Journey after miscarriage support thread Jan 2023

[Fairylight102]

I wondered if anyone out there would be interested in joining a thread for those who have recently experienced a miscarriage - a place to share how we’re feeling emotionally, physical recovery, becoming ready to try again (for those that want to), and hopefully one day positive stories of successful preganancies.

I’m 32 and recently had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks of my first pregnancy. I was relieved to have conceived after quite a short time, because I have PCOS and was worried I might struggle to get pregnant.

My miscarriage was about 2 and half weeks ago now, and today is the first day I’ve not had any spotting/bleeding at all, and that has been a relief to feel like my body is moving on from it. I know it’s advisable to do a pregnancy test a few weeks after miscarriage, which is something I’m a bit anxious about doing as I’m fairly sure it will be an emotional thing to do.

Since it happened my sleep pattern and energy levels have been a bit all over the place. Some days I’ve just wanted to sleep all the time, which I think could be a mix of actual physical tiredness and also emotional tiredness/hormonal changes. I was back at work for the first time today, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on and motivate myself for.

I’ve restarted tracking my BBT to see what happens with my cycle returning, though I’m aware it could take a while to get back to normal. My husband and I are both on the same page that we’d like to try again once I’ve had one normal period, so I guess we’ll just see how things go and how we feel when we reach this point.

Sorry this has turned into a longer post than I expected! Anyway, if there’s anyone out there who’s had a similar experience recently and would like a place to share feelings/questions/advice it would be lovely to hear from others.

@Chocolatebean Sorry they're messing you about so much :( I hope they make extra effort to get to the bottom of it now.

I think I'm 1dpo today. I had cramps on Monday, a temp drop yesterday and a rise today. Fingers crossed I get the cross hairs on FF on Friday.

@Raey Thank you - it has just arrived this morning (5.5 weeks after start of miscarriage). Like you say, hoping this will help me to feel like I can reset and start again.

Sending hugs to everyone xx

@TheBirdintheCave got everything crossed for you, ooh so does that mean you test a week on Friday xxx
i have all sorts of pinging sensations in my ovaries not had this before as strong so no idea what that means. they are sharp and painful it’s both of them at different times 🤷‍♀️does any one else have this xxx

@Chocolatebean I got cramping when I ovulated this month instead of my usual stabbing pains but it was still concentrated over one area (the left. I'm convinced my right ovary does nothing 😂). I've not had multi sided pain before.

And no I won't be testing until I'm a few days late so maybe around the 11th of February if I get that far. Last time I found out at 3+4 and it was just so early that I spent a lot of the time worrying about chemical pregnancy etc so I'd rather pass that hurdle without knowing next time.

@Chocolatebean I get pinging/stabbing sensations in my left ovary just before ovulation - apparently it’s the follicles having a final growth spurt. But similarly to @TheBirdintheCave never have this on the right side so think I have a lazy ovary on that side - have never had it on both sides at the same time though!

@Fairylight102 hope AF isn’t too traumatic and you can move on to the next cycle soon. Thanks for sharing when yours started. I’m at 4 and a bit weeks since mc bleed started and was probably somewhat naïvely expecting it to arrive on time so will have a bit more patience now I know it’s could be 5/6 weeks.

I experienced my first pregnancy and miscarriage this past weekend. It was a bit of a surprise for both my boyfriend and me. I'm 35 years old and while we both wanted kids, we talked about it more so in about 2 years. Now I don't know if I can wait that long. I was terrified but happy when I realized I was pregnant; we both were. Now I'm scared that I'll miscarry again. I see that there's a better chance of not miscarrying if you get pregnant within 6 months of a miscarriage. I know I'm emotional and also just sad. I was going to be a mom and I was scared and excited for a short time.

@Saturnsmoon Thank you, I hope yours arrives before too long.

@Mountain99 Sorry to hear about your loss. Mine was first pregnancy as well. I’ve read the same about having a lower chance of miscarriage if you conceive soon afterwards, hope that is true!

@Chocolatebean Oh no 🥺 What’s next? Another scan?

I went for an acupuncture session this morning. Going to try and go weekly for a little while.

I’m 10 days post surgical management and just want to get my period and reset my body. Hopefully it’ll arrive in the next 4-5 weeks & I can start moving forward.

I hope everyone is doing as well as they can do today 💐

Hi everyone,

i am so sorry about all your losses, it is the crappiest most emotional hateful thing in the world, i had a MMC discovered at 8 week scan at end of November, had medical treatment twice and didn't get even so much as a twinge with it and so had to get D&C on 6th Dec. Period came back 9th Jan and I think i ovulated around 22nd Jan and we are trying again so wish me luck lol

I have been an emotional wreck since it happened, once i got over the shock, the sadness really kicked in. I am functioning again and working (cannot really focus on work tbh) however i do find myself obsessing a bit, i am always reading things and researching, i am finding it hard to sleep and when i do sleep finding it hard to stay asleep. i think a lot of the time i am feeling sorry for myself, the miscarriage is over and my husband is back to normal and so should i, but I cant seem to quite move on from it and can become teary in seconds.

I am 38 and have no children, this was my first pregnancy and i am so afraid it will happen again or that i will never have children, my husband also has no children, i feel axious and just sad all the time.

It is a really crappy community to be in but here we all are!

Knowing that i am not alone and that this has happened to so many women has been a bit of comfort, not that i take joy in it happening to others lol but it has made it feel less abnormal and i love reading happy stories of people who went on to have healthy babies.

Wishing everyone a joyful 2023 and so much luck and happiness, i hope 2023 i have some good news and you do too.

@38andtrying Welcome and sorry for your loss :( Good luck for this cycle :D I ovulated a few days ago too so we're following similar time scales.

@38andtrying How you feel is totally understandable and completely valid. A miscarriage can shake you to the core, but unfortunately as we all know they are so
common. Best of luck going forward, your time will come - hopefully very soon 💐

Hi @38andtrying - so sorry for your loss. I could literally have written your post myself as it's exactly how I feel. I'm 38 in June, no children, first pregnancy ended in mmc on 28th december. We tried again once bleeding stopped but I've had a bfn and temp dropped so AF due any minute. Met someone today with kids who did the whole "do you have children", I said no not yet and she said "oh count yourself lucky you're so much better off", maybe was wrong of me but I told her I was pregnant and lost it at Christmas, I know she didn't mean any bad by asking but it triggered me.

Im so sorry for your loss, is just crap! Fingers crossed it happens soon for you x

You were totally not wrong!!, I hate people who say oh you're better off, same when people say to single people oh you're lucky to be single. I would love to say back, "I'm sorry to hear your marriage isn't working out when will you get divorced?"

lol or "sorry to hear you aren't enjoying having a family maybe you should adopt them"

Honestly some people have no clue how lucky they are, I know i haven't counted my blessing before but this has changed my perspective on everything and I will be way more cautious of my words around people, we never know what's happening in someone life

Hi @VillageFete im now waiting for an emergency appt with gynae my poor go keeps phoning me to check I’m not showing any signs of infection she’s asked my to ring the gynae dept at my hospital to check there is an appt on it’s way 😬😬😬.
@TheBirdintheCave snd @38andtrying i think I am one day post ovulation so just behind u guys. I’m just going to try and keep myself occupied lat time I knew way before my test as I had no pms symptoms at all and had weird symptoms. I’m not hopeful but also soooo hopeful what a mess 🤪🤪🤪
to all the new arrivals I’m so sorry for your losses I’m so sorry it absolutely sucks welcome to our group so sorry you have to be here but at least we are together and know how we all feel xxx

@38andtrying hi there. So sorry for your loss. I had. A miscarriage in the summer and just after a d and c yest for a second one. I am in my mid 40s so the risks are high. I do have kids but from a previous marriage and was hoping to have one with my new partner. I struggled big time after the miscarriage in the summer. Went back to work in September and was an emotional wreck for two months. It was such a crappy low time. Kept breaking down in tears even in work. It prob took about 3 months before I started feeling back to myself but now here I am again.
there is a very good chance that when you get pregnant again you will have a healthy baby and you still have plenty of time so try to focus on that. Im 43 and managed to get pregnant twice in six months so you’re way younger than me lol. I hope
you get your bfp this month. Take care ans don’t worry about still feeling sad etc. it’s so natural and can take weeks to pass x

@Enigma85 i just don’t understand some people. You were right to speak up. Might make her think twice about awful comments like that in future ! Sorry for your loss xxx

@38andtrying So sorry for your loss. I have been feeling quite similar to what you describe - struggling to focus on things, constantly researching about miscarriage and pregnancy.

Logically I know there’s still a strong chance I will go on to have a successful pregnancy, but at the moment I just feel so overwhelmed. I don’t want to be back in the stage of tracking my cycle, planning which days to have sex etc. But that’s where I am I guess so I have to make the best of it.

The other day I got a phone call asking me why I’d missed a pre-natal appointment 😢 I specifically asked the EPU about this and they said they would get all my appointments cancelled for me. Obviously I was feeling sad anyway, but that then got me specifically thinking about how many weeks the baby would have been by now and I felt even worse.

Has anyone else read this? Several elements of it resonated with my experience, there really needs to be better care for women in this situation.
Mumsnet miscarriage code of care

@Fairylight102 That's a great link. It seems so obvious that that is what the basic care should be but it's definitely not what most of us receive. I asked the EPU about counselling after MMC2 but they said there was nothing they could do for me and I only qualified for perinatal mental health when I was pregnant.

I'm really sorry you got contacted by the midwives :(

I was meant to have my twelve week scan yesterday but I'm glad that day has come and gone as there were no other appointments in our calendar for that pregnancy.

I've had a weird temperature shift with my BBT today. After two days of high temps following a dip (which normally signals ovulation for me) I've had another huge temp drop 🤔 I now have absolutely no idea what's going on.

@TheBirdintheCave I’m so sorry, I think that’s shocking that you don’t qualify for counselling. I feel like every woman who experiences miscarriage should be offered counselling and some kind of follow up care from their GP.

I was recommended a local charity that does counselling around miscarriage and I have contacted them. They were really nice but haven’t been able to find me an appointment yet.

Sorry you’re having changes with your BBT pattern, that must be really disorienting. Hopefully it’s a one-off weird fluctuation and things will regulate soon.

@Fairylight102 Yeah it's bizarre. The only answers I can think of is that I've ovulated twice (is this even a thing that can happen?) or I haven't ovulated yet and the temp climb from the last two days was for... another reason that I can't think of 🤔😂 Either way I'll know on Monday as that's when we have our first IVF appointment and I get a scan.

@Fairylight102 sorry to hear the midwives contacted you! I had the exact same. A midwife called to say I'd missed my booking appointment... an appointment EPU said they would cancel! She then said she'll cancel all future appointments... then I got a call on the 19th to say I've missed my 12 week scan appointment!

It upset me so much and set me off all over again.

I know it happens as I work for the same NHS Trust but it really shouldn't happen. So frustrating!

@mollibu That’s awful, once is bad enough but to have the same thing twice is terrible. I’m so sorry you had to have that upset all over again.

Really sorry to those that got contacted about missed appts, makes it all so much harder doesn't it. Looks like my AF has started today 4 weeks and 1 day after D&C, although more like heavy spotting at the moment, so I'm CD1 after thinking I would be having my baby beginning of July. Going to give myself a lazy weekend I think and just wallow under a blanket, I know that's probably not the best way but for me I think it helps to shut off from the world and just binge watch something. Just feel so emotional, I know hormones will be playing a part but this is just so unbelievably crap and I really hope we all have better things to come ❤

The letter for our 12 week scan arrived in the letter box the day of my D&C, my husband very quickly binned it and we never spoke about it again. Really upset me at the time and i thought how utterly inept are they, surely they have been dealing with this for decades, they should have some process in place to auto cancel things when women have miscarriages. Don't blame the people of course but as someone who works in business, we put steps in place every day for improvements, i know it wouldn't be hard, they issue is the real will to do something, not the capability.

You deserve a lazy weekend, do something nice for yourself, when my AF arrived i got a a great sense of relief hope you do too. Have a lovely weekend and pamper yourself x