Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 2. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

This thread is open for EVERYONE. To discuss the highs, lows, emotions, and experiences of us all going through our miscarriage journey. Together we will get through this!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC?pg=1

To my incredible strong warriors...I cannot believe we filled a thread! We've got this ladies ❤
@DMT1982
@Scottishskifun
@glowingtwig
@mia2201
@Redfoxinthesnow
@Seasalt1984
@laurat94
@tamsin424
@cocoloco88
@SuzieDeLaTour
@Cordial11
@seasalt1984
@thehotelcalifornia
@TheDaydreamBelievers
@Pettylamby
@Lililou
@Enola41
@CocoLoco88
@Nicolamac1
@Sleeeeeepy
@Mellous
@Nicolamac1
@Semla
@Seasidestarfruit
@mummydoingamasters
@elm7
@MrsD1992
@CookieMonster3001
@Dryshampoo32

Sincere apologies for missing anyone xx

@AMS19 how are you feeling today lovely as I read you were having a difficult day yesterday? Xxxx

@AMS19 also I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist on the 17th Feb so not long at all xxx

@DMT1982 hi lovely. Feeling okay thank. Felt down when the FRER still had a line but my OPK today was stark white, which was usual for me when not ovulating, so think this is a really good sign! Undecided on whether to try one more FRER tomorrow or just wait for bloods. Either way I'll go for bloods, good to get the confirmation! I'm SO happy to read your period has come too! Such a relief isn't it. I feel like we are now so close to the finishing line and being able to start a fresh ❤❤ great news on the appointment, not long to wait at all! Xx

@Tealchoc thanks for the link - I’m going to take a look. I’ve never really been a yoga / meditation person but I so want to be as it seems to work so well for so many people!! 😀 like you, I haven’t bled for about 10 or more days now and my tests are still coming back positive. I tested today (3 weeks post op) and while my cheapie hcg strips came back nearly negative (proper squinter!), my FRER came back very obviously positive. However it was much lighter than 5 days ago so I’m taking some hope from that and praying that a a stark white is on its way soon!! 🙌🏻
@AMS19 when are your blood tests scheduled for? It’s great news every single test bar FRER has come back negative plus your OPK is completely negative so try not to worry. I swear I can actually see a line on them before they’ve even been used!? 🤪
@DMT1982 I’m sorry to hear you had a bit of a strange day. I think I’ll be the same when my period arrives - I’m desperate for it to come soon yet I know it will also make me feel sad as it’s the final closure that you’re no longer pregnant. To be honest I’ve been having a strange few days, feeling much lower than I was last week. The whole awful episode of being in the EPU and being told I’d lost the baby keeps playing over in my mind. I might need to follow your lead and have a good cry!! X

@SuzieDeLaTour oh no! I know how you feel, just actually feel this week is the most down I've felt. So odd. Have a bottle of wine, it will get the emotions going trust me! I was a mess after a bottle of red. Here it you want to chat, always xx

@SuzieDeLaTour sorry meant to day bloods are Wednesday. EPU ringing Monday though so could potentially pop in for a scan too xx

@AMS19 strange isn’t it? I thought I was doing pretty well just getting on with stuff and now suddenly I feel very low. I think you’re right - a bottle of wine would definitely do the trick and get those tears going!!!
Are you hoping to be scanned? That would be good if they could see you but if not, at least Wednesday isn’t too long to wait for your bloods thankfully xx

@SuzieDeLaTour yes I really dont know what triggered me but I can't stop thinking about what if, how far gone I would be etc. Its bloody tough!
I'm torn on being scanned. I would rather not go back to EPU if I'm being honest. But equally would like the confirmation to move on. If I do cave and take another FRER I'll probably not bother with the scan and jsur do bloods I think! Or book the scan for after the bloods come back, that might be a better option.
Crack open the wine and let it all out. You'll feel better for it xx

@AMS19 same, I keep thinking what if and picturing what my baby might have looked like. I feel sick to my stomach that I’ll never know any of the things I’m thinking about. I’ve had a good cry (and I didn’t even need any wine!!) so I’m hoping that tomorrow will be a better day 😊
I can understand not wanting to go back to the EPU. At least you’ve got your bloods booked in nice and soon so either way, you should hopefully get the confirmation you need this week and can find some closure xx

@SuzieDeLaTour glad you've had a good cry. Definitely best to release some emotion! We just have to have faith there is a reason this has happened and this is part of our journey. We will get out little rainbow baby xx

@AMS19 thank you lovely, you are always there with such kind words and positivity 😘 xx

@AMS19 yes good idea with the bloods because at least then you’ll know where you’re at with your levels.

I said to my husband after I read your post I need to get some pregnancy tests just to make sure the levels have all dropped and he seemed quite confused that I could still get a positive test this far down the line but i explained what and he then understood. They don’t realise how involved it all is do they bless em.

I’ll keep you updated on the outcome of the pregnancy test and appointment with the gastroenterologist.

@SuzieDeLaTour having a good cry is definitely good for you even though you to suppress it when you allow yourself to actually feel the emotions it’s a positive thing as I feel much better tonight for letting myself cry it out.
I don’t think you’ll ever forget your experience in EPU and heading those words, it’s so traumatic so how can we be expected to forget it. I’ve had some really bonkers dreams since my miscarriages and I’m not sure whether it’s partly down to a urine infection I’ve just ignored or also down up the rollercoaster of emotions that keep going on inside. Thinking of you xxx

@DMT1982 good luck with the test! The period is a good sign so got everything crossed its negative xx

@DMT1982 aww thank you. I did have a good sob on the sofa for probably what was an hour!! I think I’ve run out of tears now! I’ve been having bonkers dreams too although mine started when I fell pregnant. Some very weird, some scary and a couple quite hot ha! I think it’s all the hormones, I’ve read a few times that pregnancy can trigger crazy dreams. Fingers crossed for your negative pregnancy test and good luck with your gastro consultation - that’s good it’s so soon so you can get the ball rolling and get some answers Xx

Hi ladies @SuzieDeLaTour @AMS19, @DMT1982 and to everyone else :)

I agree, a good cry and a bottle of wine always helps. This week has been a tough one. Our first month of properly trying after mc and I’ve started spotting today. AF due tomorrow so sadly it’s not our month. Our good friends had their baby early hours of this morning, a month early! And I’ve also received a random email from an app I was using whilst pregnant, I should be around 16 weeks now. It sucks. No other words for it. But I just wanted you to know that I share your sadness, you’re not alone! Hopefully we will have our rainbows VERY bloody soon. Xxxx

I saw this on Instagram and I think it's so true. We have bad days and good days and it certainly isn't linear, but we are moving in the right direction ladies xx

Oh I'm sorry @Summersun001 just try to think you didn't fall this cycle because it wasn't the right egg. Trust your body to wait now for the perfect egg so we are spared the heartache. TTC is definitely harder post miscarriage. The fears and anxiety are SO elevated. Just think, you're now one more cycle closer to your little rainbow 🌈xx

Sorry everyone seems to be having a hard time at the moment. It’s an absolute rollercoaster

@AMS19 thank you and also thanks for posting that image from Instagram. It’s very true about our expectations on grief verses the reality of it.

@SuzieDeLaTour yes I also had bonkers dreams while pregnant exactly as you described, all over the place haha. Thank you for your kind words.

@Summersun001 sorry to hear you’re spotting. It brings back all the feelings of feeling let down by your body when you start spotting and also receiving alerts about how far a long you would have been makes it worse.

Our bodies and heads have been through a massive trauma losing a baby so your body will pick itself up again and you will fall pregnant just give yourself time. If you come on today also he thankful your body is getting itself back into its own routine ready to keep a baby safe in the near future xxx

Morning ladies, how are you all feeling today? Just wondering if I'm being unreasonable expecting my DH not to go mad with alcohol while we ttc again? We've had a few discussions about limiting it and he always agrees. But then last night he had a zoom drink with a friend and came up to bed totally drunk 😞 So kept me awake too.

I just feel like I'm doing everything I can to be as healthy as possible during this time to try and give us the best chance and then he goes and does this thing that could affect sperm quality in a few months' time.

It just makes me really upset because he can see how much this latest mc has affected me and yet he can't do this one small thing to give us the best chance with the next one.

But on the flip side I know it's lockdown and so hard not being able to see friends and socialise. I just want him to know when to stop and have 5 drinks, not 10 😡

@AMS19 that pic is SO true! Thanks for sharing x
@Summersun001 I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a tough week with AF arriving and your friends having their baby. I echo what the other ladies have said - that this month wasn’t the right egg but you can look to the next cycle and being one step closer to that sticky bean. I read an article on miscarriage last night (in between my sobbing!) discussing the different things that had helped women feel better. A lot said a community of women who had gone through the same thing (SO BLOODY TRUE!!) but one also said that her doctor told her that she had to trust in her body - that it knows when something isn’t right and will let her know when the time is right. I certainly felt a bit let down by my body - we were trying for 8 months so to suddenly fall pregnant felt amazing only for it to be cruelly snatched away. I questioned why i even fell pregnant in the first place, like it was some sort of cruel joke. BUT like @AMS19 says, we have to trust that our “right time” is coming and we are all here together to share that time. Sending you virtual hugs xx

Morning @glowingtwig it's a really tough one to comment on as every view is different. I can give you my approach with my husband but this doesn't mean it is how you should feel, just a different perspective.

Firstly I totally understand your frustrations! It's super tough and I feel like we have to do all the hard work, peeing on sticks, waking up to take temps, cutting out everything fun and taking a million supplements. So it is completely fair to feel annoyed.

I do look at it slightly differently. All the research I've done and the book I've read indicates that occasional alcohol (even a binge to some extent) won't do any harm. Ongoing use is different. So my husband having one or two nights a week where we as a couple share a bottle of wine (or two) or he has a few beers with his friends I'm totally fine with. In the "normal" world he would be out at least once a week. I would hate to push him into resenting TTC as it's already challenging. Plus, once the baby is here his life will change and he won't be able to socialise as much, so want him to enjoy this time. I dont think, in my view, it is damaging our chances at all given it is no more than once a week. For me, him not having caffeine, alcohol, hot baths or cycling daily, and him taking a daily supplement, are all I'm asking and all I need from him. Otherwise in what has been such a stressful experience it brings me comfort he has an escape from it all. My husband got totally drunk with his friends Wednesday and hearing him laugh and joke made him feel mentally so much better. He needed that and I needed him to have that. As I say, this is our relationship so very different.

@glowingtwig sorry I just saw your post. I can totally understand your annoyance - it can definitely feel like it’s all on us at times! My DH hasn’t asked once about pregnancy tests, hormones, periods, how I’m feeling physically. To him it all ended when I had my op - over and done with 🙄 perhaps your DH just got carried away and didn’t mean to drink that much? I know there have been times when I’ve said “oh I’m only having one” and 3 bottles of wine later I’m staggering to bed as all sense goes out the window after a couple!😀 I would talk to him and tell him exactly what you told us and that him making that small effort would mean a lot to you and help reduce your worries about TTC. I find that when I tell my DH exactly why he’s annoyed me (whether he understands where I’m coming from or not) I feel much better for having got it off my chest. Hopefully this will be a one-off! Xx

@glowingtwig I also wouldn’t worry about a one-off drinking session affecting his sperm or your chances - if it was regular nightly thing then yes but the occasional blow out won’t do any harm xx

@AMS19 I do see what you mean and I know he needs to relax with a friend like this. And it's not all the time. But I think it's more because it's the one thing I've asked of him.

It just feels like it's not on his radar in the same way as it is on mine. It is reassuring to hear that from what you've read it won't impact too much.

He's not come down yet and I've been up with DD since 6 after a broken night so maybe the tiredness isn't helping my grumpy feelings. X