Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 2. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

This thread is open for EVERYONE. To discuss the highs, lows, emotions, and experiences of us all going through our miscarriage journey. Together we will get through this!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC?pg=1

To my incredible strong warriors...I cannot believe we filled a thread! We've got this ladies ❤
@DMT1982
@Scottishskifun
@glowingtwig
@mia2201
@Redfoxinthesnow
@Seasalt1984
@laurat94
@tamsin424
@cocoloco88
@SuzieDeLaTour
@Cordial11
@seasalt1984
@thehotelcalifornia
@TheDaydreamBelievers
@Pettylamby
@Lililou
@Enola41
@CocoLoco88
@Nicolamac1
@Sleeeeeepy
@Mellous
@Nicolamac1
@Semla
@Seasidestarfruit
@mummydoingamasters
@elm7
@MrsD1992
@CookieMonster3001
@Dryshampoo32

Sincere apologies for missing anyone xx

Sorry ladies just catching up on everyone’s posts!
@Mellous I tested on Friday and mine was glaringly positive too (6 days post op) and it made me feel a bit down. I tested again today and while it’s still very much positive (using HCG strips not preg test) , it’s definitely a tad lighter than Friday so I echo what @AMS19 says - over this next week you’ll likely see it go down a lot!
@LauraT94 oh my those cocktails look SO GOOD!!!! I hope the head wasn’t too sore this morning 😜
@Ralala I work freelance so I haven’t really taken any time off - I told both the companies I work for and they were very understanding and let me go at my own pace. I haven’t taken on any big commissions (had my op last Saturday) - work hasn’t been more than an hour or so a day over the past week so not much at all 🙌🏻 but I’m expecting it to increase this week. I actually find the work a good distraction but then I can comfortably work from my sofa so it would be a whole other ball game if I had to actually leave the house and talk to people 😂

@Jam291 oh lovely, it’s such a rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes I laugh and then it turns into tears!? Like full on crazy lady!! 😄 But it does get easier with each day and I think you just have to go with the flow - if you feel like screaming or crying, do it! We had lots of snow which was gorgeous (I’m south west London) xx

@AMS19 I think that's a great rule! I generally don't drink much, I'm definitely a social drinker! But these cocktails were soooo good! Where are you in your cycle now? You must be post-O at this point?

@Jam291 once the emotions finally hit me that's exactly how I felt! It was definitely like waves. For a few days anything and everything made me cry, even if I felt 'fine'. No snow for us 😢

@SuzieDeLaTour haha head doesn't feel too bad fortunately!! Glad to hear your tests are getting fainter too!

Just put in our cocktail order for next weekend and I'm hopeful I'll be closer to a negative test, some bedroom action and possibly ovulation too 😂 🎶'she's got hiiiiiigh hopes, she's got hiiiiiigh hopes...' 🎶

@laurat94 absolutely no idea as I'm not tracking. But unlikely to be post O day given the positive tests still. Really hoping for a negative on Thursday and then hopefully ovulation after that. Although to be honest I'm accepting falling this cycle would be unlikely and I'm okay with waiting for a clean cycle. Then I'll start the tracking!
We are definitely social drinkers but usually drinker a bottle of 2 of weekends. I've resisted this weekend though 😇

@SuzieDeLaTour the snow in SE London was rubbish! Seemed to all stay west. So disappointing!

@AMS19 I’m in the South West, down in Devon.
I can’t wait to try again, but we had my partners son. move in, and he’s fuloughed and college from home so NO alone time for us. 🙁 our house is too small.
Although I’m NOT putting pressure on it, after my MMC I used ovulation tests and stuff and it all became to strict and just for the sake. This time I’m going to just try and let it Happen.
However I might keep taking my pregnant vitamins that I was taking so my body is prepared?

@LauraT94 @SuzieDeLaTour
Yes, I agree I’m just going to ride the waves as such, and I do cry if needed and laugh also. 💞

I personally cannot wait for Tuesday to be over with and hopefully they tell me it’s all passed, really don’t want any surgery! Xx🤞🏽

@AMS19 ooh I'm really sorry! I don't know why I thought you had ovulated! I must be thinking of someone else. I'm hoping my body will at least start prepping to ovulate while my tests fade! But who knows?! I think it's a really healthy mindset to assume that this cycle is 'off' and that you'll move into a 'clean' cycle. I'm definitely not managing to convince myself of that 😩 but I think I'll feel upset no matter the result of this cycle so there's no harm done I suppose!

@Jam291 I think that's the right attitude, see what happens. When it's right it will happen. Pain about the step son though! I would definitely take the vitamins. They are good for you regardless so aren't going to do any harm 😀

@LauraT94 no worries at all. My body is definitely trying. Have had EWCM and when I accidentally peed on an OPK instead of a HCG strip Friday it had quite a dark test line. But my HCG is definitely too high, somewhere between 10-20 based on my tests, and I believe it has to be below 5 to actually ovulate!

Thanks everyone. It seems like it’s a mixed bag for everyone regarding time off. I know I’m not ready for this week. I work in senior role and manage a team of people. I deal with members of the public who have experienced trauma. It’s very fast paced and has been super stressful over the last few months . I know I won’t be able to cope with that right now

@Ralala there is absolutely no right answer so you must do what feels right for you. You're grieving and grief k ow no time limits. Everyone's journey is different. Put yourself first ❤

Thanks @AMS19 . I will call my GP tomorrow. EPU said I would need to do that for a sick note as they couldn’t give me one as I didn’t need any surgery. The thought of having to talk about this with my gp is already making me anxious

@ralala I have been off for 3 weeks and due to contact the GP again for another week.
I can't do my job with my current level of tiredness and emotional state. I work in a regulatory role I can't make mistakes which is what I currently feel like I would do. I'm definitely improving but not there yet and if I went back too early I would end up being off again.

I think if you don't feel ready then your not ready.

@Ralala I was dreading discussing it with the GP but it was quick and easy in the end. He signed me off for two weeks and said if I needed longer I could just call up and he would extend.

I’m half way through that fortnight now and think it’ll probably be enough but you never know, so I’m not putting pressure on myself in case I need longer.

Let us know how it goes x

@Ralala a lot of GP’s do Econsult now; if you find it hard to speak why don’t you try that and they they may or may not call you back? My friend done an Econsult for anxiety and the doctor just emailed back to say they have left the sick note with reception. X

I didn’t have much will power and I done a test yesterday that was so postive, talking the same colour as the control line, which I knew was going to happen.....
I just took one today, because again I have no will power and it’s so faint?
I have EPU for a scan, I don’t know how I feel about going as I’m bleeding now very heavy... has anyone had a scan whilst bleeding heavy. Sorry it’s a bit TMI for first thing xx

@Jam291 hello, yes I did last week. I had a speculum examination by the doctor and the blood was extremely heavy. Cervix was closed though at the time !

I then had my scan and they tried tummy but womb was empty so they did vaginal. Again I was heavy bleeding and I did say before she started and she was so lovely. Said it didn’t matter and that she had pads down. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t the most glamorous I have ever felt but everyone was so lovely about it. I suppose it must happen a lot in epu!

I have just spoken with my gp. She had my hospital notes and said I absolutely was not going back to work and I needed 2 weeks at home, feet up and time to recover after my week last week. She was so lovely. I haven’t called to tell my work yet. I’m not sure my bosses sympathy will extend that far

@Ralala Thankyou for telling me this. Makes me feel so much better knowing.
Can I ask how many weeks you were? Sorry if you don’t want to answer I understand.
Glad your GP was so supportive. Stuff work. Put yourself first and think of you xxx

Hi Ladies, can I join you?

I suffered a MMC last Monday, went to my 12 week scan and they said the baby had stopped growing around 9.5 - 10 weeks. Absolutely devastated as I’d had a scan at 9 weeks and baby was waving and jumping around.

I still feel dreadful and really devastated! Everyone around me is trying to be supportive but they just don’t understand. X

@Ralala that's great news about your GP. And so she should have been! I'm so pleased that takes the pressure off. Now try to make a list of small "wins" you want to achieve in those 2 weeks

@Fayezp1210 hi. I'm so so sorry. That is so incredibly sad. It is so much worse when you've had the reassurance and it's taken away. Honestly this is the worst thing to go through and we all absolutely understand how you feel. It's okay to feel devastated and you may take a long time to heal but I promise it does get easier with time. I'm over a month now since I found out about my mmc and whilst it makes me sad when I think about it, it isnt all consuming anymore. You will get through this I promise you, just be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Sending you so much virtual love! Xx

Thought I'd update you guys, got my hospital complaint finally finished and submitted on Saturday, that felt like a load off and I think writing it all down has helped me process it. Also did a pregnancy test almost 2 weeks after laparoscopy surgery. They actually said to do it at 3 weeks but I got curious, it came back negative which felt like another good milestone.

@Ralala glad the GP signed you off, could you email your boss with the fit note?

@Jam291 I had a couple of transvaginal scans when I was bleeding but it was lighter at that time. Tell them beforehand if it makes you feel more comfortable, but heavy bleeding is common with pregnancy loss, they'll be used to it.

@Fayezp1210 I'm so sorry, that must have been heartbreaking. You're very welcome here and will get lots of support from those that have been through it

@AMS19 Thank you, I thought oh I’ve had a scan and I’ve read that once a heartbeat is detected the chance of a loss is low so I was absolutely floored last Monday, I was just staring at the sonographer, I couldn’t take it in at all.

Thank you for the love, I’m really hoping I will start to feel at least a little lighter soon, it’s just awful isn’t it! I’d never even heard of a “missed miscarriage” x

@Lililou Thank you, it really was the worst! I’m glad I have posted on here, it does help to talk to others who know exactly how it feels x

@Fayezp1210 I completely understand. I had a scan at 6+6 so much earlier than you but I also saw a heartbeat so was told nothing to worry about. My baby would have died 2/3 days later and I spent the next 3 weeks with symptoms getting worse. Found out I had a MMC at 9+5 but because of Christmas and covid didn't have my MVA until 11+1. It's honestly bloody awful. But like I said I promise it does get easier. Its a rough ride though. We are all here to help you and all totally understand what you are going through right now.

Also if you haven't done so, I would read this thread which I found so helpful (I created it the day after my MMC):

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/4113076-Positive-stories-after-a-MMC?pg=1

Xx

@Fayezp1210 hi 🙋🏽‍♀️. I’m so sorry, MMC are horrible, I had one two years ago, like you I saw the baby at 9 weeks heartbeat, all fine then went to 12 week scan and was expecting to then tell everyone about the baby, turns out the baby passed just after my 9 week scan. I can’t even explain to you what I felt, it’s hard. Literally take every day as it comes cry / laugh / scream / take time, be selfish.
I then had a little boy and now sadly had another miscarriage this time bleed so knew something was wrong.
Please feel free to speak to me about anything. I wish I found a group like this when I had my MMC, I felt like the only person ever to go through it. 💞💞.

@Lililou my last TV scan I was spotting, this time is heavy period type, I’m going to go to appointment and tell them, I wonder if they could do a abdominal scan instead?
Xx

@AMS19 I will have to take a look at that thread too, I could do with some positive stories right now.

Oh I am sorry to hear that, it’s just dreadful isn’t it, being told that because there’s a heartbeat the chances are so low, I just couldn’t believe it.

That must of been awful having to wait over Christmas whilst knowing, you must be so strong to have done that! After my scan on Monday they sent me straight up to the ward and the Doctor was giving me the options and I kind of freaked out at the thought of baby had already been sleeping for almost 3 weeks I couldn’t bare the thought of waiting. They had me back in the next morning for the surgery so it all happened really quickly.

I had absolutely no symptoms at all during the pregnancy, I have a 10 year old Son and I suffered with all sorts with him, hence why we had the reassurance scan! The only thing I had was bad headaches and I had an awful rash (which I never suffer with) and looking back now my Partner said that was around the time the baby passed, not sure if it was my body trying to tell me something was wrong or whether the rash was something that contributed to it? We will never know! I just wish there was an answer to these things and why they happen. X

@Jam291 Oh I am so sorry, it is horrible isn’t it?! That’s the same, baby’s heart stopped days after that scan.
I am glad you were able to have your DS afterwards but I’m really sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage!

It’s just a mess isn’t it! You would think that because of how many women go through this there would be more answers, it’s really rubbish that there isn’t!

I’m glad I found here too, everyone kept and keeps saying to me “well everything happens for a reason” and I’m like what actual possible reason could this have happened for?! I know they are trying to help and most don’t know what to say. 💕💐

@Fayezp1210 do you know what, before my MMC I would have been one of those that said ‘everything happens for a reason’. Now it’s happened to me it’s different. It literally broke me as it was
My first pregnancy and I was so naive and thought nothing would happen, I was young- 25, Healthy etc and bang it knocked me into life it’s self. I appreciate little things in life so so much more now and realise how precious everything is.
I wish there was more support, my EPU have been great to be fair.

Thankyou, I am so lucky for my DS. This recent MC was 5/6weeks, and because I had bleeding I had a feeling something wasn’t right, compared to the MMC where I had no signs anything was wrong.

The next few weeks you’ll have good and bad days and just ride it, I found accepting that I’ll have bad days helpful, and then thinking ‘tomorrow will be a better day’ helped. Xxx

@Jam291 Aww I really am sorry to hear that. It really is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, nothing prepares you for it at all does it?
Life is so precious and it’s made me love my Son even more (if that’s even possible?) it’s brought me and my Partner closer together, I really don’t know how I would of got through this last week without him.

There should defintely be more support, the hospital were fantastic last week, every single staff member who I had to speak with or deal with was lovely and it helped a little as obviously my other half couldn’t be there due to covid.

I feel a tad better today, although I’m not sure better is the word? I’m not crying today, whereas yesterday I think I cried off and on all day.

I think any miscarriage or loss is cruel but these missed miscarriages are just awful aren’t they? Just the false sense of hope aren’t they!

How are you feeling now? I’m just hoping each day will get easier to deal with xx