Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

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Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@SamBass I mc at 9+3 and bled for two weeks before and over two weeks after so it was slow which made it so much harder. Thanks for your positive words - I’ll keep on keeping on! :)

Hi guys can anyone help I think I no myself Iam having a mc I went to the toilet 2 days ago light bleeding and stats getting heavier with some small clots I went for a private scan yesterday and the baby was measuring 3.7mm no heartbeat, says I was 6 weeks am worried am loosing the baby x

@Cherrybaby2010 so sorry you are going through this. Have you been in touch with your doctor or local emergency pregnancy unit - they should be able to you follow up with blood tests or a scan so you can be sure and get the support you need?

Hey @Lulumam I called the epu yesterday and they are getting me on on Tuesday, it’s weird i don’t have pain and when I wipe theres red blood theres a lot but it’s not on anything else, don’t know what’s going on I’ve being measuring 6 weeks for the last 4 weeks so the baby is probably just stopped growing, thanks huni.

Everyone here has been in the same boat @Cherrybaby2010 so we all know how you’re feeling. I mc at 9+3 but baby was only measuring 6 weeks at scan the week before. It still hurts even when you’re prepared for it! If you need to chat will help in anyway I can! X

@graciepoo @MrsFLongbottom and @im2sad how are you all feeling now? Hoping you got the answers you need @im2sad?

@AlbiMix can I ask how your first period was after your mc as you say it came about 4 weeks? I’m 3 and a half weeks since my mc now and had my first negative test today but have felt like my period is coming the last two days and today have very very light brown spotting. I was expecting a torrent and bright red. Is this a period at 3.5 weeks??

I did wonder if it’s because me and OH DTD this morning but we have a couple of times before since my mc and this is the first time I’ve bled. Could it be a hang over from mc even though tested negative? I’m so confused again! What’s my body doing?!!!!!

Thanks so much @Lulumam I’ll find out my fate out on Tuesday, I guess what’s for you won’t go by you, us woman are tough cookies x

Hey everybody. So my blood test showed that I’m not pregnant and I took two home tests and I’m not pregnant. Hubby and I have been intimate a few times. Here’s what’s currently going through my head:

1. Does God hate me?
2. Did I do something to cause this?
3. What’s wrong with my body?
4. Will I get pregnant again?
5. Why is life so unfair?

People say “at least you can get pregnant” which is a valid point, but I didn’t stay pregnant and I’m heartbroken.

I hope something really good happens to me. Like twins. Could you imagine.

My best friend is pregnant and I swear everything in life is easy for her. It honestly makes me kinda hate her.

Hi everyone, just thought I'd come day hi and show my face. How're you all doing?

I've got my blood tests tomorrow so hopefully they'll give me some answers. Apart from that not much has been going on. AF is due next week. DH & I have been TTC already though, we DTD the other night and the next morning I had a huge blob of white/brown discharge, so I don't know if that was a combination of discharge/sperm mixed with some old blood left over from the MC 🤷🏻‍♀️ But I've had no bleeding or spotting since then.

@graciepoo These are all questions I (and I'm sure most other people) have asked, but you can't blame yourself. I'm sure you're not a bad person and you haven't done anything to deserve going through this hell. Everything is still in your favour to conceive again. I hate the "at least you can get pregnant" thing, obviously that's great but it doesn't mean much if you MC after, so I feel your frustration there. With my first MC my best friend was pregnant at exactly the same time (she was due 2 weeks after me), it was really difficult, and when I look at her daughter I still think about my baby and how old they would've been now, etc, but you can get through it. I supported her throughout and she supported me - I couldn't bring myself to look at her scan pictures or talk to her in depth about what was happening during her pregnancy though, because it broke my heart that I should've been at that stage too, but that's okay. If she's a good friend she'll be there for you and understand how hard it will be for you.

You've got this and you can get though it ❤️

@Lulumam I’m feeling okay thanks- I’m very up and down but processing and moving on. I saw my best friend yesterday who is pregnant and found that emotionally draining. I am so happy for her and she’s had a rough ride but also hard to be excited and feel sad. She’s very understanding though. I think despite advice we’re going to try to ttc straight away, but I don’t feel super hopeful right now.

@WildflowerPetals I also had some blood and discharge after sex which surprised me- you’re a bit further along time wise than me but I just assumed the same as you. Hope you’re feeling ok?

@graciepoo sorry you’re feeling like this, I know it’s really cliche but it is so important to be kind to yourself always and especially at the minute. You haven’t done anything wrong, sometimes life is just crap xxx but it won’t always be

@MrsFLongbottom I can only guess how seeing your friend must have felt. I’ve had to unfollow a few people because they are pregnant and feel awful as not their fault but I just find it too upsetting at the moment.
@graciepoo please don’t be too hard on yourself. I too questioned what I could have done differently to prevent it. Was it the glass of wine I had or the weed killer I used before I found out I was pregnant, was it the stress I was going through at work, was it because of my age… you aren’t alone. But I know deep down I did everything I could all be sadly this baby just wasn’t meant to be born. It doesn’t hurt any less of course x
@WildflowerPetals good luck for tomorrow - hope you finally get some answers! Realised my spotting is actually my period - back to my 25 day cycle like clockwork which I’m hoping is a sign my body has recovered well after taking so long to mc initially. I confess I’ve found this weekend a little hard as a result - I though I wouldn’t have a period until next year when I was pg and seeing it back so soon made me have a little cry

Hi ladies. A dye stealing positive a week after taking misoprostol to hurry along a MC is probably a bad sign right? I didn’t feel like all that much came out at the time although bleeding has hugely lessened since. Any thoughts appreciated

@Lulumam great news about your period, yes mine was 4 weeks poet MC, there was a bit of spotting first too. It was a tiny bit heavier than normal but less painful than usual which I was surprised by. Although it can be a bit triggering to see blood like that again, overall I found it a relief to have my cycle back on track, so I think this is a great thing for you.

@graciepoo completely agree with the others, we have all asked ourselves those questions too. It feels so unfair. Like @WildflowerPetals I also had to get away from pregnancy announcements and updates, I just straight up quit social media for a few months after the MC as I found it too upsetting. A lot of pregnancies were announced after I MC'd and I found it really hard. If it was someone close I just messaged them to say congratulations but to warn them I couldn't talk to them about that because I just had an MC. I think other people's pregnancies and babies were one of the hardest things to deal with after MC.

Sending good thoughts to everyone!

Hi all, I am sad to be joining this group and sorry for all of your losses😢. A week ago I had a devastating scan at 10+2 which showed the heartbeat had stopped the week before. I had the medical management on Weds which went ok and I thought I had passed the Sac although I didn’t look but 5 days later I am still bleeding heavily and passed a large clot earlier.
It’s not heavier than a pad every half hour which I was warned about but it doesn’t seem to be getting any lighter & still getting mild cramps / a heavy feeling. For anyone who has been through the same awful situation, is this normal? The EPU never answer the phone!

@MrsFLongbottom Yeah I'm good thanks. AF is due this weekend - that's if it turns up on time! How're you?

@Lulumam Thanks, had the bloods done this morning, when I walked in the phlebotomist said "there's quite a few!" - ended up being about 6 or 7 bottles. I'm glad though cause at least they seem to be doing a variety of tests. Glad your period came on time and you're cycle isn't out of sync. Sorry it hit you hard though - sending love x

@AlbiMix I stopped using social media too, especially Facebook, as every time I opened it someone was there posting pictures of their babies/children or announcing a pregnancy. I agree it's one of the hardest things to deal with after MC.

@Pamparam Sorry for your loss. It would depend how far along you were but if you've not had many clots/tissue pass then I'd think there's still some that hasn't passed yet.

@Annannanna it's so hard to say - do you have a follow-up scan booked? My first MC I was definitely bleeding heavily for 5 days after. Although I am in the same boat as you with medical management, thinking I may possibly have passed the sac although very unsure and unconvinced of this one week on I am barely bleeding at all so who knows.

@WildflowerPetals I was 11 weeks with foetus measuring around 9 :(

@Pamparam
Sorry you are going through the same. I don’t have a follow up scan booked, they just said to test in 3 weeks. The hospital have been really bad, after a private scan showed no heartbeat I couldn’t get though to EPU for the whole day, the next day I eventually got through and they told me I had to come in for a scan but there were no appointments so I had to sit there all day in tears waiting for them to try to squeeze me in, I’m feeling a bit traumatised by what happened so i really don’t want to call them back in case they ask me to come in & do the same again!

@Pamparam Everyone's different so you could've passed everything already but, I've had 2 MMC's both around 7 weeks and I've had large clots/tissue with both. I think they generally say not to take a pregnancy test until around 3 weeks after MC so it's probably showing positive because your HCG is still high after only a week.

@Annannanna So sorry for your loss. Some people pass everything quite quickly but others it can take days or weeks unfortunately. Hope it gets lighter for you soon.

Hi everyone, I unfortunately get to join you all as I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago at 7 weeks. I started bleeding and it was confirmed at the follow-up scan that there was no tissue remaining. I thought I was coming around to feeling a bit better about it all, I've been able to speak about it with a few people without getting (too) emotional, but tonight I'm just feeling so sad. So I'm posting because I feel like you all will get it.

@peanutmm welcome - you’re right we do get it. I too thought I was handling it ok then my first period since arrived and it felt like I was grieving for my loss all over again. Always here if you need a chat x
@Annannanna and @Pamparam I too wondered if I’d passed everything as I bled heavily for about a week afterwards and then another further week or so getting slightly lighter. It took 3 and a half weeks to get a negative test but it did come. I get how hard the waiting is. I really struggled with not knowing if I had retained tissue but my advice would be give it a little longer and unless you feel unwell or show signs of infection your body may still be able to do what it needs. Thinking of you both x
@WildflowerPetals that’s a fair amount of blood! How long til you get the results?

@WildflowerPetals I hope you get the results speedily! That’s lots of vials.

@peanutmm sorry for your loss xx I’ve been feeling really up and down, I think we do get it although all experiences are different, some things are the same.

I’ve managed to escape for a few days with family which has been lovely, feeling mixed about a return to reality at the weekend. We’ve decided to ttc again straight away but after dtd I cried (twice) as it felt like such an admiral to myself that I really wasn’t pregnant and have to start over again. Hopefully that passes.

Hope you’re all doing ok xxx

@peanutmm So sorry for your loss, glad you've been able to confide in some people. Hope you're feeling a bit better now x

@Lulumam I've got some of them through already (on the NHS app), just waiting for the others. There's some abnormalities on my full blood count but don't know if there's enough for them to mention it, if they don't I'm going to mention it myself because every time I have a FBC there's something abnormal but they never bring it up x

@MrsFLongbottom Thanks! Glad you've been able to get away for a bit, having that time out should definitely help. I think TTC again after MC can stir up a lot of emotions, hope you're feeling okay now. My period is due tomorrow but l'm going away to see some friends this weekend so I'm nervous it's going to arrive and hit me hard x

Thank you @Lulumam @WildflowerPetals and @MrsFLongbottom. I'm feeling a bit better again today.

Bit of a rant/AIBU? I told a very close friend I was pregnant early on and told her I would want to speak with her if anything went wrong. I told her when I started bleeding and what was happening and that I'd need a follow up scan to confirm. She responded with some emojis and spoke about her experiences with bleeding during pregnancy (baby was fine). I'm feeling hurt/angry that she hasn't even asked how I am doing since our initial conversation about it (we have spoken since about things going on in her life). I don't know if I'm just angry at the situation and misdirecting my anger towards her, or if I'm right to feel hurt. If her kid so much as has the sniffles, I always make sure to ask how they are doing, I make sure to message her asking how she is doing around dates I know are emotional for her, but so far I'm getting nothing back in terms of support that I'd expect from someone who is meant to be a close friend.

@peanutmm I’m sorry your friend is not being very supportive. I have noticed in life some people are very self obsessed and only think about themselves. Or, I think a lot of people do not know what to say to someone going through a miscarriage. Some of my friends have said they don’t know what to say but just let me know they are thinking of me and are there if I need them.
I have noticed I am very angry with everyone at the moment and am very snappy (I miscarried last week) & our hormones will be all messed up.
Maybe arrange a meet up & let her know how upset you are & she might be more supportive once she understands xx

@peanutmm I found the same with my best friends, they knew what I was going through, when I had scans, the op etc but didn't ask how I was. I found it really upsetting and to be honest I haven't been initiating contact as much now as it's made me reevaluate our friendships. I do think as others have said some people find it difficult to know what to say, so don't say anything at all, when all you want is just someone to say I'm here for you. It's so hard and doesn't make this awful process easier. Hope you're ok, Em xx