Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@Scottishskifun, I had a totally different treatment (ECPC under general) but I had mostly v light brown bleeding for 2 weeks, but two random days of that were v heavy red and clots bleeding. So for me did have some random cramping ups

*ramping ups

Thanks I'm hoping it's not a bit of stuck pregnancy tissue causing it as the cervical procedure with gas and air was horrific first time around.
Going to see how it does over the next few hours its not as bad as the miscarriage bleeding I was going through a maternity pad every 15-20 minutes hence the high blood loss and now very tired.

@Scottishskifun how you doing today?

@glowingtwig I'm so pleased that you don't have to undergo surgery & how great to be told that about ovulation, fingers crossed for you.

@Lililou so sorry to hear about the scan, it's the finality of it that makes is so difficult. I was 99% sure I had miscarried before I had the scan but I found the confirmation hard to accept.

@DMT1982 I'm trying to persuade my similarly sceptical husband to stop using plastic containers and to replace our cleaning products. It's difficult because I know my husband is worried about me becoming obsessed with it all and I don't want to go over the top, but it seems sensible to do what we can.

@Scottishskifun I hope you're feeling better today. I miscarried naturally and my bleeding has certainly been variable - I thought it was dying out but then I passed some more clots yesterday, everyone seems to have such different experiences.

@AMS19 it slowed down again thankfully but my pain ramped up through the night so I didn't get much sleep til that settled down around 4am. Had a follow up call with the trauma unit this morning they have said if it hasn't started to settle by Tuesday then I need to go in for a scan to check there isn't any pregnancy tissue left. Like wise if it becomes heavy of more than a maternity pad every few hours then I'm to go back in.

I'm just so tired

@Redfoxinthesnow yes my husband was the same and said he didn’t want me getting obsessed with it all which I understand but like you it seems silly not to change a few things we have in our control that could ultimately make a different in the quality of our eggs and outcome of a successful pregnancy. Xx

@Scottishskifun I also had the procedure under GA and have had minimal bleeding with some discharge but this procedure sucks everything out I believe so there would be less left to come out than maybe medical or natural (I am not expert)
If you are unsure I would call EPU and chat it through with them because the worry of not not knowing if it’s normal or not will drain you of any energy you have left xxx

Sorry to hear it's ongoing for you @Scottishskifun , it is utterly draining and on top of that not having enough sleep is awful, you poor thing.

@DMT1982 @Redfoxinthesnow husbands find it hard to understand. In my experience my lovely DH thinks I'm being excessive when ttc but it's because it isn't all going on in his body. Like I'm acutely aware of my cycle for example, looking for ewcm, thinking about ovulation testing and looking out for ov pain. He just doesn't have to think about it. Nor about taking the right vitamins, drinking enough water, not having too much caffeine. Alcohol has been a bone of contention in the past... I would rather he really limit it, he says he'll just try to stick to NHS weekly limits. I also think it's the hormonal drives that make us want to be pregnant.

He would prefer to just relax rather than time sex but I know my cycle so well now that it's impossible. Plus today I've got the little follicle ready to go. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a scan every month so you could see exactly?! I bet royalty get that option!

@Scottishskifun I bet you are exhausted!! I know it feels never ending at the moment but you will get through this. It will all end soon I promise.

@Redfoxinthesnow @DMT1982 @glowingtwig I've said to my husband I need to do this for my mental health if nothing else. Dealing with another pregnancy will be hard enough, my anxiety will be through the roof. But if I can feel like something is different this time, even if only a small bit, and that takes away 1% of the anxiety ill be feeling, surely it is worth it?! Forget whether you believe it makes a difference or not, if I do then surely it is worth it? Especially given stress and anxiety is bad enough and will have an impact by itself, so even the placebo effect could be a positive contribution!

@glowingtwig

I know I’m exactly the same very in tune with my body and while i agree to an extent about not becoming obsessed with the days to do the deed they also have to understand there is a science behind it and better days to have sex on. My husband has no idea that I track my cycle and ovulation days but I doubt we would have fallen pregnant twice if I hadn’t so one of us has to be proactive in all this!

Also like you’ve said for peace of mind and our mental health feeling like we are doing a few little extra things to help has surely got to be priceless. I said to him last night in tears that I cannot go through this again and if we just sit and do nothing and it happens again I will blame myself even more than I do already. Men don’t cope well with tears so this is how the glass containers were agreed 😂
Xx

So I'm back home and it was just the most awful three hours ever.

I'm aware this isn't the most positive of messages so feel free to skip it by or ignore.

So I went in for my scan at 9.50am. they were running behind so I didn't get seen until 10.20. Did an internal scan and it was so painful! The past two internals I've had haven't been painful so I'm wondering if my cervix has lowered ready to miscarry as that's where I was getting the pain.

Sonographer confirmed that although they could see a 4.1mm fetal pole, it's a missed miscarriage. Even called in the consultant to confirm. They finish up the internal and send OH to the waiting room while they write the report. Halfway through report writing she decides she needs another picture of something so gets me to lie back down and did an abdominal scan. Wouldn't have minded but it was the most painful thing ever!! She was really digging the wand in and it was so painful, I couldn't believe how rough she was being.

Anyway, that was all over, they handed me my report and told me to head up to the EPU to discuss the miscarriage.

Get up to EPU and they've got no idea I was coming, sonographer hadn't called ahead. So I'm left waiting in the corridor for 20 mins.

Finally get let into the EPU ward but OH isn't allowed in so has to wait in the corridor. Get put into a waiting room and have to wait for about 30/40 mins to see a midwife.

Midwife then went through all my medical history and history with this pregnancy etc. Then just sits and tells me as there's been some growth, I've got to come back for another scan in a week...

Kind of lost it a bit at that point because that's exactly what I'd been dreading! I asked if they'll keep making me come back week after week if there's tiny amounts of growth?! She said if I get to the next scan and the fetal pole either hasn't reached 7mm or has reached 7mm with no heartbeat, they'll formally diagnose as a missed miscarriage.

I asked if there was any leeway for diagnosing it now, as I'd stopped feeling pregnant a week ago and was desperate for closure.

So she then goes on to tell me she can offer me a termination!!!

I quite rightly point out that I'm suffering a miscarriage, not a asking for a termination and that that's not my own choice! She even agrees with me that none of the dates add up and she thinks it's a miscarriage too. She says she'll call the registrar to see if he'll confirm miscarriage.

I have to go wait in another room for 40 mins. Registrar eventually comes in and spouts all the same bullshit and tells me (again!!) That I can have a termination if I want!?!? I say of course not, that's not what I want. He then asks me if I'm happy with the choice I'm making and I say of course not, I'm not making any choices here, you're not giving me any!

So yeah long story short I'm booked in for another scan next Thursday.

Omg @LauraT94 that is absolutely awful! I am so so sorry this has happened to you!! God and I thought my EPU were bad. That is completely unfair and inexcusable. I cant imagine how angry and upset you must be. How dare they call it a termination!!! Honestly it shouldn't be this way xx

@LauraT94
Oh god that’s absolutely appalling treatment you’ve received and to add insult to injury you were offered a termination, what the actual hell is that all about, no wonder you’re all over the place. Being made to wait when they have said there is no heartbeat just seems silly and surely in the current Covid climate bringing you back into the hospital more times than you need to be is a risk that can be reduced not to mention the heartache it’s causing you and your husband xxx

@LauraT94 I'm so sorry to hear your experience, that must have been absolutely beyond awful.
I can't even pretend to know how much pain you're in but it begs the question what a difference between hospitals, procedures, processes and bedside manner.

I can only send a virtual hug and wish you a speedy end to this.

I hope you're are being looked after

@laurat94 oh wow, I'm so sorry, what a horrific experience for you. How awful. I hope you are taking it very easy this afternoon and you and DH are looking after yourselves. I'm sorry you're having to wait even longer for some certainty and next steps, it's just torturous. Sending hugs and kind thoughts to you xxx

@laurat94 sorry to hear this and that they are dragging it out.
I hate that EPU units seem to vary so much in approach to women experiencing the process of loss.

@LauraT94 I’m so sorry you’ve had such an awful time today. Some medical staff really seem to forget this is our life they are dealing with and is not everyday to us and we are heartbroken.

Just wanted to say I was told the same when I went for my second scan as there had been a small amount of growth in the 10 days between scans and therefore they couldn’t call it a miscarriage even though the growth wasn’t 10 days worth (if that makes sense). I was booked to go for a scan 14days later although do think I have now naturally miscarried.

They were a lot more sympathetic when explaining it to me but like you’ve been told by the time the fetal pole is 7mm there should be a heartbeat so if it gets to 7mm they can call it but they would keep scanning me until there was either no growth or growth to 7mm and no heartbeat before they could definitely say I’d had a miscarriage. It’s heartbreaking but they don’t want to take any action if there is any chance of things changing and it becoming a viable pregnancy. I know that doesn’t help when you are in that position as limbo is an awful place to be when you know damn well what the outcome is likely to be.

Sending you big hugs xx

I'm so sorry you've had such a traumatic day @LauraT94 and that you feel no closer to getting anything done to help you get some closure. I found my EPU very similar in terms of the compassionless approach to such long waits in between and the shrugs of 'well there's nothing I can do' then business-like they are on to the next poor woman. How heartbreaking to offer you a termination when your baby is so wanted and loved. I'm so sorry.

Well...this is my BFN for tonight 😂😂 I officially don't have Celleac disease so one miscarriage cause I don't have ✔
Also...who knew you could bleed so much from tiny finger prick!!

Coeliac even! Damn autocorrect 🙄

@AMS19 that’s fab news 🙌🙌🙌 I hate those pin pricks as you’re right such a small stab bleeds for ages then starts again when you think it’s stopped! I used my friends glucose one once just out of curiosity.

I meant to say I spoke to the doctors and my thyroid levels are fine and unless they indicate any abnormalities they don’t check the antibodies. They did offer to refer me to the miscarriage unit however did say that they usually won’t see ladies after two and with COVID it would be a loooooooong wait so I politely declined. I just have to trust the doctor on this one I think but I wouldn’t have asked if you hadn’t said so thank you. They think I more than likely have Gilbert’s syndrome which would explain a lot but still being checked out for coeliac by an endoscopy with any luck at some stage xx

@AMS19 where did you get the test from? I have a gluten intolerance for several years had a blood test a few years ago for coeliac disease but at the time I wasn't having much gluten. The only time I can eat gluten ironically is when I'm pregnant due to antibodies in my system suppressing the reaction but a coeliac friend has long thought that I am due to my reactions when not pregnant. Its also my own test of how my hormone levels are doing!
I never knew coeliac disease could cause miscarriage though so would like to test whilst I still have gluten in my system and it not be painful to do the gluten challenge!

@dmt1982 ah fair enough. You could always go for private testing if you feel you want to later on. I'm not actually expecting any of my tests to come to anything, I'll be genuinely shocked if they do, this is more a mental thing for me. I'm assuming Gilbert's syndrome doesn't impact anything pregnancy wise? It is good your gp offered that, albeit sounds like declining was the right decision! I'm going to take another pregnancy test tomorrow so praying it is lighter than the one I took Tuesday 🤞 xx

@Scottishskifun oh interesting. Yeah it can cause miscarriage, hence I wanted to rule it out. I bought this one:
www.personaldiagnostics.co.uk/coeliacscreen.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA_9r_BRBZEiwAHZ_v19HdAZ6SjRaMYd8ApzhYnk1PqDSPK6lyIVIUCuo1HvAMBDylncdvwhoCcdYQAvD_BwE
For less than £15 I thought it was worth just ruling it out!