, yet when I wasn't ttc, the 4 weeks for my period seemed to always come round so quick! 🙄 It will be nice to have a holiday and completely reset yourself!

I've decided to learn how to knit! (How old am i? Ha) Wanted to learn something new! Hopefully it will distract me so I don't start becoming obsessive over my cycles! :')

@lkjhuytiop I'm sorry that you're struggling! Grief isn't linear! There will be times when it seems to be easier, then out of nowhere something knocks you back! Is it possible for you to take more time off? I felt fine and got to work and i was an emotional wreck for the rest of the day! What has happened to you is awful! The loss is more than just your baby, you lose a part of you! In time you will start to feel better! But know that it's okay to be up and down! You're healing and that takes time!

@Cherryblossom9220 oh totally! I came in from the gym this morning and just cried at my husband that I was unhappy. Then ate breakfast, and was fine 😅. My mood is changeable at the best of times though.

@jellyfish2 i think i had some wine almost every night from finding out for a good few weeks (this was also over xmas so I don't feel too bad). Haven't had any for 19 days so far but DH is still drinking (although less) which is infuriating me (and also contributed to this mornings meltdown). I think I have however leaned too far into exercise and I wonder if that will stop anything sticking.

@ThelastRolo20 i get that, the waiting is awful but you want to do it right. If we haven't conceived by early May we will take a break as I can't handle a TWW while we are away.

@Cherryblossom9220 thank you! I basically need people to tell me it isn't far away on repeat 😂

@FullMoon1917 yeah it's so hard when there's a holiday planned, I figure a break with some wine will do me good though. My tolerance has massively dropped recently though so I'll be out of it after a couple - can't keep up with the MIL these days 😂

@FullMoon1917 sorry to hear about the meltdown! So when are you going to test? I’m almost certain I won’t conceive this cycle but have different symptoms to usual which are a bit odd. I am going to wait until 14dpo/AF if I can help it. Just 3-4 days… 😬