Journey after miscarriage support thread March 2023

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Hi All,

I've started a new thread as the other was at page 39.
I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm still just about in my fertile window - I got my LH surge yesterday.

The clocks going forward has hot me a little bit, but I'm looking forward to brighter evenings.

@xxcxdonxx The annual leave situation really resonates with me too, I hadn’t booked much in for this year for that exact reason too 😞glad you are doing ok, it’s such a rollercoaster isn’t it.

I had a couple of days of feeling ‘better’ but the last couple of days have been really hard. Last night I literally broke down on the kitchen floor, my husband is amazing bless him. I just feel like there’s so many layers to this, grieving our two losses and wishing my baby was still alive and then the scary and conflicting emotions of anxiety etc about trying again in the future x

Hi all, how is everyone doing?

I've had some period type pain the last couple of days but no AF yet. Hoping it means that things are all getting back on track though. I got my negative pregnancy test on Monday (didn't test all the previous week while on holiday) so it looks like the physical side of the miscarriage is definitely all done and dusted. I've been feeling remarkably ok the last few days. Quite philosophical about it all in a way. However, little random moments of sadness do hit and I've also got a baby shower to attend on Sunday which could be tough. Just taking it day by day.

Hugs to everyone xx

Hi Snookypook. A negative test is so bittersweet because it means you can start afresh and onto the next cycle if you are ready but it also puts an end to the pregnancy which is so difficult to accept at times. I’m currently waiting for my negative. I had an early loss but have been bleeding for 2 weeks and still testing positive but EPU want me to wait another week before they will speak to me. I’m so confused because the loss was so early but the blood loss and clots are ongoing as well as the positive test. I’m terrified of ectopics but my GP has said I would be in some form of pain if it was an ectopic.
All the best with getting through the shower - it’s so hard trying to be happy for others when you are devastated on the inside. I find my mood fluctuates so much, sometimes I accept the losses and other days I struggle to get through the day, be kind to yourself. Hopefully we all get our babies soon xx

@SnookyPook so glad to read here and in another thread that you enjoyed your lovely holiday and are doing a bit better.
8 weeks post mc now for me and I'm also doing OK. Just back from a brilliant couple of days mini break with dh and dd that I booked in the aftermath of the mc. I'm focusing on living life to the fullest and enjoying my daughter, there are still sore moments most days and every now and then I need to cry but I'm largely enjoying life, even my work.
Waiting to ovulate again and hoping I'm not as obsessive with testing etc as I was last month. So far feeling more relaxed about it although I am so keen to be pregnant again ASAP.
I hope the baby shower is manageable, not sure I could do that. X

@Ttcafterlosses yes bittersweet is definitely the word. Really sad that it's a definite end point to the pregnancy.. but also a relief that it is given that the loss has happened and there's no going back. Sorry to hear that things are dragging on for you. Even though my bleeding didn't last too long it still took 3 weeks to get a negative test so hopefully you will get yours soon and also get some reassurance from EPU around it all.

@Hankthehonk so glad you had a nice weekend and are generally feeling ok. It is so strange, now that I've had the negative test, I am feeling so keen to be pregnant again and to get that positive afresh. I can see how it could easily become a bit obsessive. Just waiting on AF returning now, although Hubby and I did DTD while on holiday but no idea whether I've ovulated or not or what stage of cycle I'd be at so really not expecting anything and just trying to be relaxed about things...

Part of me feels so frustrated to be back to square one though. It is on my mind a bit when I get to the week-iversarys... I'd be coming up to 16wks now without the loss, so happily into the 2nd trimester, and I feel so meh that I'll have to go through a first trimester again with all the symptoms and anxieties that brings with it. And even more now because of this. I think a new pregnancy will be a tough whenever it happens now though at least if it happens soon I'm almost braced for the worst if that makes any sense?! I don't quite know. 🤷🏼‍♀️

How’s everyone doing, hope you're all hanging on in there on this rollercoaster ride.

My period arrived today, as you say very bitter sweet. I had a negative pregnancy test a few weeks back and had been to the hospital for an internal and internal scan where they confirmed everything looked to have come away, however I have passed a small bit of tissue today which looked the same as what I saw when miscarrying but in a lot less quantity. The bleeding also feels slightly different to my normal cycle, can’t quite put my finger on why. Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

Whilst we did DTD, I don’t think we caught ovulation as I had no idea where I was in terms of my cycle with miscarrying at 8-9 weeks.

I had my egg collection for IVF yesterday and today we were told we have 21 embryos :) Obviously that number will have shrunk by freezing day but it's a good starting point!

@Nmvasey85 obviously no experience yet but I'm sure I've heard that the first period after a loss can be a bit different and might resemble miscarriage bleeding somewhat. Have heard it can be more intense or the bleeding maybe a bit heavier etc. Like so many things around women's bodies though I would imagine there is a whole range of 'normal'... Hope you're doing ok. X

Wow that is an amazing number! You must be chuffed with that. When I went through IVF pre having my some, I only got 3 and none of mine fertilised so that is an amazing result! Will they tell you tomorrow how they got on overnight?

Thanks @SnookyPook thats reassuring. I guess our bodies have been through a mental and physical trauma, it’s bound to impact in all sorts of different ways.

@TheBirdintheCave wowee! What a great number! How exciting! 🥰 Apologies if you've said elsewhere earlier in the thread but what will your next steps be now? Will you be attempting implantation with any of them soon? You mention freezing so I guess maybe waiting a bit? I'm a bit naive about IVF processes. Anyway, best of luck with it!

@Nmvasey85 We won't hear until day three now. I have PCO and the one benefit to it is that I was always going to over respond to the drugs. I was really scared none of the eggs would be mature though so I'm utterly blown away.

Really sorry about your experience with it :( The whole thing is such an unfair lottery.

@SnookyPook It's a freeze all as I'm very high risk for OHSS which can be made worse by pregnancy. Transfer will be at the end of June/start of July so looking at a March baby if it works I think.

My period is due in the next couple of days, did an ovulation test today as had some pains in my side & got quite a dark test line. Im so regular at 28 days i took the test on a whim really (crazy lady i know!) But is CD25 too late to be ovulating? Im trying to be relaxed & just drd every few days but not really real life is it 😂🙈

@Ttc2023x where are you at in relation to your loss? Have you had a period since yet? I know cycles can be a bit messed up for a while after losing a pregnancy and it certainly isn't necessarily too late to be ovulating... Only other thought is that I've heard early pregnancy can cause a positive ovulation test..? Any chance of that?!

@TheBirdintheCave ah will have everything crossed for you! Will there be an opportunity for further implantations if the first one doesn't succeed? Given you have so many embryos I hope they will give you that option.

I'm on day 3 of period pains but no AF... Just really hope things are gearing up and all healthy etc. Really want my body to get back into its groove now and to have the opportunity to try again asap.

@SnookyPook Yup. We can afford three more goes if the first one doesn't take :)

@SnookyPook I feel exactly the same. I would also be 16 weeks now - it's exactly 8 weeks today since my loss, and I was 8 weeks pregnant at the time. It's strange to think it's been over for as long as it existed. I know I'll be anxious too in any new pregnancy, guess we'll just need to deal with that when we get there (day at a time right?!) and trust that it will be worth it all when we finally have healthy babies.

I have a whole new dilemma which is at least giving me something else to obsess over. I have an opportunity to go for a new job (my dream job, really, although it's a bit more precarious in terms of job security) and don't know what to do. If I was still pregnant I wouldn't even be considering it, so it's all mixed up with the sadness and frustration around the lost. And the sense that this timeline is the "wrong one" - but I know I need to figure out what's best from where we're at now. I wish I could know when I'd fall pregnant again as that's the major factor in whether I go for the job or not, but I do know I don't want to delay ttc. Having a baby is still the biggest priority...but if I'm still not pregnant in 6 months or a year I know I'd regret not taking this chance. It's so hard to make big life decisions right now. Not sure I'm looking for any advice really, this is just another useful place to process everything that's going through my mind, I'm totally conflicted about it. Not unhappy in my current job at all and it would be the sensible thing probably to stick with it and prioritise my family right now.

@TheBirdintheCave I don't know much about IVF but I know that sounds like an amazing number, congrats!

@Hankthehonk I hadn't realised we were on such similar trajectories somehow. I guess because my loss happened a month after yours, although little one had stopped developing at 7+5. That's poignant isn't it to think they've not existed now for as long as they did. A fleeting little blink of a life giving hope and love and then gone.

I know you're not asking for advice on the job and I'm not sure I have any to give other than really pause and listen to your heart. Personally, I've found with tough decisions that if I stop and admit it to myself, the difficulty isn't with the decision. It's with the fact that I've made the decision and it's a hard one to come to terms with/make peace with for whatever reason (it's a bit scary, takes me by surprise that that's where my head is at etc etc) So now, when I have a difficult decision to make, I try to shift my focus to understanding what my discomfort is regarding what I know is the decision I've made... Hope that makes sense!

I've been reading all your mesgs but haven't had the guts to respond to any yet but here goes..
@Ttc2023x same questions to you as @SnookyPook above. I had an mmc at 11+ 4 weeks in april and it's been 4 weeks since. turns out I only ovulated last week after my HPT was negative ( the doc did a blood test to check) and we did try. Now starts the nerve-wrecking wait until I can test again. It was/will be my first...so I can relate to all that you're going through. I hope it turns out for the best for all of us!

My last miscarriage was October & d&c end of November so had a few months of 'normal' cycles. We did have sex this month but my partner didnt really finish inside ( sorry for tmi!). So.highly doubt it would be positive and also don't have any symptoms. Thanks for the reply xx

@Iammagic thanks for posting and sharing your story, I'm sorry for your loss. Keeping everything crossed for you that it works for you this month...and that the waiting and testing doesn't drive you too bonkers! (speaking as someone who lost my mind over it last month)

@Hankthehonk thanks a lot xx
will keep you updated on how it goes.
good luck with the job-related decisions ..nothing is right or wrong! You do what you feel is the best thing for you at this point in time..opportunities will come and so will a baby.

@

@SnookyPook oops I'd posted a long reply to you but looks like it hasn't worked!

Thank you for the words of advice,I appreciate it.
I think my gut is telling me it's not the right time for a change and for risk taking in my career. Had a chat about it with a friend earlier and we were saying that we have decades to achieve everything we want in our careers but only this small window when we're having babies and raising small children. And there's a lot that's good about my current job too, so it doesn't feel like a negative choice to stay put. I'm leaning that way for sure. Now if baby number 2 would just hurry up the choice would be validated...

@Hankthehonk aw I'm sure Baby no.2 will be here very soon. 🌈💕

You sound quite at peace with that decision which is great. And your chat with your friend sounds spot on. No need to rock the boat if you're already somewhere you quite like which is more baby friendly. Plenty of time for exciting career moves in a few years! 😊