Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

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Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@graciepoo absolutely not your fault and nothing you have done. Most women who have a miscarriage go on to have a perfectly normal healthy pregnancy. Try to take care of yourself.

Thank you @AlbiMix I'm sorry for your loss

@PrettySad @graciepoo I'm sorry for your losses too.

I had my final scan today which confirmed that I have miscarried naturally. It was difficult being back in the EPU, some women in tears as they'd clearly just been given bad news whilst others laughing and joking.
My daughters best friends mum has announced she's pregnant, due a few days before I would of been. Whilst I'm happy for her it has upset me a little.

@im2sad I'm so sorry you had to endure this! I had to attend the EPU for a final scan 2 weeks ago, it's really odd to me they sit you with the other happy mums to be eagerly awaiting an early scan when we are literally turning up for a scan to make sure the pregnancy had completely gone! And then you follow up with a pregnancy test after to ensure it's negative.... all very reversed and very distressing!! I hope you are ok, I'm not okay and feel I'm on a downward spiral watching myself fall into a pit of misery... I will be waiting for my period to start soon which will be strange after so many months, my periods were like clockwork too, so not knowing when it'll start is unnerving and depressing to say the least, giving you all a strong hug, I honestly don't know what I'd do without this forum xx

@PrettySad it's heartbreaking. Try not to spiral if you can. Hope your partner is being supportive and you take some time for yourself. Everyone processes at different rates.

Hi @AlbiMix, thanks for the love. I was thinking today how rubbish the care we get during the first trimester is, it's a vital part of the pregnancy and we just seem to get left to go at it alone which I just find so bizarre. And then, like you say, during and after the MC isn't great either x

@graciepoo So sorry for your loss. After both of my MMC's I asked myself the same questions too - over and over again. I hope you have a supportive partner and plenty of love and support around you x

@im2sad @PrettySad Sorry you both had bad experiences at the EPU. I found going to the EPU for my final scan gave me some closure, I'm not sure if that's strange but it allowed me to know it was completed and took some worry out of my mind. I hope you're doing @im2sad, and @PrettySad please don't suffer alone, talk to people when you can and get some advice from your GP if you need it x

Sending love to all ❤️

Thanks @spookycookies @im2sad @AlbiMix @PrettySad @WildflowerPetals I’m devastated and am lucky to have a wonderful supportive husband. I’m just so afraid for the future. I’m turning 30 in a few days and I’m afraid that we won’t be able to conceive again. And afraid that we will miscarry again. Why couldn’t this one thing go my way!!??

@graciepoo I felt exactly the same as you. I have two other chronic health conditions and when I got pregnant I thought finally my body is doing something right...and then I miscarried. I think if you have no other children it's inevitable that you worry whether you'll be able to have one. I'm now pregnant again and it's going better than last time so far - so please don't lose hope.

@PrettySad @im2sad @WildflowerPetals couldn't agree more about the EPU. I had a horrible time there after my scan which confirmed the miscarriage. It is so strange to be wanting a negative pregnancy test and wanting your period to to come. I felt exactly like you all, apprehensive about having to take a pregnancy test after the MC and then worrying my period wouldn't come. In my case, seeing the negative test actually felt like a really big relief that the MC was over, I got so much closure from it. I know not everyone feels that way. I then freaked out that my cycles would be messed up, but my period arrived 4 weeks after the MC. Again everyone's experience is different but I just wanted to let you know that I was feeling just like you, and it got better. Hold tight ❤️

@PrettySad @graciepoo @spookycookies @WildflowerPetals how are you all doing? I found my last visit to the EPU so cold, the sonographer barely said a word other than to say she couldn't see any retained products when I asked whether everything looked normal and then the nurse after just told me to take a pregnancy test in 3 weeks. Such a contrast to the Dr who I saw initially who was absolutely amazing.

It's hard not to question why things went wrong when I did everything right.

@AlbiMix it's so good to hear from people who are pregnant with their rainbow babies, wishing you loads of luck

@graciepoo I'm glad you've got a good support system around you. I also worry about age, I'm 28 (29 in December), and, because it took almost a year to conceive again after my first MMC, I'm scared it'll take the same amount of time again. But in reality, loads of people have babies in their late 20's to early 30's and, from what I've read, I don't think you have to start worrying about age until you get to 35+ so I'm sure you'll be okay

@im2sad I'm doing okay thanks, how're you? I'm off work until next Wednesday so I feel like I'm in my own little bubble at the minute, I think when I go back to work it might hit me again. DH went back to work yesterday and said he had a little cry in the morning because people were asking him if he was okay, etc. but after that he felt alright. My local maternity hospital has just been downgraded from 'Outstanding' to 'Inadequate' Both MMC's I've found myself questioning what I could've done differently but this time round I can genuinely say there isn't anything I could've done differently. I wish I knew what the issue was as both times the foetus has stopped growing at around 7 weeks but I guess I'll never know unless it happens again

@im2sad. @albimix that's is exactly how my last visit went, very clinical and cold, the sonographer basically did a TV scan (sick of these!) joked as normal about the bit of tissue to cover my modesty, told me there wasn't any retained product and said my period would resume in around 4-6 weeks and the first one might be painful and more heavy. I literally walked out that room thinking to myself how different the circumstances were weeks ago when I was jumping for joy finding out I was having twins.
I then went and collected the memory box they had made for me (which is really nice btw really thoughtful) and went off to my car and sat there in disbelief. I hope you are doing okay xx

@WildflowerPetals I'm pleased you are having time off, I had a few weeks off and I just wanted to keep myself busy, this is what I always do during bad situations, I was focusing mainly on my health and when the bleeding would stop rather than my mindset.
I have been back at work since Monday, I have a feeling at some point someone will ask me what happened, I'm not sure how I will deal with that, I guess it's my story to tell if/when I'm ready and to who I wish. Some people can be so nosey! Really pisses me off! It's my 2nd week of being on AD's I feel numb and weird taking them... they have helped my anxiety though and tbh I am happy just not spending my days crying all the time! xx

Hi lovelies,

I dont know if remember but few months back i was on here in march with a new pregnancy, unfortunately i miscarried at 6 weeks, now back to trying again. currently 7dpo heres hoping June is our month for our rainbow.

Sending love and support to anyone going through a loss and waiting for that positive test. x

I had mixed experiences at the epu if I'm honest. Really great care when I went in for the medical management. The nurses were great. But during my first I felt completely unsupported and not being able to have my partner there was hard and not something I think should have happened.

@PrettySad I'm the same, I've been keeping myself busy, don't know if that's a good thing or not tbh! It's totally up to you whether you tell people or not, you can always just tell them you had a miscarriage but don't want to talk about it if that's what you feels right. I started a new job in April so I don't know people all that well yet, I kind of wish I'd stayed at my old job as I know how supportive and understanding they'd all be - but the people at my new job all seem lovely so I'm sure they'll be nice about it. I think AD's take a bit of time to adjust to don't they? Hopefully you'll feel more like yourself soon.

@LeeTTCRainbow Sorry you find yourself here again. I hope you get your wish this month!

@spookycookies I agree, my first MMC was an awful experience at the EPU. Met with the nurse who asked me how I was, I said "not great" then she asked why, I don't think she even knew why I was there! Had to go in for the scan on my own, then was taken to a room with no windows - I must have waited there (still on my own) for about half an hour before a midwife came to speak to me. I wasn't given any tissues so was just sat there crying my eyes out with one little tissue I found in my bag. This time though my partner was allowed in and everything was handled a lot better. I get that the NHS is stretched but surely something as sensitive as MC could be handled a lot better - even with covid, partners should've been allowed in to sit with us, I think it's disgusting so many of us were left alone at a time that already feels so lonely.

I’ve just come back from EPU as I had some light bleeding and they’ve said that the sac is showing like it is 7 weeks, when I should be about 12. So heartbroken, and I had to be on my own so my husband could look after our 2yo. Having to come home and tell him was almost worse than hearing it from the doctor.

The doctor was lovely but the nurse was insincere and really rough with the speculum so not a great experience all in all!

I don’t know where to go from here.

@WildflowerPetals that's good you've been able to have some time off. I'm doing okay but I think it hits each time I do something that I last did when I was happily pregnant - I guess how you're expecting to feel when you return to work. DH has been working from home a lot so I'v not been alone that often which has helped - although he has internalised his feelings I think, says he felt sad etc but needed to be strong and carry on as normal. I really hope this doesn't happen to you again. Did they take any bloods?

@PrettySad it's really surprising that the sonographers weren't more empathetic when surely delivering bad news is part of their job and training. That's nice that they did you a memory box. I wish I'd asked for a picture of my scan even though baby didn't have a heartbeat just so I had something physical left. Someone asked me whether I wanted anymore DC, I said yes but I'd just had a miscarriage - it felt better for me to tell the truth than lie. I'v been debating whether to tell family we had a miscarriage, we've been meeting up quite a lot and I'm sure I'm not acting my usual self and I'v been dreading the topic of babies coming up. But it feels odd to announce a miscarriage when I would of been announcing a pregnancy around now.

@MrsFLongbottom I'm sorry you find yourself here too. I found out alone as well. For the first few days I didn't really do anything and allowed myself to have a good cry.

Thanks @im2sad. I’m sorry that you’re here too, and everyone. But it’s also nice to know I’m not alone and be able to talk to people who understand.

Has anyone requested a d&c or is it something you have to wait to be offered?

@MrsFLongbottom yes I found it comforting that I wasn't alone.
Have they booked you in for another appointment at the EPU? Mine were booked a week apart but I passed the sac at home between the two appointments. If I hadn't they would of discussed my options at that second appointment where I could of requested a d&c.

Yes I’ve got another appointment on 21st for a scan to see if there has been any change I think.

It was a bit confusing because I was breastfeeding until last month so the consultant doing the scan said I could just be out with the my dates that much (it is possible but close based on when I had my first positive test) and so he recommended no action and to check in 10 days, but that it was probably the bleeding I’ve been having is the start of a miscarriage. He also said that I didn’t meet the criteria yet for a miscarriage as there was a sac but not big enough to say for certain they should be able to see something on an abdominal scan, and as there wasn’t anything visible they also couldn’t say foetus present with no heartbeat, so i feel like it’s about guidelines rather than common sense? My mum seems optimistic too which isn’t really helpful, as the bleeding is getting heavier and more clots, albeit small. Still no pain though.

Thank you - I’ll see what happens, I guess I just want a quick resolution but I know that’s not my choice to make! It feels really silly but I have a week booked in center parcs on 28th with my husband, toddler and parents, and I just can’t bear the idea that on top of this I might also not be able to do that.

I’m glad that being open with people has helped you too- I wish that it was more normal to be open about it and there was more understanding about it what it means. How are you doing now?

@im2sad I have lots of bits/memories from the babies, the memory box is lovely, it has 2 little bears, 2 little certificates of life, some seeds to plant (forget me nots) some tea lights and 2 little glass angels, I also have lots of things I had purchased during my pregnancy, and their scan is in a little frame. I feel like packing it all away as looking at it all makes me so angry and robbed. I should be sharing the scan pic and telling everyone we are expecting twins, instead I avoid any baby talk, and keep this taboo sad truth to myself. I'm sick of being envious of women who have successful pregnancies - even celebs! I don't care much for material things, big houses nice cars big weddings are not my thing I just wanted a family of my own, why couldn't this one natural thing go my way? Even just the once! I wouldn't of been greedy I'd of just been happy with our precious twins 😞😞😞

Why is life so bloody unfair 😢

@prettysad I’m so sorry, I wish you didn’t have to go through it. The memory boxes sound lovely ❤️

Life is so unfair. I was just starting to feel like I’d come out of the risky part and feel so cheated. I’m only grateful that I wasn’t at my planned 12 week scan when I found out.

@PrettySad I think that's completely understandable not to want to look at it now but hopefully once things aren't as raw you'll find them comforting and a nice memory to have. My DC1 had anomalies on our 20 week scan (she's healthy now), we'd brought a few clothes in weeks beforehand and I just couldn't bare to look at them. My 12 week scan letter came through after I found out the baby had no heartbeat so I didn't look at the date as it would only be another bad date in my memory but I know it would of been this week or next, I'm also struggling knowing we should of been announcing. It really does feel like there's a baby boom, it's still too soon for me to feel happy for people (though obviously I would never wish anyone else to be in this situation).

@MrsFLongbottom I didn't fit the criteria for active miscarriage at the start either because my cervix was closed. I felt the same as you because I had my DD's birthday coming up. Luckily my bleeding wasn't too bad and the sac passed the week before. I had about 5 hours of contractions and then no pain at all. My dad was staying with us though and I didn't want to tell him and worry him so I had to put on a brave face. I'v told a few people who I know have been through this which has helped with feeling less alone. We haven't told any family though - part of me worried that I'll be under scrutiny of people wondering if we're going to try again/am I pregnant etc. The first few days I was really low, sobbing, not eating etc. I'v been really busy with birthday prep the past week so I think that's helped me keep positive.

Hi all new to the thread and sorry for all your recent losses. My heart goes out to you all.

I had a miscarriage 11 days ago. It started really slowly with brown blood for 12 days beforehand then about 36 hours of heavier red blood and mild cramps before the real deal. I was 9+3 but a scan the week prior had shown baby was only measuring less than 6. I passed lots of big clots that day and had mild contractions. Bled heavily with clots for next day or so but no pain and since then have bled daily (enough to fill about two super towels) but no clots and it’s got progressively darker in colour. I took all of this as a sign my body is doing what it needs to.

However last night in the shower, no pain at all, I felt something slip out and it was a huge very firm clot about the size of a tulip flower head (sorry that’s what it looked like in shape too so only way I can describe). It was much heavier than all previous clots and so dense in texture. I admit I was in shock and had a little cry.

What did I pass and is this normal so long after initial mc?