Periods after medical miscarriage

[Wils85]

Hi, I think I'm about to go insane! I underwent a medical miscarriage after discovering a MMC on 08th July, I was 9 weeks by my dates but the sac was around 7 weeks. I eventually miscarried on the 17th July and got a negative PG test on 09th August.

My period showed its head on the evening of 16th August but literally for 24hrs!! I have had nothing since until yesterday evening when I had some brown spotting and again today some pinky brown spotting on wiping!

I'm so confused as to what my body is doing and I feel so out of control. I understood the first period after a miscarriage would be normal flow or heavier, but this has been practically none existent. Has anyone else had a similar experience? This MC was my second PG, the first ended in TFMR back in November at 15 weeks 😥 I just want to know when we can TTC again as I am 35 at Christmas and getting panicky about getting older!!

Any words of wisdom ladies? It's really starting to get to me xx

Hello @Nellie5115 and welcome ❤️ My heart breaks for you, its the most horrendous time. Please know that you are not alone and things do get better. It may not seem like that now, but I promise you it will. It's a rollercoaster 🥺

You may have read the messages on this thread so will know a little about what we have been through. So, if there is anything at all you want to ask (we don't hold ourselves out as experts mind!) please do. Alternatively, just have a rant to us. It can be the most lonely and isolating time, especially during lockdown. Sending you so much love. Try to be kind to yourself xxx

@Wils85 thank you for you kind message. Even though we had only known a few weeks I can't believe how much it hurts. Looking through the thread has filled me with hope. How did you all know you were ready to try again? I'm so scared of this happening again and wondering if it was one of those things or if we are broken in some way.

@Nellie5115 it doesn't matter how long you knew my love, the knowledge you are carrying a baby fills you with such joy and hope, of course it hurts when it's taken away from you.

For me, it was my age (and I know I'm not old, I'm 35 next month), I just wanted to get back on the horse (so to speak 🙈). We waited until the bleeding had stopped as recommended, but it took a little while after that (maybe a week or two) before I was ready to be intimate. I remember the first time was very emotional for me. Both after the TFMR last year and the miscarriage this summer.

Please try to remember miscarriage is so very common, it just isn't spoken about all that much. Which makes the position we are in, having been through it, so much harder. It's lonely. I know what you mean about worrying if you're broken. We had genetic tests done after the TFMR last November and they came back clear, but I still worry about it given the missed miscarriage in July, that they missed something 🙄 I'm trying to be pragmatic and relaxed, but it's bloody hard. We have even started discussing when we draw the line on trying. I know I can't physically and emotionally go through another loss if we are unlucky again. As you may have read this month we have had a break from the absolute trying, whilst still DTD. As a woman you know your body so it's so hard not to try, I know when my fertile period is, so we did kind of end up doing it at the right times. I do feel calmer, but heading into the two week wait so let's see how I am in a week!!

Deciding when to start trying again is a very personal choice. Everything is very fresh for you my love, see how you feel when the physical side of things have subsided. Take it one step at a time, there is no right or wrong answer. Just take good care of yourself and do what's right for you and DH xxx

@Nellie5115 welcome, this thread was a massive support for me but its a hard time. I actually saw a therapist after my last MC and it massively helped! She said something that really stuck with me and helped me process my feeling's. She said when a friend or family member dies you are prepared, your whole life you know people die, you have memories to look back on and cherish, however with a MC or even an infertility journey, what you lose is plans you have made essentially you lose a future you have planned, even the small stuff, names, nursery colour, lunches with friends, first time taking them swimming, all those memories you have created the second you started trying are lost and thats why we struggle to process and we tell ourselves things are silly and its common etc etc but we morun the future we have lost.

I have been very open about my MC and my TTC journey but I know alot of people struggle.

Like Wils I miscarried back in july and will be 32 in December so we started trying after my first period, I needed that month and so did my body but there is no right or wrong you do it when suits you.

And you may have seen im now 4 weeks +1 pregnant and im nervous but iv decided that isn't going to help me so iv been telling myself my body has tried two unsuccessful bakes so far so this cake is going to be perfect! Unless I ruin it by worrying to much so I'm going to be positive and roll with it.

I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason and 2 MCs down I have questioned that but I know there must have been a reason, just remember we are only given what we can handle

Can I join too please? I've read the whole thread and it's been lovely to see the support between @Wils85 and @Cornflake24. Also congratulations @Cornflake24 on your positive!

A little bit about me, I found out on 16Nov I had a MMC. Had spotting on Sunday booked a private scan on Monday and no HB. Should have been 10 weeks but measuring 8 weeks. Confirmed by nhs scan on Wednesday. Things started naturally on Wednesday (hospital car park of all places). I also got home to my 12 week scan letter .

Now I'm just waiting to start TTC again. I'm lucky in a way, in that this was my first MC but I honestly thought I was in the 'safer' zone with being at 10 weeks. I do also have a 4 year old with my ExH. This baby was with my new partner (I say new we've been together a few years now).

I'm not particularly looking forward to Christmas as what I had planned (announcing etc) are all out the window now. What was said in a earlier post really resonated, that regardless how far along you are when you find out, you've already thought about the imminent future and how things will be and now it's all gone. I found the last 10 weeks all consuming bc when your pregnant it's constantly on your mind and now i feel a bit lost.

I'm trying to stay positive but I am more a natural pessimist (I like to think realist). Reading Mumsnet and this thread as been comforting though, knowing I'm not alone.
Thanks for reading

@smarty4 welcome, hopefully we can provide some support. Having people in the same position/went through it before really helps, its a tough time but much easier when your not alone

Evening ladies and hi @smarty4 - sorry to hear you're also going through this. I think @Wils85 is right- it's very common. It's nice to know that you're not the only one going through the heartbreak. What @Cornflake24 said about the hopes and plans resonated. For me the baby brought so much joy even if only for a short time. I read that you're more fertile after a mc so wanted to try again asap.

@Wils85 wishing you luck and calm in your tww. AF due for me on Wednesday. I was feeling positive as had started to get tender boobs but that's gone away now and bbt dropped this morning so pretty sure af is coming x

Don't know why that was all in bold 🤦‍♀️

@StEmilion I wouldnt symptom check, I had zero symptoms until I was over 6 weeks last time and I dont have any yet, every pregnancy is different too so try not to read into symptoms, just made me go crazy haha

@Cornflake24 I know you're right, I didn't get any symptoms until 6 weeks and then it was just tiredness. AF arrived this morning anyway. I thought I had a good chance this month... been taking supplements for months, dtd before during and after ov, not drinking much and being more relaxed 🤷‍♀️

@StEmilion its rubbish but it will happen for you soon enough im sure of it.

@Cornflake24 @StEmilion @smarty4 thank you for all your lovely kind words ladies. It has helped massively.

I had a big wobble yesterday as I was waiting for the second blood test results to confirm that I have officially miscarried.

When I spoke to them they advised my HGC levels have dropped but only a small amount 183 to 112 they want me to go back today for another blood test. I hate needles and this is just making it more draining for me. As much as I don't want yo hear that I've MC me and my partner need some closure so we can start moving on. All of this has just given me so many more questions and I'm exhausted. :(

I don't understand why they need to see it go down even further.

@Nellie5115 I think we are in the same position. I am going tomorrow for bloods for my HCG levels again, (again to EPAU, why do they make us sit in there with all the other pregnant ladies, I don't know). My test last Wednesday hadn't come down as much as they wanted either. I also am not a fan of needles and am a bugger to get blood from. 4 attempts last time (that's the best attempt of an eye roll emoji mums net has).
I know what you mean about wanting this to be over for closure. I hope knowing someone is at the same stage as you is reassuring so we can both wince together as they take more blood tomorrow!

@smarty4 @Nellie5115 so sorry you are both going through this. There definetly is closure in that first negative pregancy test. The not knowing and waiting is so difficult, praying it drops on these tests

@Wils85 when can you test? Got my fingers and toes crossed for you

@smarty4 how did your test go? Finally we got some closure and after the third test my levels had come down enough for them to officially confirm we had had a miscarriage. Now the physical parts are slowing I'm finding it a bit easier day to day. It all just feels like a weird dream/nightmare. It's strange feeling normal again as before I definately felt pregnant. I'm so scared to get pregnant again but also want it more than anything. I'm. Intrigued to see how quickly my body goes back to normal (ovulation etc) as I've always been really regular.

Hi ladies ❤️ @Cornflake24 @Nellie5115 @StEmilion and welcome @smarty4 👋 Any support we can offer, we will. I don't want anyone to feel as lonely as I have going through pregnancy loss.

Sorry I've been quiet. This week has been a year since we went through the TMFR process with our first pregnancy. Yesterday being a year since we were in the hospital until it was over. It's been tough and I've not been dealing with it very well at all 😥 lots of "this time last year" and "things should be different" thinking.

I hope you are all ok? @cornflake24 how you feeling? Little bean making it's presence known yet?

I'm so very sorry for your loss @smarty4, my heart goes out to you. It really is heart breaking, please know you are never alone.

Waiting for that first negative test after MC is a real mindf**k. The one thing you want to see when you're TTC is a positive test but all you want after a MC is a -ive so you can get some closure and the green light to start again. I can completely relate to that. It messed with my head at the time.

AF is due Wednesday/Thursday. Not entirely sure as I don't know when I ovulated with having a month off, I haven't taken OPKs this month. The previous two months have been pretty consistent so I reckon it will be this coming week. I'm not going to test, I'm just going to roll with it and see if AF arrives. I've been a lot calmer this month with the not actively trying and it's been needed. I'm trying not to symptom spot and when something does pop into my head and I think "what if" I push it to one side. The last couple of months, last month especially, I've been utterly convinced because of the symptoms I've had, so now I'm just trying to ignore them and tell myself it's PMS that way I can't be too disappointed. #teamselfpreservation over here 🙈 secretly hoping your month off luck will have rubbed off on us virtually @cornflake24 😘

Hope your levels drop soon ladies so you know where you are at. It doesn't take the pain away, but it helps you move forward a little. Sending love and thinking of you xxx

@Nellie5115 I'm sorry for the confirmation but I found it better now knowing if that makes sense. My HCG level on 25th was 100 so EPAU were happy it's going the way it should be. TMI warning, my bleeding has eased significantly since the 18th and EPAU said to do a pregnancy test in two weeks (by 8 Dec) but I did a test this morning and it was negative. That has made me feel calmer knowing out of all this it's going in the right direction to start again.
Like you, I'm incredibly nervous to start ttc but it's something that I want more than anything. I'm equally worried about my cycles being messed up now or taking ages to return. Also about getting my hopes up that your first cycle your extra fertile and it not working out that month.
Gentle hugs to you

@Nellie5115 sorry lovely, your last message didn't come up until I posted mine. I'm glad you have a little closure now. It does make a difference. I guess depending on how far along you were is how soon your body gets back in sync. Every woman is different. I was fairly lucky, my cycle came back into sync more or less straight away. Fingers crossed yours does too my love ❤️

I don't think, because we have experienced loss we will ever really enjoy a pregnancy. Like you, I want it more than anything but I'm absolutely terrified. Terrified to have another MC, terrified of getting test results and having to consider/go through TFMR again..I know I won't relax until that bundle is in my arms. It's taken the joy out of the experience.

Whilst I'm on here I'm going to ask your opinions on my period length and flow as Im getting paranoid!! So, I've never had long and heavy periods. Always have been 3 days medium flow (I'm lucky I think) before coming off the pill two years ago, I hadn't had a period in years due to the pill I was on. But I remember pre pill that I never had problematic or long periods.

My last two periods and been short even by my standards. I'd come on the first day, medium flow. The second day is mega heavy (for me) lots of tampons used, maybe one every three hours during the day. Then nothing or light flow. Last month I bled a bit more after a few days of nothing and that was after sex. So effectively I'm having probably, all in all 2 day periods. Obviously I've been pregnant twice now so everything was working ok and when I look back over the last 2 years my periods were circa 4 days of medium flow and spotting on the forth day. I'm just getting paranoid. What do you ladies think? I was going to see if I do come on this month what it's like and then think about going to the GP but I'm concerned they will palm me off with "it's still early days since the miscarriage" xxx

@smarty4 it feels weird saying this but I'm so glad your levels are going in the right direction and you've had your negative. It's progress, heartbreaking, but it's progress.

Here for both you ladies as you embark on this journey after loss together. ❤️😘

Sorry cross post @Wils85

Hugs to you. It must be incredibly hard when 'anniversaries' come up. I'm already thinking my 12 week scan was due this Monday and plan to stay busy instead.

Also it's like some self sabotage but I keep reading the June 2021 thread which I really should stop for my own preservation.

It's really reassuring knowing there's others in the same boat.

Annoying! I wrote a post and it didn't send 🙄

@smarty4 thank you lovely 😘 I thought once we were passed our due date (May this year) I'd be fine, never imagined this "anniversary" would hit me so hard 😥

I completely understand you looking at that thread. I would be doing the same. Psychology is weird isn't it? You'll soon stop and won't even realise that you have.

We are all in the same boat, it's a rubbishy boat to be in, but we are in it together xxx

Thank you for the message @Wils85 in some ways it brings alot of comfort knowing that other people out there are feeling exactly the same.

In regards to your question mine have been around the same around 4 day long periods but only 2 of those days really being heavy. I'd maybe track it again this month and see how it is? I've been off birth control for a few years now and use the app natural cycles to track everything that way I can then compare previous months to see the differences which I've found really helpful. It will be interesting to see what my next period is like after the MC though and whether it happens when the app thinks it should. Usually it's spot on.

Sorry I can't help you much more I think if the next one is the same then it will definately be worth getting it checked out. Xx

@Wils85 my periods have been all over the place since my last miscarriage, anything from 2 days to 5, I even had a lovely one where I stopped after 2 days then spotted on day 5 when I was out with dog, had to walk home looking like id sh*t myself haha. Think the body just takes alot longer to get back into a proper cycle then wr give it credit for. Fingers crossed for this week, I didnt test until day after my period was due this time.

No symptoms yet at all, last time i had nothing until week 6 then it all came at once so who knows, trying to not get hung up on symptoms as every pregnancy is different, iv got a 8 week scan in just before Xmas though, then a 10 week before my nhs 12 week (yes iv lost it) haha

@Nellie5115 thanks Hun any feedback/thoughts are helpful. I'll see how I get on this month, hopefully it won't matter as I'll be pregnant 🤞🏻 if not I think I'm going to speak with the GP to set my mind at rest.

@Cornflake24 periods are the worst, never really know what they're going to do 🙄 I seem to have a weird vibe, I go to the toilet just as it happens, never get to the loo and have it in my knickers, just there when I wipe 🙈 maybe I'm a witch of some sort. I knew something wasn't right with our first pregnancy before we were told. I couldn't look at the scan photo and there wasn't anything obvious to see, it just didn't sit right with me 🤷‍♀️

Pregnancy is the weirdest thing, no one is the same. My first all I had was sore boobs, eventually leading to mild nausea. The second was increased sense of smell, feeling hungover, thirst like you wouldn't believe and tiredness. Never had sore boobs at all. (Now I'm paranoid if I don't have sore boobs it's bad and if I donl have sore boobs it's bad! 🙄 this is what loss does to us I guess)

I guess we really never know until that +ive test. Like I said in a previous post, I had all those symptoms last month and AF showed her face which is why I'm just trying to bat my thoughts off if I experience a symptom. I'm thirsty and nauseous through the day ATM but I'm not thinking too much into it. No point.

You most definitely have not lost it my lovely. I've already said to DH that I want a private early reassurance scan and maybe another before the 12week NHS scan, otherwise I'll go insane. We are also going to pay for the NIPT testing so if there is something wrong we will know sooner than I'm our first pregnancy. Lots of pennies but if it sets our (mine!) minds at rest, it will be worth it for sure. To see your little bean just before Christmas will be a lovely early gift. Xxx