Journey after miscarriage support thread March 2023

[SMG1992]

Hi All,

I've started a new thread as the other was at page 39.
I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm still just about in my fertile window - I got my LH surge yesterday.

The clocks going forward has hot me a little bit, but I'm looking forward to brighter evenings.

Hello everyone, I had medical management at home yesterday after discovering MMC on Monday at what should have been 12 week scan. Baby was measuring 9 weeks. Yesterday wasn’t really what I expected, I didn’t find it painful and I didn’t have contractions but there was so much tissue/clots, and it took 9 hours for the sac to come away, just before which I fainted and had paramedics out. Sadly the baby wasn’t inside the sac, and I think must have come out very early in the process as I was looking quite carefully every time. I kind of wanted to see it, for closure. This still doesn’t feel entirely real.

I’ve read through the thread and am so sorry for all the losses represented here 🤍 I’m also hugely encouraged by the openness of your words. It’s consoling to see the sadness and the hope mixed in together. It really is a journey… Good luck to all who are TTC again (I think we will - did you wait for a period?) and huge congrats (and also good luck!) to those BFPs!

@Oxalis00 Sorry for your loss xx

@Oxalis00 im so sorry for what you’ve been through and your loss, it’s heart breaking ❤️ Xx

we have chosen to ttc as soon as ovulation happens, I feel like being pregnant again is the only thing that will help us heal. Xxx

@Oxalis00 so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing aswell.

We won’t be TTC right now (we just need a bit of a break and time to grieve our two losses), however between my two miscarriages we did conceive straight away (no period) and that’s totally what we needed at the time. For me it definitely felt like there was a bit of truth in the whole ‘you’re really fertile after a miscarriage’ x

Hi @Oxalis00 sorry to hear about your loss and thank you for sharing especially as it is so recent.
It has been so nice reading this board and feeling less alone in the whole process as I really didn’t know anything about miscarriage until I had my own.
I had a Mva 5 weeks ago and have just started my period today. I’m happy to see it and know everything is working as expected but a bit sad too as it feels like it marks the end of my previous pregnancy.
We decided not to try this month, I felt I wanted to give myself a bit of a break. I had a chemical pregnancy before this loss so have effectively been pregnant twice since December and just wanted to have a period first to start fresh.
So now it will be pack to tracking ovulation which I’m not sure if I’m dreading or looking forward to.
Hello to everyone else that has joined too, I’ve been reading everyone’s updates and stories and reassured to read everyone’s experience. Hope you are all well xx

Thanks for the welcome everyone. It’s good to be here - as much as I wouldn’t wish it for any of us!

@xxcxdonxx I actually had the same, a chemical in January and then this pregnancy conceived in Feb, lost in April, so have spent quite a few months pregnant thinking about it. I think I also feel inclined to wait a cycle to reset. I worry the previous experiences might be detrimental in some way to a new pregnancy - but who knows!

Ah sorry to hear that @Oxalis00
That was my thinking too, maybe it would be safer with a clean cycle in between but who knows!

@xxcxdonxx @Oxalis00 I’ve had the exact same as you both, chemical/really early loss in Feb then an MVA on Tuesday in this pregnancy at 10 weeks. Take care both and let’s keep in touch, I’ll be waiting for my period before we think about trying again xx

Hi everyone I have my appointment at the Coventry recurrent miscarriage clinic at the end of next month. From what I have read on the forums not everyone gets an answer at these clinics. Can I ask what others have experienced and how long the process is? I am considering saving up for IVF in case I don’t get any answers and not sure I can keep trying after 3 consecutive losses if it’s a case of we don’t know keep trying. I took it upon myself to start baby aspirin before my last loss as I know a lot of women have reported success with it but it didn’t work for me unfortunately. Thanks in advance for any insight anyone can offer

@Ttcafterlosses Welcome and sorry for your losses :( We've had two missed miscarriages in a row and decided to skip straight to IVF instead of potentially going through a third.

Hi I really hope IVF goes well for you. I wish I could skip the clinic and go straight to IVF but I very stupidly after my second loss which was a devastating MMC booked a very last minute and very expensive holiday hence IVF is something we cannot afford right now. Although I think we really benefited from the break from a mental health perspective and not sure I could put myself through IVF right now until my mental health improves

@TheBirdintheCave @Ttcafterlosses I’d be interested in learning about IVF in relation to recurrent miscarriage. Please excuse my lack of knowledge here, it’s not something I’ve explored yet having just gone through a second loss and these are genuine questions, but is there a better chance of success going down that route instead? Thanks so much

Hi sorry you’re part of this group. I haven’t done any real research into it yet to be honest but from what I have read on the forums you can get genetic testing on the embryos which I suppose would avoid those miscarriages which occur due to genetic abnormalities. I have had 2 early losses and 1 missed miscarriage inbetween the 2 which was at a later stage following the heart being seen. I never got any testing done so I don’t know the reasons behind the losses but I am told the early losses are mostly due to genetic abnormalities

@JJ2023 For us the main benefit of choosing IVF was to speed up the process as we don't get pregnant quickly. Our consultant mentioned genetic testing but because our two MMCs were different (one blighted ovum and one who had a heartbeat but died at eight weeks) he suggested that it was more than likely just bad luck so we didn't go down that route.

@Ttcafterlosses I did a similar thing re holidays so I totally understand the need to do something happy and positive. I think it was a good decision. I hope you had a lovely time on yours :) Ours is in a few weeks time.

@Ttcafterlosses @TheBirdintheCave thank you both x

Hi all, new to this forum. Fresh from a private scan which showed no evidence of a pregnancy and has left them and us a bit baffled. Tested positive at 10dpo but tests never got super dark and clearblue didn't progress past 1-2 weeks. Began to bleed on Saturday night and seems to be stopping today. Bleed was just like a period so beginning to wonder if that is what it was and I lost this pregnancy early on because it wasn't viable. Seems the best response to me. I also have an appointment at the EPU on Friday for a scan and hopefully bloods to see. Still getting vvf positive tests but the strength in them has decreased rapidly since Saturday.

So looks like I'm trying again! Literally all of our close friends are currently pregnant so gutted and I was so paranoid this would happen as I've seen my friend go through a horrible time with multiple mc.... but my partner was encouraging me to think of all the healthy pregnancies we have seen. Wasn't to be for us.

Hoping that I'm one of those who falls on easily in the next cycle... trying to tell myself some positives (we will have cleared off debt, be able to save up money, not giving birth over Christmas) but a bit hollow really!

Feel a lot more relieved after a scan as the uncertainty is now gone. I don't feel like bursting into tears everytime I think about it but now need to tell the people I had told that it isn't happening which is gutting really.

Bit of a splurge of feelings there! Sorry.

Wow @JJ2023 @xxcxdonxx that's strange we’ve all had the same pattern of losses. It is strangely comforting to know there are others walking the same path though. Strength and luck to you both... It would be great to keep in touch.

I’ve really appreciated people on here sharing about how up and down the emotions are. I think I was totally focussed on the physical at first, and only in the last few days am feeling the sadness rise up. I just feel totally exhausted, physically and emotionally, and am finding myself pretty zoned out a lot of the time.

Can I ask how partners (if you have one) have coped? And how that’s affecting you? DH was shocked and sad in the immediate and has been looking after me loads but doesn’t have a lot to say about it and I’m finding that a bit hard. Not that there is much to say, I suppose - we didn’t know this baby. That’s what’s so sad!

Welcome @RegardingPersephone and sorry you find yourself here. I can’t quite make out your dates but it sounds like a chemical pregnancy perhaps? Glad you’ve had attentive care from EPU. It is so hard watching others continue on in their pregnancy journeys. I’ve found the telling people easier than I feared, though. I hope you also get the sympathy it deserves.

@Oxalis00 Hi, thanks for the welcome. I should have been 7 weeks tomorrow, started bleeding at 6 weeks. Tested negative at epu today and they took bloods to test HCG levels.
I think it probably was a chemical pregnancy which is gutting as I was getting positive tests all the way up to 6 weeks. I thought they stopped earlier than that for a chemical...

Fingers crossed for this month.

Also to answer your question about partners, mine has been very angry and frustrated about it. He has been looking after me but we are just checking in on each other. His main grieving process was to move into the bigger bedroom (that we were going to move into to make the smaller room a nursery) earlier than expected and decorate it for us, because we wanted to, not for a baby. He needed a practical distraction!

Hi @RegardingPersephone sorry to hear about your loss. It feels cruel to be testing positive when you’ve had a loss and sad at the same time that your body hasn’t caught up. I tested positive on the day I found out I’d miscarried, it was the only thing I had to go on at that early stage so assumed everything was still ok.

That must have been a huge shock for you at your scan. Hope you are doing ok and sending lots of positive thoughts for your next cycle xx

Hi @JJ2023 and @Oxalis00 how are you both doing?
I know what you mean about focussing on the physical and now dealing with the emotional. I’d seen someone post earlier about a little memory box they were given by EPU, I was given the same. I found that putting my scan pics and any other bits in there helped. It might not be for everyone but I also wrote a little card to keep in there. For me, writing it down and then parcelling it all away helped get my focus back.

My husband sounds the same, he was sad and shocked when it happened but is very like, it’s unfortunate but we move on. That’s all very true but I didn’t process it that way and found it quite hard to understand where he was coming from. I think I just had to accept that we dealt with it differently and that physically dealing with everything, the hormones, the procedure, the bleeding took it’s toll on me in a way that he couldn’t really understand and that I was allowed to take longer with it all xx

@xxcxdonxx I’m ok ish, yesterday I had a consultation with a lady who specialises in fertility acupuncture and reiki- I know it isn’t for everyone but for me I really feel as though the experience is going to help me heal both emotionally/physically. So I feel positive about that, the first time I would say I’ve felt positive about anything in the last couple of weeks.

how are you doing? Xx

That’s good @JJ2023 I’ve never tried acupuncture before but anything that works for you and makes you feel positive can only be a good thing.
I’m ok thanks, just getting the odd reminder that sometimes hits me a little. I was sorting my annual leave in work, I hadn’t really taken very much as I was thinking I’d save as much as possible for being on Mat leave in Oct and just a reminder that I don’t need to do that anymore xx