Journey after miscarriage support thread Jan 2023

[Fairylight102]

I wondered if anyone out there would be interested in joining a thread for those who have recently experienced a miscarriage - a place to share how we’re feeling emotionally, physical recovery, becoming ready to try again (for those that want to), and hopefully one day positive stories of successful preganancies.

I’m 32 and recently had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks of my first pregnancy. I was relieved to have conceived after quite a short time, because I have PCOS and was worried I might struggle to get pregnant.

My miscarriage was about 2 and half weeks ago now, and today is the first day I’ve not had any spotting/bleeding at all, and that has been a relief to feel like my body is moving on from it. I know it’s advisable to do a pregnancy test a few weeks after miscarriage, which is something I’m a bit anxious about doing as I’m fairly sure it will be an emotional thing to do.

Since it happened my sleep pattern and energy levels have been a bit all over the place. Some days I’ve just wanted to sleep all the time, which I think could be a mix of actual physical tiredness and also emotional tiredness/hormonal changes. I was back at work for the first time today, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on and motivate myself for.

I’ve restarted tracking my BBT to see what happens with my cycle returning, though I’m aware it could take a while to get back to normal. My husband and I are both on the same page that we’d like to try again once I’ve had one normal period, so I guess we’ll just see how things go and how we feel when we reach this point.

Sorry this has turned into a longer post than I expected! Anyway, if there’s anyone out there who’s had a similar experience recently and would like a place to share feelings/questions/advice it would be lovely to hear from others.

@Chocolatebean i am getting my tests done through a fertility/ivf clinic, i am based in Ireland and the clinic is in Belfast, it is called a fertility assessment, costs £565 and includes AMH, ultrasound to check uterus, ovaries etc follicle count and also semen analysis for my husband. I am going on Wednesday and have a follow up consultation on 8th March, was earliest I could get in. It is costly and we are by no means wealthy people lol but its worth it for at least understand my fertility at this stage and at least if there is an issue we will have caught it now.

Has anyone been upset at the change of weather at all? i am emotionally upset we are coming into spring, the change of seasons, its mad isnt it, i think its just a panic thing that time is marching on and with every change of season its a quarter of the year over, the change of seasons upset blindsided me, i didnt see that one coming.

@mollibu Tracking temps is worth a go. I like how it helps me definitely know when I've ovulated.

thanks @38andtrying crikey it’s not cheap is it 😬 I’ll have a chat with hubby in fairly certain he will want to try a few more cycles first he’s just not bothered and certain it will just happen and certain I’ll have 100s of eggs left and certain his sperm is perfect ffs so may take a bit of persuading. Oooh so you literally go a week today that’s great so not long when u have something to focus on to help move forward that seems to help me a bit but at the minute I’m stuck and not sure which direction to turn just need to start tracking once period has stopped I guess xxx

@Ttcafterloss So sorry to hear about your experience, I can’t imagine what you must have been going through having to wait and see what would happen all that time.

@YearoftheRabbit23 You mentioned your second cycle after MC has been unusually short, I think the same might be about to happen for me. My cycles are usually approx 30-32 days with ovulation on day 17-18. I’m currently on CD15, my BBT was all over the place at the start of the cycle but has shot up today so I think I may have ovulated already. Just waiting for confirmation because my app calculates ovulated once 3 days of high temp are entered.

@Enigma85 I think you also mentioned random BBTs in your second cycle, how is it going?

I’m wondering if the experience of pregnancy and miscarriage has changed things and I’m going to have a different cycle from now on?

Hello ladies. Wanted to come on and quickly say how much I appreciate this thread. I don't have time generally to keep up with the many many threads, and it is under sad circumstances that we "meet" but it really does make me feel better that I'm not alone. Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

Am currently on CD31 and no sign of AF but my watch says AF is only actually due today (how it worked that out I have no idea, given am usually 28d), but this will be the 2nd period since the mc so who knows. (BFN on Monday, will test again tomorrow... have been trying to hold off more than that).

All of this not helped by a great job advert that came up that I really want to apply for, but if I move jobs now and do manage a BFP, then I'll really be screwing myself over in terms of mat pay etc. (I only get statutory now, but would get basically nothing if I moved). The system is so rubbish !

@38andtrying glad you're getting the tests soon. That will hopefully help for you! And I know what you mean about the weather. I hate the cold and the first signs of spring usually make me feel good, but also a reminder of the old tick tock of time.

Hi ladies had a talk with hubby and he is happy to go along with further checks 😁. We are both wanting to start with another ultrasound as we both want them to double check the polyp/ retained product has defo gone and we will go from there. I feel so much better xxx

@Chocolatebean I'm so glad, booking my tests got me out of my depression a bit tbh. Taking action is good for your mind and soul xx

@38andtrying you’re so right when I know something is close to us making some progress it helps me feel (a little bit ) better . Just need to find some where to do it now xxx I think my closest private hospitals will be Newcastle it’s a canny drive xxx

@Fairylight102 I'm really not having a good time. On CD14 and my temps are still sky high, no positive opk, no other signs, so I think there's a pretty good chance that I wont ovulate this month and the wait for my period will be long. So frustrating as I ovulated really soon after my surgery and had a normal period, just feels so cruel! How are you doing?xx

@Enigma85 That sounds really frustrating, I’m sorry. I hope you don’t have too long to wait.

After a lot of random spiking earlier in the cycle, I’m on CD16 now and my app has calculated that I ovulated on CD13. That’s unusually early for me, but fortunately I had sex a few times before that so I’m hoping I could be in with a chance this cycle.

If not, I think I’m going to have to change my approach and try every other day until BBT confirms ovulation, because if my cycles are going to be random like this there’s no way I can plan for a window if I don’t know when it could be (OPKs never seem to work for me unfortunately!)

It’s just relentless isn’t it?

Morning everyone. I’m so sorry to see how down some of you are feeling 😰But it’s totally understandable.

Those wanting to have any pre tests done - I always done all of mine via Medichecks. It’s just a finger prick test that you do at home. Far cheaper than going to a clinic but I know most people would prefer a clinic to take them and interpret the results for you (Although Medicheck do interpret)

So, my pregnancy tests post surgery became negative around day 18. I say negative- still a line but very, very feint.

I had a private scan on day 21 (post surgery) Lining is looking nice at 9mm-10mm; but no signs of ovulation. No lead follicle and no corpus luteum showing I’d already ovulated, so when on earth will my period arrive 🤷🏻‍♀️ Wish I had an idea as i’ll be having an embryo transfer on that cycle and need to get planning as my clinic is in Cyprus.

I keep going in to self preservation mode, asking myself why i’m even bothering. Imagining how awful the exhaustion will be with a newborn. Trying to do school runs on no sleep etc… I have to be up at 6:15am to get my 13 year old sorted and to school. My career- what will happen?!! How will I manage?

I also keep Imagining the nose dive that my social life will take. Basically trying to talk myself out of it because I can’t stand the thought of more disappointment - But it’s all bollocks. I need to complete my family.

@Enigma85 and @VillageFete sorry you're still waiting for O/AF :(

Village, that must be so hard to co-ordinate with your clinic being in Cyprus!

I agree about Medichecks. They were very quick getting my thyroid results back to me.

Hi ladies so sorry everyone is having a crappy time I did ovulate but literally had no womb lining so I had no last month either it’s so depressing isn’t it I thought one period and our bodies would just click back to normal just shows it’s not that easy suprise suprise . I’ll have a look into medicheks that looks like a fab idea xxx

Can I ask did anyone access any help from the NHS afterwards in terms of mental health support? I told my GP that I wasn't coping very well and she has referred me for something (counselling I think) but lord knows how long the waiting list will be.

Does anyone know of any other help? I know Tommy's have a hotline you can call but I don't think a one off call with a stranger will help me. The miscarriage has brought a lot of long term issues to the surface, so it's not just specifically the miscarriage itself.

Hi I’m sorry you’re going through this. On my EPU letters which I was given after each scan there is a direct line for a person who offers psychological support. I have sat there many times wanting to call it but not sure I feel ready to talk about things yet. Were you under the care of the hospital? If so could you reach out to them to ask as it could be a quicker avenue to go down

Thanks for replying so quickly. I was under hospital care but it was all organised via phone calls, I didn't get any letters. I could call the EPU and ask I guess.

@GingleAllTheWay2022 My EPU gave me a leaflet for a charity that specialises in pregnancy-related counselling. I called them and there was a bit of a wait but should be starting some sessions end of Feb (my miscarriage was 18th Dec).

When I saw my GP she said this would be better than her referring me for general NHS talking therapy as it would be more specific to the needs of women in this situation.

That sounds like it would be helpful. What charity is it please?

@GingleAllTheWay2022 I’ve sent you a direct message

Hi guys can any of you access counselling through your occ health at work i accessed it for me and hubby some counselling and we got it straight away we were given 6 sessions. Xxx

Hi guys hope you’re all having a nice weekend does anyone get these sudden insets of total hopelessness. Ugh hate it when it happens xxx

@Chocolatebean Yes I'm having one today :( It sucks. My AF is soooo heavy 😭

@Chocolatebean Yes I’m having one today. Sorry you are too @TheBirdintheCave

Sometimes I think about where my pregnancy would have been up to by now (about 14 weeks) and how the things I am doing right now would be different if my pregnancy had continued.

Earlier on I was trying to push through those feelings and try to keep going, but I realised that wasn’t helping my mental health in the long run. So now I’m trying to listen to and acknowledge my feelings and if that means sometimes I just decide to sit and rest for a bit, so be it (within reason of course, can’t really do that when I’m at work). But if it’s a weekend day and I want to just have some quiet time, I’m going to do it.

@Chocolatebean yes that’s me today.

I had convinced myself I was pregnant, for the last 3 days I have slept so well and anxiety had all but disappeared at the thought of a new pregnancy.

Period arrived this morning, it’s so shit.

@TheBirdintheCave @Fairylight102 @Raey hey guys so sorry you’re feeling awful as well this is horrendous and I just feel like every minute is an hour I am somehow going to have to move on from this. Have managed to catch the cold from
hell and I have been so poorly and have had to take co codamol and ibuprofen and I know that’s not great for ttc but I literally had no choice.
@TheBirdintheCave i was the opposite my period was lighter than usual and started earlier which never happens so I’ve convinced myself my womb no longer will grow a thick enough lining for implantation. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ at least you are having a good clean out think of it that way.
@Fairylight102 i did that the other day worked out how far along I would be, my friend had her baby ( 45 year old) and i am going to visit Tuesday yikes I’m dreading it
@Raey it makes it so much worse when you are sure you are doesn’t it our bodies are so cruel.
i walk, I take vitamins, I started taking DHEA not sure if that’s a good idea as haven’t had my levels measured will take it for a month then stop or could get my levels measured or something do t know what’s for the best anymore. I literally feel like I have a mental block convinced I won’t get pregnant now so I won’t totally screwing myself up xxx