This forum seems so quiet...

[SnookyPook]

... I know everyone is grieving but I just miss the comraderie of the Pregnancy board and just feeling so sad knowing they are still all excitedly discussing their pregnancies. There were constant updates and things to catch up on every time I logged on. This time last week I was chatting with them and oblivious to what was coming... I just feel so sad right now and everything is so quiet and sad here by comparison. I guess I'm just coming to terms with the loss some more.

I burst into tears trying to think what to have for breakfast just now because I feel like what's the point now it's not nourishing my little one any more?

Sorry I don't know what I'm wanting to say. How is everyone else getting on? Anyone else right in the thick of it? Anyone further down the line and starting to feel little glimmers if hope again? Hope you're all ok. X

I just wondered - is it normal after a private scan to not get a copy of the scan if its a potential non-viability? I got the report and lady who did the scan said the report was sent to EPAU but not the scan picture. I would have thought they would want to view the scan to verify?

@dindot @countrypunk hope you are both doing okay as can be

Hello @Khanga27 ❤️ I think I replied on another thread of yours. Are you OK?

I can't answer your other question, I've never had a private scan. (Apart from at my fertility clinic.) But I suppose the scan report would have all the info that the picture shows, and the EPU will want to rescan you anyway?

I had my scan on Friday and everything looked good. I feel very silly for coming on here now and laying my stuff on everyone. I'm still spotting but my doctor didn't seem concerned. So I'm trying to feel positive.

Thank you @Khanga27 and @SnookyPook for your lovely response last week x

@countrypunk yes you did. I'm glad things are going well for you 😊

I decided to request the scan photos in the end. I think it has helped things feel a bit more real as I had been going down holes of false hope as i dont think i registered properly what everything was on the scan as the lady was very talkative and also sensed something was wrong so just didn't register properly. My scan at EPAU is tomorrow morning. I hope it gives some closure and isn't more limbo after the scan.

I have felt so washed out as I don't think I'm sleeping properly and the continuing pregnancy symptoms are so draining.

@Khanga27 The limbo between scans is so hard. I really hope tomorrow gives you answers.

I got copies of my scan reports including images and I researched every detail online. I found that the staff at the EPU didn't want to say anything either way - it was always 'we can't say'. I found it very frustrating, and if I hadn't done my research I would have had false hope. I really didn't want that. It was very obvious to me after reading research papers that I was going to miscarry. When a MMC was confirmed I waited a week and nothing happened, so then I went for surgical management. I cannot fault the care I received and I felt physically well very soon afterwards. I'm glad I chose it because I don't think I would have coped well with medical management.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. You've just got to remember that your body got pregnant this time - it can and will again. Lots of love.

@countrypunk oh I'm so delighted for you that everything is ok! And please don't feel silly for messaging on here - anxiety because of previous loss must be so hard to navigate and I can only imagine how I will be when that time comes. In the meantime, it's so lovely to hear of something going well for someone 🥰

I fear I'm about to be back to CD1. AF due today and nothing yet but I just caved and tested and it is very negative so back on the merry-go-round.

@countrypunk so glad to see your positive update! You've nothing to feel silly about, offloading some of the anxiety is exactly what these threads are for.

@SnookyPook sorry about your bfn but you're still in with a chance until af comes. Hope you are feeling ok about the possibility of a new cycle though, we're all here for you whatever happens

Am I ok to join?

Feel so silly for still even feeling this way as it's been 8 months since I miscarried and I carry the pain on my chest with me every single day. I just can't seem to get past it. Even when I spoke to the Mental Health Nurse at my GP last month she was really condescending and said 'it's been that long and you're still upset about it?'

No BFP since then either for me.

I've found the sooner it got to my due date (which has now passed) the harder I'm finding it. I think I'll feel like this forever until I have a baby in my arms.

@Hankthehonk thank you ❤️ Still a tiny nugget of hope but I don't think it's very likely at this point! Will have to live vicariously through you for a while longer!!

@mollibu so very sorry to hear of your loss 😔 Really glad you've found us though - you are most welcome! I cannot believe what that cow of a nurse said! And the MH nurse at that?! Shocking! You could probably put in a complaint! It's so so hard isn't it. 3 months now until my due date and I can't believe how quickly it's coming round and that I would have been so close to having my baby. I can only imagine how tough it is going past that date and still waiting and hoping. Have you thought of looking into any counselling or anything? I once rang the Miscarriage Association on a bad day and sobbed down the phone for half an hour! It was cathartic though. Sending big hugs to you 💕

@SnookyPook Thank you so much ❤️ I'm sorry this month isn't your month. I wish I had better advice for people trying naturally but I never got pregnant naturally! By the end of our trying naturally I'd stopped all temperature measuring and ovulation tracking and early testing because it was just stressing me out so much. And then we had to move on to IVF anyway. I so hope you get a BFP soonest.

@Hankthehonk Thank you! I think I recognise your name from another miscarriage thread. How are you doing?

@mollibu Welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss 💜 I think lots of women here relate very much to what you say and feel. For some of us it's very difficult to get over the pain. That nurse sounds horrendous. Hugs from me too.

Sending hugs to you all! It'll be what should have been my due date next month and dreading it arriving... I've been mentally blocking it out tbh.

Am currently right in the middle of the TWW, not holding out a lot of hope as haven't really had any symptoms/early tells. But need to try and keep a positive mental attitude... somehow!

Hi @sweetpotato29 it would of been my due date next month also so I completely understand dreading it - but at the same time I think once that date passes, it might help me move on and give me a bit of closure. It's my close friends wedding this weekend, and at one point in time, I was going to be 8 months pregnant at her wedding...and now I'm not. That really makes me sad.

But I think once all those big events and thoughts of 'I would of been x number of weeks/months right now' are gone then it might actually be helpful.

You never know, it might not be as bad as your expecting. Sending best wishes.

Hi @mollibu just read your post - you have nothing to feel silly about! It's been 5 months since my miscarriage and I still struggle at times. I don't think anyone in my real life would know it, I come across as a pretty tough and resilient person, but this miscarriage absolutely knocked me for six.

It's an awful, heart breaking thing and you should take all the time you need. What an awful response from that nurse! I would also strongly recommend the Miscarriage Association - I used their live chat as I felt more comfortable with that than talking on the phone and they were so supportive and understanding.

There's loads of advice on this thread, but I found really focusing on myself helpful. Going to the gym, eating well, reading - I looked at it as getting my body and mind healthier and ready for the next pregnancy so I felt productive but it was also a distraction.

Sending a big hug!

Hi all, how is everyone doing? I've woken up today and taken a test, it's a BFP... although the line is so faint that doesn't feel like the right term for it.

I don't know how to feel tbh! I feel like crying and I don't know if they are happy tears or not. I just want to keep my head and not get too invested, it's awful to say it, but I think I need to be quite clinical about it. This is my second positive pregnancy ever and the first ended in a miscarriage so I'm still a bit like 'there might be something wrong with us and I don't know it yet'.

I think we are going to book in for a couple of private viability scans, just for our peace of mind. Has anyone ever done any of those? We won't be telling anyone either, I felt like that was a mistake last time. I just feel so conflicted right now! Going to try and do all the right things for my body and I guess just let my mind do what it wants for now 🤷‍♀️

@BuzzieBo sorry I realise I didn't reply to your last message. Sending you lots of love and good thoughts for next month. It might be worth planning to do something on the day? I don't think I'd be in the right mindframe to work. Maybe a walk along a beach or in a park with your partner? Something where you can reflect and do something nice together. Yes once all the big milestones leave I expect it would get a bit easier too, although we'll never forget will we!

@sweetpotato29 Congratulations on the bfp - although I know you're probably not feeling too celebratory. I'm pregnant again after a mc in March and it was only last week after a successful 12 week scan that I've been able to feel less anxious, and be excited about the future.
My advice would be definitely get one or two scans if you can afford it, we had one at 8 weeks which helped a bit. The first trimester feels very long when you're anxious after a loss so the scans give you more milestones and mean you've got the maximum amount of information about how things are going.
I actually did end up telling a few people because I needed their support and understanding, in my anxiety and if it came to, in experiencing loss again. There's no right or wrong when it comes to telling people, but if you're struggling it might make things doubly hard to pretend you're not pregnant and you're totally fine.

There's an active and supportive "pregnant after miscarriage support thread" on the mumsnet pregnancy boards.

Thank you @Hankthehonk that's some helpful advice! I will definitely check out that other thread. I've actually just thrown up (never had that last time) so definitely feeling different.

We've got a private scan place right down the road so will get something booked in. I can't wait until the 12 week scan again to know what's going on, that was torture. I've also got a lot of anxiety around the thought of going to the same place for scans, I wonder if they'd let me go somewhere else. Will probably end up caving and at least telling my mum or something but for now I think we'll keep it to just us. Congratulations on your healthy pregnancy, I hope that all is going well for you - you give me hope!

@sweetpotato29 Totally understand about scan anxiety, we had our private one in a different town for that reason! Definitely ask the NHS, you'll never know if you don't ask.
I hope you can manage your anxiety ok, sounds clichéd but be kind to yourself and try to take it a day at a time. There is no wrong way to feel

Took a test today 10DPO - I know its early but couldn't help myself and its negative. I just know its not my month - 5 months since my miscarriage and I'm getting fed up that I'm not pregnant again. I know I'm extra hormonal just before my period but still feeling sad. I think I put extra hope on this month so feeling pretty down. It feels so unfair sometimes!

@BuzzieBo sending you a big hug, I know it's hard each month and emotions are up and down all the time about it. Be kind to yourself, it's not too late until you get AF so you never know it may just be your month. Try to focus on doing things you enjoy and be kind to your body ❤️ it will get you there xx

Hi all. So I had my medically managed miscarriage in hospital on Friday. It was so painful and the sac came out whole, but I felt a feeling of closure afterwards. Its been quite physically draining since to be honest. Just being out for a couple of hours has me so tired for the rest of the day. I hope I start feeling physically better soon at least.

It feels so isolating as there is so much information about medical vs surgical in terms of what it is, but very limited on what is normal and what is not afterwards. Does anyone else feel the same?

Hi All,

Apologies as I've been AWOL for a while. I needed a complete break from MN as felt I was just far too much in my head with everything. I think the break has done me good!

How is everyone doing?

@sweetpotato29 how are things going? Did the BFP get stronger? Everything crossed for you ❤️

@Khanga27 how are you doing? I realise a few weeks have passed now. I never got as far as my planned surgery but felt exhaustion just from the miscarriage and all the emotions. I'm sure it's very normal. How are you doing now? Sending a massive hug.

Hope everyone else is ok ❤️

Great to have you back @SnookyPook ! I’ve wondered how you are. So good that the MN break helped. It’s a fine line between getting information and support and feeling empowered, and becoming obsessive and panicked and comparing yourself to others… At least in my experience!

Things are much better for me thankfully - cycle seems to have reset since hysteroscopy in July (though my period seems shorter than I remember…) and we’re planning to start TTC on my next cycle starting in a couple of weeks. I’m nervous about MC again, as well as all the same feelings about disrupting life with DD (nearly 3) but I don’t want to leave it any longer - I’m only getting older and so is she. Fingers crossed!

@SnookyPook hope you are doing okay and feel better after the break.

So I got a positive test last Friday so had to come back for a scan which showed 3cm of retained tissue. The 2nd lot of medical management today didn't work so if the last dose (which I should get soon) doesn't work overnight then u have to have surgery tomorrow.

It's just been completely awful. I really didn't want surgery but they have said that as I've had 2 lots of medical management, surgery is the only option. I'm devastated and so scared.

@Oxalis00 yes, that's exactly it! I got to the point where the negatives for me were outweighing the positives of the community and chat and I just needed a reset. Feeling in a much better place now thankfully 😊 So glad the hysteroscopy appears to have done something positive! I think nerves about MC again are unavoidable. I guess we just find another layer of strength to deal with our fears when it happens 💕

@Khanga27 oh goodness, so sorry to hear that you've had such a rough time of it. It's just the last thing you need as well for it all to drag on isn't it. 😔 I hope it's working for you this time but if not, my Sister and best friend both recommended surgery to me for various reasons and found it preferable to waiting and medical (having been through both).. so although I didn't make it to surgery day (passed it naturally before), that was my choice on recommendation and hopefully if it comes to it, it won't be too bad for you. Sending hugs hugs. X