Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 2. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

This thread is open for EVERYONE. To discuss the highs, lows, emotions, and experiences of us all going through our miscarriage journey. Together we will get through this!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC?pg=1

To my incredible strong warriors...I cannot believe we filled a thread! We've got this ladies ❤
@DMT1982
@Scottishskifun
@glowingtwig
@mia2201
@Redfoxinthesnow
@Seasalt1984
@laurat94
@tamsin424
@cocoloco88
@SuzieDeLaTour
@Cordial11
@seasalt1984
@thehotelcalifornia
@TheDaydreamBelievers
@Pettylamby
@Lililou
@Enola41
@CocoLoco88
@Nicolamac1
@Sleeeeeepy
@Mellous
@Nicolamac1
@Semla
@Seasidestarfruit
@mummydoingamasters
@elm7
@MrsD1992
@CookieMonster3001
@Dryshampoo32

Sincere apologies for missing anyone xx

@ralala oh poor you. I think you're right, it's something that is still so taboo and they don't know how to approach it properly. As a big employer this must happen to a reasonable number of employees so you'd think they'd have given it done consideration! As your boss sounds like a bit of a nightmare I'm guessing you're feeling all round unsupported about returning to work which is horrible for you. That would definitely impact thoughts of returning. My boss shared that she'd had a MC when I told her about mine so just knew she got it. It was still really anxiety provoking on day 1 though. Could you have a chat with your boss and HR together about how they might support you starting back? I'm sorry this is feeling so worrying for you. On my first morning there was a bit of a crisis at work I had to deal immediately which was stressful but in some respects it meant my head was down and i was cracking on without realising. It's such a personal thing though. Sending hugs xxx

@Ralala just to add the time it takes you heal is not "ridiculous" at all. Everyone takes different times and heals in different ways. There is no right or wrong here. You take as long as you need, your mental health is more important than any job ever could be xx

@ralala I was signed off for 5 weeks and now on a phased return to work.
I think work places honestly don't know what to do my work is the same. I have to put flowers in a different room I can't see them everyday it's too much for me.

My morning isn't going too well my period started but wasn't expected it and it started in the shower which resulted in a massive flashback to my miscarriage. My DH had to help me out the shower as he found me completely frozen curled up.
Great start back to work eh?!

@Ralala there is no time limit for grief, please have a chat with your gp and look after yourself. If you are not ready, it might be worse to go back and then possibly break down at work 😪

@Scottishskifun oh poor you, this sounds heartbreaking. Be kind to yourself, hugs

@Ralala you’re not being overly sensitive at all. It’s still very much one of those taboo subjects unfortunately that people just don’t know how to deal with it or what to say. I think sadly until you’ve gone through it yourself it’s hard to grasp how much it can impact a woman - with other forms of grief people knew the person etc and can talk about them and can sort of wheel out all the old words of comfort but I find the subject of miscarriages makes people feel a bit awkward and unsure how to react 😢 when you’re feeling stronger it’s definitely something you should raise as there will very likely be other women at your company who go through the same. If the idea of going back to work still feels really daunting speak to your GP again. In the grand scheme of things what difference will one or two extra weeks make? You won’t think back when you’re 60 and wish you hadn’t taken off more time but it might affect you longer term if you head back when you’re not feeling emotionally ready xx

@Scottishskifun what a horrible morning for you and I’m not surprised it brought back awful memories for you 😰 sending you virtual hugs xx

@Scottishskifun I'm so sorry that must have been such a shock for you. Sending you lots of virtual love

Thanks it just feels like one step forward 2 steps back at the moment. Completely exhausted mentally and physically today.

Fluffy pj's and watching the snow for me this evening. Hoping it won't be so blizarding tomorrow so I can have a very cold walk it's - 6 tonight!

@Scottishskifun goodness me. What a day for you. Please rest up and look after yourself xxx

Urgh I keep seeing adverts for maternity clothes flash up whenever I go online. I think I only googled maternity coats once and now I’m bombarded daily with images of pregnant women. Driving me a bit mad! 😰

@SuzieDeLaTour same 😭

@SuzieDeLaTour @Applecrumble24 if this is on social media you can click in the corner on the post, then clicke "why am I seeing this", and untick anything pregnancy related! I did that and they stopped appearing

Evening ladies,
@Ralala, take as much time as you need. I look back and wish I’d taken a little longer. You need to put yourself first and take the time to heal. 💐

@Scottishskifun, I am so sorry you’ve have a horrendous day. It sounds truly awful. Fluffy pjs sound like heaven. I hope you are well enough to enjoy some fresh air in the snow tomorrow. Sending love your way! Xx

@SuzieDeLaTour :( hope you’re okay. These shitty reminders have such an impact. Hopefully the trick that AMS recommends will help! But yes I agree - one tiny search and social media picks up on it!! I keep getting emails with sales on maternity items - had to get shot of those straight away!

I hope everyone is doing okay xx

Hey girlies. Sounds like we’re all struggling a bit at the moment which is hardly surprising given everything that’s going on in the world on top of what’s happening to us :( sending everyone so much love and really hope good things are in our future.

I just had a bit of a cry myself. I decided to reinstall FertilityFriend and Femometer onto my new phone as I’d like to start tracking as soon as my period comes and I’m getting impatient as nothing seems to be happening with OPKs so thought I might try temp taking again. So re-installed them and of course up pops ‘you’re pregnant, no need to take your temperature’ on FF and ‘Congratulations, you’re 15 weeks pregnant’ and a baby pic on Femometer ☹ It’s not the apps fault, and I’ve reset them both now and Femometer was actually very sweet which surprised me as it’s like Chinese and badly written ha. But wow, I just burst into tears. Went downstairs and interrupted DH PS4 sesh and he was wonderful. Not beating myself up though as I’ve been doing really well lately and feeling positive and it’s unsurprising that something like that would upset me. Let myself cry and will be gentle with myself the next few days. I’m just getting so fed up waiting for ovulation or AF. Ladies who have had AF can you please tell me how long it took? I know everyone’s different and I shouldn’t compare though. Tomorrow is one month since my surgery. Crazy really how it’s been a month. At times it feels like it was yesterday and others it feels like weeks ago. I’m just so desperate to have a period and start fresh. It’s driving me crazy. It’s just a constant waiting game ☹

@Scottishskifun I’m so so sorry you’ve had such a horrible day lovely ☹ Can completely understand the shower flashback. Whenever I go to our loo I’m reminded of what happened. It’s just awful. A constant reminder. Look after yourself tonight xxx

@SuzieDeLaTour same lovely, it’s fucking shit isn’t it :( xxxx

@Ralala you are absolutely not being ridiculous. Please don’t ever think that. How you’re feeling is completely normal, there is no timeline for grief. I don’t think you’re being oversensitive either. Flowers is a small gesture that would mean a lot, and I agree it adds to the taboo. I think def raise it with HR once you’re back in. @Summersun001 makes some really good suggestions. Some days I feel so angry that miscarriage is so swept under the rug and I feel like campaigning or something. I’m not sure how or what I’d do but I just feel so frustrated that we just have to basically deal with it all on our own. Sending so much love to you xxxx

@TheDayDreamBelievers good to see you in your first cycle. How are you feeling and finding temping etc again? Xxx

@AMS19 glad you’re in your first proper cycle. Keeping my fingers crossed that you ovulate soon. How are you feeling now you’re back in the swing of TTC? Xxxxx

Sorry ladies if anyone has said something I’ve missed! Trying to catch up! Sending love to everyone though xxxx

@TheHotelCalifornia wellllll, CD17 and nothing is happening to be honest. Temps are okay but no OPK positive so... I'm a bit worried that my cycles are going to be crazy long again. But trying not to worry yet as this could theoretically still be a 30 day cycle.

My first AF was about 9.5 weeks after MMC surgery.

Thanks ladies.

@scottishskifun. I'm so sorry you experienced that this morning, sounds very traumatic for you. Hope you've managed to have a peaceful day lovely and you're being looked after.

@thehotelcalifornia oh goodness, that is not what you needed! Glad DH looked after you. I know what you mean about things feeling like they're taking their time. In answer to your Q, my AF arrived 4 weeks and a day post medical management. Hope you're not waiting too much longer. Will keep fingers crossed for you.

I've had a tricky day today. Been generally ok the last week or so but really struggled today. Got into a thought cycle of "this will never happen" and feeling stuck in time if that makes sense. Took myself out for a walk and was nice to get some fresh air. Then got invited to a friend's baby shower via WhatsApp this afternoon which I've muted and ignored for now. All things pregnancy and baby related feeling very unfair today. Hoping I'll feel more positive tomorrow. Sending positive vibes out to you all xxx

@TheHotelCalifornia Aw sweets. I’m so sorry. It’s tormenting.

My first AF was 3 weeks 3 days after I had stopped bleeding. My second AF has just started 30 days later. I normally have a 28 day cycle. I’m not sure if you’d seen my other messages, but I think my ovulation was off, I had what I thought was a positive on CD 14, but it wasn’t as strong as previous. And I had another peak at CD 18. So it was all over the place and so I will give temping a try this month. Even now on day one my periods are completely different, more painful, much heavier. So I think it may take some time for my cycles to settle, which upset me massively this week as I was really hoping we would see a positive! It will absolutely happen. Everything I read told me between 4-7 weeks? But if it’s really troubling you, maybe speak with your doctor? Xx

Thanks ladies! Blurgh it’s just so crap when these things pop up as if we need any more reminders of what we've all been through! but thanks @AMS19 I’ll have a look at switching ads off on social media 😊
@TheHotelCalifornia I’m just over 3 weeks post op and waiting for my period too - I’m hoping it will be closer to 4 weeks than 6 just so I can start a fresh cycle again. It’s such a waiting game, I find it so frustrating too!!
@Seasalt1984 that must have been tough receiving an invite. The whole things feels very unfair 😢 be kind to yourself and don’t put yourself under any pressure to respond right now or attend xx

I've been reading all the comments, sorry to hear some of you been having a tough time. I'm still off work this is my 3rd week and starting to feel guilty being off work. It's only 5 days post D&C for me and wondering when periods likely to come back? How will I know if the bleeding will be from the D&C still continuing or if AF arrives? Is their usually a break between them? Sorry if I should really stupid.

Say for example someone AF came back after 4 weeks is this from your surgery date or after bleeding stopped?

Thanks

Hi ladies, thank you to all who replied after the DH drinking drama. All sorted now... I definitely needed to chill out a bit. Just feels like the one part of the process I can control.

Sorry to read about the hard times so many of us are having. A reminder that it really is very soon for us to start feeling in any way ok. I have flashbacks too when I go into our laundry room because that's where I was lying when the paramedics were here. I'm trying to overcome it by visualising good things, like DD playing in the garden with a sibling.

I'm still really struggling at night in particular. Really hard to fall asleep then wake up suddenly with a super fast heartbeat, like it thundering in my ears. I tried to nap today when DD did and the same thing- just a hammering heart.

I managed to avoid surgery by the skin of my teeth and ovulated two days after the last bit of retained placenta came away. My AF came a bit early 10 days later although it wouldn't have if I'd had the surgery of course.

So I'm currently 9 DPO second cycle after the mc, first proper cycle I guess. I got a bit excited earlier thinking I could feel some sharp implantation pains which I have had every cycle I've got pregnant but probably imagining it because I want it so much. Particularly as we only DTD twice in fertile week because of how awful I've been feeling. I guess we will see.

Evening ladies

@TheHotelCalifornia sorry you've had a trigger. It's so tough when you think you're doing okay then something comes along and bam! Keep going though, you're moving in the right direction. My period was 1 month and 1 day post MVA. It was the lightest period possible, barely more than spotting. I'm now CD8 and back in the swing of temping and OPk tracking and quite enjoying it. I was lucky I only had 2 cycles off the pill, one where we weren't trying, so it's still a novelty to me!

@TheDaydreamBelievers temps are looking super steady. Really hoping you get some movement on an OPK soon. I've had EWCM for 2 days and my EPK went from 0 to 31% today so my body is thinking about it. Still early days though

@Seasalt1984 i definitely have days like that. Its almost one day I'm fine and super positive and the next day I'm accepting I'm never going to be a mum. Honestly my mind has no logic to it, one minute fine the next not. Main thing is we keep putting one foot in front of the other if we we don't always believe we'll finish the walk. All we can do

@Summersun001 temping should give you some more clarity. Hopefully the cycles and periods will settle down soon. Negatives are going to string a little bit more but we are all waiting for that perfect egg remember ❤

@wag1987 post MVA I bled for about 10 days, mainly spotting on and off. I then had no bleeding for another 2 weeks or so then had what I believe to be a period a month and a day post MVA. It again was more spotting heavy spotting day one then very light spotting, gone by day 4. No cramps at all

@glowingtwig glad things are more positive. I have everything crossed for you for this cycle. Its only a matter of time before we get our first positive. I honestly can't wait. Other pregnancy announcements sting but here it's different, after what we've been through seeing pregnancies will bring hope to us all

Thank you @AMS19

I'm eager to get back into tracking my cycle but waiting seems like forever.

Reading all comments on here is helping although I never have the time to reply to everyone

@wag1987 I had the procedure done under GA (ECRP or something like that, used to be called D&C)
I spotted red but mainly brown for 15/17 days after the operation then came on my period on Saturday so 5 weeks 4 days after the date of the operation. I was heavy for two days then spotting yesterday and nothing so far this morning. My periods always used to be 3 days prior to the miscarriages but a lot lighter so maybe the operation has done my lining a favour and improved it.
Xxx

@AMS19 I waited until yesterday to do my first pregnancy test as I just hadn’t been out to get one. It was negative so super relieved but also a strange feeling as I’ve never been happy before about seeing a negative!

Have you booked in for bloods? Xx