Journey after miscarriage support thread Jan 2023

[Fairylight102]

I wondered if anyone out there would be interested in joining a thread for those who have recently experienced a miscarriage - a place to share how we’re feeling emotionally, physical recovery, becoming ready to try again (for those that want to), and hopefully one day positive stories of successful preganancies.

I’m 32 and recently had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks of my first pregnancy. I was relieved to have conceived after quite a short time, because I have PCOS and was worried I might struggle to get pregnant.

My miscarriage was about 2 and half weeks ago now, and today is the first day I’ve not had any spotting/bleeding at all, and that has been a relief to feel like my body is moving on from it. I know it’s advisable to do a pregnancy test a few weeks after miscarriage, which is something I’m a bit anxious about doing as I’m fairly sure it will be an emotional thing to do.

Since it happened my sleep pattern and energy levels have been a bit all over the place. Some days I’ve just wanted to sleep all the time, which I think could be a mix of actual physical tiredness and also emotional tiredness/hormonal changes. I was back at work for the first time today, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on and motivate myself for.

I’ve restarted tracking my BBT to see what happens with my cycle returning, though I’m aware it could take a while to get back to normal. My husband and I are both on the same page that we’d like to try again once I’ve had one normal period, so I guess we’ll just see how things go and how we feel when we reach this point.

Sorry this has turned into a longer post than I expected! Anyway, if there’s anyone out there who’s had a similar experience recently and would like a place to share feelings/questions/advice it would be lovely to hear from others.

@TheBirdintheCave hey sweet. Waiting for the spotting to end is just awful isn’t it it felt like forever I think that’s what’s got to me all the waiting, waiting for spotting to end then waiting for a period then waiting to ovulate and now I know ovulation is due it’s like a massive panic to have the best chance at getting pregnant again and the stress of that is probably not good ugh then after all that it’s the 2 week wait aarrggghhh 🤦‍♀️. That’s an unusual one on the iron levels defo get it checked out at least getting the vitamin D up is an easier one to fix xxx
@kookyelephant thanks sweet, managing it 3 x in a year you were defo doing something right. I use the Premom strips I have no idea if these are good ones or not is only just started using them, going to try using them this cycle and see what they say. Lol we attempting dtd every 2 days in this fertile period lol it’s knackering 😂😂😂. Honestly you’d think by now they’d have come up with a better method of referral letters than Royal Mail wouldn’t you. Can’t believe I was there and they wouldn’t give me it even with my passport as proof I was me. I wouldn’t have been so annoyed but the fact they told me I could come and get it I got there it’s. 50 minute drive paid for parking got the letter opened it in the car and it was not the referral letter so I went back and they said oh we can’t give u that one ffs.
@YearoftheRabbit23 hey sweet so glad you are on the next stage so to speak, thrush sucks doesn’t it. Woohoo roll on February for all of us and yes get that folic acid in you. It seems to take forever from MC to actually Ttc again doesn’t it xxx

@YearoftheRabbit23 That's great news! :D

@TheBirdintheCave I had spotting for about 10 days post-procedure so I hope yours stops soon!

@YearoftheRabbit23 Me too! Day 12 now and it's still going. My temperature seems to have settled back to baseline now though so fingers crossed that means a new cycle is starting.

@Chocolatebean Roll on February I absolutely agree!!

From BBT I think I ovulated around 10th Jan (3.5 weeks after miscarriage started). We only tried once this cycle so I’m not particularly hopeful of conceiving this time. I’m hoping to get my period around 25th Jan and then start afresh next month.

Still very up and down emotionally. I feel like I didn’t get the opportunity to grieve properly when it first happened, because it was just before Christmas and then there were lots of family events I felt like I had to try and keep going. Part of me now wishes I had just cancelled all Christmas plans and taken the time to myself. But it’s easy to say that in hindsight of course.

@Fairylight102 im absolutely the same our mc was 13 December the 1st day of Hubby’s Xmas holidays and we just kind of kept busy and chucked ourselves into all things Xmas and now there is a lot of nothing going on and time to feel empty and reflect. It’s hard as I think I’m so sad about a life that didn’t even happen but it’s not the way it is is it? I hate days when I have time to think and yet I just still don’t have the get up and go that I did I hate having to go to that bloody hospital and see all the pregnant women it just rubs salt in the wound. And I’ll have to go back there to have my polyp investigated ( I’ve called it Polly lol) good news is is it’s at the very top so shouldn’t affect implantation but I really just wish it wasn’t there, wouldn’t care it’s probably just one snip and it’s out. Xxx

@Chocolatebean I’m so sorry you’re having to see pregnant women when you go in for treatment. That must be so hard.

I agree with you about lacking get up and go. I am going to work and managing to do things, but almost every morning I feel sad and completely unmotivated. Part of me wants to just stay in bed and not bother with anything.

It’s such a strange feeling because I only knew I was pregnant for about a week before it happened, and I spent a good chunk of that feeling shocked (even though we had planned to start a family, it still took a while to sink in), so the baby has now been gone for longer than I ever knew it existed.

I just feel like even in the short time I was pregnant, I’d stepped into this whole new world of (potential) parenthood, only for it to go away again. And now I’m back to how I was before, but it doesn’t feel the same because I have been pregnant even though it didn’t continue.

@Fairylight102 its bizarre isn’t it before I was pregnant like literally 2 months before I was sat on a balcony in Spain certain I didn’t want another child I was so happy and fulfilled with my life. I or home from that holiday my coil dropped out and my good friend msged me with her scan photo, something changed and I knew I wanted a baby. We started trying and I was so excited to pregnant I had a feeling we would fall straight away which we did, I panicked and thought of I loose this it won’t be the end of the world as I was just so overwhelmed. Then I fell in love with whatever was inside and was sooooooo happy and excited and then we lost it and now the life that I was so happy and content with just feels empty. I think you’re absolutely right that whole new world was right there and looked so amazing and it’s just been ripped away and it’s horrible xxx

Hey ladies, hope everyone is doing okay.

Totally hear you @Fairylight102 & @Chocolatebean mine happened on the 27th of December and we were actually staying with family in the U.K. (we live abroad) and we hadn’t told anyone yet so I didn’t want to share this either which meant we really just had to continue as if all was fine. On the day of my mc I actually ended up visiting my 2 week old niece for the first time and 3 days after met 3 of my friends baby’s for the first time too. Looking back at it I think I was just operating on autopilot, we hadn’t known for very long either but after 12 months of ttc it felt like our time had finally come. Anyway now we are home I’m definitely having some delayed grief about it all which is really impacting my sleep 😒and my motivation - feeling quite easily overwhelmed by things too. Urghhhh life isn’t fair sometimes.

I’m not sure as I didn’t track but I have a feeling I ovulated over the weekend/ early this week and am probably due AF next week. Our dtd has been pretty sporadic so not really expecting much from this month. Bring on February!!

Hey everyone,

I feel the delayed depression, I miscarried on my birthday and then my DS birthday is only a week after, then all the festive season has just totally wiped me out!

On a positive note, I finally got a (faint) positive opk after nearly six weeks! At least I can finally tell where I'm at now. Come on February and lighter mornings! X

@Saturnsmoon I totally hear you about doing things on autopilot. A week or so after my miscarriage I met up with some friends and their toddler (which I thought would be ok because it wasn’t a newborn baby), and now I’m looking back thinking why on earth did I keep acting as normal?

On a different note, has anyone noticed an increase in bloating since their miscarriage? Im
finding a lot of mornings I wake up with a heavy, full feeling in my stomach and I’m not sure why (could of course be anxiety related).

I’m still bleeding from the mc it’s been almost three weeks since it started, I have an ultrasound to make sure the sac is out next week I hope it is I don’t really want to go through a d& c

Hello, Can I join?

I’ve read through this thread and my heart aches for you all. I have to say though, I cried laughing at the post about the hippy acupuncturist wanting to place a needle in the Perineum to sort the energy issue apparently caused by C section. I had tears in my eyes, I needed that laugh after the worst week!

In a nutshell i’m about to turn 38 and been trying to complete my family for most of my 30’s. I’m an IVF patient (abroad) My story is too long and complicated to bore you all with but long story short - I have 6 healthy embryos in the freezer and was gearing up for embryo transfer (After 2 failed transfers in January and February 2022) I’d cycled again, banked 6 embryos at a new clinic with a new protocol and was raring to go.

Found out I was spontaneously pregnant (Shock of my life) Scan showed I was 5 weeks and 5 days and there was no heartbeat at that point. The dates didn’t add up - I should have been further along so I had a bad feeling. A scan a week later showed no growth, no change, still no heartbeat. This was 10th January.

My local EPU had no appointments until 1st Feb and I just couldn’t wait. They put me in touch with BPAS and they agreed to miscarriage management (They are a termination clinic incase anybody doesn’t know) BPAS felt that surgical management was best for me due to being desperate to conceive again soon. They said medical management with the tablet can drag on and sometimes you need surgical management after it anyway.

I had the surgical management on Tuesday (17th) It was electric vacuum aspiration. I must have been really unlucky but it was an awful experience 😢 I stayed awake and just had local anaesthetic. The theatre was freezing, the staff were very rushed, there was no dignity at all. I felt things weren’t explained well and there just wasn’t any empathy? It was one of the hardest things i’ve ever endured, and I was alone (Through choice) I lay on that bed desperately wishing i’d have waited for the EPU, but never mind. It was very traumatic but on we go…..

Anyway, i’m a mum to 2 kids. 13 and almost 4. It took me almost 6 years to get my soon to be 4 year old. Infertility has dominated my 30’s and in some ways ruined my peace and happiness for almost the last decade. Desperate to complete my family with one more, and to have a smaller age gap than before. I’ve seen some people worry about age gap on this thread - I get it, completely. It triggers me because I was so desperate for a smaller gap than I have; but if you find yourself in a similar boat to me, I promise it’s lovely in its own way. My kids adore each other and are good pals considering the gap. I can’t lie though, it’s very tough in ways too and I really, desperately want a 3rd soon!!

Anyway, it’s day 2 post ERPC and i’ve only got a tiny bit of pink blood when I wipe. I have had some intense cramps and I just feel sad and like I have no energy? So, unbelievably terrified of adhesions/scarring and rendering myself completely infertile now post procedure. I’ve worked so hard this year, multiple tests, saline scans, hysteroscopy, biopsies etc… to ensure my endometrium is healthy for embryo transfer and now i’m scared all of my hard work is undone - but hopefully i’m being my usual overly worrying self and the chances of any complications are very slim 🙏🏼

Any idea what’s a normal time frame to expect a period? I’ve booked a scan for 3 weeks time with the lovely lady who does my IVF scans, just to check all looks as well as it can, post procedure.

I’m just desperate to crack on with embryo transfer and have been told I can, as soon as I get my period.

Oh and just to add - my fertility issues are that I have PCOS and only ovulate about twice per year. I also have 1 blocked fallopian tube, so the odds are very much stacked against me!

@VillageFete I'm glad my acupuncture story provided some light relief, it does sound like you've had a really tough time of it.

I had a vacuum procedure too (I think, the Dr called it suction, no curretage needed in the end) and my spotting lasted about 10 days and my period came after 3 weeks and 3 days so I hope yours will be back before too long.

I'm sorry the team weren't very empathetic with the procedure, but at least now it's done (reading some of the other experiences on here it does sound like the surgical management is less lingering than waiting for medical management to work its way) and my Dr has emphasised that in no way should it interfere with future ability to get pregnant so please don't worry about that.

Hoping things look good at your next IVF scan so you can proceed with transfer soon! I think many of us are looking forward to February!

@YearoftheRabbit23 Oh honestly, it really tickled me. I’ve had acupuncture on and off over the years (re-starting next week) And I know some of them are as mad as a box of frogs! It did work well for regulating my cycle though so I’m looking forward to re-starting (Even though I hate it!)

Thank you for the reassurance. Logically, I know chances would be slim, but i’m just always accustomed to crap outcomes with fertility. I need to change my way of thinking!

Oh I hope that my cycle returns as soon as yours. That would be amazing.

I feel like i’m in this awful, torturous limbo and just so want to press fast forward!! Sounds like we all feel the same x

@VillageFete I'm now 13 days post surgical management and it seems like my spotting is FINALLY stopping. I've had three similar temperatures in a row now so fingers crossed I'll ovulate around CD21.

I'm also having a scan with a fertility clinic on that day. Seems like a good idea :)

I hope yours goes well and you can get back to embryo transfer soon!

@TheBirdintheCave Thank you, it’s good to know how things are playing out for those who are a little ahead of me.

I feel like i’m wishing my life away but I can’t wait to just get my period. With not ovulating every month, my periods are quite light usually and more like breakthrough bleeds.

Just heard from another couple in my original NCT group that they're expecting their second in July, which is when I would have been due. We're the only couple left out of 4 who are now not pregnant or already had number 2....

I try not to dwell too much but it's frustrating that the soonest we could possibly have baby 2 is basically 5-6 months later than originally planned, that's assuming immediate conception. Fingers crossed!

Sorry I’m in a rush but crikey yes @Fairylight102 totally yea on the bloating and I’ve e also gained half a stone and not changed diet xxx

@YearoftheRabbit23 Ouch 😓 I know how much delays sting. I was supposed to be in Cyprus now having my embryo transfer, but here I am 2 days post miscarriage surgery. It’s really shit, isn’t it? If i’m lucky, the earliest i’ll get out there is mid March now. Seems an age away….

@YearoftheRabbit23 There are two second babies in ours now as well :( The second one arrived at the time the baby from my first miscarriage should have been born which was extra heart breaking.

Afternoon everyone,
I agree with feeling like I’m in this limbo, I hate the waiting game.
How has everyone else’s cm and bbt been behaving if you’re tracking?

I’m on day 20, counting from the day of the heavy bleeding. I only had one day of heavy bleeding and 6 of spotting. It happened naturally and I was 6-7 weeks. I thought I was nearing ovulation on day 8-9 looking at the cm but it was probably the hormones from the pregnancy making my body do weird things. I got near positive lh tests on day 11&12 then they’ve gradually become weaker. It made me think I may have had a positive test on day 10 ( didn’t test) but it is probably just wishful thinking as I’m desperate ttc again. Negative hcg test on day 13.
I’ve had fertile cm from day 8 onwards pretty much which is unusual for me.
Normally mine is just slippery/ clear/ egg white like near ovulation. I guess our bodies take a while to rebalance though and it’s not like during a normal cycle.
My bbt has been erratic but I don’t trust it too much because my son and the cat make sure I don’t get many hours of unbroken sleep and I also wake up at different times in the mornings.
Now I just want my period to arrive so we can ttc after that.

@Travellingislife My CM is just starting to look normal for the first time today and my BBT has been at my baseline for three days in a row now so fingers crossed I'm nearly there and will hopefully ovulate soon :D

@travellingislife wow what a superhero you are!! This TTC game is a tough old journey . I had a similar experience to you with D&C just before Christmas. I only bled for 3 days or so after & my period game right on time. Wishing you so much luck. I have been trying to conceive a sibling for my 5 year old & thank you for you addressing age gaps, im so sad it isnt the 'ideal' one as i cant seem to get anywherr fast dealing with recurrent miscarriage & no explanations. Its so hard!