Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@glowingtwig sorry your post didn't load. That is bloody awful for you. I'm so sorry. If they are saying under local it won't be surgery it will be a MVA, what I had today. Honestly, unless your pain threshold is high, I would avoid it. If you do go down that road, INSIST on painkillers and gas and air. Waiting 5 weeks is absolutely devastating for you! I have no words other to say let your emotions out. Cry, scream, shout, vent. Whatever you need to. And we are all here xx

@AMS19 I'm so so sorry to hear what you've been through today. You're so strong and brave, be proud of yourself. Hope your temp comes down soon and you can get home and into your own bed. Thinking of you.

@DMT1982 I'm doing well today thanks. Got up and dressed, even put some make up on. Am having a few more cramps than yesterday but I've moved more today and I guess might still have had some painkillers in my system yesterday. Nothing unmanageable though. How are you feeling today?

Oh bloody hell @AMS19 that sounds horrific. I'm so sorry it's been such a nightmare.

A very small silver lining: if you haven't had painkillers or anasthetic, then you're free to have a large glass of wine and bubbly tonight and can raise a glass and tell 2020 to f*CK off, which is exactly what I'll be doing.

To everyone else here, it's really helped to log onto Mumsnet and hear your stories, thank you. I'm wishing everyone a more hopeful & a brighter 2021. I'm pretty sure the remainder of winter will be tough, but here's to spring bringing some positive change for us all.

xx

@AMS19 yeeeessssss you’re going home, so pleased for you, well done, you’re an absolute trooper for what you’ve been through both physically and emotionally. I have a glass of Prosecco on the go and I’m toasting you tonight and all the ladies on here. Xxxx

@AMS19 I'm thrilled you're going home, all that cold water worked! @glowingtwig awful that you have to wait so long and I'm sorry to hear about the lack of compassion, it doesn't cost anything but makes such a difference. The nurse who did my scan yesterday was abrupt and unsympathethic which made everything that much worse. I know they're overworked and they see this everyday but they need to remember that this is one of the most traumatic experiences a woman can go through.

@AMS19 so pleased you’re going home, hope you can relax a little this evening and just chill!

All the best to all of you ladies.. seems strange to say happy new year under the circumstances we have each found ourselves in, but I do hope 2021 brings us all much happier news xx

Thanks @AMS19 I'm definitely not going down that road. So pleased you get to go home and that the physical side is all over for you now ❤️.

@Redfoxinthesnow I agree, it's all old hat to them. It has been news delivered so coldly, in such a business-like way, when you are at your most vulnerable and (thanks to covid) utterly alone. It's made a horrible situation worse.

I might give the miscarriage association a ring- maybe they can give me some clarity... I'm back to thinking medical management again 🙈. I've heard really positive things about them x

Positive things about the miscarriage association I mean, not medical management

@glowingtwig I think the medical management probably gets a bad wrap. Again, you'll need to make sure you're dosed up on painkillers, and the actually process will be drawn out and horrible, but it does work 80-90% of the time without any follow up. If the MVA hadn't happened I was 100% going down that route, I couldn't wait until Monday. When could you get the actual drugs? Assuming EPU is closed now until Monday, would that be the earliest? I guess if you didn't end up getting the tablets until Tuesday or Wednesday, then you are so close to surgery you could wait. But there is always the risk of what happened to me if you live in a high covid area xx

@AMS19 I'm guessing I'd get them earlier than Friday. I could deal with the pain if it wasn't being sort of forced on me by human hands if that makes sense. But not happy about having to go through it at home.

What's in there is a 2.5cm piece of placenta. I've already had such massive bleeds. I'm not sure if that will make it easier or more difficult to get out. Everyone I've spoken to about it is vague.

I'm kicking myself as I had the option to have this on the ward on Boxing Day. But I just wanted to go home and I trusted my body would sort itself out.

How are you feeling now? I'm waiting fir DH to bring back takeaway.

@glowingtwig honestly we just don't know what is around the corner. I never dreamed surgery would be cancelled twice! But ultimately we just have to get through this awful experience. You will get through whatever is thrown at you. It is awful yours has been so dragged out, my heart honestly breaks for you!

I'm back home in my PJs. Having some camembert and a glass of wine, just because I can. I feel incredibly exhausted, bruised and crampy, but glad the worst (hopefully) is behind me and I can start to heal! Xx

If only we could see in to the future. Just keep telling myself that maybe we have to go through this to get the baby we are meant to have in the future. And if not, it wouldn't be as it should be.

Wine and cheese sounds like the dream. Hope you wake up in the morning a bit less sore and can start 2021 looking forward. Xx

I went for a walk by the river and it was a beautiful night sky and I found myself talking to my baby and telling it that I loved it and that I would never forget it. I cried all the way home but it felt good to let some of the pain out.

Here's to a better 2021 for everyone.

Oh @redfoxinthesnow ❤❤❤ we will all get there and get our babies
I genuinely believe that. Might be a hard journey but it will definitely be worth it xx

@ELM7 I’ve just read your update from yesterday I’m so sorry I don’t know why it never came up before now.
It’s not fair with Covid they are making women go through all this alone, it has lasting effects on us and also our partners because it involves them as well. Yes physically it’s happening to us but emotionally it’s happening to us both. Covid has a lot to answer for and even if you’ve never had the virus the lasting effects of what we’ve all had to go through as a result of it will leave lasting damage.
I so hope that your dates maybe out by some miracle and this all works out for you both. It’s just the waiting around in limbo these next few weeks that will be awful. Xxx

@glowingtwig you did what you thought was best at the time and who would elect for surgery on Boxing Day if they thought their body would pass it naturally, I wouldn’t and would be straight home so try not to beat yourself up about it.
As for the staff I cannot understand how someone with no compassion even considers working in EPU because a lot of the time you’re dealing with bereavement and that requires empathy and understanding, none of which you’ve been shown. It costs nothing to be kind to someone even if you’re telling them something they don’t want to hear it can still be done in a tactful way.

It’s such a massive decision trying to work out what the best course of action is and one that made my headache over so many days but the surgical route was the best route for me in the end and given the option again I would choose this route, it was worth the wait to have closure xxxx

@MAS50 I’m not feeling too bad thanks. Today I’ll treat myself to a hair wash and put some make up on, I looked like side show Bob from the Simpsons yesterday with my hair! I had some sharp pains last night like stabbing pains but only for a few minutes and they stopped once I took paracetamol. I did go for a 3 mile walk yesterday so that’s probably why, oops! No heavy bleeding or anything so that’s good.

@AMS19 how are you this morning after a wine and cheese end to a bloody awful day? Hope you slept well xx

Morning @DMT1982 I'm feeling actually fine. Napped from 9.30 to 11.30 then woke up to watch the fireworks with my husband (we live in London High up so can see loads) then went Back to sleep until 7.30. Don't have any cramping so far. Woke up to a pregnancy announcement which was tough, the next month any announcements fir babies due in July will be extra hard. I just have to believe my time with come. How you doing? Was the birthday as good as it could be? Xx

Happy new year everyone. @AMS19 I'm glad you're feeling ok. Pregnancy announcements are so hard, a good friend of mine announced a couple of weeks ago and I was counting down the days until we could join them. I've been feeling quite jealous of them and wondering what I did wrong etc which isn't healthy. @DMT1982 I'm so pleased you're recovering too.

@AMS19 yay that’s such good news you’re feeling fine today, so relieved for you. Clearly wine and cheese plus a nap is the best medicine 😊
Yes like you we would have both been 12 weeks next week so there will be lots of announcements to come and each one will remind us of what could have been. Stay positive and believe in yourself and your body. One by one we will all have our rainbow babies. I read what you put the other day about when we finally have them that we will realise everything we’ve been through was meant to be or we wouldn’t have the baby we’ve had it that sounds right. You wrote it must better! Xx

Much better. New year sausage fingers can’t type!! Xx

@Redfoxinthesnow it’s totally normal to be a mix of emotions and you feel bad for thinking why them and not me which I know isn’t healthy but we all do it. When I was sat in the bed at the hospital waiting for my procedure one of my close friends was in another hospital having just given birth to their little girl. It was a bit of a sliding doors moment really (if you’ve ever seen the film)

I just keep telling myself we will have our turn xxx

That's exactly it @DMT1982 my head is spinning with it, going from one to the other all day long. I agree. I think they just see so many ladies, sadly, that it all just becomes too common and they forget that it's not commonplace to us.

I hope you're feeling a bit better this morning @Redfoxinthesnow ❤️

@AMS19 pregnancy announcements will be so difficult. I think I should probably take a complete break from my phone over the next few days and weeks. I would have been 12 weeks coming up next week... it's so hard not to think about what could have been. You start planning your future around the baby, when you'll stop work etc and then it's all gone.

I feel like the loss is totally consuming me at the moment but maybe that's because there's no way of moving on yet. The bleeding keeps stopping and starting, painful cramps then nothing. So I get my hopes up it will resolve naturally, but then it doesn't

@Redfoxinthesnow @DMT1982 yeah long term this will definitely be the path we need to bring us our babies. I never had Christmas day with my family, all their presents are still here, which means I still have that day to get excited for. We are hoping feb/March to do it. And pregnancy announcement will be the same. We won't get it now, but means we will still have it to look forward to. This is the journey we are meant to take and there will be a reason for it, I'm sure of it. There is absolutely no way we will resent any of this experience, as hard as it is, when we have our babies! Just no way. We have to hold on to that xx

@glowingtwig I think once you make a decision you may feel a bit more in control as you’ll know what direction you’re going in. That certainly worked for me as I had a date to work towards and whilst I had Christmas to contend with in the middle of it all I just focused on the date for the procedure. I also had the constant stopping and starting of bleeding and brown blood so I anticipated it getting worse at any point and it all happening naturally but after two weeks that never happened so I was ever more confident the decision I had made was the right one. I know that the EPUs are open on bank holidays but they just don’t scan as I went in Monday morning which was a BH for my bloods and swabs and was chatting with the nurse about the department so if you needed to chat things through with them again there should be someone there however from your previous experiences you may not get anyone who has a very good bedside manner and maybe best calling the miscarriage association instead xxxx