This forum seems so quiet...

[SnookyPook]

... I know everyone is grieving but I just miss the comraderie of the Pregnancy board and just feeling so sad knowing they are still all excitedly discussing their pregnancies. There were constant updates and things to catch up on every time I logged on. This time last week I was chatting with them and oblivious to what was coming... I just feel so sad right now and everything is so quiet and sad here by comparison. I guess I'm just coming to terms with the loss some more.

I burst into tears trying to think what to have for breakfast just now because I feel like what's the point now it's not nourishing my little one any more?

Sorry I don't know what I'm wanting to say. How is everyone else getting on? Anyone else right in the thick of it? Anyone further down the line and starting to feel little glimmers if hope again? Hope you're all ok. X

Hi everyone, just wanted to join this thread as am feeling so alone and lost with my emotions at the moment. I found out I was pregnant in January and then found out at our 12 week scan that it never grew beyond 5 weeks. Honestly the most traumatic and devastating moment of my life. It was my first pregnancy and the baby was very much wanted.

I've been trying to keep healthy and keep my mind off it when I can, but I think about it nearly all day every day. I find it hard to talk about with others who aren't my husband, mum or sister.

Everything you've all been writing has resonated with me, there seem to be so many 'triggers'. I'm also overcome with jealousy sometimes that so many women go to that 12 week scan and everything is fine for them, but it wasn't for us, it seems so cruel & unfair. But I'm very conscious that what is triggering me is just a part of every day life and if I make a big deal out of it then I'm going to find life very hard... it's a big merry go round in my mind.

I am 4 weeks post miscarriage now and still waiting on the appearance of my period. We are keen to start trying, but no idea what to think/when I'm ovulating etc. I feel like I have no one to go to for advice for this kind of stuff.

@sweetpotato29 welcome - I'm glad you've found us but also so sorry for your loss. MMC just really catches you off guard doesn't it. It's so devastating 😔

I know what you mean about triggers... It kind of feels like confront it or sink. One of my SILs is expecting her first baby in July and I'm delighted for her but also know it's going to be quite emotional being around her and the new baby. I'm choosing to try and see it as an opportunity for healing and just taking it one day at a time.

You're a little ahead of me - I'm still in week 1 and not quite ready for the 'what next' yet, although must say there is already a part of me just longing to be pregnant again which seems crazy to say so soon after loss. Did you use any particular methods when trying before? I used opks and will probably do so again when I'm ready. They worked for me before so I'm hopeful they'll be useful again. I have heard it can take 6wks+ for periods to return for some people. All such an unknown isn't it.

Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss too. It's like a club you never want to join, but only other women who have gone through it truly understand how we feel.

Yes I can imagine new baby for someone else being very hard to be present for. Sending you lots of strength for that. I just have to keep telling myself that it's a part of every day life and I want to be happy again so I'm going to have to be brave. I'm bridesmaids for a couple of weddings this summer (obviously was thinking I'd be pregnant for them but that's all changed) and a lot of the other bridesmaids are Mums so it's hard to listen to their Mum-chat. I've just been doing small steps, so like bits of socialising and then leaving early to cry all the way home lol

I feel the same way about trying again, lots of mixed emotions about it, but my husband and I are keen to start now. I was using an app called OC to track it and also ovulation sticks, but I wasn't very good at figuring it out tbh. We tried for 3 months and the first months when we were timing it to the app nothing happened, the last month we didn't stick to the app but just had sex everyday & that's when I fell pregnant. So I'm a bit lost with the whole ovulation tracking thing, especially as my period hasn't returned so have no starting point!

@SnookyPook @BuzzieBo Thanks so much both for the reassurance - the nurse did say the same to me as soon as she said there was no heartbeat. She explained it’s nothing I ate, drank or did it’s most likely due to chromosomes or a heart defect. That’s a really good point about your toddler, you’re absolutely right mothers who have babies, toddlers or children when they get pregnant will have to hold them and pick them up all the time.

Slowly starting to feel a bit more myself, it’s been over a week since I found out I lost the baby and think I’m going to focus on losing some weight and getting myself as healthy as possible ready to hopefully try again in a few months. Definitely not rushing this though and giving myself some time to get my head back in order. I’ve packed away all the scan photos and the teddy we had with the heartbeat inside it, hopefully I’ll be ready to look at some of those again over the next few weeks.

I hope you’re doing ok as well today, sending love and strength ❤️

@sweetpotato29 welcome to the thread and I’m so sorry you experienced a missed miscarriage, you’re right it’s a devastating club to be apart of and one you’re never expecting. I was similar to you, we lost our baby at 10 weeks but found out at 11 weeks, a week before our 12 week scan. It was my first pregnancy as well and the confusion and anger you feel is something you’ll only understand if you’ve experienced a miscarriage, which is why I’m so happy I found this site and able to talk to people about it.

I used Flo to track my ovulation but didn’t have much luck, also got very confused with the ovulation sticks but we fell pregnant when I wasn’t tracking it, it just seem to happen. I’m just praying it happens again when we try again. im the same as @SnookyPook we both experienced our MMC on the same day so it’s very early and only just started to consider trying again. I can completely understand the comment about wanting to be pregnant again. My pregnancy symptoms have all gone now and I miss them so much, even the tiredness and nausea, the tender breasts and the cravings - I hated them at the time but would give anything to feel all that again. It’s definitely not an unusual feeling ❤️

Felt much better yesterday, first shift at work since miscarriage, was a nice day with nice people, really took my mind off it and was a nice day being toddler free with adult conversation. Feel so sad again today though, it's so up and down. I think because I go to bed at night thinking about it I keep having really long dreams at night about being pregnant or having scans or being in labour. Last night I had a dream I was in labour in the delivery room and I didn't know the sex of the baby but kept saying I think it's another boy because my bump looked exactly the same as with my son. Then I eventually awoke from the dream to find out it wasn't real and it's really affected me all day. It's like some kind of mental torture 😔

@WhiteHorse92 oh bless you that's so tough 😔 I guess we just have to process these things but it's so hard isn't it when you actually manage to forget for a while and then it hits you all over again like a ton of bricks. Sending lots of love ❤️

Thank you. I'm sorry you had to experience that too, there really are no words for it. Yes same for me, just hearing the stories and understanding from women who have had the same is comforting in a strange way.

I'm praying the same happens again too but very confused about how/when to start trying. It's been 5 weeks since my miscarriage now and no sign of period, although I did get really bad period cramps one evening and then still nothing the next day. I've done a few pregnancy tests just in case but all negative. Hoping it just comes soon so I can start afresh. I hope that your physical symptoms are ok and ease up soon

Feel better again today after a good cry last night, I think the dream about the baby the night before really affected me. Been to the GP this morning and I have a prescription for levothyroxine now. I knew I had subclinical hypothyroidism and elevated TSH levels and was at increased risk of miscarriage but didn't mention about trying for a baby before because I don't have conception problems and my first pregnancy was healthy so didn't worry about it and wasn't sure if they would do anything but now I've told them I've had a chemical and a miscarriage this year they think it's a good idea so I feel better knowing this might help and at least if I end up having another miscarriage I won't feel like there's something I could have done to prevent it. Keen to try for another baby straight away and hoping I'll ovulate soon so that's making me feel a bit better too.

@sweetpotato29 waiting for that first period must be frustrating when it takes a while. Fingers crossed everything normalises for you soon. I feel it's still early days for me so not feeling antsy about that yet!

@WhiteHorse92 that sounds really positive. Hopefully that will be enough to help your rainbow baby on its way 💕

@SnookyPook how are you doing now? Wanted to check in as it’s the 2nd week now xx

@Swillis09 ah that's nice of you, thank you ❤️ I'm doing ok. Occasionally far more ok than I could have imagined. Then at certain points the grief just hits. My official scan date is coming up (Friday - would have been 13+5) and I'm feeling a bit weird about that. Especially as, one of my friends was on the same time trajectory with a baby last year and she's just shared a memory of her toddler with the scan pic announcing their pregnancy last year, alongside a pic of her two girls together this year. It's just brought the loss home a bit more. 😔

It's been weird passing the week-iversary and knowing I've now been through all the days of the week since the loss.

Physically I think I'm doing fine. Still bleeding a bit but not really much at all. Curious as to when ovulation and AF will appear.

How are you doing? ❤️ Xx

Hi everyone, count me in please 😕So sorry for all the losses represented here. I had MMC at 12 week scan a few days ago, measuring around 9 weeks. Just started medical management, feeling pretty sorry for myself and a bit scared about the physical process. Thankfully have a 2.5YO who is very much alive and kicking and good for cuddles! Any tips for the days ahead? How long did you all have off work?

@SnookyPook really glad to hear you’re are having some good days and moments, I’m exactly the same thankfully - my 12 week was due yesterday and I’m equally feeling thankful and guilty that I forgot for the day so I didn’t realise until the evening which I think helped!

I’ve stopped bleeding now but I don’t know how normal that is so I’m hoping it’s all ok! Have you taken a pregnancy test yet? I’m putting it off because I’m nervous of either result I don’t want to see I’m still pregnant but also dreading seeing the not pregnant result as well :(

@Oxalis00 im so sorry for your loss :( its devastating- I’d say to just take it one day at a time and just ride out the feelings, cry, be angry, smile when you need to and just be kind to yourself it’s a lot to get your head around. I had two weeks off work which the doctor gave me a note for, I’m due back on Tuesday and quite looking forward to getting back to some normality but thankful for the time off I have had I needed to just be able to breakdown when I’ve needed to! X

@Oxalis00 so sorry for your loss... It really sucks 😔 I hope the physical side all goes ok for you. Someone was asking about this on another thread and a few of us replied - will try to find the link for you. As for tips, I agree with @Swillis09 ... Basically ride the waves and feel all the emotions as they come up. There is no wrong way to feel. I'm also a Mum to a 2 year old and he has been such a help during this time. Soak up the snuggles and the silly moments because they are oblivious to all this and a great reminder that life goes on and there is still wonderful in the world 💕 My EPU signed me off for a month and last week I thought I would need it all. The, passing the week-iversary etc I was surprised to be feeling a bit ready to face the world again. I actually have a week in Italy booked next week so I decided to do some little bits and bobs to ease myself into work this week as a kind of gentle phased return, knowing that I've then got another week to process/recover etc. My boss has been wonderful - so supportive and letting me know if I regret going back I can always backtrack etc. So that definitely helps. I've actually enjoyed engaging with bits of work this week, although glad I've not gone back full time as I'm finding it quite exhausting and draining too. But it's been nice to occupy my head with something else. There is no right or wrong though. I actually started a thread about the back to work question when I was thinking it through and there is such a range of responses. I think the right answer is, whatever you need and whatever works for you. 💕

@Swillis09 I actually did one last Saturday.. I knew it was probably too early (think they said at least 2 weeks?!) but I was curious and also in a weird way felt like saying 'goodbye' to the pregnancy. A line came up - definitely a lot fainter. It was poignant as it was quite like the first test I took. I think because I knew it would probably still show positive it didn't actually upset me too much. It was kind of bittersweet. I'll probably do another this weekend.

So glad you're also having some good moments. I am amazed tbh but going with it. I think for me, knowing that the worst has happened, I'm now more focused on the future and trying to hold on to hope etc. But of course there are still very tough moments. Xx

@Oxalis00 this is a pretty positive thread and has given me some hope. The last couple of pages (13/14) have some descriptions of loss that some of us gave to another Mummy who'd had medical management and was feeling a bit apprehensive about the physical experience. Hugs to you and hope all goes well. 💕

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4772087-journey-after-miscarriage-support-thread-march-2023?reply=125598872&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Thank you so much @SnookyPook and @Swillis09 - it’s really touching to have such kindness from strangers! I’m so sorry for you both, too. Even with personal experience it’s hard to find words that say enough…

My miscarriage happened yesterday by medical management. It wasn’t really painful but I was shocked by the amount of tissue I was passing, and after 9 hours of that I fainted and we had paramedics out 😬 Passed the sac just before they arrived and everything calmed then, though I’m still pretty light-headed. Don’t think I’d realised how physical the process is at this stage. (I should have been 12 weeks but baby measuring 9.)

Thanks for sharing that other thread @SnookyPook - I read it all and so appreciated seeing the range of emotions, the sadness at the loss and the hope for trying again, all bundled up together. That’s the complexity of it, I suppose - we’re living between lives, the shadow life we’d dreamed of, and the reality of today.

@Oxalis00 wow what beautiful wording - are you a writer? I love that... "The shadow life we'd dreamed of, and the reality of today" - sums it up beautifully. So glad that the physical part is now done for you. Sounds like it was quite intense. Big hugs xxx

How are you all getting on? I'm not having the best day. Currently at a baby shower and really struggling with the pregnancy talk. Can't seem to snap out of the grump I'm in...
Everyone probably thinks I'm being really boring/rude 😂
Been over 6 weeks now and thought I would be feeling better than this.

@BuzzieBo oh bless you, that's tough. I've got one on 14th May and already psyching up for it! Although my friend s are aware of my loss and I think will be understanding if I have to dodge out at any point...

I'm not doing too bad. All bleeding/spotting stopped 2 days ago. I did a pregnancy test which was so faint that I initially thought I'd got my negative but not quite so will try again in a few days. Now looking forward to a week away - we're off to Italy tomorrow and I can't wait for a change of scene and a relax. Hope you're ok. X

Thanks @SnookyPook - I do find words a comfort. Expressing stuff gives me some sense of clarity and control. I guess that’s one of the reasons why we’re all here, typing away in this strange little corner of cyberspace! How is/was your holiday?

@BuzzieBo I completely get the grump. I saw something today (Worst Girl Gang on Instagram maybe?) about the loneliness of living with miscarriage weeks, months, even years later, when everyone has stopped talking about it and expects you to have moved on. Don’t put that expectation on yourself, too. You can feel whatever you feel. 🤍

@Oxalis00 Thank you!! I found that really comforting to read. Its nice to know other people understand

@Oxalis00 thanks for asking - got back yesterday and had a wonderful week. Although it was a bit like exposure therapy at one point round the pool as it was like where heavily pregnant women go for a last hurrah! Honestly there were 4 mega bumps around me at one point! The first day it caught me out a bit and I told Hubby I was going for a bit of a wander so I could have a cry, and then after that it was ok. It was almost reassuring seeing it work for other people in a bizarre way and I chose to believe it will be me again soon. 🤞🏻

The plus side was that I got to make the most of the wonderful and cheap Italian wine and coffee so I made sure to do that! Feeling refreshed and renewed now. First day back in Blighty today and I started it with some Yoga and I'm feeling positive to get as healthy as can be both physically and mentally.

How is everyone else doing? Xx

@SnookyPook Glad to hear your feeling positive! I'm also doing much better! I feel like I've come to terms with what happened and am able to start being grateful for what I do have and look forward to what's yet to come.

Just to say to anyone reading this who is still in those early dark days, I promise it gets better!! Be patient with yourself, let yourself cry and process. Surround yourself with people who understand and give yourself space from people/things who aren't what you need right now. You've got this 👍