Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

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Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

@AlbiMix sorry you're feeling frustrated waiting for AF. It's so hard isn't it? I'm only a week in and already checking pads hoping for the bleeding to slow so I can start to think about cycles again. It's hard because I'm balancing recovering with wanting to try again but not forget what we've lost. How are you feeling today? To be honest the only ps I still have is slightly sore boobs now but then I only seem to get them in the 2ww normally and then they normally fade off for af so not sure sorry! Probably hormones still a bit all over the place for you :( are you doing opks? Or just waiting for af to start so you can start a new cycle? I want to ttc once mc bleeding stops I think but not sure yet.. will see how I feel emotionally by then.

SamBass I am so sorry you are going through this. We found out at our 12 week scan last week so I can understand the horrible shock you have had. I would imagine they will scan you at the EPU, yes. I was given the option of ‘expectant management’ (going hone and seeing if anything happened naturally), ‘medical management’ or surgical management. As my baby was measuring 9 weeks I was advised to stay in hospital if I opted for medical (which I initially did, but later also had surgery).

Like Kiwi17, I felt very supported by the EPU team and the team on the ward. Everyone was very caring as well as professional.

Due to COVID, if it helps, do ask questions about what support you are allowed. Some hospitals are still not allowing partners onto the EPU or wards. I was very lucky, and my local hospital was happy for DH to stay with me in a side room after he got a negative COVID test. It might help to know what to expect.

On another note, I totally messed up and have made myself feel really rubbish this morning. About four weeks ago I had a UTI abs they did a follow-up urine test the next week. I was asked to make an appointment to discuss it and today was the first available. I forgot all about it, and have just been called by my doctor who had no idea what had happened. I was feeling okay, but now cannot stop crying. I feel so pathetic!

Oh no @Miscarriage39 :( hugs! Take it easy, have some early morning snacks and breathe :) completely understandable that you'd forget something when your mind is probably all over the place (mine definitely is!) And I know what you mean about things catching you unawares and making you upset again. Oh and I had an argument last night just before bed because I was getting angry about the whole thing again and he said he felt like I was blaming him... luckily we made up before sleep but just reminded me that emotionally it's just going to be a long journey and we all need yo be kind to ourselves

@kiwi17 & @Miscarriage39 thank you both for replying i know feel more prepared for what to expect. With the scan will I be able to see? Tbh I don't want to see anything anymore :(
At my private scan on Tuesday i was told the foetus was measuring exactly where it should have been (my paperwork says 21mm) not sure if thats right and whether that would mean a hospital stay or not like you @Miscarriage39.
I think i need to read up on the three options as i haven't had any bleeding or anything yet but in my head i think i would like the surgical option although like i say i need to educate myself a little first.
@Miscarriage39 please don't feel that way it's totally understandable. I cry at anything at the minute, pregnancy and babies seems to be everywhere since i found out the news. Adverts on instagram, tv etc etc its so triggering :( your not alone honestly

@Scottishskifun thank you 😊 such good advise! I am terrible for bottling things up and trying to put a brave face on but with this I am trying yo let myself process it. I think because my husband is fairly emotional that helps me be emotional with him, he is incredibly supportive and I'm lucky in that respect. I think once i know more after today i can start to process better and eventually heal x

@SamBass I had to have internal scans both times as I have a retroverted uterus so it's really hard for them to find anything so the screen was facing away from me anyway. The sonographer was really understanding and I think kept it away from me anyway, at the end she asked if I wanted to see and I said yes as I hadn't wanted to at the private scan. They did also print off pictures for us to keep and put them in an envelope so we didn't have to look straight away. I'm pleased they did as my initial reaction was no but I'm glad I now have them for the memory box they gave me. I would think they'll give you the option to look or not. However my oh was sat in the room with me and said he was watching the screen the whole time which he found hard.

SamBass I asked for the screen to be turned off, both after seeing that my baby wasn’t my moving, and when they rescanned following the medical management attempt. The sonographer was happy with that both times, but would have equally let me see had I wanted to. Like you, I just couldn’t bare to see once I knew there was no heartbeat.

To be clear, I could have come hone following the peasant being put in for the medical management, but the doctor strongly advised I stayed, and I am glad I did, but obviously it’s a very individual choice, and you may well have the opportunity to go home if it’s what you’d prefer.

Reading up is certainly a good idea. We made a decision while waiting at the EPU, based on what the doctor told us. In hindsight, I wish we had taken more time to think about it and read up on the options.

Thanks everyone for the reassurance. I think the shock and feelings are really coming out today. It’s felt a bit like I’ve been on a roller coaster this week, with endless appointments etc, but now there is nothing, the feelings are catching up.

Thanks @Miscarriage39 & @kiwi17 interestingly i also have a retroverted uterus so have had internals scans at 7 weeks and 9. I think i want it over quicker so may opt for surgical if given the option but will definitely read some more. My appointment is at 11:40 so will pop an update on later x

Thanks @kiwi17 I did one opk last week after I got a negative pg test but it was negative and I found that a bit disheartening because I was getting fertile-looking CM a few days before and thought I might have ovulated then. I wasn't planning to try until a period anyway but would've been happy if if known I had ovulated. I've decided to leave the opks until I get AF and new cycle. It feels a bit like my body is trying to get AF to start now, getting occasional bits of brownish (so sorry TMI lol) but it isn't really kicking off. Keeping my fingers crossed. I normally get tender boobs at some points but when I was pregnant it was very slight at first and then stopped a few weeks in and I was wondering if that could be linked with the MC, like my hormones aren't strong enough? Don't know if that's a thing.

Sorry you argued with OH, we've had a couple of arguments since the MC, I think it's bound to happen as it's an emotional time. Glad you made up ❤️

@Miscarriage39 sorry you're feeling this way but do not feel bad, I think this happens to everyone once in a while and it's natural to forget things when going through

Sorry sent by accident @Miscarriage39
...when going through your current trauma.

@SamBass so sorry you've had to join. Good luck with your appointment. I had s natural MC at 8 weeks, let me know if you have any Q's on that. Sending hugs ❤️

kiwi17 I am sorry you had an argument. These things are bounded to happen when our emotions are all over the place, so don’t feel bad about it. I certainly know I have been very touchy with DH, and I’m struggling to be patient with our son.

AlbiMix I hope your period comes soon. I have no idea about the ‘not enough hormones’, but I suppose at the moment the body is a bit confused maybe? I really don’t know, but hopefully it’ll sort itself out very soon.
And thanks for the reassurance.

SamBass best wishes for your appointment x

@SamBass so so sorry that you’ve had to join too. Hope that your appointment goes ok. I miscarried a week ago naturally at 9 weeks. There are so many of us on here with lots of different experiences which I have found so helpful.

I’ve been doing pretty well the last couple of days but having a rough morning. Made the mistake of going on Facebook and lots of maternity clothes ads kept popping up. Also I use the Flo app to log my cycle and it came up today that I would be 10 weeks Can’t quite figure out how to remove the pregnancy from the app.

Hello to all the ladies who have joined recently, I'm sorry to see you here. I don't get the chance to post much but I'm always here following along.

@SamBass I hope your appointment at epu goes as smoothly as it can, it's such a difficult time but we're all here for support. I found at 9 weeks that baby stopped growing at 7 and although I eventually chose medical management (surgical not an option at all where I am) it ended up happening naturally just before, so we all have different experiences if you want to hear them.

@jlj19 I also had the same thing with the flo app. It's like a kick while you're already down. If you go into the menu your option will be on track pregnancy. It will ask you when the pregnancy ended and there are options for why. You can then choose to go back to either track cycle, or get pregnant. Whichever you're more comfortable with, I've chosen to track my cycle normally because it will be most likely be different now anyway.

@Madeoftea I’m the same... I don’t get much chance to post either but following along and still find it really helps. Sorry for your loss too Thanks for the help I’ve now removed the pregnancy. I had completely forgotten about it being logged until I saw it pop up today.

If I could ask you ladies who are further on in your journeys than me, when you do the pregnancy test to check that it's negative, should that be with first urine of the day?

I was told to do one 3 weeks after the heaviest bleeding and it's not even been 2 weeks yet but there's barely a line with second morning urine. But I'm also using cheapies because I'm not buying FR for this reason!

@SamBass I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope your appt goes ok today xxxx

Hey @Madeoftea hope you're doing well! I did mine two weeks after all my bleeding stopped as I had a GP appt booked and wanted to know if I needed follow-up. I also wondered about whether it needed to be FMU, I decided to just do it when I wanted but held on for a few hours. I hate doing the FMU tests even when it's to check if I'm pregnant so wasn't going to make myself do it for this 😂 it was a firm negative and I haven't bothered to do another. It was an FRER as it's what I had lying around.

Hi ladies

Hope everyone is holding up well. I had a bad couple of days anxiety wise so haven't been on here too much. Been thinking of you all.

Conscious this thread is about to fill up. I'll start a new thread and post the link below for everyone so please post any comments on the new thread so they don't get missed.

Lots of love xx

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome?watched=1

@SamBass

I’m really sorry that you’ve had to join us. I’ve found it an enormous source of support.

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded to my post, it really did help. I ended up not sleeping last night but having a massive cry which has really helped. I was getting sad about Mother’s Day on Sunday and then I thought to myself I am a mother, even if it was only for a short time I was pregnant and I’ll always be a mummy to those babies.

@Badlydrawngirly @SamBass hi ladies. I've started a new thread. I don't want anyone's comments to get missed or get ignored and MN threads stop at 1000 xx

Hi all, please can I jump on. I've been on the previous one with a different Username.

I'm still struggling 3 months on, was 9 weeks. Still on reduced hours at work. Today is really really bad and I am just crying so much.

Can I ask - I was told to get in touch with pathology department to get the results as to if there was any reason for my MC. It was my first. I just tried calling them and the woman on the phone was so horrible. I called my GP but they didn't really know either.

Is this something anyone else has been able to do? Or are you just left to never know until you've had 3??

Sorry, will post on new thread.

Just the lil world