This forum seems so quiet...

[SnookyPook]

... I know everyone is grieving but I just miss the comraderie of the Pregnancy board and just feeling so sad knowing they are still all excitedly discussing their pregnancies. There were constant updates and things to catch up on every time I logged on. This time last week I was chatting with them and oblivious to what was coming... I just feel so sad right now and everything is so quiet and sad here by comparison. I guess I'm just coming to terms with the loss some more.

I burst into tears trying to think what to have for breakfast just now because I feel like what's the point now it's not nourishing my little one any more?

Sorry I don't know what I'm wanting to say. How is everyone else getting on? Anyone else right in the thick of it? Anyone further down the line and starting to feel little glimmers if hope again? Hope you're all ok. X

Ahh @BuzzieBo i feel for you with the pregnancy announcements/talk - it’s so hard. @SnookyPook is obviously a better person than me ;) I just avoid people…! I’ve found it helpful to try to separate some time for my own feelings (which can be pretty ugly) from my response to that person - because I do want to be able to feel and express happiness for them. That has meant hanging back a bit in some situations. It won’t be like that forever, but it’s still pretty raw and our priority has to be caring for ourselves. So, if you feel like going quiet for a little bit with certain people, that’s ok! Equally, actually talking to people can show it’s not completely black and white - pregnancy/early postpartum is often fraught for people, and there may be a lot going on for them behind closed doors that makes the whole thing feel more human and where you can offer support if you want to, too. But listen to yourself and take care of you.

Hey all, just checking in to see how you are all doing? AF arrived for me again this week, this is my third period since the miscarriage. Am feeling a bit blue, for some reason I just thought it would happen quickly again afterwards & the fact it's taking some time is throwing me a bit. But I need to remind myself to be patient and that maybe my body is still recovering slightly & I'm not aware of it 🤷‍♀️ my cycles do seem to be longer, not sure if that's a bad thing or not. I guess we just need to keep going and try to live life/ be healthy in the meantime!

@sweetpotato29 thanks for checking in! Very similar situation! AF appeared yesterday and this is also my third since the MC. I know what you mean about finding it a bit tough. Every period just emphasizes the lack of pregnancy more doesn't it. This cycle I'm just trying to do everything better... Food, sleep etc from the get-go. Was listening to a fertility podcast ('Dont tell me to relax') and it talks through different phases of the cycle and it made me realise I always pay so much attention to the tww but pretty much ignore the follicular phase until fertile week. However the eggs will be ripening right now leading to the selected one being ready and I need to do everything I can to ensure its as healthy as poss! At least it's making me feel proactive.

Hope everyone else is ok! X

Ahh @SnookyPook that is a good way to look at it! I'll have to check out that podcast. I think that's the most positive thing we can do in the meantime to keep ourselves busy. It's nice to know I'm not alone with my feelings & that other people understand. Sending lots of good thoughts your way x

Hey, how's everyone getting on? I always seem to come back to this thread when things get tough.

On a hen do, a pregnant friends hen do, with two other pregnant friends and everyone else except me and one other lady have babies/young children.

God there's a lot of baby talk!! It seems like once women hit a certain age its all there is to talk about. Trying to smile along and plan to take myself away when it gets too much.

Nearly 5 months on from my miscarriage now.

@BuzzieBo that sounds tough. Do any of your friends on the hen do know about your loss?
I can understand from their perspective why they're taking about babies so much but if they know what you've been through then it's insensitive.
Hang in there, good idea to remove yourself if it's overwhelming but I hope you might be able to get support from at least one person there as well.

@BuzzieBo oh that's so tough - hope you're doing ok. As Hank says, that's extra rubbish if any of them know what you've been through. Taking yourself off if needed sounds like a good plan. Sending you a big hug. Glad this thread is a support to you. Xx

Aw @BuzzieBo sorry to hear that. I had similar at my friends wedding recently, was on a table with 2 bridesmaids who have young children and does seem like it was all they would talk about when they were together! I understand it as it's something they have in common to chat about, but does make things difficult.

I would definitely take all the breaks you need to take your mind off it and if they are close at all maybe just be honest with them. I'm sure they would be mortified if they knew they were hurting you. Lots of hugs, you can do this xxx

Thanks everyone! Yesterday was better, less intense baby talk. Took myself off for a walk yesterday under the excuse that I needed to make a phone call which worked well. Last day today and I feel like I can do it!!

Two of my friends here know about my miscarriage and they've really tried to move the conversations on and check in with me - one is pregnant herself and has been so understanding.

I've also made myself feel better by presuming that at least one other lady has probably had a similar experience to me in this group and is also secretly hoping for a change of conversation...so that made me feel more confident in mixing things up and moving the talk on...hopefully someone else is secretly thanking me haha.

Hope your all doing well!

@BuzzieBo aw I'm glad you've had some support. You've almost survived the whole weekend now! Well done! Xx

Hi all!

I’m thinking about some counselling to help me cope. Generally I thought I was doing ok but this month, I ovulated, had strong pregnancy symptoms and had a faint positive line on an early pregnancy test as well so got excited again… Over the last week or so the symptoms subsided, lines became more and more faint and this morning AF arrived by very painful and almost fleshy (sorry for the graphic detail). I think I’ve had a chemical miscarriage. I went into work and a colleague told me she’s 16 weeks pregnant.

I held it together and told her how happy i was for her (which is true!) but totally broke down and went to pieces in my car and when I got home.

im starting to think I may need some counselling to come to terms with everything - has anyone had some and how did it go?

thanks all :)

@Swillis09 oh bless you, so sorry to hear that. It's so hard isn't it having to hold it together when you feel like you're falling to pieces inside. Counselling is a great idea. I did think about it last cycle - I'm finding the pms is hitting hard since the loss and I really notice the hormonal ups and downs. Last time I felt awful I rang the Miscarriage Association support line and just sobbed down the phone for half an hour! I do then seem to perk up once AF arrives so haven't yet pursued anything further.

A couple of days ago we went to stay with a friend we haven't seen for a while... Crazy twist of fate, she's expecting and her due date is the exact date of my little lost ones due date. Couldn't make it up. Was so poignant seeing her burgeoning bump and couldn't help the 'what ifs', however, I did manage to deal with it relatively ok.

All in all, counselling isn't something I've done for this, but I certainly wouldn't rule it out down the line, and I think it's great that you are prioritising your wellbeing and giving yourself more chance to heal a bit. Lots of love! ❤️

Hi @Swillis09 it's so hard hearing other people's pregnancy news, I completely get it. So happy for them, but so heart broken for yourself.

I think counselling is a great idea. I considered it myself but wasn't brave enough to see it through. Go for it! I do agree with @SnookyPook that my sadness and emotions are worse right before a period. I also used the messaging service on the Miscarriage Association, it was so helpful! Just being able to talk to someone and get it all out - sometimes I feel like my partner and friends feel like I should be over talking about it by now (4/5 months later) but I'm not, and this is why forums like this and the MA live chat is so helpful!

Hi all. Thought I would jump on here as rest of this topic forum seems so quiet.

We had an early private scan at 8+2 weeks pregnant. There was a sac measuring 23mm but the embryo has barely developed at just 2mm, and no heartbeat. So it is a suspected MMC with a referral to the hospital first thing Monday.

I just wondered about people's experiences with this. I'm obviously not expecting a miracle of a mistake or anything like that, but more I'm really scared of what is to come (pain and aftermath). The clinic mentioned tablets may be offered?

@Khanga27 so sorry for your loss 😔 I was also scared of dealing with the practical side. Just know that you will cope and you will find strength that you didn't even know you were capable of. ❤️

In my case, we planned for surgical management but I miscarried naturally before the surgery could take place. It was like an intense and sped up period. I had a weekend of sitting on the toilet and clots coming out/gushes at times. The pain was bearable with paracetamol (which I kept on top of) and a hot water bottle. Not sure if it makes a difference that I have given birth before. At times it was a bit like early stage labour but that was fine for me.

The tablets you speak of ('medical management') are to bring on the bleeding so potentially result in a similar process.

I found that I went to quite a primal place as the physical loss was happening and there was almost a relief to it (once I knew the pregnancy wasn't viable I just wanted it over) - however it is of course emotional too, and also opens you to a new stage of grieving once you know your little bean is no longer in there. I found some comfort in seeing the miscarrying as my last bit of journey with the little one, and just trying to experience gratitude and love towards them as they left me. Might be a bit mumbo-jumbo-ish to some but it helped me so sharing incase it helps you too.

Of course, everyone's experience is unique and individual. Just trust yourself to get through, and be gentle with yourself. Take the time you need to process it all, and don't worry if you find yourself in a dark place for a little while, there will be hope and light again, possibly sooner than you would expect. 💕

Grateful to have found such a supportive thread and it's been reassuring to read through others' experiences. Khanga27 I'm sorry to hear your news. I also found out about my MMC yesterday. The empty feeling described earlier in the thread is very accurate. I'm already feeling desperate for this to be over and trying to conceive again but I know that I need some time to recover and grieve, it just feels so raw at the moment.

@SnookyPook Thank you for your reply and I'm so sorry to hear you have had similar. There's still a very small part of me clinging to the private sonograpger saying they can't be 100%, even though the crl was only 2mm instead of 15mm or whatever it should be (so around 3 weeks behind), and gestational sac at 23mm (I think just under a week behind) - I know really I just need to fully come to terms with what lies ahead.

@dindot I'm so sorry to hear you are going through similar. I feel exactly the same, I'm hating the limbo. I hope you are looking after yourself.

@dindot so sorry to hear of your loss. It really is such a horrible thing to go through. Sending you massive hugs. It's now 3 months since my loss and I can't believe how much I have 'moved on' in some ways but if course there is still grief and constant reminders of what could have been. Be kind to yourself and feel free to chat on here whenever you need. I know it was such a particular help in those early days, and the ongoing support from the women I connected with as we all move forwards and start trying for our rainbow babies has been invaluable. Sorry you find yourself here, but hopefully we can provide you with some support and friendship too ❤️

I have my NHS scan for 8th August, but it feels like such a long wait to have everything confirmed while still having pregnancy symptoms. I still have sore boobs, nausea and bloating going on and it feels so so cruel.

I keep thinking back to how the mood changed so much, from us having a giggle because I went OTT on the full bladder for transabdominal exam to point where my bladder obstructed view of the uterus, to the sonographer telling me it wasn't good news after the transvaginal exam.

I'm also scared that if the measurements with the NHS are the same next week (MSD 23mm and CRL 2mm) then they will treat that as first scan and make me wait another 10 days after that. I have brief moments of wanting a miracle like the first scan was wrong, but know I won't get that deep down and just want everything over now. The next 8 days are going to be torture.

@Khanga27 so sorry, it really is so sad. And absolutely get that kind of pre and post scan time lines.. almost like a sliding doors moment. It's horrible to look back at the pre version of yourself and know how oblivious you are to what is coming 😞

I'm sure I've heard others say that in similar situations the NHS have been good and have accepted the private scan as 'time 1' - I hope this is the case for you. There really is no benefit to anyone of dragging it out once hope has gone is there. 💕

@SnookyPook yeah it feels so long. I called EPAU who assured me they would factor in the first scan and also factor in the comparative stages of the MSD measurement being over 2 weeks ahead of the CRL if measurements were identical, as well as taking bloods.

I think the longer I wait the more I'll keep getting false hope about by bladder squishing things or my subserosal fibroid affecting the view etc. But I just need to try and keep busy up until next week!

@Khanga27 just wanted to say, I'm feeling exactly the same. I have a scan at EPAU tomorrow and they've said they will be rescanning next week. I've found myself having glimpses of hope today that maybe I did get my dates wrong (even though I know I definitely haven't) but I know deep down that it is over and I just really want some closure to be able to start moving on.

I've also been thinking about the change in mood at the scan. We could both tell instantly from the sonographer's face that it wasn't good news. Just a few minutes after being so excited and happy, we were crying while she typed out the report and tried to avoid looking at all the happy photos of babies and pregnancy bumps. I think this is all just part of the grieving process and although it's desperately sad that so many others have been through this too, I am taking comfort in others' stories and the light at the end of the tunnel that so many have shared.

I hope you're looking after yourself and find something to keep yourself busy over the next week or so. I'm thinking about joining a new exercise class which will get me out of the house a bit more and something to focus on. Sending hugs.

Hello everyone. Thought I would join this thread as it looks very supportive.

I had a MMC in March after IVF and lots of trips back and forth to the EPU. I'm 6+4 after another round of IVF and embryo transfer, and I think it's happening again - woke up to brown spotting yesterday and cramps all day. Same thing this morning. I have my 7 week scan at the clinic on Friday morning so I'll know for sure then. It's weird - I can just feel a sort of change in energy in my uterus too.

Part of me can't believe it's happening again and part of me feels like it was inevitable.

Very sorry to read others' stories on here. I know the torture of living between scans. It's awful. Sending love to all.

@countrypunk welcome but so very sorry for your loss. I imagine it's even harder to get your head around when the pregnancy is a result of ivf. I have everything crossed for you that all is ok this time and what your feeling is just remnants of anxiety etc from the first loss... Regardless, we are here for you. Do update us after Friday's scan. Big hugs to you 💕

Thank you so much @SnookyPook 💜
I'll update on Friday.