Journey after miscarriage support thread March 2023

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Hi All,

I've started a new thread as the other was at page 39.
I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm still just about in my fertile window - I got my LH surge yesterday.

The clocks going forward has hot me a little bit, but I'm looking forward to brighter evenings.

@Chocolatebean I'm so sorry about your dog. There are no words for the huge gap they leave in your family and your home. I know I'll be a wreck when it's our dog's time to go (she'll be 10 this year).
That's sounding positive, I so hope it's just the progesterone and everything's healthy with the pregnancy. When is your next appointment or scan?

@susievalentino what you're going through is just hellish and I'm so so sorry. I hope that it is indeed over for you x

@Chocolatebean oh everything crossed that it's that.

So sorry about your little dog. It sounds like you made absolutely the right call but it's so heartbreaking isn't it. My dog has been my absolute shadow since the miscarriage, following me everywhere and sleeping at my side. He knows I'm not right. It makes me so sad to think of anything happening to him. Massive hugs to you for your loss.

@susievalentino so sorry you're going through all this. Big hugs to you and hope you get some answers soon.

I was doing a bit better today. Managed to get showered and dressed before midday and even had some moments of feeling almost hopeful and positive about the future and then this evening I just feel like absolute crap again. 😞

@susievalentino im so sorry for what’s happened this journey just sucks xxx
@Hankthehonk thank you so much 😊. My next scan is may 1st so that’s a week Monday so not too long. I know they’re just a dog but I think they feel what we do they definitely know when something is wrong don’t they xxx
@SnookyPook what youre describing is exactly how u was/am that dark place is such an awful place to be. When I saw the steak of blood yesterday I went straight back there. Now only time will tell. Keep pushing forward. This journey is a crap one xxx

@Chocolatebean Keeping everything crossed for you 🙏🏻

@Chocolatebean I really hope the blood was just from a non-threatening source and that your little bean sticks ❤

I'm out for the this cycle. Got at BFN this morning at 10dpo. Husband is going to pay for our IVF medication this morning so we'll start the whole pointless palava that is IVF on CD2.

@TheBirdintheCave sending hugs.

I woke up so angry and sad this morning. I spent the first hour of the day just crying. It's a whole week since we found out about the MMC. I can't believe it's been a week already. You mark each week so much don't you, especially in the first trimester. I think it just hit me extra hard to be hitting a week milestone and it being sad instead of another week of progress. 😞 Also my bleeding has stopped loads which I know is positive but it also feels sad, like the last bits of the pregnancy have gone and I really am back to square one and it's all like it almost never happened. Sorry... Obviously needing a bit of a wallow today. I hope everyone else is doing ok. 💕

@SnookyPook Totally valid to feel that way. I remember it well. I thought I was ok after a week but the second week hit me quite hard. Do you have time off work? I took the full two weeks off after surgery and it really did help. I booked a holiday (research was really distracting), cleaned the house and planned more fun things for the future to give me things to look forward to.

Thanks @Fairylight102 and @TheBirdintheCave im having the odd bit of dark yellow so hoping it just stays like that 🤞.
I’ve kind of just resigned myself to what will be will be I am so fed up of worrying and stressing so living life and hopefully all will be ok xxx
oh wow @TheBirdintheCave not long at all to go now. Sorry about the bfn but hopefully the ivf does the trick xxx
@VillageFete @mollibu how r u guys xxx

@TheBirdintheCave thank you. Yes the nurse actually gave me a sick note for up to a month. Not sure if I'll use it all but I'm not rushing back after talking to a few people who've said they wished they'd given themselves more time.

We also have a holiday booked already for first week of May which is actually really soon now isn't it?! So I will need to pack etc and hopefully a few days in the sunshine will be healing. I used to live in Italy and it's my spirit-home so I think it will do me the world of good.

@Chocolatebean glad it's eased up. You're doing all you can aren't you. One moment at a time. ❤️

@SnookyPook Ooh we're going to Italy too :) Where are you off to?

@TheBirdintheCave Lake Garda 🥰 How about you?

@SnookyPook We're going to Palermo :)

@TheBirdintheCave oh fantastic! Have a great time! Never actually been to Sicily but one of my friends was from Palermo and always spoke highly of it. 😊

Hi everyone,

im new to this thread. Going into hospital soon for medical management for a MMC. Found out Monday at 14weeks that our baby stopped growing after 12 weeks :(

ive read through the thread and all of you wonderful ladies seem so supportive and kind and I’m hoping to TTC again soon so would love to join in with you all x

@MummaDaisy so so sorry for your loss 😞 There is no pain like it. Sending you so much love. Is your medical management this afternoon? Big hugs. X

@SnookyPook yes I just arrived at the hospital and hoping it all goes well, expecting them doctor soon 😬

@SnookyPook really sorry you've had such a tough day, I hope it got a little easier as it went on. I vividly remember the sense of emptiness when the bleeding stopped for me, I can relate to that. I was relieved of course but also panicky-sad at the sense of the pregnancy being over like it had never happened. I was thinking this week about finding a special box to keep the scan photos in (from the positive scan we had where we saw a heartbeat) just to honour and remember that the baby (I'll never be able to think of it as anything other than a baby, even though I know technically it wasn't) existed. But when I mentioned it to my DH I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable with the idea. I'm not sure he is processing what's happened, he's being as supportive as he can but he was abroad with work when the whole mc actually happened - which was extra hellish for me - and I think it feels quite unreal to him.

@MummaDaisy I'm so sorry you're going through this, this is a thread nobody wants to have to join but now you're here you are so welcome and we're here to listen whatever you need to share x

@Hankthehonk oh gosh that must have been so tough having to deal with it on your own while DH was away. My own DH is definitely processing it very differently to me. He admitted that for him, the pregnancy hadn't yet felt real yet (and didn't with our DS until my bump was much bigger) and so the loss just isn't quite sinking in either.

Our hospital actually provided me with a little keepsake memory box and a teddy from a charity called Aching Arms which I thought was so sweet of them. I've kept a pregnancy test, and the scan pic we got. I've also added in a tiny crochet heart my sister made which would have been about the size baby got to at the gestation it's heart stopped, and a little crystal heart that my Mum gave me too. It's not much but it did help me to feel like I was honouring the baby in some way and I felt like that has helped with the grieving.

In answer to your question, I felt loads better as the day went on. It seems at the moment that they days that start ok, end crappy, and vice versa. Just going with it all!

@MummaDaisy how is it going? Thinking of you and sending so much love. 💕

Hope everyone is doing ok. Xxx

@SnookyPook Yes I think it must always be more difficult for the men/partners to feel the pregnancy is real whereas our bodies and hormones are going through absolutely everything.
Thankfully I was not alone - my mum and sister literally put their lives on hold to move in here for a week while he was away. My mum took responsibility for my daughter mostly, and my sister was there for everything I needed including staying up through the night with me, hospital appointments etc. It really hit me, feeling incredibly grateful for her and the closeness we have, that I don't want my daughter to be an only child. I don't know how I would have gotten through it without my sister - although of course, I still wish my husband had been here. He was in New Zealand, we're in the UK, so couldn't have been further away. I know that was tough for him too, knowing I was suffering and feeling so disconnected.

I'm so glad your day got better. Just have to ride the emotional rollercoaster I guess. I'm obsessing over being in the tww and every potential pregnancy symptom and barely there test line which is certainly keeping me occupied alongside parenting/work/life. It's a distraction for sure...

@Hankthehonk I'm so glad you had wonderful support around you. It definitely helps. My Sister and Mum also rallied round - unfortunately my Sis has been through this too and she was such a comfort. I know exactly what you mean about the wanting to provide a sibling side of it. I think that is one of the things that has hurt most feeling like I've let my DS down somehow and being conscious their age gap will be bigger etc... However, just having to trust that the right baby will come along at exactly the right time for our little family 💕

@SnookyPook I felt similar, like I'd let my son down. In reality, he's only 25 months old so he hasn't got a clue. When we went for an early private scan he got a sticker saying big brother and I took a photo of him holding the scan, looking at that photo really gets to me the most

@Hankthehonk thanks for the warm welcome ❤️Hope you’re feeling ok despite the situation.

@SnookyPook i had to stay overnight in the hospital. It took 3 rounds of medications for baby to pass and in the early hours of the morning baby came out. I’m glad it happened 22nd as it was my 22nd birthday yesterday so would’ve been heartbreaking to say goodbye on that day 💔

i found medical management fairly painful and was only offered paracetamol and codeine but I got through it in the end, unfortunately placenta got stuck and it had to be removed with forceps.

so glad I could meet my baby. I took some photos and got a lovely little box for our memories to go into. Just waiting for genetic testing to be done and then our baby will be cremated and we can pick them up soon hopefully.

bubs hand was perfectly formed I couldn’t believe how good it looked, I can’t believe I was scared…

@MummaDaisy oh that sounds like it was physically tough but well done for getting through it. I'm glad that it wasn't as scary as you'd feared and that you got to say a lovely goodbye to little one and get some pics etc. 💕

Glad it didn't end up being the same day as your birthday too. Hope you are feeling ok now. Big hugs xxx

@SnookyPook Yes the age gap has felt like a loss in itself, I was so chuffed that we were going to have the ideal age gap that we wanted, my daughter starts nursery in August and the baby we lost was due in October.
But I do know that whatever age gap we end up with will be the right one for our family. There's 5 years between my sister and I and we've always been super close so that helps me worry less about a slightly bigger gap. My husband turned 40 last birthday so he's conscious of his own age as well - I don't think that's old obviously he's started talking about what age he might be when a future baby is 18, etc. So I can tell it's on his mind.

Hi everyone
Just found this thread and I'm sorry for all the loss we have all gone through.
Yesterday at my 12 week scan we found out baby had stop growing at around 6 weeks, im so heartbroken.
Not that it matters, but I have 2 sons already and I had to have fertility treatment with my second as I have PCOS. This baby was unplanned and after getting our heads around it we were actually quite excited.
This is our first baby together and we are due to be married in July. We actually said we weren't going to have any together so this was a big surprise to both of us.

This is my first every miscarriage and im so scared about the next part. The night before the scan I have some brown discharge so I was quite nervous about the scan anyways, but I did not expect to see no heartbeat and my baby had passed away. Since yesterday I have been getting the brown discharge all day but tonight it changed a little to bright red, so I thought this must be it, it's going to start, but so far nothing, back to brown again with no pains. Without putting you all through trauma, are you able to tell me how the next part went for you.
My OH is off on his stag go at around 3am and he feels bad for leaving me but I want him to go, it's been planned for ages and people have made an effort to book flights etc and I want him to go away from this house and the upset here.
Meanwhile I face the possibility of doing this alone, I have my mum and friends in stand by if I need them, but I am so scared of the pain, I have read stories online and I'm petrified, that I was be rolling around in pain all alone.
I'm due for another scan on Monday and I think they will discuss the next steps. I was kind of hoping it would happen before Monday and then a scan to see it's all clear. It's been 24 hrs and I have cried for around 23 hrs of them, so many mixed emotions.
To make matters worst I have my hen do planned for next weekend, a trip to my parents place in Spain with my bridesmaids, relaxing with no work etc and I still want to go, I have visions of me waking on the beach at sunset and bawling my eyes out, not what I had planned but there you go.
I want more than anything to be pregnant again but I'm so scared of this again so for right now I'm focusing on getting through this part and who knows for the future.
Thanks for reading and I'm hoping to get some reassurances from you lovely ladies.