Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@AMS19 I feel exactly the same, at the moment I don't know how I will cope with being pregnant again and I need to find a way to balance my anxieties.

@glowingtwig From my limited reading Professor Regan seems to be really highly regarded. It's difficult to know whether it is worth it but it sounds like you've had quite a few scans/tests already which must help. Let us know how you get on - I'm still debating what to do.

@AMS19 my GP has referred me already to the NHS clinic but thinks it could take 6-8 months to be seen, partly due to Covid. I don't have that time to wait being nearly 40 and this my third miscarriage, even though not consecutive. Next time I get pregnant I want to have a treatment plan in place and ready to go so I feel like I haven't much choice. Still, hopefully she can give me a bit of reassurance.

@Redfoxinthesnow yes, when I saw she had written my pregnancy book I felt like I had some connection with her, silly as it sounds. When I was ttc after my first mc, after 5 months I went to the GP who did the basic fertility tests. My FSH was 9.1 then 9.4 and I had the most terrible meltdown after Googling and it was so damaging to my mental health to know about it. My GP said 'sometimes you can get too much information'. In the end it didn't affect my ability to have a successful pregnancy so I don't think learning it has gone up or that my egg supply is dwindling would be helpful. BUT I would like to hear her opinion on the sticky blood thing, if she thinks it's worth thyroid etc.

@glowingtwig I don't know how much they charge for tests but my full thyroid analysis was £55 so you could always buy the test but discuss the results with the consultant?!
It is annoying how bloody expensive it is!

@glowingtwig also I'd Ben really interested to hear what she says about baby aspirin!

@AMS19 I will happily share everything she says. The appointment is in mid Jan... not long to wait at all.

I did notice on the questionnaire they sent me that it asks lots of dietary details... how much red meat per week, how much white meat... how much chocolate?! Alcohol which I can say pretty much zero since first starting to ttc (DH won't be able to on his version though 😖)

@glowingtwig thank you for sharing! Would be much appreciated.
I had a glass of red wine tonight and it went straight to my head!

How long does it take for symptoms to start easing up?
I still have massive food aversion, smells causing issues etc
I thought I was doing better today but heavy bleeding and pain has started again

I'm also massively grieving I watched my son in the bath tonight and had a huge wave of loss that he won't be sharing a bath with a sibling this year or longer.

@Scottishskifun my heart goes out to you that must be so upsetting thinking of what could have been when you’re bathing your little boy. Don’t give up hope because it’s all very raw at the moment and you’re still having a hard time of things both physically and mentally. Try to take one day at a time because you’ll have both good and bad days which is absolutely normal as I have them and I’m sure what you’re saying will resonate with everyone on here.

I can’t help with answering when the symptoms will end but I’m also still getting nausea and can smell everything as if it’s directly under my nose, both good and bad! I chucked out an expensive diffuser today as I just couldn’t stand it for some reason!
If you’re unsure about the bleeding then call EPU for some advice they should be open 24/7? Xx

@DMT1982 thanks when I spoke with them a few days ago they said if having to change a mat pad more than every few hours then I need to go back.

I just want things to start settling down I'm so exhausted now physically and mentally the continuing pain and bleeding is making it worse as I really don't want to face going back to the trauma unit for more painful examinations and procedures.
I just want to be able to focus on grieving and being there for my son and at the moment I can't really do either as my body is still so broken.

I posted a few days ago about what I think was a miscarriage earlier in the week with cramps, back ache, bleeding and passing of large clot. I had a scan the following day and they couldn't see anything or hear heartbeat so miscarriage was likely - but not totally confirmed from looking at notes.

I've been back for bloods today and had phone call later to say my HCG levels have increased slightly (they're about 7000 and increased about 1% in 48 hrs) and that I need to go back again in 2 days to check levels. They said they don't do scans over the weekend though so that will have to wait till Monday. That will be an abdominal scan.

Since the call I've been reading up on what the increase means and it seems to be pointing to ectopic. It aussi recommend transvaginal for ectopic diagnosis. I rang back 3 times and they said dr will ring me back, nothing still. I've read NICE guidelines and they say a increase of less than 63% following a scan should result in me having a clinical review in 24 hours. I'm scared it's going to rupture and I'll be in agony - or worse!

@Lililou keep an eye out for signs of ectopic, if pain increases at any point I suggest calling 111 if not getting anywhere with the unit. It might just be a slight increase as it is small but if experiencing any symptoms of ectopic then obviously get it checked.

@Scottishskifun your symptoms will pass lovely. I dont have any nausea now or food aversions and am back to eating healthy again (rather than the bland crap I could hack when pregnant). I'm now 9 days post procedure so a little ahead of you. I dont think you're far from that.
Emotionally I'm very up and down. When I'm working I don't think about it too much (except when it gets stressful and I think bugger this I'm so annoyed I'm not going on mat leave in a few months). Then other times I can't stop thinking about it. I had a dream last night I had the baby but it was very very poorly and had lots of problems. Maybe this is my mind reminding me this baby I envisage this one being wouldn't have been okay and we would have gone through a lot of emotional pain after it was born so this is for the best. The dream was so real, I was hurting so much seeing my little baby covered in wires and sick. It is absolutely normal to greive, it is healthy to grieve. But remember, there was something wrong with that baby. It could have been extremely unwell if the pregnancy had continued. So long term this is best for you and your son. You can try again when you're ready and trust your body to make the right decision on which baby to hold on to. The perfect baby is worth the wait ❤
Physically I had zero bleeding for 2 days then it picked up a little bit yesterday, no sure why. Think the body just goes in waves and it isnt a straight line recovery. Again the positive is the more it gets rid of now the more fresh everything is for next time xx

@Lililou have you had any shoulder pain? That is very common in eptopic. If in any doubt then push for a scan via A&E. Epu won't scan you over the weekend that is correct, but A&E can. Obviously you'll have a long wait with covid but if you're that worried ring 111 and see if they advise you to go via the A&E route. Keep us updated xx

Hi all, sorry for disappearing!! Thank you all for your lovely messages of support the other day, I read them all even if I didn't reply!

I've just been struggling mentally since the whole debacle! Trying to absorb all of the conflicting information and come to terms with what was said.

Feeling a bit more positive today, I'm going to go for a walk! Which should help. And my temp has dropped massively this morning from 36.85 yesterday to 36.42 today. Has anyone else been temping whilst waiting to miscarry? Or during? I'm hopeful that the huge drop means things might be on their way to happening naturally!

Love to you all and I'll reply properly later!

@LauraT94 take your time. We arent going anywhere so are here when you need us!
I actually haven't started back up the temping. I probably won't until after my first period. I dont quite feel ready to get into all that again. But definitely sounds like the hormones are on their way down which is fab!

I have been taking my temp during the day but that is more monitoring for covid after my hospital exposure. I've taken a test now so will just sit and wait for a BFN on that too 😂😂😂

Thank you @Scottishskifun and @AMS19 , they finally called back this morning and weren't really very helpful. Basically if I'm not in pain, they won't see me, which feels as though they'll happily wait for it potentially rupture if it is ectopic. I don't understand why they didn't do vaginal scan as well though if abdominal was inconclusive. From what I've read vaginal is best way to diagnose as more accurate. I've spent the last hour ringing around clinics and managed to get a private scan booked in today. Explained the situation and they said they'll book me straight in for vaginal. I feel better just knowing someone will do a more accurate scan before Monday.

@Lililou they 100% should have done vaginal! Even at 11 weeks just before my MVA they still did it vaginally as they said it was more accurate. That is definitely an oversight on their part. I'm really glad you've found a private place. Please let us know how goes!

Confirmed ectopic

Oh bloody hell @Lililou I'm so sorry!!! Well done you for listening to your instincts!!! You clever girl!!! You've probably just saved yourself from a world of pain and emergency. What is the next steps??? Xx

Hi all! Sorry I’ve not caught up on this thread for a few days. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy.

Update from me - I had a follow up scan on Thursday and confirmed what we already knew - no growth from the previous week

I’m booked in for surgery on Monday and I’m quite anxious about it :(

How are you all doing? Xx

@lililou I'm so sorry this is the outcome. Like @ams19 said good for you for going with you instinct for an answer and getting a private scan. Hoping things can be sorted for you very soon. Thinking of you xx

@mellous I'm so sorry. I felt like that at second scan, we knew but still not nice at all. Good that surgery is booked in for you, but still so anxiety provoking. Although I had medical management I felt having next steps was something to focus on and move us forward even though it was scary at the same time. Hoping it all goes smoothly for you xx

Hospital have been awful, refused to accept private scan until they do their own - still on Monday. Dr got impatient with me on the phone, I said It felt like they wouldn't do anything for me until I was in pain or ruptured. At one point she said "oh my god". They said they don't think any other hospitals in north east will scan on weekend and they won't have scan in a&e. I've already found another hospital in NE that does do wind scans but closed form 4. 😢

@Mellous so sorry lovely. Lots of super positive stories on here from surgery though so focus on them for now. Awful to have it confirmed but at least you arent in limbo anymore xx

@Seasalt1984 @AMS19

Thank you both... I’m glad it’s all almost over. It’s been a long 10 days or so since we found out. It’s awful having to go through it all alone in the hospital isn’t it?

I’m not too worried about the procedure itself. More about the risks. I had my pre op today and of course they have to explain what could happen. But when she was explaining about the risk of damage to the uterus and potential issues with fertility I was pretty concerned! Xxx

@Mellous I was concerned about this too but they said it's super super rare and rarer still in women who have never had a C section (I am in this category). Surgery was a good experience for me, happy to answer any Qs

@Mellous my consultant told me the chances on your first surgery are extremely low. He even crossed out out changes of scarring on my approval form as he said it doesn't happen first time around. So unless this is second or third time I think it is highly unlikely

@Lililou I'm so so sorry you're going through this. It is so unfair!!! If you do have to wait until Monday they will keep you in and either operate Monday or Tuesday at the latest. The only thing I would push for is getting a covid test tomorrow so that doesn't delay things for you!