Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@lililou I totally get it. Seeing the empty sac broke my heart. It was awful. Did they say if "everything" was gone or will you need to do any management? I'm so so sorry you're going through this awful experience xx

They said everything was gone which was a relief. It happened over a few hours last night so I feel relatively fortunate that that's it. They want me to come back in a couple of days to check it's not ectopic, basically checking hormone levels have dropped. They think it most likely isn't as I havent shown any symptoms of that all pain went as soon as I'd passed it last night.

@Lililou well that is one very small silver lining. I know right now it all seems impossible, but each day does get easier I promise. Don't get me wrong, I still feel incredibly sad to not be pregnant anymore, but it isnt all consuming and each day I smile and laugh a little bit more than I did. So just take each day as it comes and I promise you'll get through this xx

Really nervous for my scan in the morning 😢 trying to tell myself all the rational thoughts that it'll help me get the meds to end it, but I just don't want to see it any more!

Also... I called the EPU a week ago to tell them I was bleeding and they never called me back (they have a telephone line that only goes through to a voice mail system and they're supposed to call you back within a few hours!). So I'm going to have to mention that tomorrow and I don't know how that'll go or if I should put in a proper complaint. I know everyone is busy at the mo with covid, but the women's clinic at our hospital is completely independent from the main hospital. I can't help but think they have a duty of care to bleeding pregnant patients who call for help, and leaving them to cope with a miscarriage alone is just despicable. Anyone have any opinion?

@laurat94 got everything crossed for you lovely. It isbt going to be easy at all, but each step you get through is another hurdle done.
You can complain to the hospitals PALS. You won't need to complain directly to the EPU as they are unlikely to do anything. By all means mention it but I would follow up with PALS. I've found the staff in EPU to be hit or miss. My sonographer was SO rude, couldn't care less about the miscarriage..but doctors were so nice to me. It isnt fair women get such hit and miss treatment. We will all be here for you tomorrow xx

@laurat94 I really feel for you, I was so anxious about mine on Monday. The consultant who did mine was kind but very matter of fact which actually helped I think. It'll get you closer to next steps but I totally get it. Will be thinking of you.

Definitely let them know about not calling you back. If you feel you can't tomorrow you could always put it in writing afterwards. I work in the NHS, it is busy you're right but patient care is the main priority and it's not good enough that they didn't return your call (it may be something like the person who took the message wrote your number down wrong so they couldn't reach you), they need to look into it and they should apologise. Don't feel bad about saying something at all.

@AMS19 and @MrsD1992 I had the discussion with my husband tonight about changing as much as we can from plastic to glass or stainless steel. I was met with a ton of scepticism and he threw a few questions as me which I was able to answer with some knowledge having read part of the book and also from chatting on here. He’s agreed to get rid of all plastic tubs, cups and cutlery. He won’t change the kettle although I’ll use our stainless steel one and he won’t change his BPA free water bottles but I’ll change my one to a stainless steel one. I did say that we are only changing a few things and I could go overboard which I won’t.....I’ll leave it a few weeks and start sneaking the eco friendly cleaning stuff in....(evil laugh!!) xx

Hi ladies,
I've had a few days off the Internet, but came on just now and had a read of the thread. Sorry to see more ladies here, it's so unfair. Thank you for the uplifting words of positivity and the positive quotations, they've helped a lot.

@LauraT94 I found the EPU very similar, they don't seem too bothered by it... from the voicemail it seemed like no one was too fussed unless you were over 16 weeks. But like @AMS19 said the doctors have been incredible.
Will be thinking of you in the morning- it's another stepping stone to it being over and the healing process being able to start.

So I was due to have surgery this morning, but yesterday afternoon passed a bit of tissue which was roughly the size they had seen retained. So I had another scan (this time with an amazing consultant and registrar) and they confirmed that the miscarriage is complete and I won't need the surgery. So so thankful my body has sorted itself out even though it's taken a really long time.

Alsoooo the consultant mentioned that there was a mature follicle ready to pop and that if we want a shot at this month we should have sex tomorrow or the next day. I was a bit 'what? I thought we were supposed to wait until next period?!' And she said 'no waiting, not at 39...just keep going, you'll get there!'

So I scurried home and did an ovulation test... sure enough a strong positive. So DH is going to be pleased tomorrow that the drought is over. Really surprised because I thought ovulation would be really delayed. Aaaand the ttc obsession starts again. Not sure if it's wise emotionally but I can't bring myself to miss the chance when I saw that follicle there on the screen.

I hope everyone is recovering ok x

@glowingtwig I'm really pleased for you that things have resolved and you won't need surgery, but still so sorry you've had to go through this.

That's good to hear re follicle ready to go if you're feeling ready. I'm over 35 too and my GP was all "just get on with it" when I asked about ttc. Love an upfront doctor!

@Lililou I can completely understand what you’re saying about the scan being so heart wrenching. It’s seeing it in black and white in front of you and suddenly all your fears become a reality right then. Even though I had seen the baby on the scan with no heart beat the week before on a private scan (wish I hadn’t looked) when I went up EPU and they scanned me it was just as horrible and the person scanning me was pointing everything out to me, I didn’t have the heart to say I didn’t want to see it I just laid there watching and wishing I wasn’t seeing my dead baby again on the screen. I honestly think it’s been the hardest part of all this because I cannot get that picture out of my mind. Xxxx

@glowingtwig

Wow what a fantastic end to a horrible time, you’ve not only passed what you needed to (massive thumbs up up your body 👍) but also had a peek at your ovaries and you’re ready to rock and roll tomorrow, that’s fantastic and I’m sure your husband would also like to thank that straight talking consultant haha 😂

The gynaecologist who did my 8 week scan said you ovulate much earlier after a loss and you’re living proof of that. There will never be a right time after such a traumatic experience as a miscarriage but you’ve been given the go ahead by a consultant and I’m sure your husband will be a wiling participant, keeping everything crossed for you my lovely xxx

@Seasalt1984 I know  I was so excited I started going into detail about how I won't let my husband anywhere near me when I'm pregnant (giving them far too much information). I was worried that DH wouldn't be on board so asked the consultant to write on my letter that we shouldn't wait; the way she put it was so funny and at my discharge the nurse was  and tried to convince me to wait for one period. She's probably wise to be fair as I'm still getting positive pregnancy tests, but I figured a few days' line progression if we were that lucky to fall again straight away would tell me.

@DMT1982 @Lililou it's so traumatic isn't it? I always want to see and know all the detail on the screen and got given a pic but it is so so sad and traumatic. They should definitely ask you your preferences first. My EPU gave me the number for a counsellor- I feel like I'll need it if it takes a long time to get pregnant again or if it all hits me suddenly again over the next weeks. Could you investigate counselling? It might be helpful to get the sad images out of your head? Xxx

Omg @glowingtwig that is absolutely amazing news!!! Im so unbelievably excited for you. Oh wow I can't believe in a few days time you'll be in the TWW!! Arrggghhh. Now I wanna get my follicles scanned 😂😂 joking aside I'm glad everything happened naturally for you.
I honestly think my body wants to ovulate. I'm so unbelievably turned on (sorry...TMI) all the time. I'm only ever like this during ovulation. It is all very odd! I'm still spotting and my tests are still dark so can't do anything about it, just have to sit on my hands and wait patiently

@dmt1982 I think it is all about compromise. I've told my husband will need a new kettle and he caved tonight. Took a bit of wearing down. I didnt even ask him on the storage stuff, just bought it all!

@AMS19 thank you ❤️ yes that's a good point about PALs! I was reluctant to complain to the EPU/women's clinic themselves. Purely because it'll come across shitty and by all means not the fault of those who have to hear my complaint!

@Seasalt1984 yeah you're right, could have just been an administrative error! Hoping I get a kind consultant like you!

@glowingtwig I actually cried reading your story just now as it sounds like the consultant was so kind, and how amazing to let you know about the egg ready to be released?! Are you still getting positives on the less sensitive ones or just the FRERs? Just thinking, if the less sensitive ones aren't picking it up any more you could always use them for a reliable result in a few weeks time!

@DMT1982 your comment about wishing you'd not looked, I can sympathise with that! I'm worried I'll feel like that after tomorrow but I know I won't be able to stop myself from looking.

Meant to add to the end of my last message - what happens after they confirm the miscarriage on the scan?

Will I immediately get to talk to someone about my options? Will they book me to come back another day? Really don't want to draw the process out any longer but I also don't want to have unrealistic expectations! I'm hoping it can all be done in one go!

@LauraT94 with mine, once they confirmed a MMC I was booked in for surgery straight away. Even completed all the forms the same day before I left. Pre covid they said they would have had me back the next day! But you'll need to go fot a covid test (if you're having surgery / MVA). If medical management you'll get given the tablets tomorrow. If there is any chance of viability (weak heartbeat etc) they'll probably rescan you. But with mine everything was sorted within an hour of the scan! Xx

We got whisked away to a private room, got given a leaflet with options and a number to call the next day after we had some time to think about it. Good luck with it all, Laura xx

@laurat94 when they fed back to us about scan they immediately went through options and sent us to waiting room to have a chat and decide. They gave us a couple of leaflets as was hard to take it all in... even though we knew what outcome would be I was a bit emotional. The consultant asked if we wanted a picture of empty egg sac and I broke down. Want expecting to be asked (and said no)

@LauraT94 she was so great the consultant. Showed me the follicle and said 'look, it's ready to go!' Well we will see... I've never fallen first go yet... twice second go at starting ttc and 3 cycles after the last mc but 6 months to get DD. So I'm not getting my hopes up. But imagine if by some massive stroke of luck it did work out and I could tell that baby 'I saw your follicle!' In my experience after the confirmation scan I saw a nurse immediately afterwards and got given info about the three options but sent away for nearly a week to decide. I think that was bad luck though as it was over Christmas and New Year. Then after I saw them again to give them my decision it was two days to wait for the surgery which I managed to avoid.

Thanks @AMS19 :) I'm sort of expecting a bit emotional crash some time soon but currently I'm feeling positive. Obviously I'm missing the usual ewcm but I can't expect it all I guess. I'm really not turned on at all either so I do sort of envy you that. DD has been doing some epic long night time sleeps so I don't even have the excuse of being tired. I really hope the spotting stops very soon and the tests start to fade. Then you can get going!

Oh @LauraT94 forgot to say - these are the cheapo ones that barely even picked up the line for this pregnancy at the start but then were strong lines on FRERs. So that's a good point.

@glowingtwig I have EVERYTHING crossed for you. When I was TTC before I was on a couple of threads and wanted everyone to fall pregnant, of course, but now it is so different. I'm so incredibly invested in you all and will genuinely cry with happiness when the BFPs start rolling in! Even if it doesn't happen this time huge well done to your body for being ready to go so soon! Means everything is working and means you'll very soon be on your way!! Oh honeslty I'm so pleased your little follicle has made my night 😊

Thank you for your encouraging message @DMT1982 good to see it there. I didn't know that about earlier ovulation. You're definitely right about no right time so I guess this is as good a time as any x

Thank you SO much @AMS19 you're right, it is going to be lovely as people start to get positives again. This thread has been the best support.

Totally prepared for it taking a long time now... those six months before getting a positive for DD felt like forever, although I now know that it really wasn't that long in the overall scheme of things. My mantra is trust my body.

Sorry ladies this post will be TMI.....

Did any of you go backwards with bleeding? I have started passing some large clots again (about £2 coin size at the moment) when I had excess bleeding the clots were hand sized. They gave me a injection to shrink my uterus down so not sure if something is still going on.

I'm so tired and so drained I don't want to face going back again to the midwife trauma unit especially overnight again.

@Scottishskifun totally different to your treatment but after my big bleed with huge clots I only had spotting for a whole day and night. Then the following night I had another big bleed with plum sized clots and bad cramping. I wondered whether to go back in but then after a few hours it settled.

It is so draining I know. You just want it over and to get steadily better.

@Scottishskifun I didn't but I had the MVA so hardly any bleeding. Might be worth tagging some of of ladies who had natural miscarriage or medical management? If in any doubt ring 111 xx