Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

*chances

@Scottishskifun I feel this in waves too. When I look at my little girl in her car seat in the rear view mirror and imagine a newborn next to her, and in the bath, too. I'm finding putting away the little clothes she has grown out of even harder in case there is never a sibling to wear the little trousers and vests. It's so hard. I think just time will make a difference.

@AMS19 I feel exactly this about the maternity leave too. Especially as I would be WFH from 28 weeks given the high risk environment at work. You are right about it being better this way if the baby would have really suffered with long term health difficulties. But loss is still loss I guess. Hoping for healthy babies next time for us all. I was thinking how lovely it would be to be able to just glimpse ten years in to the future... just for a few seconds. Just to see.

@Lililou I'm so sorry. Well done for trusting your gut and being proactive with the private scan. I really can't fathom why NHS hospitals are so scathing about private scans. I should think they would be scanning you in A&E if you were in pain. It's a scary thought that you know now and they don't seem to want to do anything to help you? I can't understand it? That doctor sounds so awful- kindness and action is what you need, not impatience. What will you do next?

@Mellous I know how you feel and if you read my previous posts I was so anxious for the same reasons as you. In the end I got away without needing it but a few things that got me settled in to the thought of it were that my nurse SIL who has had that surgery said that it is so safe and my GP who I really trust said that it is just a ten minute surgery and that I should just go for it and get it all done. Thinking of you x

@Lililou sorry your having such a tough time with it all and having to fight the hospital ontop. Hospitals most definitely can scan at the weekend and even at 4am if they wish to assuming there is a medical/trauma unit connected to the hospital. I received my scan on a Saturday although not routine it is possible.

Please keep an eye on things any twinge of pain call NHS 24 they advise hospital.

@glowingtwig oh absolutely. Knowing this is for the best doesn't take away the pain. But maybe makes it slightly more acceptable?! I completely agree. Imainhe if in 18 months someone could say all of us will have our babies in our arms. How incredible would that be. Whateber the journey and however hard it may be, we have to believe our destination is our little rainbow baby xx

I was about to make my way to another hospital that had offered to potentially scan me this eve, couldn't guarantee it but there was a consultant there till 8 pm and they were so much nicer and understanding. They wanted me to ring my normal hospital first to give them a last chance and tell them about possibly going elsewhere. I rang my hospital and they said they still wouldn't accept the scan, even though it's NHS, it's a different trust. Fucking ridiculous. I said I just need to see someone, to talk through, I can't just sit at home, I'm scared. They agreed to face to face to chat. I'm now sat waiting in the waiting room of a maternity ward listening to a woman screaming in pain giving birth. Wonderful. I don't think I'll get scanned but I feel safer even just being here at the moment. I'm also going to take note of her full name and ask why I wasn't given transvaginal scan last week after inconclusive abdominal. I won't be doing it right here and right now but I'll be putting in complaint after for how she spoke to me.

Oh @Lililou you poor darling girl. There are no words for what you are experiencing. Absolutely stand your ground and you complain all you like, you've been treated appalling. I'm so so sorry you're in that environment. It is incredibly unfair and the way you've been treated inexcusable. Right now I know it must feel like the world is falling around you but you WILL get through this. This will become a horrible memory. Push through, you're doing everything right xx

I agree with @AMS19 @Lililou stay there and keep going until you get that scan!

@Lililou I hope you received better treatment this evening and some reassurance and answers.
My hospital trust is the same in that the trauma unit and EPU are based within the maternity hospital on labour wards. They try to keep a certain amount of separation via the rooms but it's not possible to stop the sounds which makes it tough. I could hear a baby crying as I was being examined by the registrar about the blood loss.

You have done so well through all of this

@Lililou thinking of you xx

Morning everyone

@Mellous so sorry that you've had the confirmation, the wait must have been very hard. I hope you're able to have treatment quickly and that you're being well supported.

@Lililou your 'treatment' sounds terrible. With the NHS being so stretched it seems completely counterproductive that they'd create extra work for themselves. I hope you finally managed to have the scan and that you can get some answers.

I did a pregnancy test yesterday and it came back negative. I was surprised that I felt quite emotional, I suppose because of the finality of it. At least I can move on now.

@Redfoxinthesnow morning. I get it must feel sad to see the negative but hopefully that is the last one you'll see in a while. Arw you going to start TTC straight away? It is great you have the negative so soon, was that 3 weeks? Means procedure was successful and you have no retained products which is fab! And you're clear to start whenever you feel you can

@dmt1982 I finished It Starts With The Egg today. The penultimate chaper on diet was super interesting!!

Morning ladies,

@Redfoxinthesnow it's a funny feeling getting the negative. Something that did help me (but might be a bit mad) was to get another test to keep at the back of the bathroom cupboard that I knew I would use when I'd had a BFP on a cheap test. And I could say to myself 'when I use this one it will be positive again and the start of another journey'.

Ooh @AMS19 would you mind sharing the key bits about diet? I'm really interested given with the questionnaire for the professor asked about. Especially the chocolate bit 🙈

How you doing @Lililou ?

Of course @glowingtwig here are my notes from today (I sound like a bloody student don't I 🙄). On chocolate she said dark is better as it has less caffeine. You ideally need caffeine to be below 50mg or it can start to cause issues. I have stuck with the decaf coffee even since the miscarriage so it is one less thing to give up. On the positive she said having up to 4 glasses of wine per week when TTC won't impact your chances of falling pregnant or miscarriage. Every cloud!!

@AMS19 thanks so much for the update i was wandering into work today wishing I had bought the audio book instead of actual book because I would have finished it myself by now, doh!

Anyways the positives I took from that were I can still drink wine lol 😂

Re the low GI diet. I have recently bought a cook book by Patrick Holford called the GI cookbook. My auntie who is a nutritionist recommended it to me. Also selenium she said should be take with C0Q10 so have ordered that as well. She also said men should take zinc as well. Have obviously now ordered that. I was busted having bought the method brand of cleaning products yesterday as I left the evidence of the old anti bac bottle in the mind!!

Also random question but what do you think. I have bought glass containers for meals that we cook and put in the freezer however they take up tons of room. I saw some foil takeaway containers in Wilkinson earlier you get 10 for £1.30 I think and they have a paper top so they look like the ones you get from a takeaway. Obviously they will not be reusable however they are certainly smaller than the glass ones, would they contain plastic as could find nothing other than foil on the label?

So re caffeine intake how much is one coffee a day as that all I ever have then have water or herbal tea? Thanks for all the info that’s really interesting xxx

Not mind, bin. Stupid phone!!!

They’ve got me in for a scan this morning as a favour, confirmed ectopic, surgery this aft/eve

@DMT1982 yeah I hadn't intended to get the audio book, only did because it was free, but actually it was quite good laying in bed when it was still dark listening to it!!

I got my husband wellman multivitamins which has everything you need in it. Wasnt even the fertility ones, just the normal ones had everything including zinc. He has been on them for about a week so hopefully they are helping! Hadn't heard about selenium so I'll take a look. What dosage?

I think those foil containers will be absolutely perfect!! Glass wouldn't be good in the freezer as it might crack so definitely makes sense!!

A glass of coffee has 150mg, so she reccomended half a cup of coffee a day! Green tea has about 25 and normal tea about 50ish. Hence I'm just sticking with decaf! Who drinks half a cup of coffee 😂😂😂

My husband has given in with the cleaning products but won't budge on the kettle 🙄 it is BPA and polycarbonate free so going to just compromise on that one xx

@DMT1982 the only part which would contain plastic is the lid as they put a microfilm on to keep it from absorbing the liquid (think inside of a paper sandwich box) so very low and not really in much contact.

@Lililou good luck. One of the most interesting things I learnt though this who fertility journey was in terms of eptooic. When you lose a tube, your other tube can float between the 2 ovaries. How clever is that!! So although most women think your chances are halved they aren't, they are only about 20% lower, and the tube will just float over between each ovary each month. So as terrible as this experience is it won't materially impact your chances going forward!!! Got everything crossed for you. Let us know how it goes xx

@lililou glad to hear they've finally confirmed it and you're booked in for the surgery. Wishing you all the best with it

@AMS19 @DMT1982 I've had so much coffee these past few days will need to start weaning myself back off it! Hoping to start TTC fairly quickly, will try to wait for next period and keep fingers crossed it doesn't take too long. Fully expecting next few weeks/ months to feel like they're lasting forever. It's great to have you all for support!

Just a little up date from me for anyone wondering about med management follow up (meds taken 5 days ago). Bleeding has gradually lessened and now managing with panty liners. Back to work tomorrow so hoping my body continues to recover and everything going in the right direction.

I met a friend for a walk today and she was telling me all about some work problems, was so nice not to talk about miscarriage for first time in a while! It's so consuming, was nice to hear about someone else's problems for a bit!

Wishing you all a peaceful Sunday xxx

@Seasalt1984 that all sounds really positive. When are you going to test? My aim is to be more than 3 months pregnant by the end of this year. I think that is realistic and gives me until September to get pregannt with a sticky one 🤞 given I had my MVA on NYE I really want to be on my way and out the first trimester at least with my rainbow baby 🙏🙏🙏 I'm also going to start trying again ideally after my first proper period (but will have unprotected sex as soon as we get a negative test) xx

@ams19 yes I'm having a positive day today which is nice. Yesterday really wasn't, it's so up and down. But I'm trying to make the most of the positive windows! I'm going to test at 3 weeks, so 25th/26th Jan I think. Think I'm going to avoid any opks etc this month and let my body and mind keep healing. Will try and hold off POAS until 3 weeks, think seeing a positive would be tough. I reckon you're end of year plan sounds like a good one and hopefully gives you lots of time. This might sound a bit petty, but I'm struggling to get over the fact I can't now escape work for a year in the summer. I guess it's all part of the "planning ahead" process we natural do when you find out your pregnant. But feel quite angry about it. Feels very irrational but could also just been mega work dreads about going back tomorrow! Ugh. Xx

@Seasalt1984 yeah im also avoiding OPKs this month and will start tracking again after my period. I have up and down days too. By setting myself the end of year goal I do feel less pressure already. At first I was desperate to get pregnant ASAP, and one of those reasons was definitely going on mat leave. I've decided I'm definitely taking a full year now though, to make up up the fact it will be later than I would have liked. I'm the same as you, had end of June as when I would finish up work so annoyed that now won't be the case. But, just means we get more of 2022 summer, and by then covid should be long gone, so this might actually be even better!!!

My covid test was negative 🙌🙌🙌

That's so useful, thank you @AMS19 no caffeine in tea or coffee doesn't really bother me. But I do like chocolate in the evening for an energy boost. We are trying to cut down our red meat anyway. Will have to try to convince DH to buy more fish next shop. Glad your covid test was negative!

I hope you're doing ok @Lililou it's a really scary time for you. Glad they have taken action quickly to hopefully avoid any issues. Fancy expecting you to wait until Monday! Thinking about you.

Hope everyone is ok. I do like the idea of your timeline as well @AMS19 . I got so stressed trying for DD when it took 6 months and looking back that was such a relatively short time in the ttc world. But felt like forever. So trying to avoid putting too much pressure on is definitely way forward. Not sure I could ditch the opks though... I find those reassuring.