Journey after miscarriage support thread Jan 2023

[Fairylight102]

I wondered if anyone out there would be interested in joining a thread for those who have recently experienced a miscarriage - a place to share how we’re feeling emotionally, physical recovery, becoming ready to try again (for those that want to), and hopefully one day positive stories of successful preganancies.

I’m 32 and recently had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks of my first pregnancy. I was relieved to have conceived after quite a short time, because I have PCOS and was worried I might struggle to get pregnant.

My miscarriage was about 2 and half weeks ago now, and today is the first day I’ve not had any spotting/bleeding at all, and that has been a relief to feel like my body is moving on from it. I know it’s advisable to do a pregnancy test a few weeks after miscarriage, which is something I’m a bit anxious about doing as I’m fairly sure it will be an emotional thing to do.

Since it happened my sleep pattern and energy levels have been a bit all over the place. Some days I’ve just wanted to sleep all the time, which I think could be a mix of actual physical tiredness and also emotional tiredness/hormonal changes. I was back at work for the first time today, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on and motivate myself for.

I’ve restarted tracking my BBT to see what happens with my cycle returning, though I’m aware it could take a while to get back to normal. My husband and I are both on the same page that we’d like to try again once I’ve had one normal period, so I guess we’ll just see how things go and how we feel when we reach this point.

Sorry this has turned into a longer post than I expected! Anyway, if there’s anyone out there who’s had a similar experience recently and would like a place to share feelings/questions/advice it would be lovely to hear from others.

Augh I'm so depressed today. We got our report last night and I noticed my lining at 3dpo was only 6mm so there's basically no chance of a pregnancy this month. Good job I didn't buy any tests. What a waste. I wish I'd never had the surgery now.

So tried this month and nothing, BFN :( Waiting on AF now. i know it doesnt happen just like that but i was naive and hopeful, i dont understand why it didnt happen.

I was more upset than I imagined i would be, i am really conscious of my age and time and wondering how long it will take to get pregnant, if i ever get pregnant again at all. i got pregnant last time by chance, we weren't really trying and feel like maybe that is my chance gone.

Strangely my emotions are really non sensical and a bit selfish, i'm obsessed with other people having children and feel weirdly embarrassed at that nearly 39 i have none and feel like it wont ever happen for me.

it really put a strain on my husband this last few days dealing with my upset, he is a lot more positive than I am. This is only month 1 and so we probably have a long road ahead of us and i dont know how able I am to do it.

hope everyone is doing ok and has a lovely weekend x

@38andtrying I'm really sorry that AF got you :( I totally understand what you mean about getting your hopes up. I've read so many stories of people instantly getting pregnant following a miscarriage after a while you start to think, well that could be me too! It's really hard to deal with the come down afterwards. I remember how hard it was when I got my period the month after my first miscarriage. Sending you lots of hugs today. Please take care of yourself x

@TheBirdintheCave @38andtrying I feel you both. I'm not having a great day either and feeling physically rubbish in the midst of my first period - easily the heaviest I've ever had and feeling a bit lightheaded and fatigued now in the second day.

At least we have each other on here and plenty of others who know how it feels. I don't have anyone in real life I can talk to about it with the detail and frequency I want to.

@GingleAllTheWay2022 Big hugs for you too <3 It definitely helps to have forums like these where we can find people going through the same things.

Aww guys just read all the posts and can just associate with them all. @38andtrying i callus have written this myself my test day is Tuesday but I just feel nothing I know it means I’m not out but I am really not feeling it and I just feel like it just may not happen I’m 39 and just think oh crap why did I not try sooner. It’s an awful feeling.
it just feels like the journey ahead has so many hurdles and we are right at the beginning again.
i think will take a rest Tuesday even though yesterdays scan said I was mid cycle we dtd last night just in case the scan was right but it makes no sense at all. My hubby takes supplements too I must admit he’s been pretty good in taking them
but I must say since having them I’ve noticed a huge increase in his libido also his skin and hair are glowing ( maybe he’s pregnant lol ). I just think it’s unfair the human design only gets one shot at procreation a month and it’s so complicated.🤪xxx

My fingers, toes and eyes are crossed for you on Tuesday x

I hate the one shot a month thing as well, the whole thing feels so unfair, i feel like a big child throwing tantrums at the moment because it all feels so unfair. We were pregnant and the hard part was done and it was snatched away, i just want to scream, im so irritable and sad about it all. I wish i was more chillax as i know my mental state is not helping TTC

The hardest part for me now is that before the MC i was a bit naive and green, now i know way too much and it feels like an insurmountable task. My pregnancy before was a fluke and i kind of have a vibe that now we are actually trying it wont happen again for us, i know i am being very pessimistic and negative but i am actually afraid of being hopeful and positive.

I am going to book into a private doctor to get an MOT in the hopes that will content me a bit and at least if they find something we can get going on fixing it, we have spent money on worse crap and so i think its worth it.

I am 12DPO today and BFN, i have been unwell all week and husband keeps thinking it could be symptoms god bless him, it defo is not.

All i can do now is grab a bottle of wine and have a wee cry and start again when AF comes and goes :(

@38andtrying spotted you on another post then couldn't work out how to respond on my phone. I'm also 38 and in a similar boat - took us ages to get the BFP first time round and I can't help but feel like the clock's ticking (and all my friends have either had kids, or don't want kids). Also struggle with an overly optimistic DH who doesn't seem to think age is that big of a deal! Gah! Let's hope he's right hey?.... Currently expecting AF on Tuesday (first cycle after MMC) . Not really sure when I ovulated as cm was a bit all over the shop, so we'll see. I'm trying not to get too hopeful.

I'd be really interesting in hearing how your private MOT turns out. We started having NHS tests before getting BFP With the eventual MMC, and all was apparently fine, but I'm not convinced. Saying that, a bit like you, the time I did get pregnant was a bit of a fluke, had the month before completely off (I was too stressed, DH too tired) and only DTD once on the successful month, so maybe there's something in trying to care a bit less?
Fingers crossed for you next month, take care xx

Hey @38andtrying totally get it time just seems to move so slow doesn’t it yesterday at my scan I was sat alone with all the women cooing over their scan photos pointing out hands and feet and it was bloody awful I just sat there feeling like shite. 12 dpo is not totally out, they say you’re not out till. Your period turns up although I’d be exactly the same as you. It was so weird they say no symptoms are better than symptoms and it’s weird as with my last pregnancy within a few days of conception I could feel my cervix moving and stretching I had migraines was super gassy and my boobs went nuts even though the tests were negative I didn’t care as I knew i was pregnant so I’m hoping no symptoms is a better sign it’s funny how we talk ourselves around everything isn’t it lol xxx it’s funny u say about hubby I had a bloated stomach ( I get when I eat baked beans ) and he was convinced it was a baby bump and I’m like no it’s just bloody gas but he was so convinced 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ just makes things even worse 😂😂😂

@hennie222 I will defo let you knows about the MOT and what tests he does and costs etc. hoping to get in mid February. I am going to book into the consultant my sister used, she had 6 or 7 MC all very early, i think chemical and 5 years of trying before they found out she has a unicornuate uterus, this means her uterus is half the size, same consultant found she had only one ovary working as she had a cyst from birth, all this after 5 years NHS and other quacks and he had this all solved after a few meetings and checks. She ended up getting IVF due to her uterus and has a lovely 3 year old daughter now.

The uterus thing apparently isn't genetic but i just want to rule it out anyway, i figure cut to the chase and go to her consultant now, hopefully it is all normal and i just have to try again.

@Chocolatebean the scan must have been very triggering for you, i admire your strength to have got that over with, honestly i am so sorry you are still going through all this stuff as im looking out the other side.

i would die of shock at this stage if i was pregnant lol anything 10dpo and after tbh im like i am out, no point holding out hope, best face it and move on.

Men really are a different breed, i feel sorry for them too as we are the ones doing everything and they are powerless and all they can do if offer words of encouragement, weeks after my MMC and after everything we discussed, i mean my husband literally knows me inside out now haha when i was talking about ovulation, no joke he said "this is going to sound stupid and i have been putting off asking but what does ovulation mean" i could have died laughing at that point, hes a 37 year old man lol

bless them, dont know how my husband is putting up with me atm, but he is doing well and i am going to try and be less of a diva lol

i didnt know about the no symptoms is good thing, im glad to hear that, it will help me stop obsessing symtom spotting, im obsessing over everything, honestly feel manic

Thanks everyone for allowing me to rant lol our time is coming x

Arrggghh ladies. So tonight I’ve been really depressed just miserable having a right downer so hubby took me out for food to cheer me up and I had red meat as thought we’ll stuff this I’m going to have the stuff I wouldn’t be able to have, I’m sure it’s nothing but when I got undressed there’s a blob bloody discharge really weird not much of it. I did have sex last night so it could just be off that but it is really weird at the same time I have a Stotting headache as well. It’s bizarre xxx

How are you today @Chocolatebean , anything further happening?

Hi @GingleAllTheWay2022 I stupidly got my hopes up last night. Took a first response test this morning totally negative and my bbt temp has dropped so am certain I’m out I’m 11dpo at least I can take some cocodamol for my bad head just hoping my period starts tues so can have a fresh start. How are u feeling did you have your vino last night xxx

@Chocolatebean I’m glad to hear nothing was seen on scan. Did they give you any measurements of your follicles? Did they say what size the lead follicle was? Also what was your lining thickness?

@TheBirdintheCave Oh i’m so sorry, I can understand your being upset that the lining is 6mm but it should definitely thicken up next cycle. It’s still early days. Lots of the IVF ladies have a glass of room temp POM juice from day 1 of cycle until ovulation and also have regular acupuncture and both seem to help with lining issues?

I tested 2 weeks and 1 day post surgery and had a very light early detection test, so thank God things are going in the right direction.

I have a scan booked on Tuesday which will be 3 weeks post procedure. I’m really hoping there may be a lead follicle and and then I can have an idea of when my period might arrive.

I’m going straight for embryo transfer on that cycle. X

Hi @VillageFete oh wow embryo transfer will be very soon then that’s fantastic I bet you can’t wait. I had a vvfl on an early test and my hcg was 7 so that’s counted as clear 😁.
they didn’t say the size of follicle they just said it was a dominant follicle and it was just ready to ovulate or had just ovulated. They said my lining was nice and thin so I said oh I thought the lining had to be thick for implantation and she said no it gets thicker as the egg makes it’s way down the fallopian tube. I have a piece of paper I don’t think it has any measurements but I’ll take a look. What doesn’t fit is I was 9dpo on the day of the scan so my lining should have been thick and egg should have been in womb so not sure why that dominant follicle was there so now I’m totally confused I took some OPK tests but they are soooooo faint u can barely see them so no idea what’s happening xxx

@VillageFete As far as I know the lining is only thin because I had surgery as my MMC management. Do you think there's any chance it could have thickened enough for implantation in five days? I'm 8dpo today and hate the fact that I feel like I've ruined our first chance of the three natural cycles we have left to try.

@TheBirdintheCave literally at my scan on Thursday the dr told me the lining is thin At ovulation then thickens as the egg comes down the fallopian tube to implant. She said said your lining is nice and thin and I said oh that’s no good for an egg to implant and she said the above so maybe it is xxx

@Chocolatebean Huh, ok I suppose that makes sense. Maybe there is some hope then :)

@TheBirdintheCave injust though it thickened in the 2 weeks before ovulation but that’s what the dr said. Xxx

Hi ladies had another brown stringy discharge just literally one bit I think my period used to start like this when I was young many years ago but hasn’t started like this for years but maybe the MC has changed everything oh and it’s 4 days early 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@Chocolatebean I know the sort of brown stuff you mean. Could be old blood shifted by implantation hopefully?

@TheBirdintheCave @Chocolatebean

Your lining will be nice and fresh after the surgical management- according to my IVF clinic! But obviously after surgery it’s on the thinner side on that first cycle but should definitely get “back to normal” on the next one.

Yes, it will continue to thicken until you start producing progesterone from your corpus luteum (the follicle left behind from which the egg leaves) So it starts thickening from a couple of days after your period and then continues to
do so until you produce progesterone. 8mm and above is the “ideal” And there’s every chance yours got to 8mm! Please don’t worry too much, all sounds just fine from re-reading both of your posts.

Just to add, I know many an IVF’er who conceived and sustained pregnancies at linings of 7-8mm. Absolutely loads. X

@VillageFete and @TheBirdintheCave oh wow that info that village fete has just said is awesome news go for it the bird in the cave you have nothing to loose and everything to gain you just never know.
as for me the dark brown is now tiny spots of pink but such a little about I ate rare red meat last night and after my negative frer this morning took 2 cocodamol for my banging headache I’m sure it will just be my period starting xxx

@VillageFete @Chocolatebean Ok that's somewhat reassuring to know :) I guess I'll find out next Friday if AF shows up or not.

@TheBirdintheCave oh wow that’s not too long to wait, the waiting game is crap though isn’t it xxx