Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

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www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

Hello everyone, I’m new to Mumsnet and looking for support and people to connect with who are going through or have been through a miscarriage.
We are currently going through IVF. We got a bfp on 26th Feb and we’re absolutely over the moon. I had my 7 week scan on Friday and there was just an empty sac measuring 16mm with no baby 😔 It was the most shocking news and made worse by the fact my husband wasn’t allowed in the scan room with me.
I was referred to the EPU the next morning but because the sac is not big enough I have to wait two weeks for a re-scan. The nurse explained that in a natural pregnancy they would be concerned I’d got my dates wrong but because we know the exact date the transfer took place she said there was no doubt that I would miscarry. I’ve been given two options (if the miscarriage doesn’t happen naturally) medication or a procedure to remove the pregnancy (with local or general anaesthetic). I don’t know which option I choose but I just want it over with as soon as possible. Just wondered if anyone could advise on these options as I don’t have a clue ☹️
Feeling very low and empty. I also have this odd feeling of humiliation like I was a fool to think it was a strong pregnancy. Can anyone relate to these feelings?
I’m very sorry for anyone going through similar xx

@IVFWarrior40 sorry you have had to join here and yes I definitely know those feelings. I had a MMC so didn't know for weeks that heartbeat had stopped. My friend put it a very nice way though in that your body wanted to hold on to being pregnant that's why it feels like a strong pregnancy.

In terms of options so medical management is the tablets then often you go away and miscarry at home if over a certain number of weeks they keep you in the hospital whilst the process takes place.
The surgical procedure is done either with local or general anaesthetic.
There is also a MVA which is done usually in the EPU unit with pain relief and gas and air.

It's entirely up to you there is good information on the miscarriage association on all the options.
There is a complete mixture on this thread of what women had.
I personally elected for surgical management but went into natural miscarriage the day before.

In terms of times surgical or MVA is the quickest but you usually have to wait a few days as you need a negative covid test and for surgery a theatre slot around c sections. It's also worth asking questions unfortunately with covid many hospitals are refusing surgical under a general anaesthetic (whihh I find abhorrent) but this is dependent on your hospital.

For now get some comfy pj's on speak to your GP and just take each day as it comes. It's a horrible roller-coaster of emotions. But I have found great comfort here (even nearly 3 months after)

@Scottishskifun - thank you for your reply, I’m so sorry to hear about your mmc. It must have been horrendous 😔
Thank you for explaining the options. I do prefer the sound of the surgical options to get over and done with although I am worried about how painful the local anaesthetic option would be. Also, could you let me know what MVA stands for? The nurse didn’t mention that acronym but it was possibly an option. She did say there is definitely a general anaesthetic option although that scares me a bit too. I’m hoping it just happens naturally although I just took a pregnancy test now and the line is as dark as it can be 😢😢.
Ironic that all I want to see now is a negative pregnancy test 😔

MVA stands for manual vacuum aspiration it's generally done with the ultrasound and pain relief. As you don't have to wait for a theatre slot it can be quicker.

Yes it's a horrible feeling. Be warned it will take a few weeks to also get a negative once the miscarriage is complete.

I was one of the unlucky few who had complications from natural miscarriage resulting in high blood loss but I think out of all the ladies here there is only 3 of us this has happened to so it is rare.
The miscarriage association also has testimonials about other women's experiences which might help you to decide which is best for you.

IVFWarrior40 I am so sorry you are going through this. I was a bit further along when my MMC was discovered (foetus only measured 9 weeks at my 12 week scan and no heart beat), but had largely the same options. It’s a very personal choice, but I initially chose the medical route as it could be started straight away. Due to the stage, I stayed at the hospital and had the medication already as a suppository. I won’t go into details, but it wasn’t straight forward and it didn’t completely work, which isn’t actually that uncommon. As a result, I was booked for a D&C. Obviously there are risks with this, but I arrived at the hospital at 11.30 am, went to theatre at 3.30 and was gone by 7pm, having had dinner. I wasn’t in any significant pain, and if I found myself with the decision again, I would definitely go down the surgical route straight away. I must point out, though, that my hospital was great, having surgery under GA was offered as standard and DH was allowed to be with me. So do ask about the current rule where you are, and think about how these factors might affect you.

I would definitely second Scottishskifun’s advice. For now, take it easy, rest up and treat yourself however you can.

@Miscarriage39 - thanks for your response. I’m so sorry for what you went through. My heart breaks for us all 😔
I think I will go down the surgical route. My hospital do offer GA so that is an option. I’m keen to know if the local anaesthetic option would be painful as I think that would be my preference. I’m just a bit scared as I’ve previously had a hysteroscopy which was one of the most painful things I’ve endured but that was only under sedation. I don’t think I have a very high pain threshold 😔
Thanks for the advice to take it easy. I’m taking some time off work so will try to relax in the meantime x

Thank you to @kiwi17, @justwant2beamum, @AlbiMix and @Miscarriage39 for the welcome. What a lovely, supportive thread this is.

I have decided to have a private scan this afternoon. I know this pregnancy has no hope and I can't bear another week of wondering whether the baby has gone yet, so decided to get a confirmation. I am 100% certain the heartbeat has already stopped.

@IVFWarrior40 I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't wish miscarriage on anyone, it is truly heartbreaking. I had both medical management which wasn't fully successful followed by an MVA (surgical option but only under local anaesthetic) after my first mc last year. Happy to answer any questions you may have. I think I will go straight for an MVA this then if it doesn't happen on its own in the next week or two x

treesall Thinking of you as you go for scan.

Another friend of ours had been in touch to say they are having an ‘unexpected baby’ in September! That’s two friends having ‘unplanned babies’, who both considered terminations, due within a fortnight of what would have been our due date. I thought I was coping with the first, but this feels crushing. This friend doesn’t know about our experience, so spent ages telling me about all the worries they have about coping with another, and even how she had half hoped something would go wrong in the early weeks 😔.

Hey @IVFWarrior40 so sorry to read. I had a scan at 7 wks which showed heartbeat and measurements all fine. I also had HG so naively thought a strong healthy pregnancy then especially after seeing heartbeat assumed all was well. Went for a second private scan at 9+4 as my sickness suddenly stopped. But tbh I never expected anything was wrong. No HB and baby only measured 7+1. This was a Monday afternoon, I phoned EPU and they booked me in for a scan on the Wednesday. EPU scanned me, confirmed measuring 7wks and no HB (I was now 9+6). They then got a midwife to chat to us and gave us the options which were natural, tablets (medical), or surgical (either with local or general anaesthetic). They gave me the miscarriage association leaflet with the options which I had already read so had basically already decided. I went for surgical under GA. I personally didn't want to bleed heavy or see anything I just wanted it out of me and over with. I'm in Scotland, they booked me in for the Friday, I didn't need a covid test and my partner was allowed in with me all day.
I went to the hospital at 8am, was in a private room in the pregnancy loss unit so no other happy pregnant people around, it was a long wait. I didn't get taken (due to emergencies) till nearly 5/6pm. I was then discharged about 9/10pm once I'd came round from the GA. I bled after the surgery and for about 10-12 days but no clots, was no worse than a period. I didn't have any pain or cramps really. Stomach/uterus area mildly tender to touch for 1-2 days felt almost bruised but went away quick. Surgery was 5th march, bled till about 16th, pregnancy test nearly negative Sunday 21st. Currently waiting on first period.
Hope that helps x

So sorry @Miscarriage39 it's so unfair isn't it those who didn't really want get healthy babies and we don't :(

@treesall - Thank you so much for the advice. From what you ladies have said I am definitely leaning towards the surgical option. I have just read back on your story and I am so very sorry you are going through this again. I wish things could be different for us. Life can be so very cruel at times 😢 xx

@justwant2beamum - thank you for sharing your story with me. It really helps to understand what to expect. I can understand why you decided to go for the GA option. I’m wondering whether that is a road I should go down to. I’m very worried about the pain and wonder whether GA would be the best option in that case.
It’s amazing how long the body continues to hang onto the pregnancy hormone. I naively assumed that a pregnancy test would show negative as soon as the miscarriage happened. In fact, I never even knew that a silent miscarriage was a thing. I’ve been doing IVF since 2014 and just goes to show what little I still know about fertility. 🤷‍♀️ xx

@IVFWarrior40 just to share my experience, I had ERPC for MMC and it was by far less traumatic than my natural miscarriage from the other day when I caught my 10 week old baby in a sac with my bare hands. 😖 it was IVF too, with strong HB, and similar to you I was so convinced it will be fine and now feel like a fool... how dare I even hope??!
I really hope all goes well when you go for ERPC, make sure you have few days off doing literally nothing!

Can I ask if anyone especially ladies who have been through IVF have stabbing intense pain in ovaries? Its been only 5 days since miscarriage @ 10 weeks for me, no major cramps, quite a lot of bleeding with loads of clots but only for couple of hours really. Since then its just this unpleasant, what feels like ovary pain and radiates into my back. I have yellowish discharge all this time too. I will phone EPU tomorrow morning just in case but also wonder if this is something someone else also experienced.

Hello please can I join?

I went for my 12 week scan yesterday but there was no heartbeat and the baby measured about 9 weeks. So it's a missed miscarriage diagnosis.

It is fortunately my first experience of this, I have tried to read as much of the thread as I can and I see lots of you have sadly dealt with lots of losses.

I'm just trying to work out what to do next. I have actually started lightly bleeding since yesterday which the nurse said may happen as now I know I'm not pregnant my body can let go.

But of course now I feel like I just want this to be over as quickly as possible so I can get on and grieve. It looks like people have had okay experiences of the op. Is this what people would recommend or has anyone just waited it out?

Sorry to be joining you all here but this looks like a lovely supportive thread.

Hi @Hopefulbride18

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s truly heartbreaking.

For me, once I found out I just wanted surgery as I didn’t want to face waiting for my body to miscarry naturally as I wasn’t showing any signs of this happening. I was also worried about having to have surgery after medical management which does seem to happen for some people when the miscarriage isn’t complete. I think it can also be quite painful and to be honest I felt I had suffered enough after several losses. The surgery for me was straightforward and I had really good care. I’ve had it twice now and would always choose this option but everyone is different. The only thing was o had to wait almost a week this time around to allow enough time for a Covid test.

I didn’t mind the idea of GA but wouldn’t have wanted a local anaesthetic (MVA) but I know others have had this and found it to be ok.

Thinking of you xx

Hi @IVFWarrior40 @Hopefulbride18 and all the recent joiners, so sorry you're finding yourselves here but I hope you can find some comfort in all the brilliant advice on this thread. I had a natural MC so not best placed to advise about your medical management qs but just wanted to say hi and thinking of you.

I'm feeling a little down today about the MC, it's now been more than a month since my MC ended and I can't believe that much time has passed but at the same time I feel very much in the same place emotionally as I was right after, potentially more afraid now as I get closer to trying again and I'm just so fearful that I won't be able to conceive or keep a baby. I've stayed off social media as I can't handle seeing baby announcements and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up, as I feel isolated since I can't see my friends during lockdown, so online was a way of keeping up with people's lives. Anyway just having a bit of a rant. I hope everyone else is doing ok.

@IVFWarrior40 @Hopefulbride18 I had ERPC surgery under general anaesthetic and would recommend it. The main things for me were to avoid pain, avoid seeing a fetus (as the baby had grown to 11 weeks) and avoid the uncertainty associated with natural or medical miscarriage - about 1 in 3 of people who go natural will need medical intervention anyway and if I recall correctly about 1 in 6 of those who have medical will need surgery anyways.

Owh @Albimix I know how you feel... hugs! I hope you have a good sleep and feel slightly more positive tomorrow. I definitely agree with feeling like even if I get pregnant again will I be able to carry or will I lose it again and I feeling like I don't want to go through all the pain again :( it's so hard isn't it? Fingers crossed for our rainbow babies in the not so distant future 🤞❤

My scan yesterday didn't show what I expected. The baby has grown 5.5mm in a week (should have been at least 7) and still has a slow hb. It's now measuring 9 days behind. I am so confused and feel so strange. The only positive is it's measuring 6+5 which is larger than any other of my miscarriages have made it to. Knowing the baby isn't going to make it and carrying on in this pregnant-but-not-for-much-longer phase is really messing with my head. I don't know whether to feel grateful it's still there (and secretly hoping a miracle happens and it all turns out ok) or frustrated that I have to continue knowing it's not going to result in a baby.

I'm so sorry for your loss @Hopefulbride18 . Sending you lots of love x

@Doremifasol - thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
I think you should definitely ring the EPU regarding your pain and discharge. Even if just for the peace of mind. xx

@Hopefulbride18 - I’m so very sorry you are going through this. To find out at such an important scan must have been truly devastating. My heart goes out to you.
I’m in a similar situation in that I’m trying to decide how best to manage this. I’ve decided to go for the op with GA. My main worry is the pain as I had a bad experience with a hysteroscopy in the past. I also want it over and done with asap and think the drugs would take too long. I feel a bit better knowing I’ve made the decision. I hope this lovely supportive thread helps you to make your decision. xx

@AlbiMix - thank you for the lovely welcome. Sorry to hear of your miscarriage. It’s a horrible thing to happen to anyone. xx

@TheDaydreamBelievers - thank you for the advice. I’ve actually decided to go for the procedure with GA like you. It definitely seems like the right choice for me. Feel a bit better knowing I’ve made that choice. xx

Thank you for the messages and advice, so sorry to hear about your experiences. I had kind of decided on the medical option last night but now this morning I've started bleeding quite heavily. So I'm not sure if the choice may be out of my hands.

I'm going to call EPU and ask them for advice and also if they can prescribe any stronger pain killers. I'm not in that much pain yet but I'm just really frightened and I'd rather have them in case the worst happens.

@treesall I'm so sorry to hear about your scan. I was actually relieved yesterday that there was nothing else which could be done and the diagnosis was definite. There's nothing worse than being in limbo I really hope you get some answers soon xx

@IVFWarrior40 sorry just seen your message.
Let me know how booking the appointment goes, are you bleeding at all yet?

I'm so sorry for your experience too especially after the IVF. Xx

treesall Gosh, that sounds like a difficult mental position to find yourself in. I hope you have lots of real life support around you. Have you got things to distract your mind a little, if you can, at the moment? When is your next NHS scan?

Hopefulbride18 I’m so sorry you are going through this. I had an almost identical experience (baby measuring nine weeks and no heartbeat discovered at 12 week scan) three weeks ago, so know in little what a shock it is. Obviously, the choice is very personal, but having initially opted for a medical management, if I had to the choice again, I would have gone straight to surgical. I found the medical management quite distressing. I also had complications and it ended up being incomplete, so had to return for surgery the following week. Although I appreciate there are risks, the surgery was quick, painless and I didn’t really have any horrible after effects. For me, waiting it out wasn't really an option, as my body didn’t even really do it’s job with the drug treatment. If you have any questions, I am more than happy to try and answer.

Oh AlbiMix, I hope you managed to get some sleep and are feeling a little better this morning. This journey is so horrible! Sending lots of positive wishes.

@Miscarriage39 oh no I'm sorry for your loss too but I'm so glad I found you. In some ways it's comforting to know someone else who is coming out the other side from it. Thank you for your advice, I'm waiting for a call back from EPU about everything. Now the bleeding is getting heavier I'm worried they'll say I can't have the surgical management.

@AlbiMix I'm so sorry you are feeling so low, I think there are going to worse days on this journey. I can also imagine the fear of trying again. Any future pregnancy is going to be so tough after a miscarriage experience.

@Hopefulbride18 - thank you for your kind words. I can’t book in yet as I have to wait for another scan on the 3rd April. The sac was only measuring 16mm and they won’t move forward with medical/surgical intervention unless the sac is 25mm. Apparently it’s national guidance.
So now as I write this I am wondering what happens if the sac is still not 25mm...
The nurse gave me the impression that if no growth had happened I would get the choice to book in for surgery. I might ring them and ask.
Sorry to hear you have started bleeding. Is it easing or getting heavier? Hope you can get hold of some strong painkillers 😔xx