Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

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www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

It's been a difficult decision to make and we weren't going to delay but I've felt so ill that I don't want to risk going through this again next winter when cases will rise again just as my natural immunity is wearing off! Any pregnancy now is going to be anxious for me if I can take one anxiety element out of the equation it will help me get through a bit easier.
It also means that I will have 6 months or so of supplements taking to be in a better position hopefully (especially with the cost of umbiquinol! 😂)

Thanks @Miscarriage39 I guess I'm just surprised at people's lack of sensitivity. If you yourself are pregnant you must know the fear of losing your baby, so how can you not see that someone who has been through an MC is going to feel shit when they hear your news? It's the same as what you're saying @Conundrum12345 with your friend. It's like people are so self-absorbed that sharing their good news comes before protecting a friend who has suffered a loss.

@Scottishskifun another benefit of your break in TTC is you can eat and drink what you like 😂

AlbiMix I totally get what you mean. My pregnant friend is really supportive, but still tells me all her details - midwife appointments, morning sickness, what they’ve bought etc. I would have thought she would have understood that I may not want to hear it all, but as lively as she is, she’s become self-absorbed in her baby bubble. It does seem very common, unfortunately.

Scottishskifun sometimes the most difficult decisions to make are like that for a reason. As you say, when you get to TTC you will be in top form and hopefully your body will be fully ready to carry a healthy baby.

DH called our dentist today and explained our predicament. Apparently, if we go private, they can potentially do my tooth tomorrow. Hoping they can and we can start TTC.

@AlbiMix

Yeah its seriously insensitive. She text me today seeing how I was, and proceeded to ask why it happened (!) And when will I be able to start trying again. This is while I continue to bleed after my little baby and had told her hard it was miscarriage at home with what the doctor told me was an 8 week sac... I just don't get some people :(

@Miscarriage39 @Conundrum12345 I don't get it either! I mean how can you lack so much empathy in this situation, I guess maybe you really do have to go through it to understand.... but I don't know, I still think giving details about appointments, baby stuff etc., it's like just don't tell me that stuff, is it so hard?! Makes me rage

Hi all, I've been a bit absent for a few days so have some catching up / reading to do now to see how you all are!

Had my MVA today. It was more painful than my last one and I am still have quite bad period type pains in my tummy and back which I don't remember from last time, but so glad it's over. Hoping to wake up tomorrow and feel normal.

It's been a rubbish day but feel I can draw a line under it now. I've known this pregnancy was failing for 4 weeks so it's just a relief to have some closure on it now.

I've also booked a private appointment for May because my NHS recurrent miscarriage referral is going to take a long time. Feel like I'm taking a step forward at least.

I can’t believe I’m posting in here but here I am...

Today I found out that my baby, who had a heartbeat at 10 weeks last Wednesday, has now died. This is my fourth loss - one every year since 2018. The first a MMC at 20 weeks (which I strongly believe wasn’t taken seriously enough and was just brushed off as ‘bad luck’), then a MMC at 12 weeks where baby measured just about 12 weeks so had only just died, then another MMC at 20 weeks. All babies have been genetically normal. After my third one the doctors finally admitted there must be a problem.

For this pregnancy I had finally found a doctor who thought they had found the reason for my losses and I was on a very thorough treatment plan. I actually stupidly had hope. I just don’t understand how or why this baby died so much earlier than all the others. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I had to give up my job and shield for the pregnancy, and keep my son home from nursery which has been so tough for him. And now it’s all been for nothing. I’m just numb.

I’ve chosen to have surgical management this time which is something I’ve never done before, but I can’t face another labour.

@Tinpo that's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you've been through. Hope your surgery goes as well as it can.

Tinpo I am so sorry. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. I hope your surgery goes well. I had a surgery a few weeks ago, so if you have any questions, do please ask. I actually found it physically very straightforward and had minimal discomfort. I hope your experience is similar.

treesall I’m glad your procedure is over. I hope you are in less pain today. Rest and be gentle with yourself, both physically and emotionally. I also have everything crossed that your appointment is helpful.

Feeling like a terrible person today. My best friend who just found out she is pregnant, is having a suspected miscarriage now. I know it isn't anyone's fault and as much as it hurt that she was pregnant I was happy for her and hoping it went well (partly because seeing something successful as much as it would hurt would give me a bit of hope too). I'm gutted for her, I never wanted her to join this horrible club we find ourselves in but I feel so guilty for being upset about the fact that she was similar dates to me and how hard that was going to be. Nothing is confirmed yet and Im hoping things are okay for her. Being pregnant was supposed to be a great experience and now the whole process feels tainted because of what's happened to us. Feeling so angry at the world again today and just needed somewhere safe to vent it all, so thank you for being my safe place!

@Tinpo I am so sorry for your losses, I can't imagine what you've been through. I didn't have surgical management but there are a number of ladies here who have and should be able to offer some advice.

Also, I never think its stupid to have hope. I think no matter what happens in our pregnancies we should try to enjoy them when they're there and any amount of time we've got to spend with our babies. One day we'll get to meet them.

@treesall it must be a relief to finally have this part over. I hope you're recovering well and treating yourself to anything you want.

@Pepperony87 I understand how you're feeling lovely but remember you don't have anything to feel guilty about. I think it's only natural to feel that way and despite sometimes being a bit jealous of other people's situations we would never wish our experiences on anyone. I think it's sad that we no longer have the naivety and innocence of pregnancy but it means that we can be supportive and knowledgeable to anyone else that goes through it.

HI there,

I wanted to ask a question to see if anyone else has gone through this - i had medical management and after three weeks i was still had a positive test result. So i went in again to the EPU and discussed my options there was some 'product' left in my uterus, a 2cm piece.

due to the GA surgical option being off the table due to Covid, i thought i should get an MVA, but due to the GA option off the table there was a wait for 2 weeks to have an MVA, which would've been 5 weeks after i had management and 7 weeks after I found out my pregnancy was not viable.
So i opted for more medical management. I had this last thursday - yesterday I was in awful pain and passing lots of blood clots, probably 16 an hour for 4 hours, so i lot - i called and then said to come in.

Unfortunately the second lot of medical management hadn't worked and the placenta had come away but had got trapped in my cervix, the first dr could see it but couldn't get it on examination. So they said that emergency evacuation was needed. The registrar came into see if she could examine me and get it as they wanted to avoid theatre, as that would mean a different hospital and not until this morning. She basically was able to grab the placenta after a lot of internal pulling and tugging. i had no pain relief, but i just wanted it done. This is apparently very rare, i'm just hoping that this is all the tissue now and that i'll get a negative test in two weeks. But this whole experience has been emotionally and physically draining, i'm normally a happy optimistic person and i kind of lost that the longer it went on. If i'd known that this would've been the outcome my choice at the beginning would've been different.

Has anyone else had this experience? Sorry for the long rambling post!

@Firsttimemum38 hi there first sorry for your loss and a very tough experience.

Whilst I didn't have the first part of your experience as I went into natural miscarriage before surgery I had similar experience for the later part in that I had excess bleeding, lots of very large clots and ended up having the same procedure done due to stuck tissue. I was actually prepped for emergency surgery but like you they wished to avoid it. They did give me gas and air but even with that I actually briefly passed out due to the pain. I was also given an injection to shrink my uterus quickly to control the bleeding.

If I'm honest the whole thing left me with trauma, flash backs, inability to sleep and being assessed for PTSD. I found however that getting a counselling sessions to work through the trauma experience has been a massive help although this has had to be private due to the wait lists.

The only advice I can give you is take it slow, be kind to yourself and speak about it as you feel comfortable. See if your work has counselling available and definitely speak to your GP.
Most importantly your not alone. You have had a very tough few weeks and you need to give yourself time to process it all.

@Scottishskifun - Thank you for your kind words. I felt some comfort that the staff nurse who was there at the beginning of this whole thing was there yesterday when I walked in and i was so pleased to see a friendly face.

Yes the pain was unbearable - i just wanted it done and dusted and as i was wearing a mask - to have the gas and air would've prolonged the pain so I went without! the bleeding has dramatically dropped and when i go for a wee i only see urine not a bowl of blood ( sorry tmi )

Yes i might seek to talk to someone, but i'm very close to my husband and we've talked everything through which has been really helpful. He's having a bad day today, he was quite worried about me as i wasn't myself and he could he me screaming whilst i was having it done, which was traumatic for him too.

I don't think there is TMI here we have all been through experiences of being prodded and poked without our knickers on so don't worry about that!
It's worth taking some time if your not signed off work then speak to your GP. Its a bit of horrible roller-coaster you can't leave you will have good bits and dark days and some days you will lash out at your husband even if you don't mean to. It's just about understanding that and not pushing yourself to quickly. Mute anything on social media which might upset you (maternity clothing adds kept popping up for me!) and when you feel up to it go for little walks.

@Firsttimemum38 so sorry for your experience. I had medical management but opted to have it in hospital. It's so shit that COVID is preventing us from having the care that we need. Hope everything gets better for you.

@Scottishskifun Thank you. Yes i've muted the pop ups and stopped the apps etc, i'm trying not to get upset by friends and people i know being pregnant and announcing as you never know what others are going through to get to that point, but doesn't make it any less upsetting.

Hi all, so it seems I didn’t make it to my surgery date this Friday. Started miscarrying last night and passed the sac at about 11.30am today 😢😢😢 The pain was no worse than a heavy period so I think I am lucky in that respect. It was incredibly emotional though. I thought I had dealt with the emotion as we knew this was coming but I don’t think I could begin to describe the sadness I felt immediately afterwards. Luckily my husband works from home and was there to support me.
I’ve been bleeding quite heavily since so to be on the safe side we popped to the EPU to get checked but they were happy with my obs and sent me home. Just need to do a pregnancy test in three weeks time.
Feel like there’s a bit of closure now as distressing as today has been.

Love and strength to all going through this. Xx

Hi ladies last Tuesday it was confirmed that I had an incomplete miscarriage. I chose to go with surgical management and was booked in for this Friday though the miscarriage happened naturally over the last few days. I started bleeding on Wednesday and passed the sack on Friday evening. My bleeding hasn't been much worse than a period and the pain has been manageable for the most part. Every time I think the bleeding is about to stop, it starts again and I'm still having some very small cloths.

I've read on the NHS website that bleeding usually lasts 7-10 days. I'm just wondering what everyone else's experiences were?

Hope you're all doing ok x

@Meesh36 I had medical management last Sunday and stopped bleeding after 9 days. When I had a miscarriage in December I had no intervention and bled for closer to two weeks.

I finished my second set of misoprostol lunchtime Monday. Bleeding was lighter yesterday and Tuesday. This evening I have had extenuating cramps and have passed some little clots. Is this normal?

@Meesh36 - I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Our stories sound similar although it seems I’m a few days behind you. The nurse I saw at the EPU mentioned that the bleeding could carry on for a couple of weeks although they would expect it to stop by the third week. So, I think it sounds normal. Have you been told to do a pregnancy test in three weeks time? xx

@IVFWarrior40 So sorry for your loss too. We're in a very similar position, I called the EPU yesterday to let them know that I won't need the surgery and was told to do a pregnancy test in 2 weeks time. I did one yesterday out of curiosity and it came back positive so I'll be sure to wait a while before I do another one. I feel like any symptoms I had have now gone and it's all very surreal. I turned to my OH last night and said "has this actually just happened to us?" Xx

Hi ladies, welcome to the new joiners and so sorry for your losses.

@Firsttimemum38 I'm truly sorry you had to go through what sounds like such a difficult experience. It sounds like you've been really strong. Do take care of yourself and give yourself time and space to process it all.

@Meesh36 I had a natural MC and I think the bleeding was roughly 7 days of fairly intense bleeding, but there were a couple of days of lighter bleeding either side of that. I do think it varies quite a bit from person to person.

@IVFWarrior40 well done for coming through, I felt the same when my MC was complete, a kind of closure, and you might find you feel even more closure on seeing the negative pregnancy test in a few weeks time (I did anyway - I felt quite relieved it was over).

I'm having a pretty low time atm, not just the MC but my other health issues and all the bad news about the COVID vaccine I've had. It's bloody exhausting.

I hope everyone is holding up ok.