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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

999 replies

AMS19 · 12/03/2021 12:25

Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

OP posts:
kiwi17 · 20/03/2021 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kiwi17 · 20/03/2021 18:25

Having posted below I'm now doubting myself... Please don't take this to be saying lightly that I would pick and choose a baby according to when it was due.. I was just especially excited for a September baby 🙈 and didn't want two sharing a birthday but if that happens it happens and I'd rather have a baby than none of course! Sorry if I've offended anyone :(

Flopsy88 · 20/03/2021 19:24

Hi again ladies,
I hope you're all doing ok and enjoying the weekend. I joined a few days ago when I started miscarrying naturally but couldn't face coming back again. I hadn't realised how painful and gruesome this was going to be! I think the worst bit is over now and I'm planning to have a huge glass of wine tonight (although would much rather be pregnant and not drinking!)

Does anyone know when I should get a scan to make sure everything has cleared? Does the bleeding need to have stopped completely? It's really hard to get through to the EPU on the phone to ask them.

I feel the same re. due dates @kiwi17 This was my first pregnancy but I was so excited about an October baby, it seemed like such a perfect time. I almost thought maybe we should wait a couple of months to try again for a spring due date but actually I was being ridiculous. I just want a healthy baby even if I have to give birth in the snow! It could take a while to get pregnant again anyway xx

kiwi17 · 20/03/2021 19:33

Thank you @Flopsy88 I'm glad that you've had similar thoughts but I totally agree, it could take a while again too so I need to not get ahead of myself 🙈 in terms of bleeding when I opted for expectant management the EPU booked me in for a scan in 2 weeks which is coming up on Thursday for me and I assumed this was standard so that they could check it was all gone? So I'm not sure... I guess if you have no symptoms of infection and bleeding stops then you're probably ok but not sure? Hope you get some answers:)

Doremifasol · 20/03/2021 21:57

Hi all. I tried to read the whole tread but realised it will take days. I just had my 3rd consecutive miscarriage and 4th in total ( I have 5 y old DD). I am beyond devastated as it was for me a major traumatic event in the middle of the night. I really really really need help in a form of a counsellor or anyone trained for dealing with miscarriage aftermath emotions. Please help me, what are my options? I understand that through GP / NHS waiting times are issue. I am happy to pay privately. Any recommrndations? If it helps I live in Surrey but imagine most counselling is on line now anyway.
Sending love to every broken heart on this thread❤️

kiwi17 · 20/03/2021 22:08

@Doremifasol I'm so sorry you've had to join us and sorry for your losses :( I'm not sure but I know Tommys and the miscarriage association have numbers you call to talk to people, your GP or do you work somewhere where they have access to occupational health? My work have paid for me to have private CBT before. I hope you manage to find someone to talk to - there is a friendly bunch of ladies on this board too who have lots of experience and advice :)

justwant2beamum · 20/03/2021 23:39

@kiwi your post has deleted but I get the jist, I have felt the same, I so desperately want to be pregnant so so bad and I'd love to fall this month and try get my 2021 baby but I was so so happy with my Dec due date and in the past would have been naive and thought "I don't want a dec/jan baby. But now I couldn't care less I just want that baby in my arms

Scottishskifun · 21/03/2021 07:28

@Doremifasol I'm sorry you've had to join us. I also had issues which resulted in trauma.
I have been speaking to my GP as they have been monitoring me for PTSD and I'm suffering from trauma. It is slowly improving but yes I have been having therapy also through my work.
Your right in the NHS lists are long but it's worth speaking to the GP anyway as areas are different. I was told an 8 month wait time.
Privately its up to you the miscarriage association might have information and they have a helpline Mon-Fri.

Counselling has been helping me but it's a slow process, gradually sleep has improved and flashbacks have reduced - used to be several times in a day in the early days.
I would say give yourself time don't put pressure on yourself and take the day by chunks of hours.
Be kind to yourself and don't push it. It's also worth speaking to your GP to sign you off work.

kiwi17 · 21/03/2021 08:37

Thanks @justwanttobeamum I panicked and got it deleted because I didn't want people to think I was being faffy about dates and now my post after doesn't make any sense 🙈🙈 argh. Sorry everyone! Good to know others have similar thoughts though I think I always work out things that would happen around the due date and get excited about it happening and now it's not then it's hard to process. Definitely agree though i would take a live baby born on Christmas day if needed versus going through this again!!

Miscarriage39 · 21/03/2021 08:59

Doremifasol I am sorry for your losses. I think most of the bases have been covered for accessing counselling, but do speak to your GP. I believe a few areas prioritise miscarriage-related referrals on the priority route (but I have no idea which areas, I am afraid).

Flopsy88 I didn’t go through a natural miscarriage, so it might explain the difference, but I haven’t had another scan booked. I was just told to take a HPT three weeks after after surgery. As I say, this may be irrelevant, but maybe it’s just the policy in some trusts? If you can’t get through to the EPU could you maybe call your GP and ask?

kiwi17 I know exactly what you mean about EDD etc. One of ours was born at an unpopular time of year to have a baby, and I remember having that discussion almost immediately after we found out we were expecting him. This time, we equally celebrated the excitement of a September due date. Looking back now, I am horrified that I was a bit disappointed by such a thing, but it very much came from the position of privilege and belief having a baby would be straightforward. Nowadays, I just want a baby.

I am getting optimistic that I may be coming to coming to the end of bleeding. Sorry if TMI, but there is now just a tinge just like at the very tail end of my period, so hopefully that will clear up soon. I did a HPT yesterday (only 12 days post-surgery, and 17 day after passing the sac) and that is now negative too, so it feels a bit like the end of the physical journey is finally insight.

justwant2beamum · 21/03/2021 10:00

That's good @Miscarriage39, I'm still waiting for a negative test it's making it feel so drawn out and like I'm stuck atm not being able to try.

Miscarriage39 · 21/03/2021 10:12

justwant2beamum I am sorry you are still waiting, and I’m sorry if I was insensitive to share where I am at. I really do have everything crossed that you get your BFN really soon and can start trying again.

We had hoped to try again straight away, but I’ve been advised to make sure my blood count has improved and my GP won’t agree to a blood test for another four weeks. I’m struggling a bit with that, as I’m 39 and every month counts, but equally I know that it would be foolish to TTC without sorting the anaemia, as I tend to get slightly anaemia in pregnancy anyway.

justwant2beamum · 21/03/2021 13:38

@Miscarriage39 not insensitive at all I think it's helpful to know numbers and dates from others to get an idea of when things might happen! I'm 16 days post surgery today (ERPC 5th March) and this is mine on an IC this morning with FMU, so I think I'm nearly there, just a shaddow🤞🏻I'm not bothering with wasting FRERs to get a negative. Once the ICs go negative I'll leave it and carry on I think.

That's frustrating about the wait for bloods but in the end the few extra weeks will be worth it when you fall again you'll be glad you waited and got any issues managed properly. I've always wondered if I have thyroid issues as am always tired, always cold, dry skin, bad hair/nails etc. Was going to speak to the GP when covid settled down and things were a bit more normal but then I fell pregnant so thought must be ok. But I don't know if they'll just test me if I ask? Anyone got experience? Can you just ask for bloods?

Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!
kiwi17 · 21/03/2021 15:00

@Justwanttobeamum that looks like a negative to me on my screen so fingers crossed for you not too long now! I'm not sure on the thyroid- could be underactive with those symptoms? My little girl has congenital hypothyroidism so we've been around thyroid stuff for a while but hers got picked up on the heel prick test at one week old so not sure. I would say contact GP and hopefully they'll give you a blood test as that's how they will see your thyroid function levels. Hope you get some answers soon!

justwant2beamum · 21/03/2021 15:15

Yes underactive was what I was thinking but I don't know if they'll test me if I just ask. Can't hurt to ask I suppose xx

Miscarriage39 · 21/03/2021 16:33

justwant2beamum in my experience, if you speak to your GP about those types of symptoms they tend to recommend a few general blood tests, that normally include a basic thyroid function test. It wouldn’t hurt to call your doctor and say you have had these symptoms for a while and would like them investigating.

justwant2beamum · 21/03/2021 17:29

Thanks @Miscarriage39 I think I will. I was worried about asking for tests/not bothering the doctors with covid etc but I think I have to ask for my own sanity.

AlbiMix · 21/03/2021 19:41

Hi ladies just catching up, welcome @Doremifasol and sorry for your loss. I think a couple of people have asked about a natural MC and the scan to see if it's completed (maybe it was @kiwi17?), in case it's helpful I had a natural MC and I had the scan to confirm it before the bleeding had ended, I was still bleeding moderately but they were able to confirm the MC was complete.

@Scottishskifun sorry to hear about the dilemma of meeting your pregnant friends. I would be putting that off too to be honest, if I wasn't feeling ready. I still haven't engaged with pregnancy announcements or social media at all since my MC.

treesall · 22/03/2021 00:17

Hi there, can I join you?

I'm just waiting for my 4th early miscarriage to happen. Scan last week showed baby was measuring 1-2 weeks behind and sac at least 7 days behind and there was a hb but it was very slow / weak. I've gotta go back in another week to confirm a mc. I'm desperately hoping it happens naturally before then because I can't bear another round of medical management / MVA.

I'm sorry that you're all on this thread having suffered losses. Sending strength to everyone x

justwant2beamum · 22/03/2021 10:47

Hi @treesall how awful for you. I hope you're doing the best you can. 💕

AlbiMix · 22/03/2021 12:00

Hi @treesall, sorry to hear about your MC. Fingers crossed it happens naturally for you. Take care of yourself Flowers and let us know if you need to vent or seek support.

Miscarriage39 · 22/03/2021 13:42

Hi treesall, I am sorry you are going through this. I hope it all happens naturally for you.

kiwi17 · 22/03/2021 16:52

I'm so sorry @Treesall I hope you can find some support here. Thanks @Albimix that's helpful to hear - think I'm feeling paranoid something will be left in there despite realistically knowing that I would probably be feeling the effects if I did. Out of interest did anyone else have splitting headaches after the bleeding stopped? For about 5 days in a row now I've had awful headaches bordering on migraines but can't work out why. I have a really tender and sore scalp too.. wonder if it is hormone related as I also have a few spots appearing which only cone before af normally. Getting frustrated as I'm doing opks but no positive yet so worried that it's going to take ages to come back! I know I need to not get ahead of myself 🙈

Miscarriage39 · 22/03/2021 17:09

kiwi17 it’s interesting you ask about headaches. Both yesterday and today I have had splitting headaches. I normally try to avoid painkillers, but have needed them both times. I also wondered if it was hormones as I also the same swimey, lethargic, slightly nauseous feeling I sometimes get before my period. I’m also spotty.
I hope you get your positive OPK soon.

Scottishskifun · 23/03/2021 08:00

Headaches are normal with miscarriage and also with your brain trying to process everything. It also depends on how your sleeping as well.

I had headaches for about 6 weeks related to the miscarriage and trauma then brain trying to process it all (my sleep was maybe an hour a night)
For me they were similar to tension headaches so painkillers only partially worked. Relaxation things worked better if you are finding they aren't going.