Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

@Workingmama1 I would say if anything is concerning you, then to give them a call. With MM if things are not progressing, or are not doing so safely, then some form of SM is still an option.

@Smilingdonkey I believe the MVA is the other procedure that can be offered which is normally under LA. ERPC can be under GA or LA/epidural. It is all very confusing though - I don't think things are always explained well or clearly in the hospital.

Hi ladies. Sorry for going a little quiet on here, just been feeling very up and down emotionally. I feel better today, but much like a lot of you im still waiting for things to happen and have so many unanswered questions.
It's been a week since my scan. I had some light pink spotting in the early hours of yesterday but nothing since and no pains. Although i was hoping to do things naturally given the circumstances, i dont know how much longer I can wait.
Hope your all okay (well the best you can be right now) xx

Thanks everyone. I'm just hating being in yet more limbo but hopefully I'll have some sort of answer soon.

@tryingtimes20 I don't know yet - if the doctor will sign off doing an MVA at 10 weeks (cut off is usually nine), then I'm able to have that but (s)he may not and then I'm back to having to have another round of medical - that's the point at which I will ring my private healthcare. So now I'm just waiting for this call that may not even be today but I am very impatient about it.

@SkyBlue20 lord I am sorry - I don’t know if you mean you are now too late for the mva and if you were it would only be local? But either way, this is so shit for you I am so sorry.

My first day back at work (aka my living room) resulted in lots of tears and a general feeling that I wasn’t ready to move on in that sense. I will need to try again tomorrow.

I don’t know if people will mind me posting about how I am feeling when it is not related to the actual miscarriage which is now physically over for me. Let me know if you would prefer to keep this thread for the more immediate physical and emotional stuff and I will start a new thread xxx

@Ranoutofgoodnames Sorry, yes, don't think I was very clear - they are checking to see if they'll do the MVA as the sac is now measuring over nine weeks. IF they do, it'll just be local anaesthetic, but if the doctor says they won't, then it's more medical management for me if I stay under their care - that's the point at which I'll call my private healthcare I think.

I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling good, be kind to yourself and don't push yourself, just do what you can manage - some days just putting one foot in front of the other and getting out of bed is ok. More than happy for you to stay on the thread - we're all going to (eventually!) be at the stage you are at, when the physical side is over, and I think it'll be nice to keep our little community. xx

Thanks everyone for the well wishes.

@SkyBlue20 it is indeed a postcode lottery but also so much down to the individual doctor. Because my hospital is not doing surgical management but somehow the very sympathetic doctor persuaded them to put me on the emergency list. (So I might be waiting all day if more important patients come through but that's fine with me.) I'm sure you know best how to manage your situation but my approach was to be incredibly polite and thankful but also I lost my shit and cried and did not hold back at all when explaining how unbearable it all was. If you are talking to someone who is an insensitive twerp perhaps there is a way to ask to deal with someone else? I don't know. Best of luck, I hope you find a resolution that works for you.

Just had a call from the hospital, they're doing the MVA. I could cry with relief. It's under local anaesthetic which isn't ideal (I'm terrified of the pain) but I'm past caring I just want it done. Booked in for Friday morning. So, so relieved.

@skyblue20 thank goodness, and what a relief you must feel. I know it's not your first preference, but I'm just so pleased the end is finally in sight for you. Friday will be here in no time.

@Hol54321 there's no need to apologise! Glad to hear you're feeling a little better today, but ups and downs are most certainly to be expected. I hope this isn't prying and obviously don't answer if you don't want to, but do you have anyone else around you for support? I don't think I could have gotten through this without my husband who has been amazing. You obviously have us here in the thread any time as well xx

@Hol54321 I was thinking about you and hoping you were ok - I'm glad to hear you're doing alright. Would you consider medical management if things don't happen naturally soon?

@tryingtimes20 thank you! Yeah that's one thing im so grateful for is the amount of support around me. My husband is honestly incredible and the way that he has been over everything makes me love the man more than ever. So grateful, my family are amazing too. Its just difficult because they all have children but none have experienced this which makes it even harder for me and for them to truly understand. I saw it mentioned her earlier but like it was said, you've planned Christmas with little one and all the things you wanted to buy and nursery decorations. It's only at times when you get an email or see an ad relating to things you wanted that it can get you. But i feel better today. I'm coming to terms with it, but I need to get over this anxiety about what's to come and I just want it over with now so I can move on.

@Mlou32 thank you lovely. Yeah I've been talking to my husband and have said that if nothing happens or until i get to the point i can't wait then I'm going to have to think about it. My hospital did give me all three options but the reality may have changed x

So pleased for you @SkyBlue20, finally there is an end in sight! Its crazy when I started this pregnancy journey I never thought it would've my day hearing a stranger online was getting surgery. You've had such a difficult journey you deserve to final some physical closure.

@tryingtimes20 that's sweet, thank you. I woke up early and have been bricking it all day....scared that I might MC naturally, scared that they wouldn't offer me SM or make me wait ages for the appointment or only offer LA.

Had my consultation then had to wait for a callback as its essentially an abortion clinic, (I’m going to look like a young girl having an abortion) so they don’t really get women calling regarding MCs. Conclusion is, I’m having MVA done tomorrow morning under LA plus conscious sedation (that’s how bad the pain will be). To make matters worse, the clinic down the road aren’t doing it due to CV so we have a 45 min drive. I’m petrified of the pain! I just hope the sedation means I won’t remember much. I want them to drug me up as much as possible lol!

@Doughnut100 sorry this has happened to you again. I read that after 3 MCs you will be tested to find the cause, so hopefully they can find out. I was in the exact same situation as you in terms of just finding out about MMC, choosing EM, waiting for days to see if I can get SM then starting to bleed/cramp. As if this news wasn't bad enough right!? I’m glad you can get SM under GA!

Thanks @skyblue20 Glad you are finally getting SM! Let’s do this!

@workingmama1 Hope things are coming to an end for you.

@SkyBlue20 so so relieved. No general will be difficult I imagine - I wouldn’t want to know what was going on. I might have asked about taking some headphones wi tv me so I could try to shut my eyes and listen to something in an attempt not to be so “present” during the procedure - have no idea if that would have actually helped of course

Been in bed all day - it’s the nicest place to be and my husband (who has been furloughed) has sat in bed with me bringing me tea

We only got married earlier this year - it’s been a baptism of fire...

Thank you everyone. I’m scared about the surgery but I’ll get through it because I have to and at least afterwards, it’s over and we can begin to heal and start going back to some semblance of normality and thinking about starting this crazy journey all over again. I feel like we’re mad for wanting to do it again 😂 Neither of us have ever been like ‘I REALLY want a baby’ but we know we do want them and I’m not getting any younger so we continue!

@Sakura54 I’m so glad you too have got the end in sight. We can do this! Wishing you so much luck and sending all of the positivity for tomorrow, just think, it’ll all be over soon 💕

@Ranoutofgoodnames Sorry, your message hadn’t loaded before I posted mine! I don’t mind so much about not knowing what’s going on (my body has reabsorbed the foetus so it’s just the sac which I guess makes it emotionally easier), I’m just worried about the pain 😬 I have read threads where people have said they just put headphones on really loudly and it helped so it’s definitely something to think about!
Sounds like you’ve had a lovely day and how nice to spend that time with DH. You certainly have had a crazy year, congratulations on the wedding! Did you manage to fit a honeymoon in before Coronavirus hit? Xx

No! The honeymoon was in Venice 💀 😂😂

Tricky start to the year - the happiness of marriage, the amazing news I was pregnant, the difficulty of lockdown and then the sadness of miscarriage. Bed is the safest place to be.

@Sakura54 - I have had conscious sedation before not sure if you have but just in case it’s helpful I did not remember a single thing about the procedure x

Oh no! I hope you get to rebook at least - and that the rest of your marriage is much less tricky 💕 I’m finding that moments like this really bind you together even more though. My husband has been incredible - I knew he was anyway but even more so now! 💕

@Sakura54 Oh my goodness, I'm very glad you were able to get somewhere with BPAS and that's great you're going to be seen as quickly as tomorrow. I know it wasn't your number one choice, but we will all be thinking of you, and you will get through this. Hopefully you won't remember anything like Ran has said.

I'm so happy that so many of you are finally getting somewhere in terms of putting an end to this. Hopefully all of us here will be on the 'other side', physically speaking, of this horrible experience soon.

Just to say that I continue to be blown away by how everyone in this thread has been carrying on through an absolutely terrible and testing time. Regardless of if you've passed through the medically related stage or not, I firmly believe we are all on the same journey, just at different points. I know we all wish we never had to be here, but being that we are, I'm proud to be with you, you're all brave beyond belief xx

I'm so glad to hear that people are slowly getting the support they need and are able to begin to see the light at the end of this awful tunnel. I hope those still waiting get some answers soon.

I have felt a bit better today. It's been a week since I found out the baby had stopped growing and tomorrow night will be a week since the operation. For some reason I am finding the week 'milestone' hard. I feel physically so much better and being back at work today helped. The nights are still hard.

I just want to say thank you for all the honesty and support on here. It has been the single most helpful thing in my 'recovery' without a doubt. I felt alone and now I don't. Just hearing your stories and how you are coping and feeling and being able to share mine in a place where others understand is invaluable.

I really hope this thread can continue while we gradually move out of this dark time and into a more positive place. I know that feels a long way off at the moment.

Thank you xxxx

Such lovely posts and I completely agree - it’s so nice to have this community, I was really struggling to find somewhere like that at first but then this thread came along 🥰

@Smilingdonkey I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better, work can be really helpful to keep your mind off things, especially in the current situation when you’re trapped in one space! Don’t feel bad if you have low moments again though, it will be up and down, that’s normal 💕

Really agree with the few of us commenting on the value of this thread. I really feel it has helped me so much, to know I'm not alone (even though I wish you weren't going through it!) and that my feelings aren't crazy. Some of you have articulated how I feel better than I could and its really helped me to understand my emotions. I think I'd have been really quite lost without out, so thank you brave wonderful ladies on my phone

I hope we can keep using this thread to support each other and we move through the brutal stages of this journey and hopefully onto more positive times.

I think I may have completed my miscarriage. Had a few finger sized clots this morning, accompanied by cramps. Cramps them died down a bit and this afternoon felt something big, ran to the toilet and a clot the size of a spice jar came out (sorry if tmi!). Since then no more clots but still bleeding enough to change a pad once an hour so will have to wait and see what happens next.

Good evening - sorry to ask a tmi question. I had my surgery two Saturdays ago. Not too much bleeding. But today the bleeding has really ramped up - more like my period if that makes sense. It can’t be my period I think and I am a bit worried that it isn’t healing well?

The other nightmare I have is that I had a bad reaction to the anti-biotics which led to some nasty vomiting and diahrroea (sorry sorry tmi) and also bleeding from there (so sorry tmi) and this is now much better but am still bleeding. All any doctor will tell me is I need to wait a bit.

It’s a bit scary and fundamentally I do think that I need some blood to stay inside my body 😐

Does anyone have any idea how long it is ok to bleed for after the surgery?? So so sorry if I have grossed you out too much xx

@Workingmama1 sorry I hadn’t read your post before I posted - I do really hope that that is the end of the process for you xx

@ranoutnofgoodnames they told me bleeding for up to two weeks but it should taper off pretty quickly to be like a light period. They did say to go back if it got heavy again ... Could this be a period? They told be 4-6 weeks for period to return but I don't see why it couldn't come early ... Bodies do crazy things and it could be everything adjusting itself again - I had very irregular periods for a while and once only 10 days between them so 🤷‍♀️ I'd probably call just in case xxxx