Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

Thank you @SkyBlue20 I feel really happy about it, feels weird to be delighted at a scan showing there is literally nothing left of the baby I've spent 4 weeks crying over? But it means we can move on.

Is anyone else thinking of TTC again ASAP? My husband wants to wait until I've had one period but they said at the hospital that we don't need to, I'm anxious to get trying again straight away and put this behind us. Also because some part of my brain is thinking "what if it happens again and you lose more time?"

Hello - me again! Feeling a lot brighter over all now. I am thinking a bit about trying again. I don’t know if this is the right thread for that or if people will be able to listen and help and tell me how they are feeling? xx

Also should I be worried my period hasn’t returned yet????

@Poppy10121 Not weird at all to feel that - it’s what you’ve been working towards and like you say, it’s what you needed to be able to move on 💕

@Ranoutofgoodnames Glad to hear you’re feeling brighter ☺️ I’ve read periods can take up to 8/10 weeks to come back but don’t know that for sure. How long has it been?

In terms of TTC, I think I’ll wait for my first period but if that takes more than four or five weeks to come, I might just go for it tbh, I can’t be bothered to be waiting around for even longer, it will have been two months as it is if I even get the negative test when they’ve told me to test!
In terms of chatting about TTC, maybe we could start a new thread in the TTC forum for us when we’re ready? (Hopefully soon!)

Would love a new ttc thread in due course x

Me too! ☺️ Until then, we’re on the countdown to being able to start trying again! Remind me where you’re up to, @ranoutofgoodnames? I have the memory of a goldfish, sorry! I have a week and a half until they told me to test - I am tempted to test this weekend but I fear seeing a positive will really upset me 😕

I am about three weeks after the surgery

Really want my period to return

Have the consultation with my doctor tomorrow for the test results which is scaring me

@Poppy10121 so glad that your scan went well!

@ranoutofgoodnames so good to hear you're feeling better. It's such a roller coaster isn't it? Good luck for your results tomorrow.

I'm happy to hang around on this thread for a while.

I was starting to feel more positive, but then started with more bleeding today which really threw me. Just over two weeks since I naturally miscarried and haven't bled since Saturday so was starting to think I was over all that, so frustrating! Its too early for my period so guess its residual bleeding?

I want to try once I get a negative test, which I think might not be a while as although lighter than it was a week ago was still quite positive yesterday. The sonopgrapjer told me to only real reason to wait until a period is so they can date a new pregnancy.

@workingmama1 it’s so annoying isn’t it, how long the bleeding goes on for! I naively had thought it would be over in a few days - sick to death of wearing pads and pantliners! Hopefully it means that you’re getting closer to a negative test though - my fingers are crossed for you!

@SkyBlue20 and @Ranoutofgoodnames I’ve not posted much on MN before this happened but might be up for a TTC thread if it’s just for others in this situation - I imagine any excitement will be tinged with anxiety for all of us.

Hello @Poppy10121 so sorry to “meet” you in the sad circumstances but yes let’s hope eventually we can graduate onto a happier thread where we get each other’s anxieties

@Ranoutofgoodnames
@Poppy10121
I think a TTC thread would be lovely, but somehow for those of us in this situation.

Im so sorry we have all met in these circumstances, but glad everyone is finding their own way to cope, and look to the future!
Im desperately waiting for my period too. Had a couple of times I thought it was imminent but its a no show as yet. I think we will just carry on trying if not. Just don't want to become obsessed or for my other half to think that's all I'm interested in. That's not nice for them and adds extra pressure. Its a minefield isn't it. Xx

That’s true. We will have to move on from this thread eventually. I will join you guys regardless of when I start TTC as I don’t think I’m going to wait that long anyway. I’m quite chilled when it comes to TTC and even when pregnant, so only used an app/ovulation calculator to find out my fertile days; never knew about ovulation sticks, checking CM etc and didn’t take a pregnancy test until AF was a week late which I think are out of date so might not have much to contribute lol.

I’m expecting my period to come back within 2 months. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was 2 weeks though, as it’s been 2 weeks since my MVA.

I didn’t see the point of an early scan, but in hindsight, in my case it would have been the right option, oh well. Its sad that you guys saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks. There’s just no guarantees in any of this and some people even bleed and go on to have a successful pregnancy...how are we suppose to relax!? Hopefully this will be as bad as it gets for us.

That was quick. Thought it was going to take months to get tested. Hopefully it'll just be the usual chromosomal issues @Ranoutofgoodnames

What tests are you guys having? Have you had more then one MC?
Only asking as I had a MMC 4 weeks ago and was told after medical management 3 weeks ago that I didnt need to go back unless I was still having positive tests 3 weeks after the medication. I had a negative test last week so I thought that was it. Sorry to ask xx

@Hettie1981 no it's just Ran having tests done as she went through her private healthcare. The NHS doesn't test unless we have 3 MCs. MCs are usually due to chromosomal abnormalities and bad luck!

So sorry to hear about this and i totally understand the pain you are going through 💔

I started to bleed on VE day and rang and begged for an appointment to confirm if it was a miscarriage or not as they were going to make me wait till Monday. That night I had to attend the scan alone with my partner waiting anxiously in the car. I was told that there was no heartbeat and it was likely that it had died within the past couple of days given the measurement they had (7 +4)

All my bloods etc were perfect so i cant help but blame myself for this it is so awful. What makes it worse is none of my close friends or family have ever experienced a miscarriage so I feel like I'm totally alone. I hope to god it is a one off experience and the same for you too but I know going forward now I'm going to be extremely anxious.

My bleeding has started to slow down and the cramps have lessened however i am feeling absolutely drained. It would have been our first baby too and we know he/she will never be forgotten 💔

@Sakura54 for some reason doctor wants to speak - and in fact is going to call in a couple of minutes. Not sure if the results came early or something else. Please all send me good vibes - I don’t really know what a good answer is in these circumstances. I will update you all later xx

Afternoon all!

@Ranoutofgoodnames Good luck today, let us know how it goes 💕

@Workingmama1 That's so frustrating about the bleeding, hopefully it is just the last bits and that will be it!

@Hettie1981 A mindefield indeed! They make having a baby look so easy in the films 😤

@Sakura54 I was similar to you in that I didn't use ov sticks or anything, just got a loose idea of ovulation dates from Ovia and then went for the every other day/every three days at most method 🙈 I didn't know when my period was due as was first cycle off the pill but waited as long as I could to test - I finally gave in when I just couldn't bear not knowing what was wrong with my anymore as I felt off but wasn't sure if it was pregnancy or just period symptoms, with it being one of my first periods off the pill. The line came up immediately and was very strong! That said, I was very obsessed with my Ovia app and symptom spotting (as much as I tried not to) - I'm very impatient 😂
I'm glad we got an early scan but a bit I think if we did it again I wouldn't place as much importance on it - it was nice to have the reassurance there was actually a baby in there and it wasn't ectopic etc, but it also gives you a false sense of security as it's only a point in time, anything could happen from the minute you leave the scan (as we well learnt). That said, my body had started to reabsorb the baby by my 12 week scan, so I'm glad we had it so we knew there was a baby at all and we have the pic of it, we wouldn't have if we'd waited for the 12 week one. I think I'd do it again but maybe wait until about 9/10 weeks instead.

I've not bled much at all since my MVA, just (TMI) a brown tinge most of the time when I wipe and the occasional bit of period-like blood, but yesterday and today I've had nothing at all for what feels like the first time in forever and I'm thrilled! Fully aware it could come back but it feels like a positive step at least 🙏🏼

Sorry, @Ranoutofgoodnames, my page hadn't updated with your post! Sending positive vibes to you, hope it was all ok xx

@ginge8520 I am so sorry for your loss 💕 Please do not blame yourself - miscarriage is so common and the majority of the time, it's because there's something wrong with the baby or just 'one of those things', there is nothing you could have done to stop it.
Know you are not alone - there are so many of us that have been and are going through it, unfortunately it's quite a large club, but it does mean there are a lot of people online at least who can support you and are going through the same thing.
It's been about seven weeks since I found out we'd lost our baby (also our first) and a week and a half since my MVA and all I can say is that time really does help - it still hurts but it's nowhere near as raw. I know that isn't of much use to you now but just know you will get through this. For now, take care of yourself, cry if you need to, talk if you want to, or just lie in bed if that's what you want - everybody deals with this completely differently and your moods change all the time so you just need to do what is right for you from one day to the next. Sending love and strength 💕

Had the appointment. Baby had extra copy of chromosome 14 - Patau Syndrome. Almost always incompatible with life and I am relieved for the baby that it didn’t suffer and went to sleep so early.

Also was a little girl. It feels strange knowing that - no sadder or whatever. Just strange knowing which sex - makes it more real.

Doctor said we can try again after I get my next period - I thought before she meant I had to wait three months but in fact she meant that it might take three months for my cycle to settle down.

My age is a factor - I am 40. I think there is a smaller pool of eggs and all the eggs are a bit older but there are almost definitely some good ones in there - the question for me is whether I can bear the heart break of finding more “bad” ones in the search for a healthy one. I don’t know - something to think about.

But it feels like a door has closed today and I can move on. I think getting my period and resetting my clock and mid frame will really help.

Sad day. But who knows about the future.

@Ranoutofgoodnames That must have been a hard appointment but like you say, nice to know that baby didn't suffer at all and that there's a reason behind it - it doesn't leave you wondering. How lovely knowing it was a little girl, too 💕
Great that you can try again so soon if you decide to do so. Great also that there are some good eggs in there, hopefully fate will be kind and you'll get one of them next time.
Sending you lots of love, can imagine it was quite difficult and strange but like you say, also a door closing, allowing you to move on. xx

@skyblue20 Thankyou so much for your kind words ❤ I am so so sorry for your loss aswell it's so heartbreaking to here about others going through the same pain 💔

I just hope I dont have to have any form of medical management or anything and it all passes naturally to make things a little easier.
It's so hard like I wake up and I just resent anyone who has a child or is pregnant and I just cant help it. At the moment I'm finding it hard to speak to anyone me and my partner have kind of just shut ourselves off from people to try and come to terms with it.

I guess my worry now is being anxious until we have a healthy baby I just cant help but think of the negatives and I'm finding it hard to imagine just feeling okay and positive again.

I hope you have your beautiful healthy rainbow baby next time 🌈 xx

@Ranoutofgoodnames

That must have been such a difficult appointment but at least you have an answer, and as a nurse I know that these cases are almost always incompatible with life. So sad but st least she didn't suffer. Good luck in whatever you decide.

@ginge8520 I know what you mean. Everywhere I look at the moment there seems to be newborn babies or heavily pregnant women, and its hard not to resent them. But I guess we don't know what they have been through to get tothat point . Since this has happened 3 or 4 people have told me it happened to them too. Its just not talked about so you feel so alone, where in reality its much more common. I'm trying to talk about with those that are comfortable to, to do my bit in changing the taboo x

Was difficult but also good in a way. If it’s something random then at least it’s not a massive problem that can’t be solved.

Just need my period and then we can try again.

Hello to everyone I haven’t said hello to properly yet - this is a lovely space to be and to vent and to laugh and to be annoyed about the amount of blood we seem to lose x

I'm glad you were able to hear a reason @Ranoutofgoodnames and it helped to bring some form of closure. Fingers crossed your period comes soon.