Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@glowingtwig I would have been 12 weeks Wednesday so know how you feel. I thought about taking a break from social media for a bit. But I also know think with every pregnancy announcement, I wonder what they've been through. I never thought like that before, but there is no way all these people have had it perfect. I said to my husband when we get our rainbow baby I'm going to be open and transparent about the miscarriage and journey so it isnt a rose tinted picture for others. Women need to know they aren't alone xx

@AMS19 yes that’s a very good point you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and like you say because miscarriage isn’t spoken about you never know what journeys people have been on. That’s a really lovely way to think of things though 😍
Xx

@AMS19 I’m going to put my energy into reading the book you recommended, listen to the podcasts the other lady recommended and get my gastro issues sorted. I had my referral through yesterday however tried booking an appointment and there are none, shocker!! I’ve emailed them and if the wait is too long I’ll pay to go private just to get some answers. Keep me updated with your results 😊 xx

@AMS19 @DMT1982 we told a few close friends yesterday and we were shocked to find out that two of them had miscarried, one multiple times and they had never told us at the time. In one way it makes me feel less alone but it's awful to think about all this suffering.

@Redfoxinthesnow

It just shows you how many people have gone through this trauma and haven’t spoken about it. I’m a fine one to talk because i still can’t bring myself to tell my close friends which it ridiculous because if they told me they had been suffering in silence I would be so upset I wasn’t able to support them.

Did you feel better for sharing what you have been going through with them? Xxx

@DMT1982 the book will help you mentally. I'm not making any dietary changes until I've done my thyroid and Celleac tests. But am fully prepared to go gluten free if I need to. The tyroid levels for TTC and miscarriage at less than 2.5 but "normal" range is below 4.5, so most GPs won't do anything for you even if it is too high for TTC/pregnancy! So the only option is a gluten free diet, to bring it down naturally. I have absolutely no reason to think I have any issues but want to rule it out. And if I do, then I have a fix! Realistically we arent going to try for another month by the time I get negative tests etc, so gives me time to get these tests done and make changes! Also when you read the book, if you want to know things I bought, let me know! I've being going made on amazon since 😂😂😂

@Redfoxinthesnow it is crazy isn't it. I've only told my 3 best friends who knew I was pregnant. One has had an eptopic, one 2 miscarriages, and one never been pregnant! So like I say, as hard as these announcements are, chances are they went through what were been through and so in fact you'd be rooting for them! Xx

@DMT1982 I'm definitely pleased that I've told people, it helps me to process it and your point about being upset that a close friend would suffer something like this and not share really sums up my feelings. I know it is so individual though; I was supposed to have a cheery new year zoom meet up with some friends this evening (which is the last thing I feel like doing) which forced my hand! @AMS19 I hope you've benefitted from sharing your story and that your friends have been supportive.

@AMS19 I asked the nurse what my iron levels were like from my bloods when I was in hospital on Wednesday and she said they were really good which is promising as with coeliac you are usually anaemic and my repeat bloods for calcium and other things showed I wasn’t deficient in anything which again is reassuring. I just can’t put on any weight and this has been going on for over two years now but going by my BMI I’m nowhere near being underweight I’m actually a healthy weight. I used to have to watch my weight and sat at around 10.7 but now struggle to stay above 9.7 which sounds like a dream but does make me worry why I can’t regain the weight. They’ve said it won’t be anything sinister as it’s gradual weight loss over a long period which I understand. I def want my thyroid testing though as unexplained weight loss can be a symptom of that as well. Equally I’m not looking for something to be wrong so if I have the biopsy and it’s all clear and they can’t suggest anything else I’ll just crack in with life and TTC. I just can’t TTC again at the moment until I know that my health is as good as it can be otherwise if I have another miscarriage I’ll always wonder if it’s something my body is doing because I have an underlying health condition.

Like you I think this time of waiting for our bodies to heal and our next period will do is good and give our minds also time to heal. We will never forget but time will heal I’m sure. Xxx

@Redfoxinthesnow that was maybe a blessing in disguise you had the zoom organised and it forced your hand to tell them otherwise it would have been so hard to put on a brave face.
Xxx

@DMT1982 I honestly have no idea how ill cope with another pregnancy. But by taking ubiquinol, removing some plastic, and it being now 3 months since stopping the pill, it will at least give me something that is different this time which I can hold onto!
100% the best route to get everything checked. I weighed myself this morning an am now 8stone6. Which is perfectly normal for my height, but all the stress had made me lose about 4 pounds, which when you add everything I've eaten over Christmas, means probably even more! I just need to start exercising more now, I havent done any for about 6 weeks. I'll give my body a week to recover from the procedure, then start to build exercise back in. My energy levels feel so low xx

@AMS19 @DMT1982 what blood tests etc would you recommend getting? I've started looking at different guides but there is so much conflicting advice that I don't know where to start. The nurse I saw said it was one of those things but I have had auto immune issues in the past and I'm aware that can be an issue. I want to feel that I'm doing everything I can to reduce the chance of it happening again.

@Redfoxinthesnow im personally doing full tyroid (thyroid levels and antibodies) and a Celleac one. The tyroid one was form let's get checked and gets sent off to a lab for results. The Celleac one is a finger prick self test that works like a pregnancy test. These were the 2 main ones suggested in the book I'm reading. You can also test progesterone, DHEA, etc but they would probably need to be paid for with a fertility specialist I suspect. There are also specific fertility ones (AMH, FSH, etc) but my understanding is these are more aimed at ladies who are struggling to get pregnant?! Im no expert though!

@Redfoxinthesnow I am by no means an expert on any of this and pre trying to conceive I was being looked at for possible coeliac disease and a hectobacter (can’t spell it but linked to food poisoning I hate two years ago) which was nothing related to miscarriage however since I’ve now had two miscarriages with both pregnancies I will get these bottomed out before trying again. @AMS19 mentioned that thyroid issues can also cause miscarriage so I will be asking to have that checked out.

I have read the miscarriage association pages and again miscarriage is very common, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a loss and the reason is never known which makes it even harder to process.

I have ordered the book it starts with an egg which @AMS19 recommended so think there is advice in there on what to get checked for before TTC. Xxx

@Redfoxinthesnow @DMT1982
I have absolutely no idea if these notes will make any sense - they will do more for you when you've read the book @DMT1982 but these are the notes I've made from the book so far! I'm not even half way through though!

Shout if anyone have any questions. Though mine is an audiobook so @DMT1982 might have to be our reference guru 😂😂

@ams19 just wanted to pop on to firstly repeat how sorry I am for your MMC and secondly to say your experience sounds awful. I hope you recover well and feel you can move forward in 2021 ❤

For anyone else weighing up their options - I had ERPC under general on 30/11 at what would have been 14 weeks and physically it was great. Emotionally things have been really hard but physically grand.

@AMS19 @DMT1982 thanks so much, I'll definitely look into thyroid and celiac testing. I want to be proactive about prevention but I don't want to let it dominate my life - I've spent the last two days reading everything I can and thinking over all the things I did when pregnant and I know it isn't healthy.

@AMS19 I've just seen the notes you've attached, thanks so much - I've downloaded the book but it's great to have a summary like that.

@TheDaydreamBelievers good to hear from you. Yes it was honestly horrific, the pain was indescribable, but the end of a terrible journey. I feel better today emotionally and have had zero cramping and only a tiny bit of spotting! How you doing now? I hope you've got through Christmas and NYE as best you could xx

@Redfoxinthesnow oh 100% I agreee it can't dominate. That's why I've only made the changes that are reasonable. I'm not throwing away all plastic, that is ridiculous. And I'm not gonna take ALL the supplements suggested. I chose to just do ubiquinol and take extra folic acid and extra vitamin D alongside pregnacare. The thyroid tests was £55 and Celleac one £15 so all the grand schemes seemed a reasonable one off! The podcast that was suggested repeated exactly what was in the book too, so great to have consistency of messaging and suggestions xx

Oh and @Redfoxinthesnow literally nothing I've read or am doing now could have been something we did. I'm 99.9% sure I couldn't have done anything differently to save that pregnancy. And neither could you. That baby wasn't meant to be here, and if it had survived would have had the life we want our baby to have! Xxxx

*wouldn't have had

Those notes are so helpful thank you @AMS19 would you mind letting me know if it says anything about using hair dye and other beauty products? Also I wonder about cleaning products. I'll be 40 in mere weeks so I am in a bit of a panic about egg quality. Even though I'm a generally healthy person.

One thing I will add is that I had an early miscarriage before having my little girl and even though it was a way more straightforward resolution than this time around I was still utterly devastated. It took 6 months to fall pregnant again, even though my cycle went straight back to normal, and she was a healthy pregnancy. So I suppose that what I'm saying is that it is so likely that you will go on to have your rainbow babies.

I'm scared now after two more mc that I'm just too old, even though people tell me I'm not. We started trying when DD was only 10 months as I wanted to be pregnant before 40.

@DMT1982 I definitely need to make a decision and then make my peace with that and stick to it in my mind. I just don't know.

There's definitely so many people out there @Redfoxinthesnow it seems mad how much silence there is- even the fact that no one is 'supposed' to announce until 12 weeks. It plays in to the fecund woman as virtuous trope and anything other than that is somehow shameful. It's so wrong. The more we talk about it I think, the more there will be a shift to lifting the silence.

@glowingtwig so on products it basically says try and use fragrance free and plant based. I don't wear make up now I'm WFH all the time. I do use fragrance body wash but again I'm only making significant changes so for me I'll not going to take it too far. I have bought Method cleaning products though to avoid using harsh bleach as I am forever using Flash to clean my kitchen! So that is plant based. But again, I'm only using that for my kitchen which I clean daily. For the bathroom and things I clean weekly I'm using normal cleaning products

The biggest thing for over 35s in the group was ubiquinol. She strongly suggests (as do others and the podcast @mia2201 suggested) 400mg. I got these ones from amazon. I'm only taking 200mg at the moment but might up the dose

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0716Q35T1/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_s4X7FbBH5TDSD?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It is really tough. Hopefully you're little girl brings you some comfort. You are definitely not too late, but it does make it harder. But remember harder doesn't mean impossible xx

@glowingtwig nothing about hair dye but medically you shouldn't use it in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy anyway xx

@glowingtwig it's so uplifting to read stories such as yours. This was my first pregnancy so I've been worrying about whether this will set the tone for future ones. I'm 33 and we want to have 2 children and there's this voice in my head telling me the we should have started earlier. @AMS19 all the practical tips about cleaning products etc are very helpful. It's good to feel that there's something (even a tiny thing) that I can control.

@Redfoxinthesnow I'm the same. 33 and this was my first. But in reality me and my husband would never have started earlier. In fact, we originally planned to start in 2022 and do some more travelling but with covid we decided to just get on with it. On all the research I did, it said your chance of miscarriage under 30 is 15% and 20% up to 35 so not a massive jump. I think we'll be okay xx