Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

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Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

Hi, can I join?

We discovered our MMC at the 12 week scan last week. Baby was measuring 9 weeks. I was immediately admitted for medical management but it was only partially successful and I lost too much blood to continue. I am back in hospital today for the surgical procedure. Really hoping this fully works and this part of the nightmare will be behind me.

Kiwi17 I hope you have a positive experience of the medical management. If it helps at all, I didn’t find the pain too horrific. I hope you don’t either.

So they got blood and my levels have dropped from 900 to 720. They want to repeat the bloods in a week. So another week of waiting. I said that I'd had really little bleeding and cramping and she said it might be because of the reabsorption thing, so it might not happen at all. I feel like I'm none the wiser to be honest and finding the whole let's see what happens things really upsetting. Having a down day today and feeling heartbroken. Sorry to be a downer xxxxxxx

Oh @HotCupOfNo I'm sorry. Is it now looking like it's not eptopic though? If so, that's something! Honestly I know how you feel, when I was right in the heat of it everything felt hopeless. I found out about my mmc 21st Dec so had to go through all of Christmas knowing it was still inside me, strong symptoms etc. It's awful this limbo period. But honestly in a couple of months you'll feel so much more positive I promise xx

The expectant management is really hard. Even a few days feels like an absolute lifetime . If you are anything like me , you convince yourself there’s still some little tiny bit of hope and it’s all been a mistake . Sending lots of love

Thanks Suzie and miscarriage39. It has been a rubbish few days and today decided when I spoke to the hospital I decided my body had started enough to not try the medication for now - have a scan booked in 2 weeks to check everything has come out. Haven't had unmanageable pain today but definitely passed what looked like something other than clots and normal blood (sorry if tmi!) Was more grey and white and blobby so I'm hoping that was the main part coming out. Got the rest of the week off work now to just sit and recover.. Miscarriage39 I'm sorry for your loss :( I hope things get easier for you too.

kiwi17 I really hope it is happening for naturally for you, and that it is as quick and painless as can be.

I’m just coming round for surgery. Apparently all has gone well which is such a relief. I know this is the beginning of a long road, but so relieved nothing went wrong.

@Miscarriage39 and @kiwi17 so sorry you have had to join us but I hope you'll get closure soon and be able to start moving on. Seems like there are lots of different MC experiences in this group so hopefully we can be helpful. Mine was a natural one at what was supposed to be 8 weeks but was measuring 6.

@HotCupOfNo so sorry to hear this lovely, it seems to be dragging on for you, but good that the levels are dropping and possibly that it might just be a light bleed for you due to reabsorption. At least they were able to take the bloods which is a step forward 👍 and as @AMS19 says, if they have ruled out ectopic that in itself is really good news. You'll get there!

@Ralala yes, 100% what I'm doing. It's the closure thing isn't it. Thankyou xx

@AlbiMix @AMS19 Thankyou ❤️ you're right its really positive that it's not ectopic, and I've given myself a good talking to this evening and if my levels continue to fall at the same rate then in a week I should be very nearly in the clear xx

@Miscarriage39 sending you so much love. I hope you're feeling ok and being looked after well?

@kiwi17 how are you doing lovely?

X

@hotcupofno feeling a bit better thanks- I feel like quite a bit has come out today but whether that is it done or just the first stage I'm not sure. It's hard to know though and feeling a bit useless just sat on the sofa! Hope you are feeling better soon and like you say might be on the way to being clear in a couple of weeks.

I am so sorry that everyone in here has been in a position to need to join. I am also sorry if my message yesterday was very self-focused. I didn’t my mean to sound selfish.

Kiwi17 how was your night. I hope the worst of the physical side is over so you now.

Ralala I know what you mean about almost not wanting to let go to that last little bit. I cried I. The way the hospital yesterday because I knew it would all be over, and although I knew really, it already was, all the while there was still something retained, it wasn’t my completely over.

AMS19 that timing must have made it all so much more difficult. I am so sorry for what you experienced, but glad to hear you are feeling more positive now.

I feel very much in limbo this morning. After five days of slight cramps etc following the medical attempt, it’s the first time I have no feeling in my tummy. The bleeding is now minimal (sorry if TMI) and I few really lost. I don’t even really know what I am doing. The only information I was given when I left the hospital last night was to do a pregnancy test in three weeks, and if it’s not negative, to call them. So I guess it’s now just time to try and forward. My DH is being great, and I have a wonderful friend who is incredibly supportive, but other than our son, nobody knows. We don’t feel able to talk to our families.

On a practical note, when is it okay to have a bath? I didn’t my think to ask at the hospital.

@Miscarriage39 so sorry for what you're going through. I had surgical management on Friday. I wasn't told about baths but from what I've read showers and baths are ok but no swimming. But to be on safe side I'm going to wait to stop bleeding till I have a bath. At the moment I've just been having showers and sitting down in the shower letting the water fall on my tummy. Because they've said no sex till after bleeding stops in case of infection im guessing that maybe you're cervix needs to close or something? Xx

justwant2beamum I am so sorry you are going through this too. I hope you have lots of support around you, and are physically recovering well. Thank-you so much for replying. I’ve come across the same mixed information as you, so guess it will be most sensible to wait, just to be on the safe side. I really don’t need to add an infection to the hell of this past week!

Once again, thank-you for taking the time to answer my mundane questions while you are going through this.

Oh @Miscarriage39 and @justwanttobeamum I'm sorry that you're both struggling. Definitely Don't feel like you're being self focused @Miscarriage39 it's exactly the time to be thinking about yourself and how you are doing and this is why we are all here I think for a bit of support. I know what you mean about feeling lost, I'm off work for the week (I'm a teacher so literally worst time for this to happen..) and my little girl has gone to stay with her granny as emergency childcare bubble and husband is at work so I'm just aimlessly wondering around the house from loo to sofa feeling a bit unsure how to feel. The night was ok thanks- woke at 6.30am needing to change pads but actually cramps have only just started up again now so not sure how today will go. How are you feeling now about waiting 3 weeks? I feel that's the hardest bit, all the waiting around for the next thing and waiting for our bodies to 'get back to normal'. It's going to be so hard taking a test in 3 weeks looking for a negative and then I have a scan in 2 weeks which I have to hope it's all clear when it's only a week after I should have been going for my 12 week scan :( hope you manage to find some thing to take your mind off it all today. I wasn't sure about baths either but I tend to shower so probably sticking with that for now. @justwanttobeamum how are you feeling since Friday?

@kiwi17 I'm a few weeks ahead of you (coming up to 3 weeks since the MC completed) and just wanted to let you know that I felt the same anxiety about taking the pregnancy test to see if it was negative, but I did it last week and, although it made me sad, it also was a huge relief to see it 'over' and I'd say getting the negative test actually felt like a reasonably positive part of this journey for me - saying this in the hope it will bring you some comfort.

On the other hand, I am finding the "what next" waiting period quite hard. I'm waiting for my period to come and worried my body is messed up, there's absolutely no hint of it coming :( also having a bit of a down day because I spoke about the MC properly with my OH yesterday for the first time, he was really upset and I guess I'm reeling from that.

Sending positive vibes to all those going through the MC right now ❤️

@Miscarriage39 so sorry for your loss

I was told not to have a bath until you stop bleeding. You also shouldnt have sex until stop bleeding.

The info that I and others have been told:
You should not bleed for more than 3 weeks. This should generally tail off so if it increases again for more than 1 day call EPU. If you ever go through a pad in less than an hour, get help.
If you spike a fever or have flu-ish symptoms, this can mean an infection so call EPU.
Take a pregnancy test in 3 weeks and if its positive, get back in touch with EPU.
Best not to TTC until your tests go negative. Professionals will recommend not until after first period post-MC
Period can take ages to come, depends on how fast your HCG drops. On this group we have had anything between 2 and 10 weeks after MC or MC surgery.
First period might be weird (super light or super heavy). Especially if you had surgery.

kiwi17 I am so sorry you are alone during the day while this is happening, although it’s great that your little girl has somewhere that is no doubt safe and fun for her to be, and that you sonny have to worry about looking after her through all of this. How old is she?
I really do hope you are not in too much pain? Can you husband come home if you need him?
Don’t worry about missing the return to school. Make sure you take the time to get through this and heal as much as you can before going back to the classroom. Teaching is very full on, and you not being there won’t be a problem for anyone.
That is really rubbish timing for needing to take your test and have your scan. Good that they are scanning though. I have no follow-up unless there’s any issues.

As you say, it does all feel a bit like waiting for the next thing. I was thinking earlier, this is going to be waiting the three weeks, then waiting for my period, then potentially, waiting to get pregnant again (if we go down that route).

I hope you can find something to distract yourself. I am going to go and sit on the bed and fold laundry. DH has been brilliant at getting stuff through the machine, but not putting it away!

TheDaydreamBelievers I am sorry you have been through this too. Thanks for all that information. I have sort of been gathering it from all over the place, but it really helps to have it listed like that. Thanks also for summarising differences people here have experienced. It’s reassuring to know that a wide variation can be ‘normal’. Ironically, when I was discharged after the partial medical treatment, and asked what would constitute heavy enough bleeding to be concerned, the dr couldn’t really answer!

AlbiMix I am sorry you have been going through this, and sorry to hear that you have a bad day today. It must be really hard waiting for your body to settle back down, but I am sure it’s not messed up, but rather taking it’s time to heal (not that that helps much emotionally).

I had my D&C two weeks ago today and I'm still spotting 😕 it's very faint and a light brown but I just wish it would stop so I can try to at least physically move on.

@Miscarriage39 I'm sorry you went through this too. I second what @TheDaydreamBelievers said regarding all the post surgery advice.
I'd love to have a bath but I'm not going to until all bleeding/spotting has stopped.
Definitely keep an eye on how you're feeling, 4 days after my D&C I got a UTI and was put on a strong short course of antibiotics, so if you start to feel unwell at all let your gp/EPU know.

I had my surgery two weeks today, I had a MMC, I lost my twins at 10 weeks, which I discovered at my 13 week scan.

@Albimix thank you that's really helpful - I think you're right and it will be a relief when I get a negative test and hopefully a clear scan even though it feels awful right now. It's weird but even starting to properly bleed was a relief because it felt like a small step towards normality again. Definitely a massive waiting game though- we want to try again asap as it took 10 months with our first so only 3 months to get pregnant this time seems like a fluke and I worry it'll take ages again. Little one is 3 so I worry the gap between them is starting to widen but hoping it won't be too much of an issue as I know she'll be an amazing big sister if she ever gets the chance! Plus have read about being more fertile after mc although not sure if that's a myth. Hope you're feeling a bit better after your chat with your oh, it's tough on them too and I'm trying to get my husband to keep talking to me as I think he is struggling but wants to protect me by not talking about it.... he's booked a bit of a counselling session with our local vicar so hopefully that will help him, Maybe there is something local similar for your oh if he wants to?

@Equimum Thank you for caring- my little girl is just over 3 and had already said to the childminder on Monday that mummy and daddy were really sad because something scary happened to mummy :( she is really perceptive so didn't want to have to hide the bleeding from her as it would have upset her. Plus she's having an absolute blast so I know she's happy :) yeah my husband said he'll come home if I need him - he's a teacher too but his head of department is aware and said he can leave if needed. Both our schools have been really supportive which I feel lucky about. I know it's so hard though as teachers missing what is essentially the start of a new term but I know I need to focus on getting better before facing loads of teenagers! I do miss them though and know they'll cheer me up! Will try and distract myself today - if I feel up to I'm going to paint the spare bedroom! Hope you have a good day:)

@Tamalama that sounds like a really rough deal with the UTI :( I'm so sorry for you - How are you doing now?

Hiya guys hope everyone’s ok. Just had my 48 hour bloods done . My level on Monday was 2300 which they said didn’t mean anything was just a baseline but I googled and it said it’s very low. She said as long as it’s fallen by at least 50% then they’ll be happy. So she’s gonna ring me back later to let me know the results. I’ve stopped bleeding pretty much now. Thinking of everyone who’s having a crappy time xx

Brightspark12 I hope the bloods show the drop you are hoping for.

kiwi17 I really hope you go onto to conceive quickly and have another baby you can take home. Try not to worry too much about age gaps. I know it may not be what you always dreamed of, but lots of our friends have 4-5 years between their children (both by choice and because of what was possible) and have really enjoyed the gap.
Good luck with the decorating, but take it easy if you feel the need to. I am literally having a sofa day until school finishes.

Tamalama I am sorry for what you have been through. We also found out at our routine scan.

Thanks for all your advice. I am sorry you got a UTI so soon after the procedure - that can’t have been nice at all. How are you getting on now? I hope the spotting stops really soon for you.

I will definitely wait to have a bath. I was just a bit unsure as the miscarriage association says it’s okay, but I absolutely want to minimise the chances of infection right now, so will stick with warm showers.

Thanks @Miscarriage39 and @kiwi17 I'm doing ok thanks. My HGC levels are dropping, I took a test yesterday and it's a very faint positive/squinter. I just wish the spotting would stop. It's two weeks today since I had my D&C so I've had a couple of wobbly moments today 😕

@kiwi17 my daughter is two, and my partner is 40 this year, also it took us a while of trying for me to fall pregnant this time so I'm also feeling very anxious about being able to try again, so can totally relate. Patience is absolutely not my fortè, and it seems you need a lot with this whole baby making thing.

I passed something last night when I went for a wee, quite a lot of blood came out as well, and I've been having on and off sharp cramping in my abdomen today so I'm feeling so much better that stuff has started moving along. Never thought I'd wish pain on myself!

Sending a huge hug to anyone that needs it today. It's very rainy and windy where I am and I'm using it as a great excuse to cuddle up and watching tv.

Hi, can I join this thread please? I posted the following as a stand-alone post but haven't had any replies.

Sadly I'm in this forum again. Second miscarriage in a row. I have an adult daughter (20 this month). My first miscarriage, last July, was a MMC at 10 weeks and I had medical management at home which was horrifically painful. Everything passed and bleeding stopped within a couple of weeks.

This time the pregnancy has been pretty fraught from the get go. Spotting constantly, lack of growth at scans and all looked pretty bleak from the outset. I've got a D&C booked next Wednesday and a scan next Monday to confirm the loss, but I've started bleeding heavily in the interim. I started bleeding on Sunday and it's become heavier since yesterday. Lots of clots (albeit all small), pretty heavy but nothing too alarming. But so far, absolutely minimal pain. Tiny bit of cramping during the night but that's it.

In light of my last miscarriage I'd expected a lot more pain. Is it possible to miscarry painlessly, or will things ramp up? I'd like to avoid a D&C if possible, but also don't want to be in limbo for weeks so does anyone have any experience of how long this process could take?

I feel fine in myself. Pregnancy symptoms have all now vanished. I felt pretty emotional last week but now just feel accepting of it. Just want to know what to expect with the physical process.

TIA.