Journey after miscarriage support thread March 2023

[SMG1992]

Hi All,

I've started a new thread as the other was at page 39.
I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm still just about in my fertile window - I got my LH surge yesterday.

The clocks going forward has hot me a little bit, but I'm looking forward to brighter evenings.

I had quite a bit of bleeding so make sure you have some big pads and stay near the toilet. It wasn't that painful for me (might be due to having kids already) but did use paracetamol near the end. I felt a bit ill too so maybe cover the bed with a towel to lie down if you feel the same way. I did almost go to A&E because I was flooding pads but it slowed down. Ours was unexpected pregnancy after previous fertility problems. We were beginning to feel excited too.

@HistoryFanatic thank you for sharing, this is what is scaring me, was you alone, the bleeding a lot and thinking A&E time when I will be alone, maybe I need to ring my mum or friend if I get to that point.

@Lorddenning1 so sorry for your loss and what you are going through now. I was in a very similar place last weekend. I found out about my MMC on the Friday, and was booked in for surgery on the following Tuesday.

After the scan, my spotting got darker and heavier until it looked like a mid-flow period. It stayed like that throughout most of Saturday and then Saturday evening, whilst sitting on the sofa, I felt like a 'pop' and suddenly a large gush. I was quite scared to move/look down and thought it might be a load of blood, but when I got to the toilet, it was watery and pink - a bit like when your waters go. It had flooded a pad. I then spent the next hour and a half on the toilet. For me, the pain was never worse than early labour / moderate period pains. I did make sure to take painkillers the minute I felt some cramping and also had a hot water bottle. Whilst on the toilet, I passed a couple of quite large clots and my cramping then eased so I thought maybe it was over. I slept fine that night. On Sunday, around midday, I suddenly again had a gush and flooded a pad. I then had similar cramping on and off, and more toilet trips etc. Later that afternoon, I passed a further two large clots and then again, everything eased. On the Monday, I went for my pre-op, told them about the bleeding etc and so they scanned me. They said that I had passed everything, and no retained products were evident. Since then, I've had akin to a light flow period with occasional tiny little bits of clot. Today, exactly a week after my scan, the bleeding has pretty much stopped.

i was also really scared about the experience of miscarrying naturally - like you, I had heard some horror stories which was why I had opted for surgical management (also on the recommendation of people I knew who had been through losses of their own). Obviously everyone's experience is different but I hope that mine offers you some reassurance that it really can go ok. It was more draining than anything. My husband wasn't really with me much throughout as he was putting our son to bed on the Saturday evening, and was working a long shift in A&E on the Sunday - he would have stayed if I'd asked him to but I had my Mum and Sister with me and in some ways that was probably better.

i really hope that all goes ok for you. It is bitter-sweet once it happens - part of me felt relieved to be through it, and part felt so sad at the finality.

We are all here for you too should you need a virtual hand-held. 💕

@SnookyPook thank you so much for your reply and I'm so sorry for your loss too, im hoping mine will be like yours if it happens naturally, I am hoping for surgery too as this week I will be alone with my 2 sons, 6 and 9 and the thought of it being bad and feeling helpless has kept me awake, didn't sleep last night and I'm still awake now, but I feel calmer now so thank you.
I think it's cruel of our body to keep hold of the baby and still have pregnancy symptoms, Thursday I was non the wiser and kept my hand on my belly whilst falling asleep telling baby good night and that I love you and the whole time they had died. It's going to take a long time to get over that I think.
I think I will be relief as I am currently in limbo here but I know once it starts and it's truly gone from me, it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks. My partner is very upset too and I feel like I have to keep it in a little to not make him feel worst and that he is going away and leaving me to it, my choice though. I feel like I can truly let it all go and grieve for myself and our future, once the children are in bed.
It's so hard when the baby wasn't planned and ee had a hard time accepting it and I feel bad now that I ever felt that way as I'm actually devastated.

No it started late evening/into the night so husband was here all the time.

@Lorddenning1 I'm so sorry this is happening to you. My husband was away with work when my loss happened but I had my sister with me the whole time. I'd really recommend getting your mum or sister over just to be there for you throughout if you possibly can, you should not go through this alone.
For me it was spotting for 3 days before it escalated into heavier bleeding and clots. I passed the sac itself on day 5 of bleeding. It all happened naturally at home.
In terms of pain it was manageable with painkillers and hot water bottle though very uncomfortable. The most severe pain I experienced was actually 24-48 hours after the sac passed, which I think was my uterus contracting. Couldn't get out of bed or stand up for a while with that.
I knew the sac was coming as I felt mild contraction like pushes. I have a daughter and I think maybe having gone through labour before might make this process slightly less painful? But really not sure and of course everyone is different.
I hope you can get company. My mum took my daughter away and my sister and I watched trash TV and cried while we waited out the mc. She took me to hospital for scan to confirm it was all gone I wouldn't have wanted to go through that alone either.
How is your husband feeling about being on his stag while you're going through this? I don't mean that as a dig at all re him going, it might genuinely be hard for him to be away from you. My husband had/has a lot of guilt about not being here, he was already on the other side of the world when it started.
Sending solidarity and hoping it's over with sooner rather than later for you x

@Hankthehonk thank you for sharing, I think I'm calming down about the pain bit now as I have been through labour twice and I'm hoping it's a bit like that in a way but not as bad, but in labour you get the joy of holding your new baby, but this time you end up feeling the total loss and grief. I honestly never thought I would be here.

As I said earlier we are getting married this year and have our first family holiday booked for after so we a lot planned and having this baby wasn't part of the plan. When we found out I was actually upset as we thought it's not great timing and with hen do, stag do, the wedding, going to have to get the wedding dress altered and I had just lost 2 stone already, I wanted Botox and teeth whitening, which all seems like a stupid fucking to get upset about now.
My partner has a daughter, 5 so we have 3 between us but decided that was enough. It took us a couple of weeks to get it to sink in and in the end we were happy and the same things to do with wedding didn't seem that important as it once was. We couldn't wait to tell the children on Friday and we was going to film their reaction as we thought it was going ti be funny/sweet.

The stag do has been booked for a while and lots of his friends have booked time off work, booked flights etc they would of understood I'm sure but I felt sorry for my OH, he has lost his baby and then I felt like it was another blow to cancel the stag too, he needs to go and do what he needs to do to process it all and I think his best men will take care of him, im absolutely fine with him going, it's just been bad timing all round. Getting pregnant in the first place and the losing it too.

What this has done has made me now realise how badly I want a baby, I want his baby, a 4th child, first together would actually be perfect. We now have time to get married and save more and prepare for a baby at a better time, I am 35 but I do have PCOS. I know I have had 2 before but this was the first one with him, what if we are not compatible and it keeps happening again, not sure I could go through it again and again, I'm not as strong as you ladies, well I don't feel like it at the minute.
Going through the fertility journey was hard work and I always said I would never do that again, which is one of the reasons I said no more, so getting pregnant this time was perfect as we didn't have to "try"
Sorry I'm rambling,

You are very similar. Two IVF children and then we had this natural surprise. Basically sex once a month job. No trying! We had decided to just have two so I did have to get my head around it and I feel guilty for feeling that. The age gap would have been small as well. We are now planning to try our last embryo at some point as I want another.

@Lorddenning1 how are you getting on today? Your comment about having been talking to little one the night before the scan really hit home as I was doing the same. I still can't quite believe that I was carrying them round for a month when their little heart had already stopped. So very poignant.

I agree with other comments that I think having gone through a labour previously did help me. The cramping/pushing feeling was certainly bearable and didn't compare to full labour. It sort of helped me to see it as my last little bit of journey with this baby. Although it wasn't a happy outcome, and you don't get to hold them at the end of it, I saw it as our last little bit of story together. It is a 'birthing' of sorts after all.

Sending you massive hugs. The next few days will be tough. You will get through it. Accept all the love and support that is offered to you. Be kind to yourself. Don't put any expectations on yourself. Just go with the flow, ride the emotions and know that there will be brighter moments ahead, even when it feels impossible to believe. ❤️

@SnookyPook thank you❤️ Yes we are really so glad of the chance we got to meet our little one.

i know everyone is different, but I have a question regarding bleeding following - they told me to expect bleeding for up to 2 weeks following the medical management but I’ve found I’m not really bleeding all that much right now. When I wipe there is a lot of blood but I hardly am spotting in the pads…

this is my first late miscarriage and I was honestly expecting more.. as my previous mc was natural and I felt like there was more blood…

im just scared I’m not passing it all as I should be or perhaps they took out the majority with the forceps when they have to remove my placenta? I’m just looking for others experiences …

@SnookyPook thanks for checking in on me, everything has calmed down again now, no red blood anymore and I have a scan tomorrow so I may not have to miscarry the baby at home alone, I might even make it to the surgery part. I think either way this week it will all be over for me and baby.
I haven't cried as much today, I've been a bit numb, I'm really tired though as I haven't been sleeping well. The little one has gone to my sisters tomorrow so that another worry gone. My sister has been round today with a bag of stuff like treats, candles, pain meds, pads and a tens machine, she is so practical. Me and best friend have had a little cry together, she took over from my sister and has gone home now, grateful to have some alone time now though and an early night.

@MummaDaisy I didn't really have that much bleeding compared to other stories I've read here, there was a lot before I passed the sac but after that it got continually lighter for 5 days then stopped. If you are worried though you could contact the EPU again and request a scan to check it's all gone?

@Lorddenning1 Sounds like you're being well looked after by family and friends, that's so important. Hope you're ok at the scan tomorrow, keep us posted x

Had another scan today and I am booked in for the MVA surgery on Thursday, she was really kind and made me feel calmer and put my mind to rest. She said there should be minimal bleeding and I will be ok to travel on Sunday.
Whilst I was having my scan she also scanned my overies to check up on the PCOS, and she said you could hardly tell I had it, the left hand side had a couple and the right one was clear, I told her how I have been exercising and following a strict diet and she said this has obviously worked wonders, kind of like I have reversed it, so a bit of good news if we decided to try again in the future.
I came home with the following which I think was such a sweet a caring thing to do, like the baby was a baby and not just cells that had stoped growing. I feel strangely calm today.

@Lorddenning1 ah that's so reassuring about your PCOS! That must have been nice to hear. When they scanned me after the miscarriage the sonographer said both my ovaries looked healthy and she could see follicles getting ready which was good to hear (I'm 37). As you say, a bit of hope for the future.

I was also given one of those boxes! Such a nice thing to do. 🥰

@Lorddenning1 also really glad you're booked in and she was reassuring about travelling etc. That must be a load off your mind. It won't be quite the hen-do you'd envisaged but hopefully it will be really healing to be able to go and have a proper relax with your best friends in the sunshine. ❤️

Hi everyone, this looks like a really supportive thread to be apart of ❤️ Today I had an MVA and now resting up at home.

We’ve been TTC baby #1 since November 22. In Feb 23 I had an early miscarriage at 5 weeks, we then fell pregnant straight away after and were seen at 6 and 8 weeks at our EPU where we saw the heartbeat and growth where everything was always measuring ahead and looking good. I did have some spotting around week 8 so was put on progesterone. On Friday just gone we should have been 10 weeks but sadly found out the heartbeat had stopped around 9 weeks.

I have felt so many emotions since then and mainly numbness, and today has been difficult but the procedure itself was definitely the right route for me. I do plan on taking a couple of months at least to recover and for my husband and I to spend some quality time together without stresses of TTC or pregnancy worries. I feel as though I will not enjoy pregnancy in future and will be really anxious throughout.

Take care everyone xx

@JJ2023 I'm so sorry for your loss. That must have been such a shock after the positive early scans. You're doing the right thing taking the time you need to recover and just taking it day by day. Loss of a pregnancy really does throw up so many emotions it can be overwhelming. I'm also feeling a bit anxious at the thought of future pregnancies, whilst simultaneously hoping I won't have to wait too long before getting that BFP... Again, day by day...

Lots of love to you and hope that your physical recovery goes well - the mental and emotional one will take time so keep being gentle with yourself 💕

@SnookyPook thank you lovely, it really was a shock. Take care of yourself too xx

@JJ2023 I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate as we also saw a heartbeat and were told everything looked good at an 8 week scan, then lost the baby that same week. It's so incredibly hard.
You're doing all the right things, looking after each other and taking time to grieve.
I've just been taken out for dinner by a wonderful friend who has experienced two losses - it felt good to speak to someone who really understands. Having supportive people around you means everything.
One day at a time as @SnookyPook says x

@Hankthehonk thanks so much, and so sorry you’ve experienced this too.

Sounds like you’ve had a nice dinner, definitely true about having the support around you xx

Hi everyone I’m very new to this but feel like I needed somewhere to come and write my feelings down and also speak with people in similar situation.
Had my first miscarriage last month 24/03 after a perfectly healthy pregnancy and birth in 2019, so I think it has shocked me as i thought my body knew what it was doing especially second time around. I guess I am just still coming to terms with it although we want to try again straight away I’m on CD4 currently (first period) and hoping to be lucky enough to conceive this month with a beautiful healthy rainbow 💖💖💖

Hi everyone I hope you’re all doing okay. Didn’t think I would be posting here again so soon. I had a MMC in January where the heartbeat stopped following an early loss in October and currently going through a very early loss but loss nonetheless. I know some will say I’m even lucky to be able to conceive but right now that’s not the mindset I have as I am struggling to accept it all and carry on like everything is normal. I have an appointment at the Coventry clinic in a few months. Trying to hold onto some hope until then for answers. I hope we all get through this difficult time and get our rainbow babies it’s so consuming xx

Hi rainbowdust1993 & ttcafterlosses, my experience has been similar & its really hard. Be kind to yourselves & i hope the GP offers the right support & contacts to help answer questions. Xx

Thank you Ttc2023x. I am currently looking at miscarriage statistics realising 1% (1 in 100) of women experience 3 losses in a row. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but currently at the why me stage of grief. I hope things get better for us all xx