Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

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Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

Thanks @Nashsophie13 hopefully I'll get myself out of this hole soon but having the support of this thread has been amazing.

@kiwi17 excellent news about the scan and definitely time for wine! @justwant2beamum couldn't agree more, you would think that's it's too important to just give inconsistent advice about the risk (or lack thereof) of another MC if you TTC before first period...but sadly it seems a lot of MC related info/management is inadequate (e.g. having to endure 3 of them before getting help?!)... probably because it affects women.......
I thought that they only advised waiting for a period so you can date the next pregnancy, didn't know there were health considerations.

@PolarBear63 welcome and sorry for your loss. I remember feeling the same as you when I first joined and saw people talking about getting their periods, I couldn't wait to get some normality back and now my first period has been and gone :) you'll get there too 💪

@Hopefulbride18 that sounds like a good plan, I would've done the same. In the meantime take care of yourself and keep us posted ❤️

So sorry @PolarBear63 2 in a row is awful for you. It's so unfair that some people get all the luck and others all the bad luck.

I know @AlbiMix I specifically asked epu and gp and was told waiting for first period is only for dating and to just go ahead!! I'll be absolutely fuming if there's studies/research that suggest otherwise. It wouldn't be acceptable for me to advise a client of something if there was previous case law regarding a bad outcome, so why is it ok for medical professionals!! You think you can rely on them. The amount I've read about mixed messages from medical professionals on other threads particularly surrounding MC it's a joke. Specifically, aspirin and progesterone. Some people told it can't hurt and to self medicate, others told it can hurt. How can this be right?!

I assume others will have come across this too but there is a Tommy's petition regarding it being 3 mcs for investigations in case some here haven't seen as I assume something everyone here is keen to sign so would encourage people to!

@Hopefulbride18 I’ve just seen your reply still working out how to use this thread properly so keep missing peoples comments, oh thank you that does make me feel abit better. I think I’m worrying because they are quite long cycles I came on today and it’s day 40 so not quite as long as last time. And I don’t think it helps because we get ourselves worked up don’t we and we hope that a late period may be good news and then eventually the period comes. It’s a rollercoaster. When I had my missed miscarriage I booked to have the d&c done but it started naturally a day before. Mine kept starting and stopping though and it’s because my body was still expelling. Overall it took 3 weeks for everything to clear and I had to actually have a gyno remove the rest as it was very stubborn. I lost a lot of blood etc. So my advice and it’s only my advice because of my experience is to have the d&c done if you can but then obviously everyone is different and there experiences won’t be the same. Sending lots of love your way x

@AlbiMix if you would like my Instagram let me know and we can chat on there if you ever want too. That goes for anyone as well x

@justwant2beamum that’s exactly how I feel! I’m so angry that it’s always me with the bad luck and I just want to scream IT’S NOT FAIR!

I completely agree with you all about the messages being given to women about miscarriages and TTC again not being acceptable. In fact, I think the entire level of care is shocking. Even getting to the point where someone will take you seriously enough for a scan can be a battle, and then just being told you have to go through it 3 times before anyone will take you seriously. 3 times! I’m glad Tommy’s are trying to take some action on this because it is not OK. I also can’t believe all the different advice about TTC again. Why do people not get told the same thing? It just makes you feel like people don’t really know what they’re talking about.

I can guarantee men would not get this awful level of care if it were them this happened to.

Sorry to hear that @PolarBear63. I hope your procedure tomorrow is quick, smooth and pain free. Xx

How are you getting on @Treesall? I totally agree @PolarBear63 anger has been the main emotion I have felt actually as well as sadness. It all just feels so unfair doesn't it that some people manage to get pregnant whilst on the pill and have a healthy baby and I know I am lucky as I have a little girl already but she took 10 months to get and obviously this time around wasn't successful for us - but I know I'm lucky in one sense. I definitely agree about NHS support - I spoke to my midwife three times and the EPU when I started spotting and they all just shrugged me off so we paid for a private reassurance scan so saw that the heartbeat wasn't there. The private scan people then contacted my hospital and they wanted to make me wait a week before they saw me but the private scan ladies were really good and basically forced the hospital to see me straight away. The midwife told my husband 'well if there's something wrong it's going to happen and there's nothing we can do to stop it' which I thought was a bit harsh. I asked when I was at the appointments whether I would qualify for any kind of early reassurance scan next time if I managed to get pregnant again and was told definitely not which I think is awful given that I have anxiety and I think we'd all agree in here that if we manage to get pregnant again we will all feel wayyy more anxious and nervous about things and a reassurance scan would help that.

@treesall Thank you. I very much hope that too!

@kiwi17 I asked that same question and got told no like it was crazy I would even ask. How utterly awful to be told you had to wait so long because there’s nothing they can do anyway! In my experience I’ve not been ringing them expecting them to be able to fix it, but because I needed to know what was going on. I hate that comment people make about it all being nature’s way and how the baby just wasn’t destined to be healthy. Really not the helpful comment people think it is! In a way it’s reassuring to hear the same sorts of things happen to everyone, but at the same time it makes me even more angry. Granted quite a bit of it is probably me redirecting my anger at the miscarriage elsewhere, but I do still think it’s shocking.

Thanks for asking @kiwi17. I'm fine thank you. A bit fed up and exhausted with this situation, struggling with nausea and fatigue which is mentally harder to cope with when I know it's all for nothing. Luckily the nausea is only mild compared to my successful pregnancy so I am grateful for that. I'm kinda looking forward to this all being over but that means I want my baby to die so that feels all wrong to say that. I am sure by my next scan on Tuesday it will have happened and then at least I will know how to feel!

Oh my god I had the same thing! I knew something wasn’t right even though it was my first time being pregnant I started spotting rung epu they shrugged it off, so booked a private scan and there was a heartbeat at 7 weeks but unfortunately not for long then spotted again and got shrugged off. Then after the 12 week scan I still knew something wasn’t right with how my miscarriage was (the pain And blood clot loss for me was really bad on various occasions) ended up in a&e twice and got sent home until I demanded to see a gyno who has to remove tissue I was told wasn’t there but still was they were apologetic and I’m not saying they are bad for everyone but I didn’t have the best care like a lot of you don’t seem to be xx

Yup completely agree with all on here. I'm 3 weeks post ERPC tomorrow and I kinda feel like I've moved on from the sadness emotion don't get me wrong I'm still extremely sad but I don't sit crying or on the verge of tears all day every day now but the main thing now is anger. I hate the world and am so angry that it's just left as one of those things. Going through one is horrendous enough but to just be told, wait see if you have 2 more then we'll look into it is so unacceptable and so unfair.
I wouldn't say I'm really jealous/hate peoples who get pregnant quickly and breeze by although it does make me sad but for example I know of a girl who is extremely obese, constantly smokes and drinks, she had a one night stand with a guy, got pregnant (how?!), the father was gutted and didn't even want it, and shes almost due her baby. I know that's really horrible of me but it just seems so unfair 😩

Also agree about EPU. I get they can't see every pregnant person who's anxious but I had severe HG and it just suddenly stopped, I phoned all the private scan places (so was willing to pay) none could get me in and told me to phone epu so I did in a state pleading with them something was wrong and I couldn't get a private scan for weeks (so they also knew I'd tried to pay first before bothering them) and was told flat out no, unless you're bleeding heavily no, and it was probably my medication working (eh no, I'd been on it weeks and still spewing and i hadn't taken it that day to see if it really had gone away). By the end of the phone call I was pleading then in such a state I was hyperventilating in a panic attack, couldn't speak to partner had to step in for me and speak and end the call.

Managed to find another private clinic who scanned me that day, worst sonographer ever, didn't let partner in even though all other private clinics and hospitals (in Scotland) were allowing it and charged me £100 for the privilege of telling me my baby was dead.

I have to say my care when in EPU for my scan then ERPC - I have no complaints. (Except the conflicting information to what others have been told).

I know they're busy but we know when somethings wrong and to leave a pregnant person to have a panic attack to me is shocking.

@Treesall I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same once I found out I just wanted to get the bleeding over and done with and move forward. I don't think that's unreasonable - it's the waiting around for each stage that seems to drag everything out even more. We did plant some bulbs for the baby in memory, and definitely not forgetting it but trying to look to the future now. I really hope things turn out as smoothly as they can for you. hugs it's interesting to see how many people on here have had similar experiences with the EPU and services in general. It's not surprising people don't want to talk about it when the service you look to for help don't seem to take you seriously - the mum definitely knows if something is wrong! I have signed that petition, so important. @Justwanttobeamum your whole situation sounds so sad and awful I'm so sorry :( I wish virtual hugs were a thing! I agree with you it sounds like you were treated really badly and to basically give you a panic attack through poor understanding of your needs is completely unacceptable. I really have all fingers and toes crossed for you that things go better from now on 🤞🤞🤞

@Nashsophie13 aww I'm sorry for how you were treated too. It's just so horrid a situation and it feels so scary you just want some reassurance don't you?

[quote kiwi17]@Nashsophie13 aww I'm sorry for how you were treated too. It's just so horrid a situation and it feels so scary you just want some reassurance don't you? [/quote]
Thank you @kiwi17 and hope your ok @justwant2beamum sounds like you wen through a horrible time. I really do want to try and do something to help awareness in the future. Having a thread like this is great for people and reassurance. I wish I came across it when I was experiencing everything. Where's this petition I would like to sign it :) how is everyone doing today? Sending all love xxx

kiwi17 I’m glad your scan went as well as it could, and that you did not have to sit in a room full of bumps etc.

PolarBear63 I am sorry you are going through this. I hope today goes well. Once you get home, try to get plenty of rest, find a good series on Netflix or whatever and get some of your favourite treats in. These all definitely helped me through.
I am also sorry you have experienced inadequate care. I also wanted to say that I totally get you on both the feelings of anger and feeling really dissatisfied with the care given. I didn’t have the battle to get scans as I had a MMC, but once I left hospital after the D&C there has been no follow-up. I had already been referred to the perinatal mental health team as I was considered ‘high risk’ of depression, even though I had been fine with my other pregnancies and early months. Yet, something like this happens and there is no physical advice or psychological support readily available. It’s disgusting all round, and must leave so many women struggling.

I having been feeling really emotionally all over the place for the past couple of days. I got up this morning and there was blood when I wiped. It’s only a few days since I stopped spotting, but the bleeding has increased a bit. Does anyone know if I could have a period so soon after the initial bleed stopped, or if this is likely to be a bit more of the post D&C bleed? I had the surgery on 9th March. Again, nobody tells you what to expect!

@Miscarriage39 I would ring them. At the very least you deserve some reassurance and that’s their job.

Procedure has been moved to this morning now, but we have Below Deck lined up to binge on when we get home. I’m quite glad it will all be over with soon, though I do feel anxious about the surgery. It’s going to be under local anaesthetic so I do hope it’s not particularly painful. It was hard to tell how much of the spiel I got about it was just to try and deter me from taking this option and choose the medical management. I’m very glad I didn’t though.

Hope it goes well @PolarBear63

@Nashsophie13 it's a Tommy's petition actions.tommys.org/a/miscarriage-petition

The procedure was over and done with by lunchtime and I didn’t find it too bad. Obviously it was sad, but pain wise I found it better than the natural miscarriage I had last time. I’m glad I opted for this and I do feel a sense of closure now. At least the physical part is over! I’m quite impatient so I would very much like to fast forward a little bit from now to when it will feel better. I know that it will because I’ve done it before, so there is some comfort in that.

The EPU are going to ring me in 3 weeks and ask me to do a pregnancy test. I was wondering if I might do one before that, say in 2 weeks. I’m not sure if I want to TTC again right away yet, but if I did then 3 weeks might mean I’m only a week from my period and have missed that boat. Still not sure what I’ll want to do, but I’d like the option.

Hope it goes ok @PolarBear63 be thinking of you x

Thanks @justwant2beamum I’ve just signed they are close to the amount they need :)

Hi everyone. I've just had my second consecutive miscarriage. Was 9 weeks this time and seen baby's heartbeat on a scan twice so really didn't expect it this time. I was 6 weeks and bleeding when I had my miscarriage in December so it was more expected. I'm having tablets in hospital on Sunday. I'm so sad. I'm so scared it will happen again.

Glad it went ok @PolarBear63. Hope you are resting and relaxing as much as you can now x