Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

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Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

Hey @DappledOliveGroves sorry you find yourself here again. I personally have only experienced mmc and had no bleeding so had surgical management but Ive read a lot of these threads and I guess pain/bleeding/cramping would correlate to how far along? So last time you were 10 weeks, if you're a lot less this time then perhaps perfectly reasonable that it's less painful. I would guess that if you're bleeding a lot when they scan you Monday they'll check you've passed most of it and if you have they'll leave you to go naturally. Hope you're doing ok xx

@HotCupOfNo thank you - I'm exactly the same I hate all the waiting around and am so impatient! It's so much frustrating when others seem to get pregnant by having sex once! It does sound like things are moving for you now - I'm glad for you in a weird way and I know what you mean I felt a sense of relief yesterday when I was passing massive pieces as it felt at least like my body was doing the right thing for once.. rubbish weather here too - enjoy your tv day :) (I'm just catching up on doctors- my one weakness!!)

@Miscarriage39 thank you- I know what you mean, we never wanted a tiny gap so we only had one in nappies, breastfeeding, cot etc but now feels like it will be longer than we thought which is frustrating when it's a change to the plan but I know plans never work with these things! I've not to the painting yet. Spent about 2 hrs on the phone to my parents just chatting about day to day things which has cheered me up and made me feel more normal.

@DappledOliveGroves welcome! Although I'm so sorry you've had to join :( sorry for your loss. It sounds like things might be working naturally for you? I was similar, was supposed to get medical management yesterday but when I got there was already starting to bleed more heavily so decided to try natural management and see how it went. To be honest, I think the majority of my blood clots and sac etc passed yesterday in a really intense half an hour but I think more may come- I haven't taken any pain killers yet but was expecting to so I'm like you not sure if it's been painful enough to got everything out if that makes sense? I hope it works our for you over the next few days so you can avoid the surgical route if you don't want to do it..

I'm doing alright today, still bleeding but I can see it's slowing slightly so now I'm just worried it's not all come out! Argh just another period of waiting until the scan now! Nightmare!!

DappledOliveGroves I am so sorry you are going through this again. I’m afraid I have no experience of natural miscarriage (I’ve just had medical followed by surgical management), but the doctors did say that the medical route would be more painful than if my body did the work itself. So it would seem possible that you could pass everything with less pain this time. Hopefully Mondays scan will show that to be the case.

I hope everyone who was watching TV earlier found it gave some much needed rest.

On another practical note, if you have a miscarriage confirmed by the hospital overseeing all your care, do all your appointments get automatically cancelled by the system, or do you have to ring round and cancel them? I have appointments booked with the midwife and two different consultants, but have no idea if I need to do anything about them.

@Miscarriage39 not 100% for you but when I was triaged by EPU nurse yesterday she said to me they would cancel future scans for me on the system so I wouldn't get upsetting letters through in the future. I was with a homebirthing team for appointments though so I texted my midwife to let her know what had happened just in case they didn't communicate between teams. Hopefully won't get anything else now. Hope yours is sorted too!

kiwi17 thanks. Hopefully it will be as I sonny fancy calling round all the clinics, but not so I want the phone call that is booked for sometime in June!

How are you doing this evening? Are things still slower than before?

@DappledOliveGroves very sorry to hear about your two losses. Just thought I would share my experience with you. I started bleeding a week ago. It gradually got heavier but I would only describe mine as normal period bleeding and never particularly heavy. I had a few periods of mild cramps when I took some paracetamol but probably could have done without. I passed the sac on Friday evening with no pain at all. Since then the bleeding slowed right down with no further pain. I have had no bleeding since Monday.. just a small amount of light brown spotting. I was worried that I hadn’t passed everything as I was expecting a lot more pain and bleeding but I had a scan on Monday and they could only see a very small amount of blood left which they said might come out in my next period. They did a pregnancy test which was very faint. Blood tests show levels dropping and so all seems ok. Sorry that was really long but I hope that helps a bit. It seems like everyone is a bit different in what they experience. Hope you are doing ok.. it’s such a difficult thing to go through.

@Miscarriage39 sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you are doing ok after your surgery yesterday.
I asked at the EPU on Monday about future appointments and they told me it would all be picked up and cancelled so I didn’t need to do anything. I have to go back for another scan which will be on the same day as I was supposed to have my 12 week scan so that’s going to be a rough day!

@DappledOliveGroves Your experience is really similar to mine, I had a natural MC last April at 9weeks but measured 8+4week, had really bad cramping and went to hospital where the Dr did an internal while I was awake and removed the conception tissue, but other than that it was pretty natural. Fast forward to February this year and I just had my second MC in a row, and had very minimal cramping, passed the sac while at home, painless, and felt like a normal period. That was all 4weeks ago and I have just got my first period, its superrr light but my periods were pretty light anyway.

Im so sorry you’ve had to join again, having two in a row is just so heartbreaking. I’m nervous for the future but trying to stay positive and have faith. Thinking of you xxx

jlj19 I am so sorry you are going through this too. That is such awful timing for your scan! I really feel for you.
Thanks for sharing about the appointment cancelling. It sounds like that must be fairly standard, so hopefully I won’t here anything or stop anyone else getting appointments.

@kiwi17 and @Miscarriage39 you have come to the right place for support, really hope your both doing ok. Take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and allow your body and emotions to go through it all. Thinking of you xx

@Jujujuberry thank you for your message. I think with the first miscarriage it's something you can think of as one of those things which is unfortunate but happens. Two in a row is then new territory that you really don't want to think about or navigate. I just feel like a failure - everyone when I had the last miscarriage said not to worry and that next time it would work out and it hasn't. I don't trust my body, everywhere I look people are announcing pregnancies and births and it's just such an isolating experience. I want to try again but don't think I can face going through this for a third time.

@DappledOliveGroves yes I completely understand, everyone told me the same after my first that your turn will come, and now I’m thinking will it come? And why me? Both my sisters have 3 kids each.. and most of my friends are now on to their second babies, its unbearable and does feel so isolating, so know your not alone in your thoughts xxx

I’ve had good support from my mum who also had two MC, altho with children in between and you really do need to hold onto faith and that it WILL happen, we can’t loose hope. We are all in this together 😘

@Jujujuberry thank you everyone on here has been so lovely and supportive so far and it's nice to know I'm not going through it alone although it's rubbish we're all in this situation to start with :(

@Miscarriage39 it's definitely slowed down today - not passing massive clots anymore or having to change pads constantly so hopefully that's the worst of it done... low point earlier in Tesco looking at my trolley of pregnancy tests, maternity pads and ibuprofen and thinking what a sad trolley that was... :( but we will all get through this.

On the note of multiple mcs, my mum had my brother and sister then there is a 10 year gap to me which everyone likes to mock me for and tell me I was an accident... but she told me yesterday it was because she had 3 mcs before having me and she was getting towards 40 at that point so I'm hopeful that even after 3 it is still possible :) hopefully that is helpful for you @DappledOliveGroves

@kiwi17 thank you. Hoping there is a light at the end of the tunnel 🤞🤞. It's just somehow having the strength to try again, knowing the outcome can be so awful.

I find reassurance in positive stories too. Also now that we are ttc again, it has helped. I’m 8 weeks post mc and while it’s not all good, I certainly have turned a corner and it isn’t all consuming xxx

Good morning ladies. I hope everyone managed to get some sleep. It was really wild here, so I kept waking up, then thinking about things.....

DappledOliveGroves and Jujujuberry I can only imagine how tough it is to go through this more than one. One of the theatre nurses in recovery was telling me that she had had four miscarriages then had two more children in her 40s. I do, however totally get the fear of trying again. This was my first miscarriage but I keep saying to DH, that although I now want another baby more than ever, the idea of knowing this could happen again is terrifying.

Kiwi, I have everything crossed that this is a sign you have passed what needs to pass, and your body is now cleaning itself. Your experience in Tesco must have been so painful. Hopefully these moments will lessen with time x

It’s good to hear lots of you have support from your mums and that they have shared their stories. Hopefully that provides hope, as well as the love and support you need at this time. I haven’t told my mum. She is very anti three child families, as she feels her life has been damaged by being a middle child. She has always told me that I was an accident and she would never have chosen to have a third, and she has struggled to be supportive when I had my older children. That paints her a bad light, because she does care and I do speak to her regularly, so it’s not that she’s generally awful, just that she says the wrong thing and has very set views that she doesn’t seem to filter. I wish I could speak to her, but DH is being amazing, and my friend has been great, so I am actually very lucky.

Ralala I am sorry you have been through this recently and are still finding things tough. Thank-you, though for sharing that you are seeing brighter times. Hopefully those will become much more the norm for you moving forwards, and I really hope you have a healthy pregnancy and baby really soon. Thank-you for sharing that things do start to improve. It really helps to know that it won’t always feel so raw.

I am struggling a bit this morning as it is a week since we found out. This time last week, I was getting ready to walk out of the house, full of fear, but also excitement. DH was reminding me that I had no reason to be scared. Everything looked good etc. But obviously it wasn’t, and in just over an hour, it’ll be a week since the sonography asked when I got the positive pregnancy test. I knew straight away what she meant. But I had never actually believed that would be the outcome of the scan. I was scared they would be concerned with the Nuchal fluid because of my age. I was scared that we would have an anxious wait for my Harmony test results. But I didn’t actually think my baby would have died.

Sorry!

@Miscarriage39 morning! I know what you mean I had a really rough night of hopping to the loo constantly and eventually put earplugs in so I didn't have to listen to the wild storm outside. It's still so windy this morning! I'm sorry you're feeling low today- tomorrow will be a week since I found out so I know I will be feeling similar things although I had already started spotting before so knew something was wrong. I hope you manage to find some distractions today and we will get through this

I know what you mean, the positive stories are really helpful but the fear is real about trying again. I miss my innocence of going for scans with my first almost oblivious to what could actually happen and wish I could get that back again. My mum sent us some nerine bulbs last week which are lillies that flower in autumn/winter so we planted them on Saturday in remembrance of our baby who would have been born in the autumn. I hope that when they flower every year we can remember him or her, have you managed to do anything like that yet? If you want to of course. I'm hoping it will be a comfort to see them.

Sending hugs today - lots of relaxing, tv comedy and crochet have been helping me :)

@DappledOliveGroves I know what you mean - I had this overwhelming fear last night and felt like there was no point trying again as I don't want to go through this again - but I guess unless we try we will never get our chance at a rainbow baby will we? Sending positive thoughts to you today we can get through this and we will

Morning ladies- good news if you can call it that on my end. My HCG levels dropped from 2300 to 1006 so they’re satisfied I have officially had a MC. My bleeding seems to have stopped now. Would’ve been 11 weeks today and my 12 week scan next Friday so feeling a bit gutted.. I think you just go on autopilot to get through all the physical trauma then once that’s over the emotional sinks in.

@DappledOliveGroves So sorry you are going through this... have you asked for any testing from your doctor re the recurrent MC or won’t they do it until you’ve had 3?

@Miscarriage39 @kiwi17 i feel the same as you both about trying again- I know some people get pregnant again even before their first period but I’m terrified that will cause a MC again cos my body won’t have had time to prepare. We will get our rainbow babies though xx

Morning girls @Brightspark12 I am on exact same timeline as you. Should have been 11 weeks today and my 12 week scan was booked for next Friday 19th. Really not looking forward to this weekend with Mother's Day on Sunday as I really thought that it would be my sort of unofficial first and I know OH was planning on doing something for me. I had also planned to tell my grandparents who im very close to and would have been their first great grandchild. So just feel like I want to hide, don't really want to go and see DM and MIL. Have seen my own mum since and she knows everything and it quite good at just getting on with things. But can't bare to see MIL and FIL and have them look at me with pity. Also on Mother's Day we have arranged a virtual baby shower/gift giving to a friend who's due in a few weeks so really not looking forward to that. But OH and I are picking up a new car tomorrow which we bought to cheer ourselves up so there's that to look forward to. I had my ERPC on Friday and still bleeding, I feel like I hardly bled over the weekend snd now it's getting worse and more period crampy. I really thought there wouldn't be much bleeding with having surgical.

Brightspark12 I am so sorry the worst has been confirmed. I absolutely get what you mean about being on autopilot to get through the physical, then having to deal with the emotional hit. Can you have a few quiet days to just rest and take care of yourself? Be kind to yourself and keep posting if it helps. I hope you have lots of real word support around you. Sending lots of love and virtual hugs.

kiwi17 I am sorry you had a bad night too. I hope you’ll be able to do plenty of resting today. Your lilies sound like a lovely way of remembering your baby. DH and I were discussing buying some sort of shrub for the garden. We chose not to have a private cremation as the doctor said they may not be enough ashes to have back, so I definitely want something to commemorate this baby.

I am sorry so many of us are feeling anxious about trying again. I suppose it is only human after this experience. I have everything crossed, though, that going forward, we will all get our rainbow babies.

@Brightspark12 the EPU suggested I could get referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic owing to my age (I've just turned 39). I need to speak to the GP and try and find out what blood tests and other tests they're willing to do. I have an EPU appointment on Monday so can go through everything then and work out an exact plan of action. They did say they'd be happy to prescribe me progesterone for any next pregnancy.

In the meantime I've booked an appointment with a nutritionist and will look into acupuncture. I need to lose weight and eat better and thankfully the gym should open up again soon so I can get back into doing exercise again. Not sure if any of that will help but at least I'll feel like I'm doing something.

Good news at least is that I can have my Covid jab now - I had to hold off because I didn't know if the pregnancy was viable or not, but now I'm miscarrying, I've got it booked for tomorrow.

@DappledOliveGroves that sounds like you might get some answers and good that they are willing to support you further regarding tests etc. Do you mind me asking if they have said anything about the covid jab in relation to ttc? I know they don't recommend it for pregnancy but wasn't sure if there was anything else..

@Miscarriage39 the shrub sounds like a nice idea - I liked the idea of something that would keep growing each year..

@judtwanttobeamum I'm similar to you - 12 week scan should be next Thursday for me :( it's just a horrid timing isn't it especially with mothers day on Sunday? I'm so lucky that I still have my daughter to celebrate with and I'm so sorry that it will be even harder for you.. I hope you manage to distract or do something just as a couple together. Baby shower sounds like torment right now - is there any way you could get out of it?! I know what you mean about pitying faces though, have been talking to my mum throughout but my in-laws are bringing LO home tonight and I'm dreading the faces and unasked questions.. :(

@Brightspark12 I'm glad/sad for you with regards to your levels but hope that is is giving you some sense of peace and closure.. Definitely agree with the whole physical adrenaline getting you through and then the emotional side kicking in... think next week is going to be hard being back at work and avoiding the are you ok? questions.

@justwant2beamum I had an email this morning ‘what to expect now you’re 11 weeks pregnant” bloody unsubscribed to that. It is hard with Mother’s Day... I suppose you just have to see your family as support right now. I have to say i wouldn’t attend the baby shower- you need to be selfish at the moment to look after yourself. Just say you aren’t well and don’t put yourself through it xx

@DappledOliveGroves that seems like a step in the right direction, hopefully you can get some answers and support when you’re ready to try again x

@Miscarriage39 this is a bloody shit journey to be on but made easier to be able to talk on here. Off work all week this week so resting and trying to plan some stuff to look forward to. How are you feeling xx

@kiwi17 the latest guidance seems to suggest that it's fine to have the vaccine if TTC. www.tommys.org/pregnancyhub/blogs-stories/covid-19-vaccine-pregnancy-and-breastfeeding

I don't know how long it would take for me to conceive again and I'm desperate to go away somewhere sunny this summer after having such a shit year, so will take the vaccine (albeit no one knows why I'm being offered it as don't seem to fall into any of the vulnerable groups, but phoned GP and they said to have it, so will get jabbed tomorrow!)