Journey after miscarriage support thread Jan 2023

[Fairylight102]

I wondered if anyone out there would be interested in joining a thread for those who have recently experienced a miscarriage - a place to share how we’re feeling emotionally, physical recovery, becoming ready to try again (for those that want to), and hopefully one day positive stories of successful preganancies.

I’m 32 and recently had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks of my first pregnancy. I was relieved to have conceived after quite a short time, because I have PCOS and was worried I might struggle to get pregnant.

My miscarriage was about 2 and half weeks ago now, and today is the first day I’ve not had any spotting/bleeding at all, and that has been a relief to feel like my body is moving on from it. I know it’s advisable to do a pregnancy test a few weeks after miscarriage, which is something I’m a bit anxious about doing as I’m fairly sure it will be an emotional thing to do.

Since it happened my sleep pattern and energy levels have been a bit all over the place. Some days I’ve just wanted to sleep all the time, which I think could be a mix of actual physical tiredness and also emotional tiredness/hormonal changes. I was back at work for the first time today, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on and motivate myself for.

I’ve restarted tracking my BBT to see what happens with my cycle returning, though I’m aware it could take a while to get back to normal. My husband and I are both on the same page that we’d like to try again once I’ve had one normal period, so I guess we’ll just see how things go and how we feel when we reach this point.

Sorry this has turned into a longer post than I expected! Anyway, if there’s anyone out there who’s had a similar experience recently and would like a place to share feelings/questions/advice it would be lovely to hear from others.

Sorry to read about people being called about miscarriages - so upsetting. I am 2dpo I think so similar to some of you. A bit annoyed didn't manage to have sex on ovulation day as husband was tired (I mean seriously... 😂) but hoping I am still in with a chance.

Feeling a bit emotionally exhausted from all the pregnancy chat from friends/people at toddler groups recently.. just smiling and asking the 'right questions' but just want to curl up and have a little sob. Just so anxious about having a third miscarriage and feeling a bit helpless.

Hello everyone,
What was your first period like if you’ve had it?
I’m on day 28 after my loss and I’ve had a smidge of pink/brown when I’ve been wiping for 2-3 days now. I’ve felt like my period is about to arrive for a few days; crampy, bloated and in a bad mood. Since I’m so desperate to conceive I’ve got my hopes up that it’s implantation bleeding, but it’s such a small chance. I’ll test in a few days but really don’t want to face a bfn.
I’ve got a work trip coming up and I’m trying to time it with my ovulation window, if this is not my period everything will just be messed up 😫 Who knows when my period and ovulation will happen then!?

@Travellingislife I’m having my first period post miscarriage now. I had a bit of spotting the night before it started properly, but it’s now like a normal period (a little heavier than sometimes but nothing too bad).

Hope you get an answer one way or the other soon x

@Travellingislife my period was really weird bits but no blood for 3 days then the blood joined in very bizarre
@tulipsunday i think I’m 2/3 dpo also we didn’t dtd on ovulation day as hubby got him self in a tizzy we had done the day before and we did the morning after so hoping that’s covered us enough we have now entered the dreaded 2ww I don’t feel very hopeful though
in fact I don’t feel hopeful at all which is depressing this whole journey is bloody depressing. Called the hospital to chase up my ‘emergency’ appt but they’re all off till Monday so I’ll try again then ffs xxx

@Travellingislife my first period was quite normal after the miscarriage but I did get another a couple of weeks later.

@Chocolatebean sounds like you have given it a good shot this cycle. Good luck. I can relate to not feeling hopeful. Hope the 2ww passes quickly for you.

I’m 4.5 weeks post mc and still no sign of my period but also no pregnancy symptoms so basically just waiting for AF to show up so we can move on to the next cycle.

@tulipsunday totally understand your emotional exhaustion around pregnancy/ baby chat and think you need to do what is best for you. I’m personally getting to the point where I just can’t engage in it anymore unfortunately that means I’m basically distancing myself a bit from friends who are pregnant at the moment but it’s the only way I can cope with the heartache.

I just had a family member announce her pregnancy and her due date is when mine would have been and it has honestly broken me, I just feel like her whole pregnancy is just going to be a reminder of what I lost. Up till recently I’ve still genuinely been happy for others but feel like even that is slowly fading and I’m just turning into this ball of envy which is not like me at all.

welcome to all the newcomers, I’m sorry for your loss. It’s a sucky group to be a part of but I’m glad we’ve got each other on here.

@Saturnsmoon That is so tough - my sister in law who is due the same week as I would have been so it has been a constant reminder 😢

Yes I think you are right we do have to protect ourselves and if we don't feel we can engage in the chat that day then don't. My friends have been good and messaging etc the weeks the miscarriages have happened but not been asked much since. Guess people don't understand that the emotional side is worse (in my experience anyway) and don't know what to say.. does mean you can feel a bit alone though.

Back to my full time teaching/education manager job tomorrow. Really struggling tonight, when I was last there we were breaking up for xmas and I and the woman who sits next to me were looking forward to our scans and announcing our pregnancies when we came back, only now I'm going back no longer pregnant. I feel like I've changed, my whole world has changed and everyone will just expect me to be the same. Did anyone else feel like that? Walking into the same buildings, with the same people, but there's this monumental shift. I know my work friend (who sits at the computer next to me) is showing now too. And my best friend found out she was pregnant the day of my scan. Just don't know how I'll ever be happy again.

Hi @Enigma85 im
so sorry that’s really awful to have to face and it’s going to be so hard, I feel the same everything I do just feels worse than it did before and I hate the thinking last time this or that I was still pregnant. You think it’s going to get easier but some days to me it feels harder. I’m 5 dpo by now I’d felt symptoms believe it or not where as now I feel nothing so just feeling totally shit I spend my life feeling a bit shitter so totally get it. Tomorrow the first day will be the hardest and do what’s right for you if u need some fresh air go get it do what u need to. Lots of love and hugs xxx

@Enigma85 I really feel for you and completely understand how hard this must feel.

After returning to work I definitely had a sense of “how am I expected to just sit here and pretend like everything’s normal and nothing has happened”. This has dissipated with time but the first few days/week I took it very easy/was as kind to myself as possible (I.E. stepping out for fresh air, leaving on time or a bit early, working from home) not sure how flexible your job is but I hope you can find small things to make it more bearable. Thinking of you today 💚

Completey understand @Enigma85 a girl I work closey with told me she was 24 weeks last week, she had been worried about telling me as she had the all ok as i was miscarrying. My best friend is also due within days of what would have been my due date.

It's so hard & a very lonely place to be but iv been very open with what has happened to raise a little awareness actually as based on this thread, it is more common than i realised.

Definitely be kind to yourself & take things slowly. It's so tough x

@Enigma85 Thinking of you and wishing you luck for today.

I have a lot of the same feelings, like I have undergone a monumental shift from someone who had never been pregnant to someone who has experienced this loss, and yet around me the world is all the same and I’m doing the same things. I went back to work for a few weeks after it happened, but I was struggling so much and have now taken some time off.

I hope you have a supportive manager and if your other colleagues are aware that they are supportive too. What @Saturnsmoon said is really sensible, be as flexible as you can and take regular breaks.

@Enigma85 thinking of you.
It will be an undoubtedly hard day, be kind to yourself.
i really feel for you having to work closely with someone who is pregnant, hopefully they understand and can give you the space and time you need xx

@Enigma85 i wish you all the luck in the world today going back and hope the day flies. I completely understand where you are coming from and I am already dreading my return to work sometime next week. Everyone else just going about their lives while we are dealing with such pain inside is so hard to take. I am okay when I’m in my house but even going out to the shop at the moment is so difficult. I feel like I don’t want to see anyone apart from my partner. Let us know how today went. Sending love xxx

@Enigma85 also hope today went well. Take care of yourself and try and relax tonight if you can x

Hi @Enigma85 been thinking of you how did it go xxx

Hi all,

I found out on Friday that I have had a miscarriage and am awaiting my body to catch up. I was meant to be around 9 weeks but only had a 2mm embryo and no heartbeat.

Just before christmas and a day after I found out I was pregnant, I became very ill with a blocked liver and jaundice, which involved a two week stay in hospital and a few dangerous procedures / scans for pregnancy so I knew chance of miscarriage was high but still held out a little hope all would be ok. I have a two year old and have been trying for no. 2 for over a year - one chemical pregnancy in June and now this MMC.

They weren't keen to give me misoprostol because of my liver so I'm not sure this is going to happen naturally. Just waiting at the moment and think I may end up with surgery.

I'm not sure we'll end up trying again for the moment until they figure out what's going on with me. I'm nearly 41 and very nervous this just won't happen for us now :(

Hi ladies ugh need a bit of a vent, I’m so sorry feel like this is all nonsense and it really doesn’t matter anyway but when I fell pregnant with the one I MC I started getting symptoms 5/6 days after ovulation I know it’s supposed to be impossible but I had so many I was so gassy always sneezing, no bloating at all heart rate was through the roof and could feel my pelvis moving I know way before I got my bfp. This month we’ve done everything we can for it to work and it probably just hasn’t worked end of but I feel nothing absolutely nothing no sore boobs no real twinges absolutely nothing I know they say it’s impossible to feel anything till after implantation but last time I absolutely felt so many things even worse I’ve had a pot belly since the mc and this has ballooned honestly I look 4 months pregnant it’s just so cruel.
other twist is after the hospital loosing my referral letter twice to my gp asking me to go to up in the car to collect it and deliver it and then when I got there decided I couldn’t so ended up emailing it, bearing in mind they think it’s retained products so that took 2 weeks, I started to chase up my ‘emergent ‘ referral and guess what the gynae dept haven’t received anything I ended up begging and pleading with the secretary she gave in and has booked me in for another ultrasound ffs to see what my left over products/ polyp whatever the hell it is is doing and we will go from there.
I am so sorry for the massive vent I just needed to get it all out
@Enigma85 been thinking of u xxx

@jalu47 very sorry for your loss and everything you’ve been through with your liver. Do you know how long you will have to wait before they make a decision about surgery?

@Chocolatebean That’s awful about your referral letter! If it wasn’t bad enough going through the emotional distress of a miscarriage then you’re having to deal with this stress on top of it all. I really hope you are seen soon and get some answers.

@Chocolatebean So sorry you're going through all of that :( Any chance you could go private to circumvent the back and forth?

@jalu47 Welcome and sorry for your loss plus your liver problems, that must make everything that bit more stressful :(

I had my pre-treatment scan at the IVF clinic today. All looks good three weeks post miscarriage :) They confirmed ovulation and said my lining looks good. I still have polycystic ovaries so that was interesting to note. Next step is our consultation with our test results on Thursday.

@jalu47 hi sweet I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through it’s awful when u have more than one thing to deal with. I’m rapidly approaching 40 so get that awful time’s running out feeling although my good friend just had her healthy baby boy on Thursday aged 45.
thanks @Fairylight102 and @TheBirdintheCave the stupid thing is I have private insurance but the go said because I was an urgent nhs referral that would be quicker than my private referral once I get this latest scan result and if I need treatment I’d it’s too long I’ll go straight down the private route
@TheBirdintheCave it must feel great to have had that first appointment and start to get things moving good look for Thursday let us know how it goes xxx

@Fairylight102 I'm not sure, I sort of just got sent home and said they were going to contact my gastro doc about the drugs they use. Guess I'll contact them in a week. Kind of want it all over with as I've had so much abdominal pain (Crohns is also flaring) that I don't think I want anymore.

Thanks for the kind words @Chocolatebean and @TheBirdintheCave it's good to connect with others going through a similar experience - hope you are both doing ok.

@jalu47 I’m so sorry about your loss and your liver problem. I just turned 41 and I really sympathise with you, my son is 2.5 and I would love to give him a sibling but not sure it’ll happen. At the moment I’m waiting for my period to return after my mc, I just want to get on with ttc.

I hope they’ll make a decision soon, it must be very difficult just waiting around.