Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@Miscarriage39 I think rants are very much allowed on this thread! It's what we're here for 😂 also I completely agree, that's exactly what I meant - why are we only worthy of the best care when pregnant? The way miscarriage is handled on the NHS in my opinion is absolutely shocking. I don't think I have a single positive thing to say, there was literally never a time when I thought "wow that was some really good care". Granted I didn't interact with the NHS much when I MC'd because it happened at home, but when I went for a scan at the EPU to check if it was complete, I had a horrible experience which left me in tears. Then I was just given a leaflet and sent on my way. There's no follow-up call to check how you're doing, no standard provision of counselling after the trauma. And that's without even considering other issues like that we have to suffer three recurrent miscarriages for anyone to even give a damn. Plus my OH would have been able to tell his workplace that he needed time away because of his partner having an MC, whereas I would never tell work that because I'd be worried they'd think 'oh she wants a baby, better write off her career development then'.

It's infuriating and you have every right to be angry about it. Have you tried the Miscarriage Association or Tommy's? I think they have helplines you might be able to call for guidance?

@Miscarriage39 I'm sorry for all you're going through. We are all here to listen if you need anything.

Hi all
I went for an early pregnancy scan at what I thought was around 10 weeks pregnant. At the scan I was told that they couldn’t see a baby but the sac and yolk were there. I was at the hospital on Monday where they confirmed I had miscarried at 6 weeks and I should be 9 weeks. I had no signs or symptoms, apparently it’s a missed miscarriage. I have to wait until this Monday for treatment which I am absolutely dreading. Emotions are all over the place and just don’t know what to expect. I’m trying self care but really just want to stay curled up in bed. Can’t stop crying and just overall feel rubbish. I have been to find a page like this to hear everyone’s experiences and get any advice or support. I feel really alone despite having an absolute wonderful partner by my side
Xxxxxx

@Flowerpowerxxx I can feel your pain. This is one of the worst experiences to go through. Especially finding it out at the scan when you hope to be bouncing back home holding a photo of your baby.

I had a MC naturally a week before 12week scan. My world was falling apart. But things will get better. You will start feeling better with time. Just need to get through this. I'm sending you lots of hugs. You are not alone at this and I promise you will feel better soon.

My MC happened on 2 March. And I promise you will start feeling better with time. I still cry sometimes and am obsessed with getting pregnant again but things settled and emotions calmed down and even it's sad the life got back to normal again.

So sorry for your loss @Flowerpowerxxx every excuse to stay in bed and do nothing until you feel a little stronger. Definitely lean on your partner. And you can talk to us on here if you need to.

Thanks AlbiMix and spookycookies. I am really sorry you didn’t my have a good experience either, and I totally get what you mean about not being able to say why you are off work etc.

Flowerpowerxxx I am so sorry for what you are going through. If curling up in bed is what feels right right now, go with it. Sometimes, after a trauma, it really is the best thing to do. I certainly did a lot of it! What sort of treatment are you having? I had both medical and surgical management, and am more than happy to answer any questions you have. (I had a MMC discovered at my 12 week scan, back at the beginning of March).

Thanks everyone.
It really is the worst kind of pain. It was just so unexpected
@Miscarriage39 I would have not found out till 12 week scan but I paid for an early scan. Worst experience ever. In and out the door. So sorry this has happened to everyone too.

I don't know what to expect on Monday. Will they give me the option and a d&c or the tablets and what one has everyone chosen . Love to all going through this xx

Oh Flowerpowerxxx, I am so sorry you had to go through that. I think the shock of unexpectedly receiving the news at a scan, when you think all is well, is particularly traumatic.

I initially opted for the tablet, although as baby was measuring 9 weeks I have them inserted at the top of my vagina and stayed in hospital for them to work. I was unlucky and lost a lot of blood and it didn’t completely work, leaving behind some ‘product’. I went back for the surgery a few days later. The doctors had initially discouraged this choice because of the risk of infection etc, but I found it less traumatic. I arrived at 11am, went to theatre at 3.30 and was home by 7ish. Apart from a few gentle cramps the next day, it was pretty painless and I didn’t my have to see anything.
It really is a personal choice. If I had to make it again, I would go for surgery straight away, but you have to weigh up what you’ll be comfortable with. It’s definitely worth reading up a bit, if you have the energy and few able to. Good luck.

@MiamiBeach104

I'm so sorry you went through this too. It really is the worst. And Thankyou for your words. I'm amazed how common MC is and it's just horrible to think of everyone going through this. You feel isolated but really there are so many women experiencing the same.
@Miscarriage39 I have been doing some research and I'm torn between just wanting it over with but scared for surgery too. I'll see what they say on Monday. Everyone will have there own experience I guess :(

@Flowerpowerxxx I had the tablets in hospital. I was measuring 9+3. Was really easy and not too painful. All completed in the day and I was home by early evening. Very satisfied with my choice and I'm just now waiting for my period to return.
I'm assuming since you're measuring smaller they might push you towards medical management at home. I feel like they are trying to keep people out of hospital at the moment. I would have a read of the options so you're prepared and then talk through in more detail with the nurses. Don't let them push you into an option you're not happy with because of COVID. But if you've got support at home that can be more comfortable for some people. Hope everything goes as well as it can do.

@Flowerpowerxxx I'm so sorry for your loss I had expectant management as when I went in to get the tablets I had already started bleeding anyway so I decided to let my body do it's thing and it actually managed to clear it out by itself. I had about 4 days of heavy bleeding and passed the sac within about half an hour then it gradually lightened. I thought I was 10 weeks same as you but had booked a private scan as if started spotting and EPU wouldn't see me. Horrid experience isn't it? The baby was only measuring 7w so I think I had been losing it for a while which is why the bleeding then started. Either way you choose it's completely up to you and I think there are pros and cons with all the methods you just have to go with the one you feel most comfortable with.

@Flowerpowerxxx so sorry to read your story.

I was told at my 12 week scan my baby had no heartbeat and had stopped growing at just a week before. I opted for medical management and i was actually pleased with my decision. However i went to EPAU 3 weeks post as still bleeding and having positive pregnancy tests and a scan confirmed retained product.

We decided to give me two weeks to see if it passed naturally so I’m going back Wednesday but I’m expecting it still to be there so will probably then need surgical management.

I can’t comment on what that is like yet. I too really wanted to avoid it. But if I had done that in the first place I’d probably soon be getting my first period but here I am pretty much where I started.

Elsie2021 I am so sorry you are going through this, and that things are my straightforward. I know it’s a cost thing, but I really wish they routinely scanned women after miscarriages/ management of miscarriage, just to take this additional stress away and ensure that women could get back to trying to conceive ASAP. My GP has said that if the spotting I have experienced ever since my surgery does not clear up, she’ll refer me for a scan in two weeks time. That will be 10 weeks after I had surgery!

@Elsie2021 so sorry you are you through this too
I think that's my worry having medical management and having to go back anyway for surgery. Im also running ahead of myself as I just want to get back to trying again for another baby. It's a horrible time all the waiting around especially trying to manage your emotions.
Sending hugs to you xx

@kiwi17 it's the worst. You can't decide that crushing pain in your chest when they tell you at the scan. I didn't really rate the support we got there as we had paid one of those scan clinics so it just felt rushed and she didn't really explain anything. So sorry you went through this too. Our experiences are similar so I'm sending you lots of love.
I'll definitely have a think but I just want it over with. Dreading next week. Starting to feel some mild cramping so maybe I'll go before Monday xx

@spookycookies
I'm sorry you went through this too. It's just one of those decisions that you don't feel ready to be making. I feel As if I've just been crushed. Thanks for the advice. I'm really indecisive so I will probably make a decision on Monday at hosp.
And I think you are right on the Reluctance to keep people out of hospital.
I'm obsessed with reading about it but as they say we should t bloody google everything! Sometimes I'm reassured then sometimes I get the absolute fear! Xx

So sorry to hear you are going through this @Flowerpowerxxx we had a scan to confirm our mmc this week, and I opted for surgical management which I had Thursday. Unfortunately in my area DH wouldn't have been allowed with me for either medical or surgical management so we went for surgical as it felt more controlled and hopefully would get things over with quicker. The op was fine (obviously something I don't want to ever go through again) but it was over very quickly and I was home the same evening. I've had light period cramps on and off since then and bleeding which is like my period so not finding it too hard recovery wise. Emotionally it's hard but it will be whichever way you choose.

Sorry if this is a sensitive question but for those of you who had surgical management did your cervix feel sore afterwards (at least I'm assuming it's my cervix?).
Also how long did it take for your body to get back to normal? As this would have been baby number 3 I was showing quite quickly and now I'm in the heartbreaking stage of looking pregnant but not actually being pregnant so trying to hide it just feels like a kick in the teeth.

@Flowerpowerxxx I really feel for you. It's an awful situation and the paid clinics just don't know how to deal with I don't think as they're obviously not very used to it. I really hope things resolve naturally for you before Monday but if they don't then know that you will make the best decision for you. ❤

Hello lovely ladies, haven't been on in a while, since march when I got my negative hcg test. It hit me very hard!

This morning I got a BFP after my first cycle, and I've been a total mess. Thoughts like how on earth could I be lucky enough for this to work out just one cycle after my miscarriage, I can't stop doing tests and checking how dark the lines are getting, been googling like mad. I feel no excitement at all, just utter terror - I feel like I'm pregnant 'for now'.

I'm so sorry if I sound like a total twat and am being ungrateful. It's just more painful emotionally than I thought it would be - I want my other baby back 💔

@AlbiMix you tagged me in a post a while ago and I never replied - so sorry! How are you doing??

Hi @Flowerpowerxxx I'm really sorry for your loss, but know that it WILL get better with time. Right now you're in the hardest stage of all, having to make the tough decision of how to manage the MC and reeling from finding out about the loss. I remember being in such a dark place after my MC and worrying about the future, about what would happen with my body, whether my cycle would be messed up, etc etc. But I did feel better after I overcame a couple of key milestones. When I got my negative pregnancy test I felt huge relief that the miscarriage was 'over' and then when I got my first period I felt like I was getting a bit of normality back. Try to remember that that time will come for you too, and you'll look back and feel so proud of yourself for getting through such a tough ordeal. You've got this! I can't share about the options as I had a natural MC but everyone here is so knowledgeable I know you're getting great advice. Let us know how it goes.

@HotCupOfNo so lovely to hear from you! I was wondering how you were getting on as I think we MC'd at a similar time. CONGRATULATIONS on your BFP!!! I also got pregnant again the first cycle of trying (waited for a period first) and am in exactly the same place as you emotionally. Absolutely terrified and when I first found out I had no excitement whatsoever and just felt dread from the certainty that I'll miscarry again. I booked a private scan a couple of days ago at 6+4 and there was a HB and the baby was measuring the right size. That was good news, but I feel like it's given me a bit of hope (as I'm further than I got with the MC) and I'm sort of annoyed with that bit of hope because now I'm still afraid I'll MC but will be hit even harder after seeing a HB. I'm not going to lie, it's been really really tough mentally, but I got some brilliant advice from @AMS19 about taking things one milestone at a time and that instantly helped. She said to think of like the first milestone is when AF should come, next is the cut off for a chemical pregnancy, then maybe reaching the HB stage, etc etc. How far along do you think you are?

@AlbiMix your words are really encouraging . Thankyou. I've actually started the MC naturally but its just mild spotting / tummy cramps. Lying on the couch eating chocolate and feeling sorry for myself.

I know I can get through this. It just all feels so hard just now. Zero energy, low tolerance of people and face like a melted pie. Definitely need some self care.

Hi all, can I join this group please? Found out at 16 weeks that baby has no heartbeat which nearly killed me. I’m just lost atm, I have no idea how to get past this and think about trying again. Sorry for the ramble. X

@HotCupOfNo maybe you should try a pregnancy after miscarriage board to celebrate and get advice in your new pregnancy

@whatwouldnigellado so sorry you are going through this. Ramble away if you need to. Must be so tough at 16weeks.