Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@AMS19 yes the article wasn’t very long but like you say they are trying to work out what can cause miscarriage and how it can be avoided with certain conditions with is good. Xx

@LauraT94 thank you for posting and so sorry it’s awful what you’re going through.

As you’ve read on the previous thread and this one we’ve all trodden the same road and gone in different directions when it came to what option to take following our losses. Obviously Covid is playing a massive part in what options some of us have been offered. Lots of trusts are still offering the surgical management if that’s what you wanted to do but equally there are positive stories from all the three options. @AMS19 posted a link to the miscarriage association early on in this thread around the 29th on all the options which I found very useful for when I went back to EPU to discuss the next step. Ultimately you’ll be guided by what they can offer you however it’s good to know the pros and cons of each one beforehand. We are by no means experts on any of this but can offer you real life experiences of how we’ve found things and are dealing with things in our own ways xxx

Hi @LauraT94 I'm so sorry you find yourself here. I'm devastated how many ladies are joining us, but also glad this thread is doing exactly what it was meant to, help others and provide support.
I'm in London so probably rhe worst covid hit in terms of hospitals (my hospital closed their A&E 3 days before my surgery- which for a London hospital is insane). I was offered surgery, but if you've read this thread you'll see it was cancelled twice and I ended up having a MVA. Now I'm 3 day post the procedure, and had time to reflect, providing you get the right pain relief, I think I would go for this over medical management. The key here is me, not that you should. But I laid out all the bad on here when I was experiencing it, so should lay out the good too. Since the procedure I've had no cramping at all, not even a tiny ache. And by yesterday lunch the bleeding bad stopped. I have some spotting when wiping but otherwise my pad is clear after wearing it all afternoon. But I caveat this entirely with the pain relief point. I would only do it again if I was given sufficient pain relief in advance and gas and air during. It is incredibly painful and the tiny bit of local gel they rub onto your cervix doesn't really do to job at all. Clearly you need to do what is right for you, but I thought I should give both side to my experience, bloody awful during it, brilliant since it. Between us we've tried them all I think, so do your research and then ask any questions you have.
And in the meantime, cry, rant, scream, do whatever you need to do. If you're anything like me, your mind will be in overdrive. I go from researching IVF clients because I'm sure now there is a major problem, to planning holidays in 2021 around when I could be due. I'm driving myself insane! Xx

@AMS19 the end of your post really made me giggle. Like you I’m also going from one extreme to another. I’m looking at puppies because I’m convinced we won’t fall pregnant again plus Googling all my symptoms which means I have every condition under the sun now and this will lead to infertility 🤦‍♀️
I want someone to slap me round the face with a wet fish and tell me I’m being silly 🙃 I’m sure my husband would agree to do this 😂 xx

So I've spent this morning reading back on the whole thread as I wanted to check in on everyone and make sure we know who needs support and when. If I have missed anyone or any events happening within the next week I apologise! Let us know so we can support you

@dmt1982 ha, ditto! I made my husband promise we could get a puppy in July if I'm not pregnant by then. I've worked out IVF costs £3.5k, we get one free cycle on the NHS, so I reckon we've got a few shots. But also wouldn't commit to a spa day in March this year incase I was pregnant already 🤪😂😭 I think I equally need a slap!!! You have to laugh really. My husband is being laughing at me throwing away plastic and wearing gloves and a face mask because I was using window cleaner yesterday 😂😂

@mia2201 I think you are testing next week? Let us know it goes. I'm going to test Thursday so I can start seeing regression (trying to think for the right word as progression didn't feel appropriate) down. Fully expecting it to still be blaring at this point but keen to know my starting point

@ginandtonic80 how are you feeling now? What are your plans in terms of testing / TTC?

@Redfoxinthesnow I know you've had a scan and there was a small bit so assuming you're just waiting for next period? Do you then have to go back for another scan or all based on bloods now?

@MAS50 how is the recovery for you? When are you testing? How is the insomnia? I'm so glad my pregnancy 5am wake ups seem to have stopped

@ELM7 how are you? I'm praying your little rice grain is growing away

@ALB1990 how are you doing lovely? Assuming no update ahead of your scan Wednesday from an EPU perspective? I think you said you were going ahead with a private scan today?

@Mellous I know you're just in limbo lovely and it must be so hard. How you doing?

@glowingtwig how are you feeling about next steps? Have you decided?

@seasalt1984 remind me when you're back for next steps? How you doing?

@TheDaydreamBelievers hoping you'll get negative tests soon and your first period! Strange wishing for BFNs now, may your next BFN be your last for 10 months

@mummydoingamasters how are you? I hope they have got the ball rolling on testing for you now

@Pettylamby how you doing? When are you going to start testing?

@georgiaerin how are the cramps and bleeding?

@AMS19 that’s so sweet of you to go through the entire thread and check on everyone 🥰 when everyone is posting I think some posts don’t always appear immediately or they are out of sync so easy to miss others posts.

I can visualise you in some sort of hazard suit doing your housework 😆 I did start buying all the natural cleaning products last year but my husband moaned they were too expensive so when they needed replacing he bought the cheap ones again that get into my throat when I’m using them so they can’t be good for us. Also the plastics thing is one I follow as much as I can with no BPA in my bottle and warm up my food in a glass dish if I’m using the microwave. I do still use the packet rice now and again though so need to stop that.

Book the spa book the spa because you can still have a facial if you’re pregnant or a massage just tell them not to touch your tummy. The hot tub and steam/sauna will be a no but you can swim still 😊 I think it’ll be a good idea to book things like this as gives you something to look forward to and also something you can still enjoy when you are pregnant as it’ll destress you as well.

We’ve just cancelled a holiday we had booked to Holland in may as they keep changing the accommodation. I said to my husband ‘we can get the puppy now’ 😂😂

I honestly think one by one we will all be posting good news that we are pregnant throughout the year. Xxx

@DMT1982 yeah it is so easy to miss stuff or forget when people have stuff happening...

Youre right about the spa day. I think it's because I went into a sauna when I would have been 7DPO with this one, nearly fainted and now obviously I'm assuming that damaged the baby's growth (I'm sure it didn't but my mind won't let it go) so am super paranoid. The reality is we aren't going to start trying until February given it will take 4 weeks for negative tests so even if I fall first cycle I would be so early first weekend of march. So it would be absolutely fine I'm sure. I'm just so worried now and will be so over protective!

I got thr Method cleaning products from amazon. Not cheap but mot expensive. But I've only gone for kitchen cleaner and surface cleaner, stuff I use daily. For bathrooms, windows, dusting etc I've kept the normal stuff. I'm making my husband doing bathrooms from now given it is bleach, suits me though 😂😂

I have a holiday in May that is currently still happening. And am booking a holiday for our wedding anniversary in June too. I dont really care if I'm pregnant for those at all. Even if im first trimester and have the awful nausea I can always get tablets. Youre right, we NEED plans to keep us sane xx

@DMT1982 thank you! I definitely need to do more reading into the pros and cons. I'm glad I've got a few days break to think it all over before I go to EPU appt on Thursday!

@AMS19 ah it's shit isn't it, but I'm glad we've got a place to post! Yeah I'm in Essex so not far off what you're experiencing! Our A&E is still technically open but you need to book an appt through 111 🤔

My main fear at the moment is having to pass the sac. Not keen on that. But who is?! Just one of those things.

Had a panic getting into bed last night in case I started bleeding overnight. So laid a towel down to sleep on and got onto Amazon prime!! Have ordered some of the incontinence pads - like puppy pee pads! - to sleep on, and some Always night pads in case I need them too. I'm normally a menstrual cup user so feels really weird to imagine using pads again.

I'm actually feeling quite calm and accepting of it all - rather than raging and crying. For now anyway. I think I've known for a few days that something wasn't right so that's probably helped me get a head start on coming to terms with it. I hate crying as it just makes me feel shit, so will probably avoid it unless it sneaks up on me! Which I'm sure it might at some point.

Sorry for the ramble!

@AMS19 the blood test yesterday showed that my hormone levels are going down, they've told me to do a pregnancy test in a few days so hopefully I won't need to visit the EPU again. It's strange as my bleeding has nearly stopped and I don't have any pregnancy symptoms now and I'm finding it hard to believe that I ever was pregnant, which upsets me as it makes me feel that I'm forgetting about the pregnancy.

@DMT1982 I completely relate to what you say about about the range of emotions. I'm alternating between researching miscarriage consultants and cleaning products! I'll be back at work tomorrow and I think it will be good for me to have some structure.

@LauraT94 I was doing the same, sleeping on a thick red towel after my private scan that showed the MMC.
If you get offered MVA instead of surgery you'll be fine as they collapse the sac (mine was also huge, I was 11 weeks and sac had continued to grow). I'm not sure how it would work with medical management but worth asking as it may be the sac still breaks down naturally once the process starts.

I'm the same as you. I havent actually cried yet. I think deep down I knew something was wrong from the start. The baby was always measuring a week behind and because I was tracking ovulation, I knew it was definitely behind. So even going to the private scan I told my husband to be prepared for bad news, even though I'd seen the heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. I just feel so guilty I made him come with to the scan and that was his first ever experience. I'm staying well away from apps and baby books now until after 12 weeks next time.

Also...do not apologise for rambling, I don't shut on up here 😂😂😂

@Redfoxinthesnow that is great it is coming down. Did they say what the levels where now? My bleeding has already stopped! I only had mine 3 days ago and I've not even had any spotting when I wiped this morning... hope that isn't a bad sign and my body is back to thinking it is pregnant again 🙄

@LauraT94 I'm glad you're feeling ok at the moment and I hope that continues.
@AMS19 my levels were six hundred and something, down from 1440 a few days ago which is a relief. I hope your lack of bleeding is a good sign. It's so difficult to know isn't it, everyone seems to have such different physical experiences.

@AMS19 you are so lovely checking in on everyone. These are such lovely supportive threads.

I'm back tomorrow with my decision and have a few questions for the business-like nurse but here are my pros and cons (staying far away from MVA as I'm really not up for that):

Medical management:
PROS-
*might work quickly as I've already passed so much blood and tissue, it might be all my body needs just to encourage this last bit out
*Not as invasive as surgery
*No GA risk
*No risk of damage which I'm scared about.

CONS -
*I would have to deal with it all at home which is scary after the big haemorrhage I had
*it might be really long and drawn out
*If this bit of placenta has stuck despite all the cramping and bleeding maybe it just wouldn't be enough to get it out/it wouldn't work
*nasty chemicals in my body

Surgical:
PROS -
*I wouldn't know anything about it
*Quicker and less traumatic to my mental health ...it's been such a long drawn-out process.
*I've read some studies that suggest conceiving is easier afterwards as it is a good clear out and your body appreciates it
*more chance of them getting it all

CONS-
*what if I don't wake up and leave DD and DH just because I couldn't deal with the MVA or MM
*I worry that actually it's a harsh procedure and that it could mess up the natural flora and fauna 🙈 of my uterus which seems to allow conception fairly easily so far
*risk of damage, Ashermans syndrome etc
*feels like infection risk would be higher - my mum ended up with sepsis after the same procedure in the 1980s (although I'm sure surgery has advanced since then?)

What I actually want is for them to do the gentler MVA method while I'm asleep. I want the consultant to scan me first so he/she knows exactly where to aim for. I want to be able to share my fears with them.

Would it be possible to have this conversation with the consultant beforehand in your experiences?

Sorry for the long post... as you can see my mind is in a whirl and I just feel like neither is the right way to go but I don't have a choice and it is tormenting.

Oh and best, very trusted friend says try MM first, SIL (who is a theatre nurse and has had surgical) says get off over with and have surgical.

Someone tell me what to do!!!

@LauraT94 in my previous 'natural' mc I actually found passing the sac comforting. I feel like I was able to say goodbye to our baby and we buried them under the rose arch in the garden. It is heartbreaking though ❤️

@Redfoxinthesnow so glad to hear that your body is slowly returning to normal. I think all the research and feelings about cleaning products etc are a natural part of the process- wanting to feel that control over an event which is totally out of our hands.

@DMT1982 we should definitely updating on this lovely thread. Plus in years to come when other ladies come to look they will see that it all worked out ok xx

@glowingtwig this is brilliant listing it all out like this and will really help shape the discussion tomorrow. You absolutely will be able to talk this through with a doctor before you make your decision, and that should happen tomorrow at EPU. Make sure it is a doctor not a nurse. The only thing I will say is they won't make the decision for you though. You will have to make this and no one, not even the doctors can tell you what the answer is. All they can probably do is ease some of your fears with facts and stats. The anesthetist will not perform a GA on you if they aren't confident you will be fine. They will be checking bloods etc to make sure your iron levels are good and there is nothing to worry about. But of course, this is always a risk. I don't think there any many more risks to surgery from the MVA except the GA, that was what I was told. Have you discussed it with your husband?

Whatever you chose you are going to be totally fine. This time next week it will hopefully all be over and you can start to emotionally heal xx

Thank you so much for your reply @AMS19

The issue I have is that there is no doctor to discuss with. They don't give you that option at our hospital. It's one nurse who just rattles everything off at 100mph. She has already pushed me towards the MVA and I think that's a cost and Covid bias.

I just read out my list to DH who is supportive but it has to be said is stressed by the whole thing now and encouraging surgery because I think he was very frightened by the haemorrhage and is worried about the same thing happening again with MM. Plus I forgot about the potential sickness etc with that.

I really just want them to look carefully at the specifics of my case and say: do this. But I know they won't.

@glowingtwig did you speak to anyone at the miscarriage association? If not I would give them a call first thing tomorrow and run through your list. But again, but won't advise you what to do. The only suggestion I have is to maybe use a score situation. So for all the cons score them -1 to -10 based on how bad it is and how likely it is. For the pros to the same with 1 to 10. Add up your scores and see where you get. Or, toss a coin. Before the coin lands you'll have a sudden instinct as to what you're hoping to see when you look. That will probably show you deep down what you're really wishing for and want to have.
The fact you only have a small bit left means MM is probably a lot more bearable with less clots etc. But you will still experience the contractions because of the drugs. So the actual passing of the clots will be less painful but the overall process and cramping probably won't be. In terms of surgery, have you had the same surgery before? They told me there is virtually no risk of scarring if it is your first time. And again if you've ever had a GA you'll know your body is okay with it. It is so rare for something to go wrong with surgery

@AMS19 good morning! I came back to do the same and check in on everyone. I hope we're all doing ok, I'm currently hiding in the kitchen making a roast dinner!

I had tests done a few years ago (before I was with hubby) and found I had low progesterone. I started taking seven seas trying to conceive tablets just to balance things out a bit. I was on them for a few years, got with hubby and 4 months later was pregnant with my first.

I might go back on them if only to help with the hormones again as I seem to be very easily irritated and emotional lately and I just can't cope with that!

I need to work on my health a little bit too, lockdown has not been kind to my waistline and I've got complacent working from home so I need to pull myself together really.

I'm also still getting some right side pain and because I didn't seek medical attention when I miscarried (just cancelled the midwife referral) I think I might need to get a check up. Last thing I need really!

How are we all doing? I know we are all at different stages of the journey but I hope everyone is ok, looking after themselves and relaxing before normality starts again

@mummydoingamasters I've jsut finished eating a roast. Amazing how it takes hours to prepare and is gone in minutes 🙄

I think it would definitely worth getting checked over. Because you've had 3 miscarriages there is no harm is getting more tests done on the NHS just to see if there is anything else you can get support with. Prenantals are definitely not going to do any harm though! I've switched back to the pregnacare pre conception ones, I was using the pregnancy ones before. I'm just taking those with ubiquinol CoQ10 for now, hoping that is enough xx

@AMS19 thank you very much for checking in on all of us. Sorry I’ve been quiet.

Unfortunately our little grain of rice wasn’t meant to be and I am pretty sure I miscarried in the early hours of New Year’s Day (what a way to start the year)

Still getting cramping so currently sat with a hot water bottle. I’m going to test just before due scan at EPU in the hope of it being negative (never thought I’d be hoping for a BFN again) and if still blaring positive will keep the scan date so they can check if everything has now gone.

Obv feeling sad but kinda feel at peace with it to as this little bean was just not meant to be. But hate the thought that it could take another year to get a BFP again. We had started a referral as had been trying for so long since the last MC so do have a phone consultation in March.

Go for it with getting a puppy! We got ours in Nov and a week later got our BFP 😂 she is currently sat on my lap (think she likes cuddling up to heat of my hot water bottle!)

@ELM7 I'm so so sorry. That is awful timing too. I'm glad you have some appointments already set up so can get the ball rolling. All is takes is one sticky egg though, it will probably happen just as you get the ball rolling on testing. I've read 100s of stories of women who have got pregnant the day they're meant to start ivf (obviously nit suggesting you'll need that, but there is something that seems to lock when you look at testing /other avenues).

Take time to grieve but don't give up hope. Just because it took a year before doesn't mean it will this time! Xx

@ELM7 I'm thinking of you, I'm really sorry. It's good that you have testing coming up and I hope you get answers.

@glowingtwig you seem to have covered everything so clearly in your list. I suppose if a decision is hard to make it means that there isn't too much difference either way - I don't know if that helps at all? And you're right, I'm trying to find some level of control over the situation, and at the moment that means thinking about cleaning products.

@mummydoingamasters Enjoy your roast! I'm ok, a little bit up and down emotion wise (I'll be fine and then something will trigger it). I think tier 4 restrictions are making things more challenging as I would love to see a couple of close friends. I hope you're able to get a check up soon.

@AMS19 Thanks for setting this thread up, and I’m so sorry that you needed to. It has been invaluable however to read experiences of other people going through something similar.

I have posted on this board (but not thread) before so people might recognise my story. The short version is we had an early reassurance scan at 8w2 which showed embryo only measuring 6w4, BUT had a heartbeat. Went back the following week and although there was still a heart flutter it was very slow, and there had been absolutely zero growth meaning we were measuring close to 3 weeks behind. All pregnancy symptoms had disappeared by that point.

I was told to get the GP to refer to EPU. They advised I would need to wait two weeks for a rescan as there was a heartbeat, but conceded that what the private sonographer had said was correct -poor prognosis, miscarriage likely to happen naturally while we wait. For two weeks, over Christmas, I’ve waited for something - ANYTHING - to happen. Finally got a scan booked at the EPU for tomorrow and I’ve also in the last 24 hours started getting very light brown blood in undies/toilet paper and slight period type pains. But they keep stopping and in the big scheme of things isn’t much, not even as heavy as my (already light) periods.

The last three weeks have been mental and emotional torture and although I have come to terms with the end of the pregnancy I absolutely hate the idea that I still have a 6-7 week embryo in me at 11 weeks. I’m dreading the possibility that the EPU want me to wait another week for another scan/more natural progression and am really winding myself up worrying that they won’t want to help me, I really really want some kind of medical management now. I never thought I’d be this desperate for pain and bleeding.

Thanks all of you for sharing your stories and I’m so sorry that you’re in this position. Hoping for a happy and healthy 2021 for you all.

Hi ladies glad I found you.
Found out yesterday that I have a missed miscarriage thought I was 14 weeks but baby stopped growing at 9 weeks and no heartbeat.

I'm booked in for surgery on Wednesday I have been having cramps all day today but not signs of passing naturally and I don't know if I will given its been 5 weeks already.

I'm still vomiting and have all the symptoms. I've been hiding in bed all day can't even face my husband or toddler

@AMS19 I will call them in the morning... the whole thing has been made more challenging due to the holiday season and so many things being closed. My appointment at the EPU isn't until 2:30 so I've got time to get in touch with them. Spoke to my mum today and she thinks surgery. Just get it over with.

In terms of the MM it's not so much the pain as the uncertainty and not knowing how heavy the bleeding will be. Or how long it will go on for. I think my decision in the end will be down to how much I will be able to discuss with the consultant beforehand. If I toss a coin I find I don't want the MM. The thing about the surgery is what if I end up needing another one next pregnancy. Then scarring might be more likely. Although this will be my first. I just can't wait to get it all over with- I'm even boring myself with it, let alone DH and my friends.

That's a good point @Redfoxinthesnow , I hadn't thought of it like that. I hate being out of control... maybe that's why the thought of the surgery makes me . I just want them to go so carefully and just aim for that last night of tissue rather than go for it vigorously (I made the mistake of watching surgery on YouTube). I imagine it being like a hairdresser when you just ask for a little trim and they just keep going and going. Tier 4 restrictions and covid are making this so much harder. My mum is having to come to watch DD tomorrow and that's making me nervous. She's technically in a childcare bubble for emergencies but hasn't been in our house in so long.

I'm so sorry to read this @ELM7 I think maybe keep the scan date just in case. I wish I'd pushed for a scan after my early mc in August because I wonder now if that one hadn't been complete and affected this latest pregnancy.

@glowingtwig it's up to you for me being at home wasn't a option as I have a toddler and do not want him to see me.

I spoke to a few friends who have had various different procedures but in all of them they then needed additional management as it either didn't work or placenta parts left.

I have all the same concerns regarding anaesthetic but I can't face being awake to hear it all and just want the quickest and least uncomfortable process possible.

Everyone is different though.