Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@peanutmm So sorry your friend isn't being supportive. Unfortunately some people either are too wrapped up in their own world to ask or just don't know how to go about it. Maybe she was just trying to reassure you when she told you about her bleeding? Although, I've found that having a MC has shown me who my real friends are and who'll be there for me when times are tough. Is there anyone else you can talk to? We're always here if you need to talk about anything but I know it's not the same as having someone to talk to in "real life". Hope you're okay x

Sorry to see there are a few more people here since I last posted.
I'v had bloods taken at the hospital today to check what my hcg level is like. They did tell me I was given incorrect advice about taking a pg test 3 weeks after passing the sac and it should really be 3 weeks after you stop bleeding.
Also had more bloods at the Drs to check everything else is okay.

The hospital called me and my hcg levels are now nearly 0 - strangely I feel relieved.

@peanutmm since going through this experience I’ve found two things. Those who have had a mc or similar understand. Those who haven’t try to understand but they don’t. That may sound harsh but those who’ve not been through it tend not to understand the emotional devastation it creates and how traumatic mc can be, no matter how early in the pg that happens. Even my family who are the best in the world don’t understand how this has affected me hence I posted lots on here because you girls get it!
@WildflowerPetals I would definitely push to understand any abnormal blood results too!!
@im2sad I’m glad your levels are normal but I also understand while on one hand you are pleased it’s over on the other you are just really sad it’s all over too.

@im2sad glad they’ve checked for you and glad that the hcg is down too, and that you feel relieved (although ok too if you don’t/feel weird).

@peanutmm I’m sorry you’re friend isn’t being supportive, as someone whose been in both places now it is really tricky. I’m sure I said all the wrong things to my best friend last year, and I am so so grateful for her most knowledgeable and understanding support of me this year (although I wish she didn’t have to know what it’s like herself). Hopefully your friend just doesn’t know what to say, but it’s rubbish if she’s not checking in.

I had my first negative test today and also have been having ewcm the last few days so all signals that my body is hopefully settling back into its cycle (not that it was very regular before)

@peanutmm I totally agree @Annannanna @Lulumam @BaaBaaEmily @WildflowerPetals people don't know what to say when you tell them you've had a miscarriage, but especially if they haven't been through it themselves. Some people don't say anything because they're afraid of upsetting you but it actually ends up making you feel alone and neglected. Other people react in ways that seem quite cold and self centred. I was/am extremely sensitive about my MC and I understand that has caused me to be annoyed with most reactions. I think for me the most sensitive thing someone can do, if they haven't been through it themselves, is just acknowledge they don't know what to say, but let you know you can talk to them if you need to, and then check in every few days to see how you are. I've made sure to tell my close friends about the MC , so that if it happens to them, they know I've been through it too and can talk to me about it.

Sending good thoughts to everyone here.

Hi all having a really down day today. I’m heading into my first fertile period since my mc and I’ve realised how much I want another child and I feel so lost now I’m no longer pg…. Anyone else feeling low?

Hi @Lulumam, sorry you're feeling low today, I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm feeling down today too, my period is overdue (but that's not abnormal for me) and I'm worried about it arriving. I feel like I've been doing well but now I'm due on everything has hit me again. We TTC this month so I'm anxious whether AF will arrive or not, I guess only time will tell. It's so shit we have to go through all this worry, sending love x

Hey all

I’m really sorry to read about all your experiences. I wouldn’t wish miscarriage on my worst enemy.

I’m currently going through my 5th loss, but my first MMC. It’s been absolutely fucking awful. We found out at a scan at 8 weeks that the baby had stopped growing between 6-7 weeks, but 3 weeks and 2 doses of misoprostol later, and I still haven’t miscarried.

I’ve been keen to avoid surgery because I already have scarring through endometriosis and frankly I don’t want to do anything that could jeopardise my fertility. But my mental health is suffering & I’m finding it difficult to cope. I am booked in for another dose of misoprostol tomorrow morning as an in-patient. I really, really hope it works.

Can I ask how long people felt they needed before they went back to work? I’ve been off since my bad scan but I am going mad at home. Equally I cannot bear starting to miscarry while at work - that’s already happened to me twice & it’s awful.

So I started miscarrying on June 5th and it took 20 days to complete. I haven’t gotten my period yet so I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. We have been TTC as I’ve been told that it’s possible to be super fertile immediately following a pregnancy (whether it was successful or not). My doctor said that I don’t need to wait for my period to TTC as they can date a pregnancy with an ultrasound.

I’m so over this. I just want to have a baby. Grr.

Sorry. It took 9 days to miscarry, not 20.

I’ve been feeling so low so I’ve been engaging in some retail therapy. Haha. I can’t stop.

@graciepoo I feel for you I am there I get it I am miserable and just want my own child, I feel after everything I have endured I deserve it. I have no interest in other people's kids, I just want my own x

I feel you. I sometimes feel a bit of envy depending on who is pregnant. But really, I don’t care about their kid. I want my own.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm glad and sad I'm not alone in feeling that way about others' responses. Thankfully I have had loads of support from other friends, just hurts from this particular friend. I know she tends to speak about herself/her own issues a lot, and it generally winds me up around the time of my period (I knew I was pregnant when I wasn't annoyed with her around when my period was due 😂), but I guess I just always expected she would be supportive if I was going through something difficult, especially as I had said I would need and want her support if this happened.

@Fornalutxa I'm so sorry for the difficult time you're having. I work from home so I only ended up taking off 5 days because physically I felt fine, but now I am regretting resuming work that soon. I really just don't care anymore about work and am still emotional. I think my job is great and feel horrible I'm not giving it my best now.

@lulumam I'm sorry you're feeling low, I hope today was a bit better. You're definitely not alone in that.

@Fornalutxa I’m so sorry for your losses especially this recent one. I mc naturally but it took a while to start as I spotted for ten days before the proper bleed started and then I bled for a fair while after - I think some mc just really take their time. I understand your reluctance for surgery but I equally also understand how your mental health is struggling now. Mine really started to suffer because it was taking so long and at the time I’d have taken surgery if it had been offered but bow in hindsight I’m glad I didn’t as my body did manage to do it ok in the end. Saying that though you need to so what’s right for you and if a chemically induced mc isn’t going to happen then perhaps surgery is the way to go but only you can call it. Thinking of you x
@graciepoo totally get it. I’ve been feeling so low lately. More so I think as OH has a chest infection so doesn’t really want to DTD and all I can think is ‘but I might be fertile!!’and then I feel guilty for getting upset with him over it think my hormones still haven’t totally levelled out either as I keep crying at the silliest things
@WildflowerPetals I’ll be keeping everything crossed you’re late for a good reason but yes, mentally this is so tough. It’s good to know I’m not alone though! X

Since mc (Natural no d&c) we've had cycle? lengths of seemingly 33; 11; 13 days ? :S OH doesn't want to contact midwife or doctor about it but it doesn't seem right to either of us, she's just fed up with her body - she is 34 btw.

So sorry for your losses @Fornalutxa and sorry it's being dragged out so long for you. I went back to work after 2 weeks, but I think if I was in your situation I wouldn't go back until if miscarried as the fear of miscarrying at work would be too much for me. Let us know how you get on this morning x

@graciepoo I feel your pain, longing for a baby is one of the hardest things. I also find myself engaging in lots of retail therapy haha x

@Lulumam Unfortunately AF has turned up today, so we'll just have to keep trying. Hope you're feeling a bit better today x

@EdwinBaber That seems very odd, I'd definitely suggest contacting the GP if her cycles are fluctuating that much. But if she doesn't want to go right now, just be supportive and wait until she feels the time is right x

Hello all.

I sadly had bad news at my scan on Friday. I should have been 9+5 but measured 7+4. Going to EPU for official scan tomorrow.

I have a couple of questions:

Are they likely to give me the choice of how to manage as no signs of cramping or bleeding whatsoever and it’s been three weeks now since baby’s heart stopped.

Also, during the scan (internal) it felt like the sonographer was really ‘searching’ for something (presumably the heartbeat). It was verging on rough and seemed to take ages. I just wondered if this was the case for all transvaginal scans or if this would have been because the heartbeat was not immediately evident.

I just found it upsetting as I kind of sensed something was wrong and as time went on and he seemed to become more frantic it was just the worst feeling in the world.

@OttilieKnackered So sorry you've had this devastating news. With my first MMC I was given leaflets and told to go away and think about it but I said there and then that I wanted medical management. I found out at 12 weeks the baby had stopped growing at 7, so that's 5 weeks my body hadn't MC'd for and I didn't feel my body would any time soon. She seemed taken aback and went to ask someone if it was okay to give it me now and it was so I had it there and then. Some people prefer to wait and let their body MC naturally but I felt all the waiting would upset me more. On my TV scans they've been a bit 'rough' but I think they're just being thorough, they also checked my ovaries in both of my MMC's which can be quite uncomfortable and feel like they're really prodding you x

@WildflowerPetals thank you so much for your response. That’s my feeling as well. If my body has not realised by now, when will it? The waiting is awful. I just want it to be over now.

With the TV scans, would you say that has been the case in such scans with happier outcomes (really sorry if you haven’t had any such scans)?

22 days and still no period. Ugh. My cycle is usually 25 days long.

I know we’re not supposed to dwell on what we did wrong because miscarriages typically occur due to genetic abnormalities in the formation of the fetus, but I think it’s natural to wonder.

I’m due for my second dose of the COVID vaccine and I can’t help but wonder if the first dose is what caused my miscarriage.

I think we conceived on May 9th, I was vaccinated on May 16th, found out I was pregnant on May 25th, and began to lose my pregnancy on June 5th.

I’ve decided to not get my second dose until my next period just in case I’m able to conceive during this cycle.

@OttilieKnackered Yeah exactly, there's already so much waiting with MC's, I felt it was best to not add something else I had to wait for. Hopefully you'll be given some options tomorrow, let me know how it goes. Unfortunately I haven't had any positive TV scans so far. I did have a TV scan about 10 years ago though (not pregnancy related) and I think that was a pretty similar experience to my pregnancy TV scans x

@graciepoo I had my second covid jab about a week before I conceived last time, I did wonder if it could've caused me to MC but I don't actually think it did. This was my second MMC and was pretty much identical to my first so I don't think the jab played a part in it x