Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

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Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

Thanks ladies- it's been a bit of a snappy day so far but hey we're over halfway through now! Plus, I've had no spotting today at all for the first day and my opk is darker than yesterday so hoping that my body is gearing up to ovulate (whether or not we manage to dtd in the next few days at least it's working again.. ) by the way picking up an old topic - I worked out if you go on the search bit on Instagram and hold your finger down on the posts you don't want yo see and swipe down to the 3 dots it comes up with the option 'I'm not interested' and if you click that on all the pregnancy related stuff then refresh your search feed will fill up with other stuff :)

@Miscarriage39 I know what you mean I had fairly minimal bleeding the first day or 2 and I naively thought that would be it and I'd stop bleeding quickly and be lucky. But the bleeding wasn't bad, no worse than a period. I've felt fine (physically) otherwise apart from Sunday I was driving and I got what I can only describe as contraction like pains/feeling (although I've never given birth so couldn't say) for sure but I was driving alone on the motorway so was pretty scary my whole body from waist down was tensing up and I couldn't move my feet from the pedals and was screaming from pain while driving. Manager to get home crawl into the house and then DP came in and got me in the bath so the whole thing was over in like half an hour. When I came into the house I went to the toilet and expected loads of blood or a big clot or something but there was nothing - so no idea what it was, uterus shrinking maybe? But it was bloody sore. But apart from that been ok. I got offered a new job this week. Bittersweet, I was offered it and turned it down as after the interview I found out I was pregnant. So when I miscarried I went back cap in hand and it was still available so they re offered me. But I am nervous about moving as I don't even really like my field but can't get a job in anything else. And my current boss has destroyed my confidence so I just feel totally useless. The only thing I've ever wanted was to be a mum and I thought I was getting it and it was snatched away. I'd trade my new job for my baby back any second so bitter sweet. But hoping it will take my mind off my miscarriage and TTC for a bit and help pass the time faster. I will be continuing to TTC anyway. I've deep cleaned downstairs today which has passed the day. My "should have been" 12 week scan day tomorrow. Hope others are managing to keep distracted and I hope we will see some positive news on here soon.
On another note, I have deleted social media but I heard about Louise Thompson (made in Chelsea's) post about MC and read it online. Good to see celebs speaking up about it, although obviously heartbreaking for her.

Hi ladies, just catching up today.

@DappledOliveGroves thank you for the progesterone info, I think if I get pregnant again (hopefully) I will ask if I can have some.

@kiwi17 sorry about the milestone, it is crap :( look after yourself and take it easy. Thanks for the Instagram tip, I still haven't returned to it.

@Miscarriage39 sorry to hear about the UTI! The amount of crap that women's bodies have to deal with! Hopefully antibiotics will kick it quickly.

@justwant2beamum that car experience sounds horrible, I hope you're doing better now. Maybe the body bottle that was recommended on here before would help with your pains? My hot water bottle helped when I was having contraction like pain in my MC. Also CONGRATS on the new job, that is absolutely fantastic news given that it sounds like your current job is awful, so this is really great and amazing it was still available. I know it's no consolation for losing your baby, but believe me a better job situation can help so much. When I left my toxic job to the place I am now, it made everything a million times better. I feel so much more comfortable about health issues in my new workplace, I think this will make a real difference to your overall well-being 🤞

@HotCupOfNo congrats on the blood test results, sorry you're having mixed feelings. Try to remember that it is a positive is step towards moving on - if you want to TTC when you're ready you can now do that and that's a hopefully thought.

Sending positive vibes to everyone!

@HotCupOfNo *a hopeful thought

Thanks @AlbiMix - the pain only lasted about half an hour then disappeared snd not had anything since. No idea what happened! Yeah I hope this job will be better... everyone keeps saying to me anything will be better than your current job but I guess like pregnancy will be too, a new job is tainted for me too as last time I got excited about a new job and was happy it all came crashing down and I lost every shred of confidence and tbh it has ruined my mental health and nearly relationship. I do hope this will be a bit better but I just feel like now my heart isn't in my industry snd job now, even though it'll be a new company. I was so looking forward to being a mum then maybe trying to do something else career wise. My only dream when I was little was a family and to be a young mum and now I'm kicking myself for not starting trying sooner and maybe I'd have my baby by now. We really do give ourselves a hard time don't we.

@justwant2beamum glad the pain hasn't returned 👍
Fingers crossed that the new job will be better, and you can always keep your sights set on your end goal of having a family and moving into a new industry. When times are really tough sometimes all I can do to make myself feel better is to think "it could be worse"...some people don't find that helpful but for me it's the only thing that works when I'm feeling really down about something. In this case - at least you're rid of the currently bad job, which is a plus and maybe being less stressed will help both your mental and physical health which will no doubt be better for TTC :)

kiwi17 great news that the ovulation sticks are getting darker.

justwant2beamum that experience must have been really scary, but glad the feeling soon passed. Congratulations on your new job, and well done for going back after it. I’m sorry it’s not in a industry you still have a passion for, but hopefully it’ll be a nicer place to work, and that will make the daily effort a little bit easier. As AlbiMix says, sometimes it’s a case of getting to a less bad position, and sometimes those small steps actually make better things come about. I have everything crossed for you that your real dream will soon be a reality.

DH took today off work so we could go and get some bits for the garden. I’ve been feeling really hormonal and emotionally all over the place. I guess this is just things settling back down, but I feel pretty guilty as I have ruined his day by being grouchy and snappy. He’s been very understanding, but I still feel bad about it. On the up side, I now have plenty to of gardening to keep me busy and distracted for the next few days.

Thanks @AlbiMix @Miscarriage39. I guess it's just hard and I've not wanted to tell anyone I've got a new job as I don't want anyone congratulating me or telling me that's great - because it's not? I wouldn't have got a new job if I hadn't lost my baby so I don't want anyone (family and IRL not aimed at anyone trying to help on these threads btw I am grateful) but I just couldn't bare it. But I know people will find out I have a new job eventually and esp those who don't know about my MC I feel I can't snap and say it's not a good thing I'm not happy about it shove your congrats up your . Sorry I am grumpy today also, should have been out 12 week scan day, should have been our happy day telling family and friends and the world.

Hi Ladies - I wondered if I could ask for your opinion on something? I had an SMM a month ago but after a scan last week, they found some retained products. I had an endoscopy yesterday where they think they were able to get the last of the retained products.
They also tested my Hcg after the surgery and got results today saying that my Hcg is 8. The nurse said that they would deem this as a negative pregnancy. With this level, would that mean my body will finally kick back to normal? I have read elsewhere that it needs to be zero. Nervous that there might still be some left!

Thanks so much!

Hey @Cailin1808 - I would be inclined to go with what nurse said. I have heard and read that very small amounts of hcg and you can still ovulate/ have a period. I have read somewhere though that some places consider under 5 negative. 8 is very very close. If I were you I'd maybe do a FRER in a few days as they detect 6mui so if it's negative you'll know you've dropped from 8 to less than 6 and can assume 0 within a few days? Xx

@justwant2beamum

Hey *@Cailin1808* - I would be inclined to go with what nurse said. I have heard and read that very small amounts of hcg and you can still ovulate/ have a period. I have read somewhere though that some places consider under 5 negative. 8 is very very close. If I were you I'd maybe do a FRER in a few days as they detect 6mui so if it's negative you'll know you've dropped from 8 to less than 6 and can assume 0 within a few days? Xx

Thank you! Yes, will test again in a few days - just hope I won’t see that blasted second line! Strange how things change when you want two lines to go away and the joy it’ll bring when that happens

Hey ladies hope you are all doing as well as can be. I'm having a very mixed few days now have 3 friends with second pregnancies that my son usually plays with (prior to lock down) as the rules in Scotland get relaxed it's getting harder and harder to make excuses to not see them. I just can't face it though as they will be about 6 months pregnant the same as I should have been.
Only one of them knows so the thought of plastering on a smile and small talk is all a bit too much for me to cope with.

I also have my smear test booked in over a weeks time as its getting closer its getting worse and I'm worried about flashbacks due to the emergency treatment I had to go through.

Urghhhh just so fed up with this bloody emotional draining so much of the time.

Sorry how rubbish you're feeling today @Miscarriage39 and @justwanttobeamum - my 12 week scan would have been yesterday so I know how you feel :( I had a really snappy day yesterday too it's definitely the emotions getting to me I think. Gardening sounds ace though! @Scottishskifun I know what you mean - a friend of mine who has a lo similar age to mine is pregnant again and wants to do a zoom with some friends and I just can't bear hearing her talking about how hard it Is, how everyone keeps asking when she's due etc when I know it's always been so easy for her. I've muted the group for now but I know I won't be able to hide forever!

I found out this morning I'm going through my 5th loss. A chemical Pregnancy this time,

justwant2beamum please don’t apologise for feeling bad. I know it’s completely unmumsnetty, but I just really want to send you huge hugs.

Scottishskifun & kiwi17 I’m sorry you’re both struggling with having pregnant friends. I’m not sure if I mentioned the other day, but a friend of ours accidentally got pregnant at a similar time to us. They were planning on terminating, then, the day after I miscarried, they announced they were going ahead with the pregnancy. As much as I love them, I’m steering completely clear at the moment as it’s just too painful, so can definitely understand your feelings in this one.

@HopingForOurRainbowBaby I'm so sorry for your loss :( thanks @Miscarriage39, it's all so unfair isn't it?! I know I will have to see her eventually but she doesn't know about my mc and always jokes about us being on mat leave together again which is just a stab to the heart really as she's going off work in June and I'm not even pregnant now..

@kiwi17 thank you. I know I was only very early on this time, but this Baby was planned so it's hit hard

@HopingForOurRainbowBaby I don't think it matters how early you lose the baby it's still what it means to you and how you feel about it. I'm sorry It's just all so rubbish :(

@Cailin1808 I know how you feel, I am still testing and waiting for my negative so I can at least try to focus on moving on and getting pregnant again. It's so horrible. I feel like getting a positive will never be that pure happiness/bliss ever again.

Thank you @Miscarriage39 appreciate it.

Sorry for your loss @HopingForOurRainbowBaby

Yes know what you mean about friends/pregnancies. Feels like everyone is pregnant, even celebs and influencers. We have close friends who announced their pregnancy to us by text just as we arrived home from EPU from our scan confirming our loss. (They had no idea we were pregnant). She doesn't seem to ever speak about it and acts really weird about it (even before she knew we had been too and had lost so I don't think she's just avoiding it with me) and has made comments about not really wanting to take long off work will be going back after a few months etc. And maybe I'm just assuming and she's entitled to do that but sometimes I wonder if it was planned/they really wanted it and it feels so cruel that we so desperatly did and ours was taken away :(

@judtwanttobeamum it's so hard isn't it? Like one of my friends got pregnant whilst on the pill and I'm always like how does that even happen?! When I have to opk, temp, plan and it still takes ages ttc and then we mc anyway :( just doesn't seem fair I completely understand how you feel I'd feel the same way. I'm on day 2 of no bleeding whatsoever so pleased that it's finally finished and got to wait for my scan on Thursday so confirm all products gone - slightly paranoid they'll say there is still stuff in there but hopeful they won't as I have no symptoms of feeling ill and no bleeding. How likely is it from those of you that had the second scan to check?? Have started opks this week as the pregnancy test was pretty much negative so thought we would give it a go but they seemed to get darker on Thursday but still negative and have now disappeared again so I'm not sure if I ovulate on Thursday and just missed it or whether we are still waiting.. frustrating!! Anyone else ttc before their first period after mc or is everyone else waiting for their first period to settle the cycle again?

Tha ks ladies today is a bit better!
Ironically the friend who I want to spend the most time with is also pregnant but after 5 miscarriages (thyroid issue) so she completely understands my feelings on things but she has been too worried about upsetting me! Catch bloody 22!

Today is a bit better keeping myself busy with getting our garden sorted for summer. We have decided to wait for my first jab before going back to TTC as I don't want to risk covid with a pregnancy and I also can't face the potential for having to go through that ordeal on my own again with hospital rules!

@kiwi17 yes I am TTC without waiting for period but it's more just "winging it" for the min. My ERPC was 5th March stopped bleeding about 16th (tues this week) then DTD wed 17th and today 20th. I still tested positive on Thursday, I'm waiting for a negative HPT before bothering with OPKs because the other week I did a HPT and OPK and both were positive because of the pregnancy hormones so think OPK pointless until negative HPT. So we're just DTD this month every 2-3 days and hope for the best. 🤞🏻

@justwanttobeamum that's a good strategy - my first bleeding free day was yesterday so guess we will try a similar thing going forward. Fingers crossed for You!

You too @kiwi17 let me know how you get on. Are you still doing HPTs and tracking for a negative? Last one I did was Thursday, think I'll do one tomorrow again and see.

Sorry @kiwi17 ignore me just re read down that you got your negative so started opks.