Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 2. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

This thread is open for EVERYONE. To discuss the highs, lows, emotions, and experiences of us all going through our miscarriage journey. Together we will get through this!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC?pg=1

To my incredible strong warriors...I cannot believe we filled a thread! We've got this ladies ❤
@DMT1982
@Scottishskifun
@glowingtwig
@mia2201
@Redfoxinthesnow
@Seasalt1984
@laurat94
@tamsin424
@cocoloco88
@SuzieDeLaTour
@Cordial11
@seasalt1984
@thehotelcalifornia
@TheDaydreamBelievers
@Pettylamby
@Lililou
@Enola41
@CocoLoco88
@Nicolamac1
@Sleeeeeepy
@Mellous
@Nicolamac1
@Semla
@Seasidestarfruit
@mummydoingamasters
@elm7
@MrsD1992
@CookieMonster3001
@Dryshampoo32

Sincere apologies for missing anyone xx

@TheDaydreamBelievers how do you feel? I guess on one hand you are now get into a clean cycle, track properly etc. On the other disappointed not to fall this cycle? Obviously me guessing how I would feel! Too much for implantation I'm assuming?

AF has now definitely appeared! @AMS19 I think I feel okay about it, as long as my next cycle isnt a million years long!

Good to hear it @TheDaydreamBelievers hopefully your body has now reset and cycles will normalise. You're not quite a long time post pill aren't you?

@AMS19 came off the pill end of march 2020, one giant long wait for AF (141 days), cycle 2 ovulated at CD33 and conceived, MMC at 12 weeks, now this AF is about 8 weeks later. So crossing fingers that all the pill hormones are gone and post pregnancy hormones arent too disruptive!

My DH was clearly trying to make me feel better and saying we will "really go for it" this month haha

@TheDaydreamBelievers I think we started talking when you were in cycle 2! Ha, well at least he is gearing himself up for it! Thr positive Iis conceived pretty quick in terms of cycles! So hopefully even more fertile now and will catch quickly

Hi ladies how are we all? My HCG is plummeting according to the doctor and expectant management meant I passed the pregnancy naturally without surgery. I know that I am extremely fortunate given the pregnancy was ectopic. I have been given a follow up appointment in 2 weeks. Routine when ectopic apparently .

I’m glad I don’t need to go back to the hospital for 2 weeks but I feel abit .... what do I do now. That last week has been a whirlwind and now I sort of just need to pick up the pieces. While physically I feel better and stronger each day, emotionally I seem to be getting weaker.

I’m due back at work on Tuesday . I have self certified all week but I think I will need some more time to be honest just to process all of this.

Thanks for all your support and sorry I can’t offer anything back right now

@ralala this is absolutely brilliant news!!! It's so great it's all happened naturally without surgery or intervention.
I know this part is so hard. I would suggest take each day at a time and plan little milestones you want to achieve. Milestones like go for a walk, have a shower, wash your hair and put proper cloths on, clean, cook a nice meal, read a book, etc. Nothing big. This period is about healing and not about making any big plans and changes. Just taking your time to navigate the emotions as best you can, one day at a time. My milestone today was cleaning all my flat from top to bottom. I'm taking supplements, eating healthy, which makes me feel like I'm doing something rather than say impatiently waiting for negative pregnancy tests. You've got this, I promise

@Ralala also just to add, my cousin had an eptopic and passed naturally whilst waiting for surgery. She fell pregnant 2 cycles later and had a perfect baby girl ❤

Thank you @AMS19. Doctor said it was positive that my body managed to do it naturally and it usually suggests my body will get back into the swing of things easier. I just need to wait and see.

I like the idea of small steps. Today I washed my hair and it felt like a big step to be honest. Thanks xxx

@Ralala I'm so pleased you didn't need surgery and that HCG levels have come down.

I think with both ectopic and miscarriage there is so much going on physically that it feels as though all your energy goes into the physical recovery first, as you start to get better physically that's when the emotional side becomes a bit more real. What you're experiencing sounds very common and very normal.

I thought I'd share some things that helped me, they may or may not help you, but might give you some ideas as you start on your road to recovery:

Try not to fight or force any feelings, just feel what you feel. It's ok to not be ok. Some days you might be sad, angry, happy, grateful, even numb, it can be a bit of a rollercoaster.

I found talking on here and to friend enormously helpful.

Talking openly to my partner, even if it meant we might upset one another if we didn't feel the same about something

Doing little things each day as @AMS19 suggested made me feel like I was getting better and gave me a sense of my progress in my recovery

Read resources on the ectopic pregnancy site

When you're up to it, try to leave the house for a short walk each day

Write down things you're grateful for

Write down your experience

Do little things for yourself and maybe even your partner to enjoy, run a nice bath, get a takeaway, do your nails, put a bit of makeup on. Care for yourself like you would care for a friend.

Binge watch some trash on the sofa with a comfy blanket - one of my personal favourites 😜

@Lililou ❤❤❤

Hi all,
I hope you don’t mind me joining in?
I’m really struggling, currently going through a MC as we speak at 6 weeks.
I’m so upset, only saw the heartbeat on Tuesday. History of a MMC before aswell. 😢🙁 I passed what I think was the baby about ten minutes ago. Had bleeding since last Saturday, and cramps started today about 3 hours ago.

I can’t focus on anything else currently. X

@AMS19 managed to pop a hair mask on and a face mask and planning to fake tan a bit tonight. Might also try and fit in a pedicure too...why the hell not 😂 hope you’ve had a good Saturday! X

Hi @Jam291 I'm so sorry that's absolutely awful! Going through it once has been terrible, can't imagine for a 2nd time. Some of the ladies here have been through it now than once. Right now I know the world feels like its falling apart around you but you will get through this. This is the worst part, you're nearly through this hurdle. I also saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks and even though the baby died not long after, I had a mmc so didn't find out for another 3 weeks. It's been tough but I'm now a month on and feeling much stronger and positive. You will get through this I promise. We are all here for you xx

@SuzieDeLaTour that sounds like the perfect Saturday! ❤

Hi @AMS19,

If I’m honest with me it doesn’t rain it pours sometimes, I had a MMC, then a baby born very poorly with SEN, now a MC. 😕

Thankyou for your words, I found the ‘through the first hurdle’ bit very true.
So sorry to hear about your MMC , they are horrid really horrid. I wish I could go to bed tonight and wake up 2 months time. 🙁
Sorry to be such a Debbie downer it’s just ‘arghhh’ at the moment.
Xx

@Jam291 of course we don’t mind you joining and what you’re going through is awful and all consuming. It’s totally normal not to be able to focus on anything else as you need to focus on yourself at the moment to get you through this and out the other side. There is another side I promise you and you will get there but I can’t sugar coat this bit as it’s shit, it really is.

I didn’t miscarry naturally but sounds like you are however if you are bleeding really heavily then maybe call your local EPU or 111. Have you got someone with you to look after you? Xxx

@Jam291 never apologise for saying hiw you feel. That is exactly what this thread is for. Everything is moving in the right direction and as hard as this is, it happened for a reason ❤ sounds like you have your hands full with your little boy so although this is heartbreaking, the baby wouldn't have been well and so this is the best outcome. Hoenstly it's bloody tough and awful but one hour at a time. You're doing it and getting through it. You do whatever you need to xxx

Thank you both for your replies. As we didn’t tell anyone I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. My partner is very supportive but he’s a ‘typical’ male and I think hides his feelings to help me, so I’m going to make sure he’s supported this time.
I do have my hands full with my little boy, who’s amazing in every way, I just wanted to make him a big brother...
Thankyou for letting me rant on.

My local EPU are very supportive although very busy, I am booked in for another scan on Tuesday. Do you think I should cancel it? Without going into too many details it’s very clear I passed the baby.
I don’t want to waste a slot when someone who’s pregnant might need it?

I know healing (physically and mentally) is different for everyone but do you have any tips / suggestions or anything. Little boy keeps me busy. Xx

@Jam291 I think you should keep the scan. Even if you have passed the baby (which might not seem like it but is good and better than surgery or medical management) there could still be some retained tissue. So would be great to get the all clear from them.

So a bit like I said on the thread this morning to the other lovely lady, break it down into baby steps and small milestones. Dont try and run before you can walk. Think about small wins you can achieve next week. Also look at all tbe resources on the miscarriage association website. Slowly, between the small milestones and reading/talking you will start to heal. We can all help you too. You can talk to us about how you're feeling. I also hadn't told anyone except my 3 best friends. None of my family know about the pregnancy or miscarriage. That's why this thread has been so helpful xx

Sorry my phone is going a bit crazy and the posts wouldn’t load! @Semla I’m so sorry to hear you’re having to go through medical management all over again. What a horrid ordeal for you! But hopefully this will finally be it for you and you can start to heal xx
@CocoLoco88 oh I think a miscarriage can have a big impact on couples - we all grieve so differently and talking about trying again can seem like the elephant in the room. I recently read a story by a woman who had suffered a miscarriage and she said it can be so difficult to explain to others how you’re feeling because unlike any other form of grief it’s a death within you. I definitely think it can be much harder for men to understand how we are feeling. I know I’ve been annoyed at my DH for singing / getting on with his everyday hobbies like nothing has happened 🙄

@Jam291 I’m so sorry you’ve had to join this thread. I’ve had two MMCs like you, with a little rainbow baby born between 😍 when I found out last week I just thought “oh god not again, why is this happening to me again??” It can feel very overwhelming and unfair. You’re right in the thick of it now so everything you’re feeling is natural. You’re definitely not being a Debbie Downer!!! I agree with @AMS19 that you should keep your scan appointment. It’s worth checking that everything has passed and ask any questions that you might have? Plus getting the all clear might help you find some closure and start looking forward xx

Good idea I might keep the appointment for them to tell me it’s passed. With my MMC I had medication management- not sure if it’s called that- but I was to take tablets at home then went into hospital, sadly ended up loosing most of the baby down the toilet, however had some left inside of me so had a male doctors hands right up my ‘woohoo’ 😂🙆🏽‍♀️ and SO would not want this again. Sorry to laugh but I feel like sometimes I have to laugh or else I’d cry.

This time, TMI, but in the shower, I felt the sac come out, I managed to pick it up, and there is was the sac and I got to see the baby in the sac with its tail, it was so small. Like when they say it’s tiny it really is tiny. It felt like I could properly say goodbye if you know what I mean, I read it a little poem and said my goodbyes. I’ve rambled and probably sounds nuts.
You are all really supportive 💞.
I was on the miscarriage association last night as sort of knew it was happening, and found it helpful then - wish I found it with my MMC and wish I thought to come on here.
Sounds horrible and I’m so sorry that you ladies are going through it to,
But you can’t help but feel like you are the only one to happen to. It’s helpful to speak to people going through the same.
💞 Thankyou alll again, I’m going to grab my self a large bit of chocolate fudge cake and some ice cream and just try and stuff my face..... xx

@jam291 oh lovely. It's so sad. One of the other ladies on here had exactly the same thing happen to her. In the shower and got to say goodbye. I think it was on our previous thread towards the end if you want to read about that as some point. It sounds identical. So that proves you are absolutely not nuts at all! It's amazingly brave to get to say goodbye and although it hurts now in time you'll be grateful for that. I had a MVA and was awake and they told me to look away as they literally "sucked" the tissue out which mentally so awful to think about.
Get that chocolate cake, PJs, light a candle and take a deep breath. You WILL get through this. It won't be easy but you absolutely will. We are all here for you xx

@AMS19 sorry I keep forgetting to tag people in my replies.
Oh no way, ill check that thread out. This last week I think I’ve read EVERY post on here with bleeding/spotting etc, every single one🙆🏽‍♀️. But then I’m the type of person that likes all the information I can get- so thinking of it maybe the scan IS a good idea. Even though I know but to know it’s all passed.

I hope you are ok as you said you are a month on,I can imagine that Christmas
Was a hard time 💞💞 xx