Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@AMS19 you’re absolutely doing the right thing getting tested as it’s peace of mind which as we’ve said before is priceless. That’s why I’m getting this gastric stuff sorted once and for all so I can either cancel out coeliac or stop eating gluten if I have it. If it’s Gilbert’s it’s nothing that I need treatment for and just impacts on how you feel, fatigue and gastric stuff but not fertility luckily. Did you do the thyroid antibody one as may but that myself xx

@AMS19 I also hope your tests are getting lighter as well xx

@ams19 thanks I've ordered one.
Yes it's weird I accidentally found it out when pregnant with my son. I've had issues for years with gluten and follow a gf diet when not pregnant!
I will be pretty angry at my GPs if it comes back positive though as for years they fobbed me off and have refused endoscopy and told me that I just have gastric issues. I also would have never touched gluten with this pregnancy if I had known the link.

@DMT1982 yeah absolutely. To me this is about ticking things off I don't have rather than actually finding something I do have. I guess there is no point reading a book like It Starts With The Egg if you're not willing to make changes or test for things. It opens your eyes doesn't it!
My thyroid one is in the post. Hoping it will arrive in the next few days as that one has to be sent off. With the voucher code I think it was about £55 so not cheap but not the end of the world! I went for this one

www.letsgetchecked.com/gb/en/home-thyroid-antibody-test/

I dont have any thyroid symptoms at all so hoping it is negative xx

@Scottishskifun that is so interesting how in pregnancy you can eat it! Oh please please do not think that is why you miscarried!! I absolutely do not think that will be the case at all and I don't want anyone worrying through what I'm doing. I'm just being extra cautious and am 99.9% I don't actually have any of these things. For me this is about my mental health and tricking my brain into thinking next time it will be different because I've done these test and stopped drinking out of my plastic water bottle. Whereas I know the reality is it will just come down to luck of the egg!

@AMS19 I will be more angry at my GPs due to spending years being in pain and being fobbed off if it comes back positive!

For me it's good to know and I would have never have known the link anyway if it hadn't of been for this thread. When we are ready to TTC if successful I will avoid anyway just to be on the safe side.

Yes pregnancy hormones do crazy things with reactions/allergies it's pot luck it either gets suppressed or you get more sensitive. With gluten I am one of 4 people I know who react badly to it but not in pregnancy.
The hormones also make you burn quicker in the sun and also affect your vision which is either temporary or permanent.
With this pregnancy and with my son my vision decreased from 20/20 was back to 20/20 within 6 weeks of birth with my son.

There is a whole long list of things that pregnancy can do to your body which nobody really tells you about including your feet growing!

@Scottishskifun wow I honeslty never knew any of this!! The only weird one was my old boss had dead straight hair and during pregnancy it turned curly and then never went back straight. I thought that was so odd!
Hopefully your test is negative like mine. Must be so hard having those issues though. I dont have any issues with gluten so had zero reasons to take a test except too much time on my hands and too much research! 🙄 I do this in every day life anyway. I did a stool test last year to check I didn't have signs of bowel cancer for no reason other than I thought I should check. My mind goes away with the fairies sometimes...

@AMS19 nothing wrong with checking for own health reassurance

Yes I didn't know any of them either til some of them happened to me and it's generally completely random to if some of them occur or not also if they are permanent is individual. People tend to be aware of the main things but nobody really discusses others.
Mine were rib cage expansion which had started again this pregnancy lost (with my son it went from 32inch to 40 inch), eye sight changes, the gluten reaction change and my 2 nemesis pgp and pregnancy insomnia.

I'm hoping hormones will dip soon as I have had weeks of pregnancy insomnia and it sucks it doesn't help my tiredness right now either.

Hope it’s ok for me to also join the thread.. I’ve been reading your stories over the last couple of weeks and they have been so painful to read but at the same time it is comforting to read that this experience that feels so lonely is not unique... @AMS19 my story is nearly identical to yours and we were actually in the same July 21 Facebook group- I had a private scan the week before Christmas which showed an anembryonic pregnancy, by dates I was nearly 9 weeks. I had medical management on the 19th Dec.
Three weeks on I’m still having brown spotting and v faint pos pregnancy tests. I started doing opks a few days ago and they are consistently positive. Now thinking it was probably too early to start tracking ovulation and they’re just picking up the residual HCG but I just want to move on from this endless phase! I’m just hoping that the medical management has worked and I don’t end up at EPU again, they don’t want to see me unless the HCG is still pos at 4 weeks.
I have been really struggling throughout the process and have been signed off sick since we found out. I always thought that I would be able to handle a miscarriage very pragmatically but it’s not been the case! I’m due back to work next week but had really hoped that everything would be back to normal by then and I’m doubting it will be....arrrgh!
This was my first pregnancy and I conceived on the first cycle of trying so I’m really hoping that this was a giant dose of bad luck. I’m 39 and although I know I shouldn’t be thinking so it now feels like the clock is running down with every passing day.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent. All your posts have given a lot of comfort and I really hope that once we are on the other side of this time that things continue as smoothly as possible for us all.

Hi @Semla and I'm sorry that you have to join the thread. I'm in the same position as you, waiting for the spotting to go away and the tests to go back to negative, it's so frustrating isn't it. I completely relate to what you say about your reaction, I felt quite pragmatic beforehand but it was so different when it happened, nothing can quite prepare you for it.

@AMS19 thanks for highlighting the tests, I've had digestion issues for a while so I'm going to get it investigated - even if it has no link to miscarriages it will be a silver lining if I can get it sorted. I do feel a bit overwhelmed reading about all the potential causes, tests and supplements, it's difficult to know where to start.

I have my first counselling session arranged today and I'm hoping it will help my discuss and process everything.

@DMT1982 glad your got your glass jars 😁 
Totally agree about being proactive. I've got the getting pregnant bit down to an art and looking back at my app seem to actually fall pregnant when I ovulate exactly on day 14. So not holding out much hope for this month because it was day 16/17 after the miscarriage. Although maybe I will have a longer cycle- who knows.

I hope you got a lighter test @AMS19 ? I'm fighting the urge to dig out my cheapy HCG tests but can't really justify doing one a day can I? Or can I?! So mad how we pray for no line at this point.

@Scottishskifun it's so true about the feet growing. Mine never totally went back to the size 5 I was before being pregnant with my little girl. All those lovely shoes and I can't wear them. Not that there is anywhere to go right now.

@Semla I'm so sorry you find yourself here too. I'm 39 as well and feel the same about time ticking by. It is almost torturous thinking of wasted eggs. One thing I will say though (with my pragmatic head on) is that we still do have time. Even if we have to get a move on... we are doing that. My GP said 'you can get pregnant, you'll be fine' so I'm hanging on to that. Hopefully we fall again soon-ish.

@Redfoxinthesnow I hope your counselling goes well today and you get some comfort from it. You've prompted me to call the number they gave me at the EPU and I'm going to give the private clinic for recurrent miscarriage a call today to see how the land lies there.

I @Semlaim so sorry to hear that! You'll have to inbox me your name as I'm sure we probably spoke on there. I definitely won't be joining any groups now until after 12 weeks!
I'm the same, tried not to think about it as a baby etc but got carried away and now definitely have struggled more than I expected to! But each day gets better. I hate this waiting period. I'm focusing on exercising, eating healthy and taking vitamins so I at least feel like I'm going something rather than sat "wasting" time. Hopedully in a few months we will all be pregnant and I'm sure stressing to the max about every twinge or lack of! It is so so hard! Harder than I ever imagined in fact

@Redfoxinthesnow it can definitely be overwhelming! I'm only doing coeliac and thyroid, none of the others. If I have another miscarriage I might do a couple more but for now they seemed easy wins!

@glowingtwig yes definitely moving in the right direction!! Im going to test every 3/4 days. Mine were kept cheapies so not like I'm wasting too much money. If I test twice a week then it gives me something to focus on. But I'm realistically looking at 4 weeks before a negative ☹

@Redfoxinthesnow also let us know how the session goes! I'm gonna definitely ask for counselling if I have another one. Did the hospital arrange it for you?

Thanks all for the welcome, it feels much better already to have written things down, and vent a little! I've promised myself that I'm not testing again for another week and I'm going to hold off the OPKs for a bit too. Too much information is not always helpful!
@ams19 @glowingtwig yep, focusing on the proactive things! On the ubiquinol now and taking the opportunity while off work to keep up my exercise which I'd neglected a bit with feeling so grotty before. I've not quite moved on to chucking out all the plastic yet but give it a couple of weeks....!

@Semla very sorry you have to join us. @Redfoxinthesnow I hope your session today feels helpful

Update from me is that the EPU want to see me to do bloods and a scan as my tests are still positives 5 weeks after surgery. However because of their business and my clinics schedules the soonest we could put in an appt is next Thursday! So might well be negative by then 🤣

I have managed 2 hours out of bed today which is a improvement on the last few days.

Did some research on ubiquinol also read it can help with energy levels as well which I struggle with anyway so have ordered some. H&B have a 20% off vitamins as well at the moment.

My manager is being a bit of a pain she is very micromanagey in her style anyway but our HR department is based in London so rather than contacting them she looked into the wrong policies and contacted me to say its not 2 weeks off (it is just under our maternity policy). I don't have anything from the hospital other than leaflets and the update on my maternity notes app to show baby loss which I have sent her. I know she is doing her best but having to point her in the right direction is not what I need right now.

@TheDaydreamBelievers what an absolute pain!! Assuming you haven't had a period either? And there is no way you could be pregnant again? Mine ate still pretty dark but definitely lighter. I'm hoping for 3 weeks but expecting 4 weeks. Sounds like even that could be ambitious!

@Scottishskifun gosh no one around you is making this easier are they?! 🙄 im working from home so didn't actually take any time off except for the procedure but being logged on is helping keeping my mind busy and distracted. I'm finding this period of waiting to get going again very frustrating!

@AMS19 100% not pregnant again and no period either. I had a huge wait for a period after coming off birth control and I'm really worried it will happen again and mean we dont really have a chance to conceive for a really long time.

@TheDaydreamBelievers God yeah I remember on the post pill thread your mammoth one. You know what though ; maybe this will actually regulate things for you (literally no science behind that comment but you never know!!) My cycles were 28 days before so knowing the luck I've had recently they'll probably end up being super long and unreliable now 🙄

@AMS19 it just seems to be one thing after another whilst my body is still very broken.
I have also been wfh since March but my job is regulatory and very full on/we can't make mistakes so I'm off for at least 2 weeks as if I muck up the consequences are not good and currently I don't even have the head space enough to make a meal let alone a regulatory decision.

Well done for keeping busy your positivity really is inspiring and helping me have something to aim for.

@Scottishskifun taking time out is absolutely the right thing to do..plus you've had a much tougher ride than I have. At least when you feel up to going back you can throw yourself into the work and have some mind time away from babies. I'm an accountant and it is financial reporting season so really busy. It will be for thr next 2 months. So hoping that keeps me distracted until I can focus back onto TTC again 🙏

@Scottishskifun you're definitely making the right decision to take some time off & I hope your manager starts to be more supportive.

@AMS19 I arranged the counselling privately as I thought I'd benefit from seeing someone quickly. The first session went well, it was emotional but helpful. I've had a couple of times recently where I've been overwhelmed with worry about my body/fear of not having children and I hope I can work on dealing with that. It is expensive but I think it's worth it for me.

@TheDaydreamBelievers fingers crossed for a negative test. I'm waiting for mine too, I wish it would speed up.

@glowingtwig I hope you manage to make some progress with the privare clinic

@Redfoxinthesnow it is really good you did that, well done! I think I may need to get some support if I fall pregnant again (or if I don't after a while of trying) as my anxiety will be through the roof I'm sure!

@Scottishskifun I decided to take next week off work too. They are being really supportive which is great. I'm a teacher and live lessons online all are going to be really hard, plus all the extra planning so after a lot of thinking about it I'm going to try and take that time to get my head in a better place before getting back into it.

I've not had a good day today. It's the first whole day I've had alone at home since DD was born- she's at nursery and DH had to go in to work. I think it gave me too much time to think.

@Redfoxinthesnow I tried the counsellor but it went to voicemail as she's not available now until Monday. The clinic the GP recommended actually only do IVF so that's no good, but they recommended St Mary's in London and Professor Regan.

Turns out she wrote the book I read religiously while pregnant with DD so I'm hoping that's a good sign. It's expensive though: £300 for the initial consultation of half an hour and then all the blood tests on top. Although I feel like we won't need to pay for the pelvic scans as I've had those done on the NHS now. Plus I don't think there's any point having FSH and AMH done as if they come back not good there's nothing can be done anyway and it will just make me feel wretched. I hope I'm doing the right thing here. DH was very 😳 when I told him the cost.

So I think it will be the blood clotting test and maybe thyroid they will do but I suppose I wait for the actual expert to advise us?

@glowingtwig do you not get it covered ok the NHS?