Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@SuzieDeLaTour I'm so so sorry! It is horrible. I always had a feeling mine wasn't going to work out either. I warned my husband before our scan to prepare for the worst! That is amazing on you conceiving after your last MC though!! That gives me and will give the other ladies so much hope so thank you for sharing.
You absolutely ARE strong enough. You will get through this I promise. In 2 weeks everything will feel so different. You will feel sad but will be feeling much more in control of your emotions. You've got this, I promise!! Baby baby steps xx

@SuzieDeLaTour fingers crossed you get the surgery.
I was the same (found out MMC at 14 weeks baby stopped growing at 9 weeks) I also opted for surgery but it wasn't to be and ended up miscarrying at home a few days before surgery and ended up in the trauma unit due to blood loss/heavy bleeding.

I would say that I wished I had called the unit sooner so if your not sure just call them. For me it would have been better to have got into hospital quicker.

I think I'm currently experiencing trauma from it all so really hope you avoid all of this.

@AMS19 Thank you. Reading this thread and your lovely, supportive words brings me so much comfort. I know time is a great healer and I’m right in the thick of it now - I wish I could fast forward two weeks!! Xx

@Scottishskifun gosh, you poor thing. That sounds absolutely horrendous and exactly what I’m dreading. I would definitely take myself to hospital if the bleeding became particularly heavy - I think I would get myself in too much of a flap to stay at home!! Just praying it doesn’t come to that. So wish I could have the surgery sooner - Sodding Covid!! X

@Scottishskifun I’m not surprised you’re suffering some kind of trauma. It sounds horrific and so emotionally and physically draining. I hope you have a support network around you? Someone you can reach out to? Xx

@SuzieDeLaTour my mum is currently staying with us to help out with my toddler. My friends are checking in via WhatsApp which is helping I'm currently still not great at talking though been trying to physically recover. My aim for the week is 1 walk out of the house its been 9 days since miscarrisge only just feel like I have enough energy to do so.

I really hope you get your surgery I think I would be in a much better position than I currently am if I had. Yes sodding covid!

@Scottishskifun oh I’m glad you have your mum with you. It’s nice to just have that presence even if you don’t want to talk about it. I couldn’t talk about my last miscarriage either, I’m so close to my parents but I completely shut down. It was only when I was pregnant with my rainbow bubba that I could talk about it. Your friends will completely understand, just know that you have that support there for you as and when you’re ready.
Your aim to go for a walk is a good one - some fresh air and exercise really helps and takes your mind off things for a little while. Xxx

@suziedelatour I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Whatever you feel is completely valid. Anger is an ok emotion in these circumstances for sure! Sending thoughts and hugs your way.

@sleeeeeepy so sorry you're here too. Yes, I had med management last Tuesday. I had nothing but really mild cramping for about 10 hours and thought it wasn't working, then stood up and a lot came flowing out in one go to my big surprise. This was followed by heavy (but manageable) bleeding and slightly stronger cramps for a few more days. Now spotting only. Wishing you all the best with it and hope it works for you too. I felt relieved to know it worked after a couple of weeks uncertainty. Keeping fingers crossed for you x

Thank you for the support ladies.

In the end my mucus plug went with a pop, just like it did in both my labours. I've passed a lot of tissue, it just kept coming but I feel OK so I'm assuming all is well. I feel relief more than anything, the hormones have been reducing for weeks and I've known since Saturday so I felt ready.

@SuzieDeLaTour I'm so sorry it wasn't good news for you today. Feeling angry is normal and valid, why wouldn't we be angry when it all seems so unfair x

@Sleeeeeepy keep an eye on the bleeding just to make sure it's not too heavy. I didn't think mine was too bad at first but then started going through a maternity pad every 20-30 mins. You can always call the unit if unsure

@Scottishskifun thanks, yes good plan. It's easy not to notice how many your going through. I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time. Does your trust offer any sort of counselling service?x

@Sleeeeeepy nope they used to offer trauma reviews post live birth but all stopped due to covid. Wait list for other counselling is very long. Was given two charity names if I wanted support.
I've put in with the GP for a note for work anyway so hoping the extra week may help but will be my third week off.

@Sleeeeeepy hope you also get some rest tonight and the pain remains manageable

Oh @Scottishskifun that's appalling, I'm so sorry you're not getting the support you need. I hope the time off lets you heal a little, I would get in touch with one of those charities, you've been through a hell of a lot x

@SuzieDeLaTour I'm so sorry to see your name appearing in the thread again, it must be even more challenging for it to happen after getting the all clear. I hope the ERPC can go ahead as planned the waiting and uncertainty is so tough to deal with.

@Scottishskifun I really hope you're able to get some support, I found the miscarriage association to be really helpful (I know it's not a counselling service but they certainly understand). I do think there's a general lack of awareness/understanding as to how emotionally devastating a miscarriage is.

@Redfoxinthesnow Oh I know, as lovely and supportive as you all are I didn’t want to be joining this thread either but it’s so nice to have the support and know that we are all in this together feeling the same things. It’s been a rollercoaster few weeks and I feel so deflated. I actually feel worse this morning than I did yesterday, I think it’s all properly sinking in and I just feel a complete sense of disbelief. I wish I could fast forward a month! Xx

@suziedelatour thank you so much for your response I’m so happy the everything went well for you and your rainbow baby you give me hope x

@SuzieDeLaTour @Sleeeeeepy how is the bleeding today for you both? Hopefully manageable?

Today should have been my 13 week NHS scan. Definitely feeling incredibly sad about that and what could have been. Also relieved I have the private scan and aren't 6 hours away from my world crashing down on me. Once I get through today mothers day would be the next hard date so at least I have 2 months free from "today should have been so different" sending everyone lots of love xx

@AMS19 oh I’m thinking of you. Dates like that are always hard - my 12 week scan is scheduled for two weeks today and I’m already feeling “blurgh” about that day. Like you said, at least you’ve had the scan and are not in a position today where you would have been so excited only for your world to come crashing down. It’s still so soon and everything is so raw still so be kind to yourself. Can you do something to take your mind off it? I know it’s difficult in lockdown when our options are so limited!
Try not to think ahead to Mother’s Day - your emotions change so quickly in this awful rollercoaster we are all on and you may find you feel much more able to cope with certain dates than you think. With my last miscarriage, I was terrified of my due date arriving but by that time I was carrying my rainbow baby and it wasn’t nearly as awful as I had expected. Xx

@AMS19 my bleeding was ok overnight thankfully but is picking up a bit this morning. I don’t know if laying still overnight made any difference (probably not!!) but I’m just counting down the hours - I just need to get through the next 48 hours smoothly! I’m speaking to my gynae later today - I had lots of issues with my period so I’ve had the same gynae for close to 20 years now and I think I just need him to give me some reassurance about why this has happened a second time. I know he won’t be able to give me an exact answer but I think I just need someone to vent to and offer kind words (hes really lovely!) x

Thanks @SuzieDeLaTour I will definitely refer later to the midwife next time so I dont have a scan date hopefully if things go wrong! Obviously no guarantee as I was very late in the trimester this time. It is 2 weeks past my MVA today so that's positive. Just need a negative test now and I'll feel better when I'm trying again I think. This period feels like limo and wasted.
Glad the bleeding hasn't been too bad. Absolutely talking to professionals is always helpful. Are you planning to have your scan? Xx

@AMS19 it’s really positive that you’ve passed the two week mark. When will you take another pregnancy test? I can’t remember how long it took for mine to return to negative last time - in fact I can’t remember ever seeing a negative test!? However, I do know I conceived about 19 days later so things must have been kicking in by then! I agree that the in between waiting period is just hell, you feel like it’s time wasted but every day is another step closer to being able to try again and hopefully have your happy ending 😘
Am i planning to have which scan? Do you mean my 12 week scan after I’ve had my op? I don’t think I’ll get scanned this time. I was actually scanned 6/7 weeks after my miscarriage last time as I couldn’t be sure whether my positive pregnancy test was a new pregnancy or some old hormones left! I have to admit I felt a bit judged and red faced - they ended up getting three different doctors in to take a look as they could see a very very early stage gestational sac but they didn’t know if it was remains from the previous pregnancy (despite having had surgical management!) or a new one. They did ask why I hadn’t waited a whole cycle eeek! But it all ended well ☺️ Xx

@SuzieDeLaTour sorry I definitely wasn't clear was I! I actually meant scan before thr EPOC (they'll scan you first because you've had some bleeding now!!). That's Saturday right? Might be worth ringing EPU and asking if you can come in for a scan tomorrow in advanced?

I'm not sure I'm comfortable trying until we have a negative test so will probably avoid sex until then. But otherwise will definitely craco on. I'll probably test again tomorrow and then maybe every other day with a more sensitive (and cheaper) ones. I would ideally want a negative on a FRER because having unprotected sex. But I'm definitely getting impatient now....😂😂 I havent had any spotting for 2 days now so hoping that is a good sign too!!
Honestly your story makes me SO happy and gives me SO much hope. Will you cravk straight back onto trying? Xx

So I had the hospital today which did scans and tests and that's the hormones finally gone. Scans all clear.(this is 6.5 weeks after surgery). Feels good, like I can finally physically move forward!

Before not because*