Journey after miscarriage support thread Jan 2023

[Fairylight102]

I wondered if anyone out there would be interested in joining a thread for those who have recently experienced a miscarriage - a place to share how we’re feeling emotionally, physical recovery, becoming ready to try again (for those that want to), and hopefully one day positive stories of successful preganancies.

I’m 32 and recently had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks of my first pregnancy. I was relieved to have conceived after quite a short time, because I have PCOS and was worried I might struggle to get pregnant.

My miscarriage was about 2 and half weeks ago now, and today is the first day I’ve not had any spotting/bleeding at all, and that has been a relief to feel like my body is moving on from it. I know it’s advisable to do a pregnancy test a few weeks after miscarriage, which is something I’m a bit anxious about doing as I’m fairly sure it will be an emotional thing to do.

Since it happened my sleep pattern and energy levels have been a bit all over the place. Some days I’ve just wanted to sleep all the time, which I think could be a mix of actual physical tiredness and also emotional tiredness/hormonal changes. I was back at work for the first time today, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on and motivate myself for.

I’ve restarted tracking my BBT to see what happens with my cycle returning, though I’m aware it could take a while to get back to normal. My husband and I are both on the same page that we’d like to try again once I’ve had one normal period, so I guess we’ll just see how things go and how we feel when we reach this point.

Sorry this has turned into a longer post than I expected! Anyway, if there’s anyone out there who’s had a similar experience recently and would like a place to share feelings/questions/advice it would be lovely to hear from others.

Thanks @Fairylight102 will definitely look into preseed and conceive plus.

@TheBirdintheCave @mollibu @Enigma85 thanks for sharing. I’m generally quite a private person but think I might start telling a few friends as I’m feeling quite alone in it although my husband has been really great so feel lucky to have him and finding this chat has helped too!

Has anyone else experience a surge in anxiety/upset since starting to try again for the first time? We tried again for the first time last night, and my BBT has risen a few days in a row so it’s possible my ovulation has restarted.

However mentally I’m feeling the most fragile I have since the miscarriage was taking place. I had a huge cry last night because I’m full of anxiety about all the things that could go wrong in my next pregnancy. It just seems like there are so many things to worry about like eating the wrong foods, catching illnesses that I could pass on during pregnancy etc

Logically I know these things are very rare, and it’s my thoughts spiralling out of control, but it’s so hard! I’ve got an appointment this afternoon with a post-miscarriage support charity I was recommended by the hospital so hopefully that will help.

@Fairylight102 I was ok after the first one and just wanted to put it behind me and move on but this second one has really damaged me as now I'm terrified there's something really wrong with us. One was just bad luck but two might not be and I don't think I can handle a third :(

In short, I think it's very normal to be anxious about a pregnancy following a miscarriage. It's good that you've been referred to a charity and I hope you can talk some things through this afternoon :) I've had zero help at all.

@Fairylight102 yes, I’m struggling.

I’ve had period like cramping for almost 1 week now and although like others I hoped I’d be one of the rare few who got pregnant without a period, I just thought, ok that’s my period and I can start to try properly soon.

my period still hadn’t arrived, I took a test yesterday to rule it out, it was obviously negative - stupid really.

a close family friend has just announced her pregnancy which was hard to digest.

i just wish someone could give us a glimpse into the future and say it’s all going to work out ok. Then I feel we’d be able to give ourselves the time to grieve properly in preparation for a new pregnancy.

sending you a hug x

@Raey Yep, what I wouldn't give for a crystal ball 😔

Morning,

I hope you're all doing ok? It's such a shit time!

@TheBirdintheCave I think it was you that mentioned how hard your taking your second miscarriage, I'm on my third now and I think I found the second the hardest to deal with, I think it's because I always class myself as a statistic so I thought I was going to be the statistic that had 1 miscarriage and goes onto having a healthy baby! Which I'm keeping positive that you are 😇😇 although hard to digest! But know the chances of 3 is very rare!

I think I'm only coping with the fact I've had 3 as I'll now be looked into? The first thing they are doing for me is taking blood tests which I had this morning in order to be referred.

They were 1) anti-cardiolipin antibodies 2) lupus anticoagulant screen 3) clotting profile.

I'm guessing these are things you could ask for or maybe request privately it may help put your mind at ease a little

I hope you are all doing ok - I would love to start trying again although after having an honest talk with my partner I realised how much the miscarriages hurt him also so will be waiting for maybe a few more tests before trying again

Xxxx

@kookyelephant I'm glad they've given you the tests so you can get the ball rolling on that and treat any issues if it shows anything up. It's funny to feel like I almost WANT something to be wrong with me that can show up on a blood test so that they can treat it. The not knowing is the thing that's so hard about it.

I'm definitely going to ask for those tests to be done when we have our appointment with the IVF clinic at the start of Feb :)

I keep blaming myself. Maybe if I hadn't freaked out so much when I started spotting at six weeks (as there really was barely any) then my baby would still be alive :( I feel like I worried it to death.

@Raey @TheBirdintheCave thank you x

@TheBirdintheCave I'm sure you already know that your emotional state isn't linked to miscarriage and they've more than likely told you at this stage it could be due to anomalies but im the same with blaming myself. Did you have a scan to see when you miscarried?

I totally get what you mean with finding out something is wrong - I kind of hope they say it's just a 'quick fix' but also do I want something wrong with me? Probably not?

I was the same I had the TINIEST bit of brown discharge when I wiped before speaking to the EPU it really was tiny I kicked up such a fuss about it and was in tears she said she would scan me again (I was there to collect more progesterone) which is when I found out I'd actually miscarried 2 weeks prior!

Life is so cruel!

I can't remember who was talking about it but I literally cannot look at my friends the same way when they announce their pregnancies! I know that's really bad but I feel so jealous I just disconnect from them!

I had one friend who announced her pregnancy in front of about 15 of us a few days after I miscarried (the first time) luckily I had an appointment so as soon as she announced I got out of there.... she then took me for dinner and pretty much asked me what was wrong with me as I looked so miserable in the announcement video!!!! Part of me feels like it wasn't her fault as she didn't know, I just know for myself now I won't be doing anything like thay in the future as you really don't know what people are going through! She even asked me before I told her if it was because I was pissed off because she hadn't told me first!!!!!

Even writing that has pissed me off lol

Xx

That's awful @kookyelephant - I know she didn't know about your loss but still that's quite the carry on! Just shows how unaware people can be, like you I'll always try to be more sensitive.

I actually seem to have lost my best friend of 13 years. I started TTC February last year and it took 8 months, she undermined how I felt every month I got AF then she started TTC in November and every month she created such drama when her period came. I told her I was pregnant soon as I did the test in October and she said "I'm not going to lie, I'm really jealous", then didn't ask me once how I was doing throughout the pregnancy. When I had the scan in December and told her the baby had no heartbeat she apologised for not being there for me at all, I asked how her TTC journey was going and she said it's not, I asked if she was waiting for her period and she said yes but had no idea when it was due (I thought that was weird as when TTC you're aware of every day, and she was only two months in to trying". I said I hope she gets her bfp soon and she said "if I did would you want to know" I said yes of course, as she told me she wasn't pregnant yet I thought I was safe for a while then she sent me a picture of her positive test! Was so upset, that was a week ago and I haven't heard from her since. I feel like regardless of anything else going on if I knew she had lost a baby I would check in on her daily. Sorry for the rant, just needed to let it out :(

@Fairylight102 I really feel for you and share much of the same thoughts. I think pregnancy will never be the same again and will always have a tinge of anxiety and concern, which is difficult. I think of all the excitement discussing starting a family with my husband and now that doesn't feel the same and there is a lot of fear and worry. Hopefully that will calm in time.

The charity sounds good and hopefully that will help you and provide some reassurance.

@kookyelephant that must have been so tough. I really agree about announcements now. My sister in law has always video called to tell us but now I'm not sure I would even do that with someone just in case they are experiencing anything similar. I think I will also limit any posts on social media - at least to make sure they are sensitive.

It has really changed my view and experience of pregnancy.

@Enigma85 I'm also extremely jealous of people who conceive quickly - I am not this person so I'm finding it hard to navigate. The friend who announced it like that used to say all the time I think it will be easy for us to have a baby etc - it used to annoy myself and another friend who has been trying to conceive for over a year! But low and behold she was pregnant the second time of trying and went on to have a healthy baby

Wow I sound so bitter 😩😩😩

@AnotherEllie totally agree my announcements will absolutely be intimate now.

I often wonder about social media - im currently off all socials as Im finding them quite damaging especially if I come across an announcement!

However saying that, when our times comes... which it will. We have every right to enjoy it! We don't know what people are going through, but half the time people don't know what you've been through either! I can't say I won't post as I probably will! But Im confident it will be at 15+ weeks when I fo xx

Yes you definitely have a right to celebrate your news when the time comes @kookyelephant! Think it's just a case of being sensitive in the way people do it.

Also totally understand your feelings about your friend who was saying they thought it would be easy. That must be really hard to hear and I think it's a bit naive of your friend as you never really know how it will go for you. As an example, my mum had no morning sickness and was convinced me and my sister wouldn't. However, we both did really badly and it just shows its impossible to guess what might happen.

@kookyelephant Part of our devastation at losing the babies is that we don't get pregnant quickly either :( 1.5 years for our son then (shockingly) three months for the first loss but then seven months for the second. It's fine to be bitter about it, especially when the people who get pregnant fast don't seem to care or recognise that it doesn't happen that way for others.

And in terms of scans, spotting and outcomes it's been a bit different for both miscarriages:

1: Brown streaks in CM at 6 weeks so we had an early scan and it was a blighted ovum.
2: Brown streaks in CM at 6 weeks so we had an early scan and found a baby of the correct size with a heart beat. A follow up scan at 7 weeks showed that the growth had slowed down so I knew it was all over then. The last scan at nine weeks showed that the baby died at around 8 weeks.

The brown streaked CM was the only similarity. I just wish I knew what was causing it and whether it's linked to the miscarriages.

@TheBirdintheCave I hate the TTC element to it! It's not fun, glamorous or a magical time! It's painful, heartbreaking and overwhelming!

I wish someone would say DTD at this time and you'll be pregnant!

Growing up you are pretty much led to believe you do it and your pregnant!!!!

Hi everyone I’m so sorry to read what everyone is going through it’s really a tough time for us all isn’t it I’m so glad we have each other to vent to. Well it was my scan today and guess what that bloody thing on my womb hasn’t gone so they are now saying it’s a polyp. I’m waiting for my hcg via a blood test to come in as if that’s a certain level it still could be from the MC but they are saying they think it’s a polyp. So I need to go to my gp to get referred to a gynaecologist to have an assessment to get it removed ffs how long will that take with our good old nhs. Apparently it’s fine to ttc while I wait only 5% chance it could be cancerous ( great) at the minute we are thinking of getting a private consultation and take it from there. It never rains but it pours eh? Xxx

Oh @Chocolatebean so sorry to hear that, what shitty luck. I'll keep everything crossed that it's something easily fixable for you.

@Chocolatebean So sorry to hear you’re going through this, another stress on top of everything else. Fingers crossed for your referral.

@Chocolatebean oh no! That's not what you need to hear, I have no clue re polyps but hope you're ok xx

@Fairylight102 @GingleAllTheWay2022 @kookyelephant thank you so so much for your kind words. The head of the EPu just called to tell me my hcg level is 7 so it can’t be products of conception which is good. I also had an in depth discussion where she said the polyp is small and definitely go ahead and try to conceive there is no reason for us not to, I also e mailed my lovely consultant from years ago and he has said it shouldn’t cause any problems and go ahead and try and make a baby as it shouldn’t cause and he wants to see me soon pregnant so that has made me feel loads better thank goodness I need some good news. I will however have the polyp removed but will ttc until my appt goodness only know when that will be. I do have private health insurance so should probs go along that route as it may be quicker. Crikey this journey is hard isn’t it. The midwife that took my bloods was in the middle of her MC and my sonographer had 5 MCs and 2 chemicals before she had her daughter aged 40 they were really sweet there at the epu today was kind of a therapy session for all of us I think xxx

@Chocolatebean sorry to hear about the results of your scan but glad to hear you can still TTC. What a journey it is! Ours is getting not easier either. sorry to everyone else who is struggling.

I went a different EPU today to have my MVA (my local EPU can’t do it until the end of the month due to staffing issues) they scanned me but wouldn’t do it as there has been a change in the scan from Monday from my own EPU. They can see the fetal pole now but no h/b and I should be 11 weeks now going on my date (from last miscarriage and first positive pregnancy test) so there’s no hope!! But they can’t do the MVA until a repeat scan next week. So another week of waiting and feeling pregnant :-( xx

@MrsLevs19 I’m so so sorry I had exactly the same. had scan there was not what there should be so left it 2 weeks then another scan where they could see the fetal pole but no heartbeat so had to leave it another week for another scan and it was then they told me it was over. It is just so long and drawn out isn’t it. Time just dragged like I’ve ever known it felt like a lifetime to be told what I knew anyway. The killer and what I found the hardest was just like you say still feeling pregnant it’s just so cruel there’s no other word for it. Thinking of you xxx

@MrsLevs19 I’m sorry you are going through this. I can’t imagine how hard the waiting in between scans must be and really does seem unnecessarily cruel. Gentle hugs xx

@Chocolatebean gosh, I’m sorry - it really is one thing after another! Glad to hear your hcg is where it needs to be and by the sounds of it you are getting adequate support for the polyp and guidance on managing it while ttc. Going private sounds like a sensible idea in this situation.

I had my first gynae appointment post mc today (not UK based, so health system works a bit differently here). They made me do a pregnancy test to check whether it was coming up negative, which it did. Then had a scan and all looks fine, she could see new follicles developing so that’s a good sign. She said to except my first period within 2 - 4 weeks. She recommended waiting ttc until after my next period but admitted that was purely from a dating point of view so didn’t seem very phased when I said we’d already started again. I raised that it took us 12 months to get to this point and whether we should be looking into fertility testing etc. But as I now have managed to get pregnant (just not stay it) we would no longer be considered under sub-fertility. She also said it’s quite common for people to fall pregnant again quickly after a mc so told us to keep ttc for three months and come back if still no luck by April. Guess I feel reassured that all looks ok and the mc seems to have taken care of itself but really can’t face the thought of another 12 months of ttc. Anyway going to try and hold on to the positives and not get worked up about it.

@Mac55555 good luck with your scan today, I hope you get the news you want to hear.

@Chocolatebean sorry to hear about the added polyp stress but glad that various people have said it's fine to carry on with TTC! It does seem like trying to get seen privately will help you get more clarity sooner rather than later.