Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 2. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

This thread is open for EVERYONE. To discuss the highs, lows, emotions, and experiences of us all going through our miscarriage journey. Together we will get through this!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC?pg=1

To my incredible strong warriors...I cannot believe we filled a thread! We've got this ladies ❤
@DMT1982
@Scottishskifun
@glowingtwig
@mia2201
@Redfoxinthesnow
@Seasalt1984
@laurat94
@tamsin424
@cocoloco88
@SuzieDeLaTour
@Cordial11
@seasalt1984
@thehotelcalifornia
@TheDaydreamBelievers
@Pettylamby
@Lililou
@Enola41
@CocoLoco88
@Nicolamac1
@Sleeeeeepy
@Mellous
@Nicolamac1
@Semla
@Seasidestarfruit
@mummydoingamasters
@elm7
@MrsD1992
@CookieMonster3001
@Dryshampoo32

Sincere apologies for missing anyone xx

@AMS19 hope the hangover isn't too bad now, I had to to go to bed yesterday for a couple of hours after having a few drinks on Friday night 🙈🙈.

Just a quick question I'm 9 days passed mc and everything is back to normal except this morning I'm getting shooting pains in my bum, something I've never experienced before and they dont last long but when they do come I actually have to stop whatever I'm doing. Did anyone else experience this?

@Neady1980 yes I had stabbing pains between my back and my womb area. They lasted about 20 and 30mins and were quite intense. Not sure what it was about and we're totally gone the next day. I think a few ladies has similar and we wondered if it could be ovulation. Not so much in my back though

@AMS19 it's good that you have had a cry as much as people rationalise it a loss is still a loss and there is strength in recognising that and allowing yourself to go through the process.

Take it easy on yourself and also take the pressure out of it all. I think TTC can become like weddings to the bride all absorbing and encompassing with testing/tracking/temperatures etc. For some people it makes them feel in control and helps but for others it can become a bit of stressful spiral which isn't helpful. It's OK to just enjoy the process and other than knowing a ovulating date based on your cycle and take the pressure out of it all.

@Neady1980 sounds like siatica which can be common in pregnancy but also things contract and go back into place relaxin reduce etc it might be pressing on the siatic nerve or its unrelated. It's bloody painful though (I had it with my son) some stretches can help release it slightly. If not then can recommend seeing a chiropractor.

@AMS19 thank you so much for sharing what you were going through. Sometimes it can take some time for it to hit us. You give such wonderful advice to everyone on here, you did the same for me. I still can't get over what you went through with no pain relief! You have such incredible strength, I hope you don't see the crying as a setback, it is all part of the recovery and a good thing. Be kind to yourself as you are to everyone else xx

@SuzieDeLaTour that happened to me. I did a frer last Sunday and it was very positive!! But a week later and it’s negative so give it another week and hopefully you’ll get yours too :)

Thanks @Scottishskifun and @Lililou I do think it's so important we are totally honest on here. It helps each other and but will also help any ladies reading this in the future

Yes definitely important to be honest.

I was having a really good day for DS birthday enjoying his excitement etc until I found out this morning that my MIL had decided to tell the entire extended family that I had miscarried but maybe it was for the best because having a pandemic baby was a bit foolish in the first place...... She was told I was expecting when I was 13 weeks. I'm so hurt and angry my DH is realing from it and we had to video call her for my sons birthday! I refused and left it to DH as I would have lost my cool.

Desperately trying to get this mornings happiness back but now feel like she has put a black cloud over the day

She won't be told of any future pregnancies until at least 24 weeks!

@AMS19 ahh you deserve to let your hair down for the weekend! Enjoy the rest of today before healthy eating kicks back in 😀
@Mellous that’s good to know - thank you! Fingers crossed for next weekend’s test! X

@Scottishskifun OH MY GOD!! What an insensitive, awful thing to say, I’m not surprised you’re feeling upset. I would have lost my cool too so I think you did very well not to jump on the call and tell her exactly what you thought. You’ve had such a tough time of it - which I’m guessing she knows? - so why on earth add to it by making horrid comments!? I can only guess she didn’t think it through and didn’t intend for it to be malicious. I have a very bad relationship with my MIL due to various reasons (and lots and lots of insensitive comments) and while I find her approach to things very odd, I’ve come to realise that she thinks whatever she says is right and everyone else will share her view so doesn’t actually see the harm / hurt she causes. I’m glad your DH felt your horror as maybe he can address it with her?
On a happier note, happy birthday to your little boy!! Hope your enjoying lots of yummy cake and birthday boy cuddles xx

@SuzieDeLaTour she knows I ended up in the trauma unit with blood loss yes.
Tbh our MIL sound very similar I try to keep an amicable relationship for my son but she makes it very difficult and literally says what she thinks so clearly she thought us having another baby wasn't a good idea. I thought for once she would be a bit more sensitive but nope. My DH has said it's lucky we live so far away. My FIL is such a lovely man I don't know how he lives with her!

Just cooking birthday dinner and going to try my best to put it out of my mind.

@Scottishskifun it’s lovely that you keep an amicable relationship for the sake of your son. I barely speak to my MIL now as I can’t take much more of her and make sure I go out when she pops over 😂 unfortunately she lives a 10 minute drive away so no escaping...! I hope you have a lovely birthday dinner and manage to put her and her vitriol out of your mind! X

@Scottishskifun wow I'm absolutely horrified to read that. What an absolute witch! Honestly, people like her make my blood boil. I'm so so sorry she brought down your positivity. I personally think you're doing absolutely amazing. You've come so far since we firs started speaking, you should be so proud of yourself. Happy birthday to your little one 💙

@Scottishskifun what a horrendous thing your MIL did! I think I'd have lost my shi*! She sounds like a nasty piece of work!

Thanks I don't know why I expected better from her she has previous for saying spiteful stuff she told her own daughter a few years ago that she wouldn't be a good mum and that she hadn't thought being pregnant and having a baby through..... She was 31 with a career not a 16 year old who hadn't got a job etc. We have a beautiful niece (and now nephew too!)
I don't even know why she thinks like that. My DH has a difficult relationship with her, they have to reschedule my FIL vaccine (high risk due to cancer recovery) as she said the car was booked in so they couldn't get there......
I am going to try and just follow my husbands lead and ignore her hurtful behaviour.

@Scottishskifun what an awful woman. I'm so sorry. I'm sure that the vast majority of the people she told were thinking of you with sympathy and disgusted at the way she stated it. To be honest I'm stunned that people say anything apart from "I'm so sorry"! I've had a couple of less than sensitive remarks but nothing anywhere near that awful.

Hi ladies!

Oh @SuzieDeLaTour @Scottishskifun I’m with you on this. To the outside world my MIL is lovely, and she can be kind at times but she has had her moments over the years which have just blown me away. I miscarried 3 weeks before Christmas, but she thought it was perfectly fine to give me maternity wear as Christmas gifts! Told me that I could keep it for next time. She also have the audacity to question me as to try and determined what went wrong, asked me if I took vitamins...and stopped drinking! I will fully admit my wine and gin but I didn’t touch a drop! Luckily I’d had half a bottle of wine before Xmas dinner - it probably would’ve ended up over her head 😂. But on a serious note, whilst I understand that sometimes the awkwardness around miscarriage is unavoidable, some people are just downright cruel. I haven’t had any comments made to me about being pregnant during a pandemic but you can imagine people think it, as though life should
be put on hold?

@AMS19 your message resonates with me today. Opened a bottle this evening as I’m off for a few days now, I’ve been off social media for nearly two months and had a sneaky peak tonight. Learnt that so many pregnancies and for the first time in a few weeks I feel the same as the night it happened. Had a bath to calm myself down but just cannot understand why it happens to us you know? It’s such a horrendous thing, makes me sad that I’ll never have that pregnancy bliss. I’m just a bag of nerves now, wondering whether it’ll happen again whenever we do get a BFP. It’s bloody sh*t ladies xx

@Summersun001 she gave you maternity clothes after your miscarriage!?!! That is ridiculously insensitive...what was she thinking?? I’m surprised you didn’t smother her with them ha! I can’t bear when people question what women have done as though they may have brought it on themselves, I find it so cruel. After my last MMC a few years ago my MIL literally just said “oh well, you wouldn’t want a baby with a chromosomal defect. Happens to loads of women, it’s really quite common” as if that was supposed to offer me some comfort!? Then when we announced we were having a baby she told me I must have my dates wrong and it was far too soon after my miscarriage! 🤪🤦‍♀️ This Christmas she couldn’t come round...I was actually grateful for lockdown in that moment he he.
On a more serious note, I’m sorry that going on social media made you feel so s*t. It’s really tough watching other people happily announce pregnancies when yours has been so cruelly snatched away. There’s no putting ribbons and bows on the whole thing - it’s just so unfair and crp! But we all deserve our BFPs and many, many more women go on to have healthy pregnancies after a miscarriage than not ❤️ I know several women who have had miscarriages and had babies afterwards - myself included!! 😘

@Summersun001 the wine will definitely get those buried emotions out won't they. I'm sorry the social media was a trigger. I think they'll be so many triggers over the next year. But each time they'll hurt a tiny bit less. And eventually when we are pregnancy again with a healthy baby I think those triggers will actually turn to be more positive as they would have been part of our road to our baby, so how could we feel so upset by them anymore? It feels absolutely unfair, and I'm pissed off and upset for all of us, but for whatever reason this was meant to be this way. Let's believe it fate and trust this path ❤

Hi again ladies,

I'm so 😳 at the MIL stories! I have had a few comments from my mum along the lines of 'well at least you've got DD'.

So I'm 4 weeks ish post mc now but suffering from some horrible sensations and feelings: constantly cold, muscle twitches, pins and needles, fizzy feeling in hands, wobbly legs. Waking up at night with weird sensations. Has anyone had anything like this? I'm wondering if it's hormones, GP says probably stress and anxiety. 😞 I'm seeing her later for blood test results but starting to feel very scared.

It's awful. I've only felt able to have sex twice in this fertile window so now feel like I'm wasting time and that I'll never have another baby 😢 I wonder about thyroid? I think that's one of the tests she's done. But if nothing comes back I'm going to be a mess. I'm worrying about awful degenerative diseases. 😔

Thank you ladies @SuzieDeLaTour @AMS19. I love your positive messages! Sleep has helped hugely and I woke up much more chilled. It’s funny how you can react to it so unexpectedly. I almost feel a little silly afterwards.

You’re both absolutely right. TTC is a journey I’ve definitely learnt that. We’re taught that when you want children it just happens. But I’ve learnt that there is so much more to it, but if I’m honest the best part for me is just seeing how women come together because we all have this one thing in common. And we support each other even though we are complete strangers! I love it, and I think going through this will make our successful pregnancies even more fulfilling. So I’m looking forward to when that happens. Thank you for being so lovely when I was in a funk! ❤️

Hi @glowingtwig 🙂. Yes MIL’s are something else. I think it’s luck of the draw haha. Please don’t feel scared, you’ll have your appointment today and hopefully they will be able to help. The only symptom I’ve noticed is coldness. I know we’ve had snow 😅 but I was saying to my OH the other day how cold I’ve been since! It might be something to do with your circulation, as coldness, pins and needles etc are related! Which can be affected by things like high blood pressure which is a result of things like stress and anxiety. You have been through an awful experience so do be kind to yourself. It may be something perfectly normal and treatable xx

I haven’t had any tests as it was my first miscarriage. But we do have thyroid issues in my family so it’s definitely something I will be asking about! Xxx

Good morning ladies.

The MIL stories .... oh my goodness. Some people are so insensitive aren’t they.

Morning ladies!

The mother in law stories are wild! Mine said to me... Are you sure you were actually pregnant?? 🙈 My own mother was very oh well its sad but you can move on now! I suppose they just want to help but all you need in that moment is a hug and no advice!

Small win for me this morning... Negative on an FRER. That's another milestone gone and now waiting on my period which is due in a few days! 🤞🏻

Had a random cry a few days ago over nothing so hoepfully that means PMS hormones are getting ready to go! Usually get the munchies and really angry a few days before my period so watching out for that..my poor OH! 🙈

Morning Ladies, hope everyone is doing good.

I'm shocked by some of the MIL and how insensitive their comment are, thankfully I dont have any of that as my OH doesnt talk to his parents and hasn't in about 20 years.
In fairness though my own mother who is absolutely amazing can always put her foot in it and say things without thinking, thankfully she hasn't said anything to me but I know she will eventually say things that she doesn't mean.

Morning! @Ralala @Pettylamby @Neady1980 hope you’re all okay xx

I know, I do laugh now but at the time I wanted to throttle her! 😂 my OH would often try and justify it now he doesn’t bother! My mum has been brilliant to be fair. Can’t fault her.

@Pettylamby amazing! It’s so strange how we wish for the opposite things during this process. Hopefully it will arrive soon and you can start again xx