Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@AMS19 I'm glad we are through those days. Felt a lot better after christmas but then on new year tears just started pouring halfway through dinner! Glad it was just me and my husband there!

It sounds like you're making some healthy changes but also being realistic and not too obsessive about it all

@Redfoxinthesnow - random tangent, is your name from an episode of Gok Wan's show about finding people wedding dresses? If so, it's such a beautiful episode

@AMS19 we only got married this year (managed to squeeze it in between lockdowns) so I know I'm not being realistic.
@TheDaydreamBelievers it's not actually, I was sent a card with a picture of a red fox in the snow and it stuck in my mind. I'll definitely watch the episode now, it sounds lovely.

Ah lovely @Redfoxinthesnow! It's in this clip - . It's a really sweet moment.

Hi everyone, I found this thread (thank you) as I had my 3rd mc on 12th December.
Absolutely blows, mentally and emotionally it's been the toughest and I'm just struggling.

My DH is really supportive but I think my self blame is starting to grate on him. I'm a rational person, but this has really knocked me for six.

I hope everyone is ok and had a good Christmas and new year (given the circumstances) and looking after themselves

Thank you so much for the ubiquinol link @AMS19 I need to get on that. 40 is just such a horrific marker in anything that is ever on Google and the mc rates shoot up.

33 is so young fertility-wise, I didn't get married until 37 and we tried straight away. I still manage to conceive easily even now, it's obviously just the egg quality so anything I can do to improve that really. I have a lot of friends who have had babies at 40, 41, 42 so I need to focus on the positives. Plus my little one is still such a baby at 14months - hopefully my fertility hasn't fallen off a cliff in two years.

I always avoid hair dye until way in to the second trimester, but was interested in if it was mentioned in terms of egg quality. I wouldn't dye it by choice, but my hair is so prematurely grey 🙈. Ditto cleaning products- DH always takes over cleaning when I'm pregnant  (maybe he should do it for egg quality too).

@Redfoxinthesnow I thought this too. I got pregnant with the first mc second cycle so every cycle afterwards when it didn't happen I was so down and thought that had been my one chance. Turns out your body just does it when it's ready to (must try to keep thinking this). Like you I want two children. I know I'm very lucky for my little girl but in my heart a massive piece would be missing if I couldn't have another.

@TheDaydreamBelievers thanks for sharing the clip, it's lovely.

@mummydoingamasters I'm sorry you've had to join this thread and going through your 3rd mc must be so tough. I completely relate to what you say about blaming yourself, I think it's an instinctive reaction, however irrational it is.

@glowingtwig thanks for your reassuring words.

@mummydoingamasters I'm so sorry. It is absolutely horrific to go through, and I'm so sorry this is your third. Are you in the UK? If so, you'll now be eligible for fertility testing on the NHS so definitely get the ball rolling if you haven't already. How are you coping? It is one of the hardest challenges but taking it day by day. We are all here to support you!

@glowingtwig I know loads and loads of women who conceived over 40. I think taking some extra supplements won't hurt and could well help. It is a great first step that you can fall pregnant, means you're getting a good shot at finding the good egg each month! I totally understand having a child wouldn't take away from how difficult this is for you. Nor should it! We have every right to do everything in our power to get our babies. I definitely want 2. If I'm lucky enough to fall pregnant and have my baby ill probably try for another one pretty quick after I think! Xx

Also @glowingtwig the other thing you jabs to remember is over 40 is a very wide spectrum. Being 40 years and 1 day will not have the same success rates and stats as something 45 years and 1 day. So over 40 will include probably 40-50. It isnr like you'll wake up the day after you were 39 and suddenly everything has fallen off a cliff and all the chances have halved. It will just be a very gradual decline xx

Have to not jabs ro 🙄

Those are really sensible words @AMS19 I'll try to hang on to those. My GP said the same thing about the difference between 39 and 40 and that also those figures include unhealthy couples and heavy drinkers and so on. I'm fixated on it because of what I've been conditioned to think as well. All those 'tick-tick' warnings.

@mummydoingamasters I'm so sorry to read about your three mc. Same boat here and have been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic which is reassuring. More that they might give me aspirin and maybe progesterone just in case. I was supposed to go on aspirin at 10 weeks anyway. I totally understand what you mean about the self-blame because it feels like your body is letting you down. I've also noticed very similar feelings to how I felt post-partum so I actually think the hormone crash doesn't help.

I was actually just reading about endometrial scratches which are supposed to help with conception and apparently the process of the ERPC does a very similar thing. So maybe that's a positive of surgery. Now I'm thinking maybe just to grit my teeth and go for the local. @AMS19 did they not give you a local injection as well xx

@glowingtwig yeah I've read having everything cleared out can help which the MVA/surgery does. The local isn't an injection, it is a bit of gel they put on your cervix, so only numbs the cervix and after it's been clamped open. So I would make sure you have tablets in advance and have gas and air, even with the local gel xx

hello lovely ladies, just logged on to wish you all more luck this year! And patience and resilience. I have been reading all the messages and truly admire you. AMS thank you for starting this thread- it does help sharing our thoughts and experiences with others who truly understand. Sorry to hear about your prolonged and more painful experience of saying goodbye to this pregnancy. It's such a lottery with where you live, none of this feels fair.
I decided to send a thank you card to my local ward, I think doing little things like that will contribute to the recovery. It's such a challenging job for the doctors and nurses looking after us heartbroken women...
Hope you're all recovering well.
Can I ask whether you will be trying after your first period or later? I'm in two minds and can't properly remember what is the advice post-mva.

Hi @mia2201 well done for sending a card. That is lovely. I dont actually blame my hospital for what happened, they did a procedure they don't offer to help me move on so actually feel grateful.
So for me personally I'm going to try straight away again. I'm going to wait until I have negative tests so there is no debate around "is this a new pregnancy or the old pregnancy" but I really want to crack on! Even after my experience I don't want to wait. But there is no rush, take your time and do what is right for you xx

@mia2201 Happy New Year. It's very thoughtful of you to send the card and I'm sure they'll really appreciate it. I have to go into the hospital tomorrow morning for a 2nd blood test and I'm hoping that the staff are a little more compassionate than they were previously. I'll make a point of thanking them if they are.

Hi ladies,

Just wanted to thank you for this thread. I underwent surgical management under GA on 30/12 after finding out at an early scan on 13/12 which should have been 7+4 but baby measuring 6 weeks with no HB.

This was my first pregnancy at 33, we only tried for 3months after coming off the pill so fell quickly but unfortunately wasn't to be.

Hoping to try again soon but I had a feeling it'll take a while for my hormones to level out and get negative tests so back to the waiting game!

@mia2201 we are going to try again after a natural period. Though I'm starting to feel a bit low about when that will be as 4 weeks out I dont have a negative test yet! Hopefully soon

Hello Petty, and welcome to our support group, so sorry about your loss, hope you're recovering well and staying hopeful. I found out our baby didn't grow beyond 8 weeks 3 days. We saw a beautiful heartbeat at 8 weeks at a private scan. I don't think I will go to early scans again after that experience. Weirdly, my breasts stopped hurting two days before the first scan and I was worried something bad happened but the scan boosted my confidence and I thought I was just lucky not having symptoms... There really are no rules with the symptoms though, I read some of you still experience them. I will do a pregnancy test on Wednesday as advised by the hospital. It's been just over two weeks and I'm still spotting, only when wiping though and it's like the very end of your period. Wonder if I should ask the hospital about it, they said two weeks. I'm turning 35 this year by the way and fell pregnant after 5 months.

@Pettylamby hi lovely. So sorry you find yourself here but we will help you through it.
Hopefully you'll get negative tests soon and can get back. Still very early days though so be patient. I'm going to start testing a week after my MVA then monitor it every 3/4 days. The consultant told me 4 weeks but I'm hoping it might be quicker. But being so far gone I'm expecting 4 weeks. I cant wait to try again. Yesterday I felt really down and negative but today already feel more determined to have this baby! I'm also 33, fell first cycle xx

@TheDaydreamBelievers are your tests quite light now? Did you get scanned after the surgery? X

@mia2201i had a tiny bit of spotting at 6 weeks and my nausea reduced but even now after my MVA I have sore boobs! It really is the worst. The positives I keep telling myself is that my body was a good environment for my baby and wanted to keep it safe, hence all the hormones and not miscarrying naturally , but the baby itself wasnt meant to be and my body did the right thing in that respect by stopping the development! Not sure if that makes sense but its how I've started to rationalise it to myself.

@TheDaydreamBelievers I think we spoke way back on the TTC after the pill thread? You had an incredibly long first cycle and I wasn't far behind you? So sorry for your loss :(

@Pettylamby that is exactly how I think too. My baby must have passed away pretty quickly after my scan at 6+6 where I saw a heartbeat. But sac has continued to go, symptoms got stronger and stronger. So shows my body did bloody well at being pregnant! There was no baby but if there had been it would have been so well protected and looked after xx

@AMS19 thank you. I read what happened to you with your MVA that must have been awful, so sorry you had to go through that. I had a few doctors and nurses try to get me to undergo it with a local but I find smears painful so I just kept refusing and luckily it all went ahead on the 30th. The only thing I am a bit annoyed about it that no doctor came near me afterwards to tell me that it went okay, I asked the nurse on discharge and she just handed me a leaflet and said that if there was something wrong then someone would phone me! To be honest I just wanted to get out of there after 12hrs in hospital but now I am a bit annoyed I didn't push to speak to someone!

Grow not go!

@Pettylamby did they scan you after to make sure they got everything? That was the only silver lining to my experience, them scanning me to check it had been "successful". Obviously always a risk there is still something left but gives me some confidence xx

@AMS19 I have no idea!
Certainly not whilst I was awake! I was under the impression they would do that in theatre as a matter of course but now I don't know! 🤔